Page 29

CHAPTER 29

ROMAN

Walking around, I felt dazed and confused by the impact Carson had on me, given the limited time we spent with him a week ago. I swore I would end the uncertainty between us when I saw him face to face. It’s why I flew from Germany to Rhode Island. I had a plan, but I hadn’t counted on him getting orders. Never in a million years did I think about him getting orders so quickly.

But he had.

And I felt like an idiot thinking back on my naivete when I mentioned him getting some leave time to Adam and Brock.

After Carson and Brock left, Adam and I sat off to the side while my mother, daughter, and the Wilcoxes enjoyed their meal. Laughter filled the air, echoing around through the room.

“We do it for them,” he said, his struggles from last summer

“What?”

“Our job. We do it for people like them. And you.”

I nodded. Yeah, I served, and my service mattered, but I saw what this war did to our warfighters. Hell, I knew what it had done to me when I’d been forward deployed, and I didn’t have anyone shooting at me. The men and women who served on the front lines, and who rolled through my trauma unit, took a lot of damage to keep us safe.

“I can’t speak for everyone, but I will for me and mine. We appreciate everything you all do to keep us safe. I don’t know the specifics of your missions, and I wouldn’t want to know, but I understand the physical and to some extent, mental toll it takes on you. All I can say is thank you. It’s not enough. It will never be enough but thank you.”

He looked at me, surprise coloring his face. “You serve too, doc.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be thankful.”

He huffed and nodded, then said, “Yeah, well if it weren’t for you docs patching us up we couldn’t do our jobs.”

My drive back to Virginia and my flight to Germany were filled with Adam’s words. Adam appeared healthy; however, I knew the truth. He wasn’t fine, far from it. And that scared me because Carson could have easily been the one captured.

Brock and Carson refused to let Adam or me drive them back to base that day, and the minute they were outta sight, a bad feeling washed over me, and I couldn’t shake it. Not even when I received a text from Carson saying they’d made it to Little Creek and then another when he landed in whatever war-torn hellhole they’d sent him to.

I tried to stay calm and keep the worry to a minimum but sometimes panic and anxiety took hold and burrowed its insidious roots into my soul and wouldn’t let go. Sometimes, it lasted for just a few minutes, and others for a few hours. The life I yearned for, the one I fantasized about constantly, the one I ran from a decade ago, felt just out of reach, and I dreaded it staying that way.

It didn’t help that while they recalled Brock to Virginia, they didn’t stick him on the plane with Carson, whom they sent with a smaller unit. According to the text Carson sent me, Brock and the others were waiting for the green light to join him and the other three guys who’d been sent ahead.

Small units could mean a bunch of different things. None of them were good. At least not according to the bit of research I’d done online.

Big mistake. It ranked right up there with using the internet as a doctor. Never a good idea.

So, I waited, trying to keep my head screwed on straight, but a week later, that ominous feeling got worse. Luckily, I was on shift, and I walked into the ER with a plan that would hopefully keep me busy enough not to lose my crap.

Hours later, my plan had worked. I’d made it through another day. I sat down at the desk and logged onto the computer to do some charting. The screen opened to a news website.

BLACKHAWK SHOT DOWN.

FOUR NAVY SEALS AND

HELICOPTER CREW MISSING.

I read the article three times and I still couldn’t believe what I was seeing in front of me. As I pulled up another website to search for more info, a breaking news report came across the television in the corner, echoing throughout the room.

We’re receiving reports of a Blackhawk helicopter carrying four Navy SEALs being shot down. It is unconfirmed at this time, but the SEAL Team, as well as the helicopter’s crew, are reported missing.

My blood turned to ice. My heart slowed down and sped up simultaneously. Chaos took hold of my brain and body. Nerve endings and synapses misfired, and the world around me faded into the background. Distant, indistinct noises filtered in, too muted to comprehend.

Ursula came up to me. Concern graced her face. Her lips moved, but all I heard was the whan wha, whan wha, wha of Charlie Brown’s teacher.

I shook my head, and she spoke again. Nothing except the same muted, muffled syllables got through. She grabbed my arm, pulling me away.

When we stopped, she pushed me into a chair and pulled one up in front of me. Again, her lips moved, and I stared at her, unable to respond.

She smacked my cheek, then grabbed my upper arms, shaking me. The world snapped into place. The cacophony and antiseptic smell overwhelmed my senses, making the anxiety percolating through my veins even worse.

“Roman? Are you okay? Can you hear me?”

I nodded, then shook my head no. My eyes closed. A sob tore through my body, and I gasped for air.

“They said missing. Not dead. And you don’t even know if it’s him.”

“I’ve had a bad feeling all week. The minute he walked out of the restaurant, it started and only worsened. Every day, I woke up, and the black cloud had gotten darker and darker. Today, I woke up, and it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest, and the ground beneath my feet was crumbling.”

“Do you know any of his teammates? Could you message one of them?”

“I know a couple of them. I don’t have their numbers.”

Even if I did, they wouldn’t tell me anything.

“He could be dead, Ursula. And I won’t know unless I hear it on the news or Mama hears it from his family.”

“But that’s not what’s happening here.”

“You don’t know that.”

“The news says…”

“As if those fuckers never lie.”

“Okay. You’ve got me there, but let’s not borrow trouble yet.”

I nodded and swiped the tears from my face as I stood, moving to the trauma room sink. I splashed cold water on my face and turned back to her. “I’m going to the house. I wanna hold onto my little girl.”