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“What the hell?” I murmur as I zoom in on the photo.

Maybe he’s trying to push her away. It’s fuzzy and far away and hard to tell, but I definitely spot Cooper and my father with a bevy of women hanging around them. They look to be outside a building with a logo emblazoned on top.

I zoom in on that, too.

The Bare Kitty Gentleman’s Club.

I roll my eyes. Real classy, Dad. Extra classy, Cooper.

I blow out a breath.

I haven’t heard from him all damn day, and it looks like it’s because he’s been out looking at boobies while I’ve been engaging in a clinic regarding all the reasons I may never want to have sex again.

Or rather…all the reasons why I may never want children.

Kaylee swore up and down this was just an off night, but those two girls never fell asleep the entire two hours I was there. We tried to chat about SFK, but she ran up and down the stairs so many times that my legs started to hurt.

She ate a cold dinner while she explained that both girls are currently teething, and when I confessed I didn’t really know what that meant, I got a long explanation about how teeth erupt from the gums and it’s actually such a painful process that adults wouldn’t be able to handle it.

I left unsure if I was the kind of adult who could handle other sorts of pains associated with babies, too. Like childbirth and emotional trauma from a nine-month-old smacking me in the face.

She has twins, I remind myself. It’s way harder with twins. One starts crying and the other tries to one-up her by being louder and then the first one tries getting even louder and I’m not sure how Kaylee does it.

The odds of me having twins someday are like one in a million. Or…I search that stat. One in two hundred fifty. Still a longshot.

She told me she loves being a mom. She said she gets a ton of help, but tonight was one of those weird nights where Ben was at the practice facility late and her mom was busy with her brother Jack’s kids and she was flying solo.

I asked her what it was like with Ben constantly gone, but as it turns out, football teams only have about ten away games per season, and they’re only gone a few nights when they travel. So Ben isn’t constantly gone—not the way Cooper would be with a baseball schedule.

Could I do that alone?

Sure, she’s had nine months of practice, and she handled it with grace. But I don’t know if I’m built for that sort of thing. Cooper, on the other hand, is ready to be with somebody who wants to start popping out babies immediately, and meanwhile, I’m vying for a position that someone is leaving because she’s pregnant and won’t have the time to dedicate with a newborn.

Am I holding Cooper back?

It’s something that merits discussion, for sure.

I’m not at the age where I feel my biological clock ticking, but he is…and maybe that’s the biggest detriment to our age gap situation.

One of us is going to have to give in on that, and I’m not ready for it to be me.

That’s not to say I’m not open to the discussion someday , but after spending a couple hours at Kaylee’s…that discussion feels even further down the road.

The house is quiet—too quiet as I stare at the pictures posted moments ago by some gossip site, and I decide to call Justin, who I haven’t had a chance to hang with in a few days.

He picks up just when I think it’s about to go to voicemail. “Hey baby girl, what’s good?” He’s sort of whispering but also not whispering and it’s weird.

“Hey. Did I catch you at a bad time?” I hear some rustling.

“No, I uh…” he trails off as he seemingly searches for an excuse.

And then I hear it. A decidedly male grunt that doesn’t belong to Justin.

“Oh, God. You’re busy. I’ll let you go.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” I hear more rustling, and then his voice gets a little louder. “What’s going on?”

“We just haven’t talked in a few days so I was calling to see if you want to hang out.”

He clears his throat, and then I hear a door click shut. “I have someone over,” he says, and this time he is definitely whispering.

“Who?” I whisper back.

“Fucking Brian! He’s interested and he totally made the first move. We were just kissing a little and it was maybe going to heat up to another level and then my phone rang.”

Brian? Brian…like intern Brian?

“Oh my God, why did you answer?” I screech.

“He told me to!”

“Get back in there! We’ll talk tomorrow!”

He laughs. “Okay, okay. Bye!”

“Good luck!” I yell at him, but the call has already dropped.

I wander around the house by myself a while as I suddenly feel really lonely. Mia’s been acting strange, and Justin doesn’t even know I’m back together with Cooper. I haven’t talked to Chelsea, Kelly, or Becky since my birthday party a month ago. Between getting caught up with Cooper and school starting at the same time as my internship, it’s been a busy month.

It’s times like these I wish I lived on campus. There’s always someone around to talk to, somewhere to go, something to do.

Instead I’m dating a thirty-three-year-old who’s hanging out at a strip club thousands of miles away while I’m sitting in my dad’s mansion by myself.

I glance at the clock on my phone. It’s after midnight in Boston, and I haven’t heard from Cooper all day. I decide to send a text.

Me: Hope you’re having fun with the strippers.

God dammit. I regret it the second I hit send, but I can’t change it now.

I don’t hear back from him, which only tells me he’s having a blast with the strippers.

I really need to get a hobby because sitting here sending passive aggressive texts can’t be healthy.

My phone rings an hour after I sent the text, and it’s him calling.

“Hi,” I answer.

“I told you once not to play games.” His voice is low and gravelly, a little demanding, and it’s freaking hot.

“I’m not playing games. I really did hope you were having fun looking at boobs. Maybe some vaginas, too.”

He barks out a laugh. “Have you ever even been to a strip club?”

“No,” I admit.

“They don’t show cunts, babe.”

Something about hearing what feels like the dirtiest dirty word out of his mouth presses a wild ache between my thighs.

“Well, that’s comforting,” I mutter.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to get in touch all day. And I’m sorry I went to the club.” His words have just the slightest edge of a slur to them. “I had to sneak out of the room just to call you. Your father rented some suite so we could all stay together.”

“Any idea when you’re coming back?” I ask.

“No. We’re going to the Red Sox game tomorrow night and I have a feeling both Troy and Mike will want to stay for the Wednesday night game, too.”

“Do you want to?”

“Look, I love baseball. Of course. It’s my fucking life’s work,” he says, and I hear the crunch of gravel beneath his feet like he’s taking a walk outside. “But there are other things I’d rather be doing than be stuck here right now.”

“What would you rather be doing?” I don’t even realize my voice has dropped an entire octave until it comes out all gritty and hoarse.

“You.”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too. We just got back together, and I’m stuck here, and all day long I’ve been looking for some window to try to get in touch. I’m not really a strip club guy, Gabby. You know me. I’m laid back. I’m pretty simple. I just want to lie on the couch with my girl watching a movie. I just want to take you to bed and make you come so I can see that look on your face when your eyes roll back because of the pleasure I’m giving you. I just want to kiss you, to hold you, to laugh with you.”

“Do you really mean that?” I ask softly.

“With all my heart.”

Tears spring to my eyes.

“How was your night?” he asks.

I laugh softly. “Interesting. I brought dinner over to Kaylee’s, and let me tell you…it was chaotic.”

He chuckles. “How?”

“Both twins are teething at the same time, whatever that means, and it just made me realize I’m not ready for that anytime soon.” The words just sort of slip out with a little giggle before I realize this is probably part of a much larger conversation, and certainly not one I should be giggling through.

He clears his throat. “Oh. Uh…” I hear someone yell his name in the background. “Shit. I need to go. I’ll talk to you soon.”

He ends the call with my truth bomb just sitting in the middle of the road.

I have no idea what the debris following the detonation is going to look like…and I have no idea when I’ll find out.