Page 46

CHAPTER 46

CARSON

My dad pulled my truck into the driveway at Foster’s house several hours later. The guys must have been watching for us because the front door flew open, and they poured out like HVTs squirting from a target. I opened the door, and Brock and Adam were there to help me out of the truck like I was an invalid.

“I don’t need help. I can get out of the truck on my own.”

“Can and have to are two different things, Ensign,” Foster called from the back of the group. “Now, let the boys help so you don’t mess that leg up any more than it already is.”

I swallowed the smart-ass retort and let my brothers help. If I was honest, I had been a little worried about getting down. The truck wasn’t lifted, but the four-wheel-drive package raised it enough that, with my shorter stature, I’d have had to make the drop on one leg—a recipe for disaster I needed to avoid at all costs.

“Where’s the crutches?” Foster asked.

I grumbled as I took the blasted things from my dad, his arm already outstretched.

“Misser Adam!” Margot yelled from her car seat.

Adam stepped forward, a smile stretching his mouth wide and lightening his eyes. According to Foster, Adam hadn’t smiled a lot lately. So, the fact that Margot put that grin on his face had our teammates smiling as well.

He scooped her up, tickling her neck with his beard, and said, “How’s the beauty queen doing?”

“I’m doing very good, Misser Adam. Are you doing very good, too?”

Laughter rumbled through the group as we watched Roman’s little girl cast a spell over us all.

“I’m doing very, very good, Miss Margot, now that you’re here.”

The screen door on the house opened and slammed shut, diverting our attention from Adam and Margot.

Julie Holt stood on the porch in a t-shirt and jeans. Her arms wrapped around her as she made her way to us.

“Foster Holt! Your mama would tan you alive for keeping company out in the cold.”

Formidable was putting it mildly. She downright scared me at times. She was the daughter of a Marine, the wife and sister-in-law of two Navy SEALs, sister-in-law to a Marine Raider, daughter-in-law of an Admiral, mama to five rambunctious boys, and she bred and trained tactical assault dogs for the military and law enforcement agencies. If ever there was a woman you didn’t want to tangle with, it was Julie Holt.

“Hello, Carson. It’s good to see you up on your feet. We were worried.”

I leaned into her hug, kissing her cheek, then turned to my parents and Amelia.

“Mama, Daddy, Amelia, this is Julie and Foster Holt. Foster’s my commanding officer.”

I proceeded to introduce my family to everyone else until Julie caught sight of Margot, who still hadn’t left Adam’s arms.

“Well, aren’t you adorable. I’m Julie or Jules if you like that better.”

“I’m Margot Dree ann Ott, and that’s my nana,” Margot said, pointing at Amelia. Then she pointed to my parents. “And that’s Mamaw and Papaw. And that’s my Carson. He’s my daddy’s best friend.”

“Good to know. Do you wanna go in and play?”

Margot’s face pinched, and she tapped her finger against her pursed lips as she hummed in thought. “Are there kids in there?”

“Yes, ma’am. A bunch of stinky boys,” Julie said in mock disgust, her nose curled up and everything.

Margot followed suit, and the whole group of us tried and failed to contain the snickers of laughter.

“Do you have cookies?”

“No, but I love to bake. Would you like to help me make some?”

Margot stared Julie down, then kissed Adam’s cheek and wiggled out of his arms. Once her feet hit the ground, she took Julie’s hand and said, “Well, time’s a’wasting. We best get cracking.”

Snickers turned to full-blown belly laughs as we watched Roman’s little princess wrap yet another person around her finger.

Foster recovered first and said, “And I thought my brother Walker’s little girl, Olivia, was bad. That one takes the cake. I’ve always said I’m not lucky enough to have a little girl, but I don’t know if I could handle one, if I were being honest.”

After that, we all trooped inside, Mama and Amelia dropping off dishes and hanging out in the kitchen with Julie, who had to be thankful for a few female faces added into the mix. Typically, it was her and Lieutenant Rakes unless Finlay had a girl tagging along with him, but that was rare.

As my gaze roamed the room, waving at Foster’s sons arguing over the television, I found a pair of eyes I wasn’t sure I’d ever see again. I made my way over to the couch, dropping on the large ottoman coffee table sitting before it.

“Lieutenant Holt, it’s good to see you.”

“I think we can dispense with the niceties, don’t you? Call me Celeste.”

“How’re you doing?”

“As well as can be expected. My sister is here and my brother. Mama and Daddy wanted me to come home, but Foster and Julie offered to take me in while I rehabbed.”

“Prognosis good?”

“Yeah. I’m still having some memory and balance issues. I’m looking forward to crutches, to be honest. The walker makes me feel ancient.”

“I get what you mean. Ancient and useless.”

“I hear you’re doing really well considering.”

“Mostly. The leg’s gotta heal, and I need to regain my strength and balance. If you hadn’t set that bird down as well as you did…”

“Yeah… I did such a fabulous job. I killed my crew.”

The tiny spark of life I’d seen in her eyes when they first met mine fizzled out. Her pretty face turned dull and lifeless.

“Hey, sis, you okay?”

She reached for her brother, and he helped her up.

“She was until I stuck my foot in my mouth,” I said, owning up to my stupidity.

“Carson… I’m thankful you are all alive and mostly okay. I’m just glad I didn’t kill you guys, too.”

I watched Celeste’s brother lead her toward Heidi, Celeste’s twin sister. They were mirror images of each other. I hoped like hell I hadn’t done more harm. The woman hadn’t killed anyone. And I stood my words. She saved the five of us. The crew members died because the RPG hit their side of the chopper. There was nothing any of us could do, except what we all did. Make sure they fallen got home to their families.

“Son?”

I looked up at my father, standing over me. He offered me one of the water bottles he held. I took it, ignoring the cold as I chugged it down.

“If you don’t feel like staying, you say the word…”

“It’s not that, Dad. I just said something stupid.”

“Those two are a couple of damn fine women.”

“If Mama heard you, you wouldn’t eat for a month.”

“You got that right. So, do you know them?”

“Sorta. They’re related to Foster. First cousins, I think.”

“Well, I’m sure being related to your commander isn’t…”

“Oh God, Dad, no. It’s nothing like that. She was the pilot on the chopper that crashed. Besides, Finlay would gut me like a fish.”

“There are two of them, you know.”

“Yes, Dad, I know, but no thanks. I’ve got enough on my plate.”

I laughed off his urging when what I truly wanted was to come clean. I hated being Roman’s “best friend.” Because while yes, he was my best friend, that wasn’t the title he held. Not that we’d given what was between us a title.

“If you say so, son.”

“I do.”

Since I couldn’t be honest with him, at least not here, I refused to meet his gaze. Instead, I kept my head on a swivel, cataloging all the faces in the room.

It wasn’t uncommon for the team to get together, but looking around, I noticed several Holt faces, including Foster’s dad, Admiral Matthew Holt, and Foster’s brother, Parker, both of whom we rarely saw. Parker was in DEVGRU, too. Only, I didn’t know what he did. He’d know. He had been on Echo Team, but rumor had it that he was doing something with Naval Intelligence.

Which was why I was shocked to see him here chatting up James. Only, it didn’t look like chatting. It looked like they were gonna be throwing punches any second.

Standing up, I made my way closer to them.

“You might need me, but I don’t need you. I don’t know how else to say it.”

Parker stormed off. James’s head dropped back on his shoulders as he stared at the ceiling, hands on his hips. The look was one I knew well. James was quiet as a mouse. He followed orders well but only spoke up if comfortable or called on for an opinion.

“Hey, man, what was all that about?”

“Parker Holt being Parker Holt,” he said before stomping off.

“You’re one for three today.”

Turning to peer over my shoulder at Foster, I asked, “What’s that mean?”

“It means out of three conversations, you’ve managed to make two people head for the hills.”

“What can I say, I’m an asshole.”

“That’s just it. You aren’t normally.”

“Just dealing with a lot right now, Captain.”

“How’s Roman?”

“Okay, I guess. He was at work when Margot called to talk with him.”

“Hmm. It’s curious that she’s here.”

I stared at him, my lips zipped shut.

“Talk to Adam or scratch that. Talk to Brock. They should have some insights on keeping things under wraps.”

“Captain…”

“Foster, in this case, would be best. That DADT policy is the stupidest regulation ever to be enacted, and I refuse to pay it any attention. I never have, and I never will. If I’m tossed out on my ass because I’m found out, then so be it.”

I wasn’t a crier. Never had been. With five older brothers, you either grew up a whiny ass crier or you got tough and kicked ass. I did the latter, but Foster’s words and support had tears burning my nose and eyes.

Clearing my throat, I whispered, “Thank you, sir.”

“Not needed. Now, when’s he coming back to Virginia? He was deployed out of Kenner before Germany, right?”

I did a double-take. How the hell did Foster know that?

Hesitantly, I responded, “A couple of months, but Kenner filled his spot, so it’s Seattle, D.C., or Texas.”

“Hmm. That sucks. If Fort Story had emergency services there, that would be the best, but hell, Eustis is pretty damn close. Definitely closer to Walter Reed.”

“Agreed, but that’s not an option, apparently. He only has a year left, so…”

“What do you mean?”

“His service obligation will be up next year.”

“And he’s leaving the service to come home. Well, it will suck for the military to lose such a capable physician, but with the repeal in the works...”

“Do you think it will go through?”

“Yeah. I think we’ve got it. The issue will be implementation.

“Alright, people, let’s eat!”

Foster turned and looked at his wife as his kids scrambled off the floor and flew across the room. He trailed along after them, pausing to look back over his shoulder before saying in a low voice, “Come on, Dad, you gotta kiddo to feed.”

Hours later, my dad carried Margot into the house and upstairs to her bed.

Amelia gave my arm a squeeze and followed him. When my mom moved to do the same, I asked, “I need to talk with Dad before he goes to bed, if you don’t mind?”

She looked at me as if she had X-ray vision and her gaze could pierce my soul. I held myself still as possible, trying to give nothing away.

“Of course, I’ll send him back down.”

She kissed my cheek and walked up the stairs. I could hear them talking softly from where I stood and realized I’d not called Roman.

“Shit!”

I dialed his number and moved away from the stairs to the back of the house, ducking into the laundry room.

“Hey!” he answered sleepily.

“Sorry to wake you. We just got home, and I told Mama there was something I needed to talk with Dad about.”

“No apologies. I told you to call. How are you going to do it?”

“I have no fucking clue. I’m freaking the fuck out, doc.”

“Okay. Just take a deep breath and put the phone on speaker. I’ll mute myself, and if you need me, just let me know.”

“Thank you.”

“Carson?” my dad called.

“Oh, God!”

“Just breathe, babe.”

“Yeah. Okay. Putting you on speakerphone now.”

“I’m here for you. Always.”

“I appreciate it.”

I walked back out into the living room and came face to face with my dad. He stood in front of the sofa with his hands in his pockets like he didn’t have a care in the world. I took another deep breath, trying to find the words.

“I need to tell you something.”

My dad looked at me, and a small smile curled the corners of his mouth. He sat down, motioning me to do the same. When I did, he said, “I’m listening.”

“I…”

“Carson, it’s okay. Talk to me, son.”

“I don’t know if I can do this,” I muttered, staring at my hands locked around my phone, Roman’s name glowing on the screen.

“Carson, look at me.”

I closed my eyes, swallowing the panic and fear. I looked up. He sat up, mirroring my pose.

“You don’t have to say anything. I know.”

“What? What do you know?”

“I know what you’re trying to say. I’ve always wondered. You and Roman only ever had eyes for each other. You were glued at the hip. I waited and waited for you to say something, but you never did. Then he went to college, and you joined the Navy, so I put it aside, thinking I was seeing things that weren’t there. But then, he showed up for your graduation. The way you two looked at one another in Rhode Island? It was… is undeniable. And now his kiddo is here, and he’s not.”

The breath I didn’t realize I was holding shuddered through me as relief washed over me. Wetting my lips, I said, “I’m gay.”

It wasn’t the confident utterance I wanted it to be, but I hadn’t muttered or whispered it either, so I’d take it.

“Is that the first time you’ve said it out loud?”

“Blunt like that? Yeah.”

“Why’s that?”

“Several reasons. I was too chicken shit. The military says it’s not allowed. I could be dishonorably discharged or worse.”

“I’m honored you told me. I know how gays and lesbians are talked about back home, but I do not share those beliefs. Neither does your mother.”

I dropped my head, releasing the breath I didn’t realize was stuck in my chest.

“Trip does,” I muttered petulantly.

“You leave Trip to me.”

“Yes, sir.”

He cleared his throat, and I glanced up at him. The look on his face was one I knew well. He was chewing on a thought he didn’t know if he wanted to share. Finally, he asked, “Are you and Roman…”

I didn’t want to share Roman’s…

Roman

Tell him yes. We’re together.

“We’re together, yes.”

“Why risk it?”

I stared at him. Dumbfounded, he would ask that question, but some of the stupid shit I’d heard bandied about back home flew through my mind along with the devastation I’d been wrong, and my dad wasn’t as okay with me being gay as I thought he would be.

“Risk what?”

“The military’s got that policy on gays still, right? The one about not saying anything.”

“Yes, Dad. They do, and as for why I risk it… if it were you and Mama, would you risk it?”

I swallowed, watching him closely for the rejection I felt sure lurked in the shadows. But as I waited, concern turned to realization on his face.

“Point taken,” Cal said.

He stood, patting my shoulder as he passed me by on his way to the stairs. Tears gathered and my throat closed up as his understanding and acceptance washed over me.