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I slap a hand over my mouth as the door clicks shut behind him, and I sob into my palm.
Tears course down my cheeks as I try to catch my breath, but I can’t seem to breathe. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to breathe again.
He said it’s the last thing he wanted to do but that he had to do it.
I call bullshit.
He walked away.
I think that’s the biggest shock of all. He chose the game over me. Over us .
And the worst part is that he didn’t even admit it.
It’s fine if that’s what he really wants. I’m not going to chase him down, to try to stop him—to beg and plead with him.
But to blame my relationship with my dad is just the coward’s way out. To bring up his own father and throw his loss in my face is such bullshit.
I’m hurt, and I’m angry, and I’m feeling my emotions in a way I’ve never felt them before. They’re some level beyond strong. They’re ferocious, and at the same time I’m somehow totally numb. None of it makes any sense, and I can’t process what just happened.
He just walked out on me. He proved he’s like everyone else in my life. He made me believe he loved me and cared about me, but the truth is that he was always going to choose himself over us.
My mother did it my entire life. She made me believe my father did it, too, and even though I’ve slowly learned over the last three years that he didn’t—not really— those scars still run deep. It’s a different type of pain, one that forces a person to construct walls tall and strong, walls that take a while to come down, walls that are firmly in place for maximum protection.
One thing’s for damn sure.
I won’t let those walls down again.
I was stupid to give myself over to someone who plays games for a living. It was another example of me showing my age, of my immaturity when it comes to relationships.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to go.
I can’t face my father right now. It’s too fresh, too painful. Too hard. I know there’s no one who should shoulder more of the blame for everything that just went down than myself, yet somehow the fact that Cooper just ended things with me feels very much like it’s my father’s fault.
I don’t know where he stands with Joanie. I could leave this office, go downstairs, try to find her…or I could just sit tight.
Am I supposed to drive her home?
God, this is such a mess, and I feel so very alone right now. I can’t call Mia. Cooper is the one I’d lean on, but he just walked out on me. My dad would come next in line, and then Joanie.
I could call Kaylee, but she’ll choose Cooper’s side in this. She was his friend first.
My only option feels like Justin, but as I pick up the phone, I find I can’t force myself to hit the call button.
I need a minute to process what just happened.
I need a minute to cry. To mourn.
I need a minute to remember who the fuck I am.
I collapse on the couch as I set my hand over my stomach.
I got through my entire life up to this point essentially on my own. My mother was there. She provided what I needed, but nothing more. And I got away when I could. While from the outside it might look like I’ve grown dependent on my father, the truth is that I just like living with him as I’ve gotten to know him. I’ll be done with college in another few months, and once I start working a job of my own, I’ll move out. That was always the plan.
Except moving out now means I need to find a two-bedroom apartment instead of just one. It means quite possibly I’ll be raising a baby on my own—a baby Cooper has spent years yearning for while I’m barely old enough to legally drink alcohol.
It means Cooper will be in my life one way or another, and the thought of having to see him and interact with him and be around him for the sake of the baby but not getting to be with him has me crying all over again.
Maybe I’m not as strong as I think I am—as I wish I was.
I’m scared to do this at all, but having to do it without Cooper seems like the sort of daunting task that I can’t face.
It’s not like I’ll never tell him. I’m just waiting for the right time.
Because we all know how well the last time I waited for the right time went.
Sometimes there isn’t a right time.
There’s a knock on the office door, and then it opens. My dad walks in as I wipe away my tears.
“I don’t want to talk to you right now,” I say with a sniffle as my voice trembles.
“I don’t really want to talk to you, either,” he admits, and he sits on the chair beside me. “But you’re my daughter, and whatever else went down today, whatever secrets and lies and betrayals were unveiled, that’s the one relationship that won’t change as a result.”
I grunt, unable to form any sort of reply, and a beat of awkward silence passes between us as I start to feel like I don’t really know him at all.
If he truly loved me, wouldn’t he want me to be happy?
Instead, I feel like he said something to Cooper that made him feel like he didn’t have any other choice but to walk away from us.
“Where’s Joanie?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Not here.”
“Did you talk to her?”
“Long enough to end things with her,” he says quietly, his eyes down on the ground.
“What did you say to Cooper?” I ask.
He glances up at me. “That’s between him and me.”
I blow out a frustrated breath as an annoyed growl gurgles in the back of my throat. “Whatever you said caused him to come in here and break my heart, so I sort of feel like I’m a little bit involved.”
He sighs. “I told him I would always choose you over anyone else. I told him it was wrong for him to take advantage of you, and that he made commitments to the team.”
I press my lips together. “He chose the team over me, so I hope you’re happy.”
“I’m not. I fucking hate that you all lied to me, and I fucking hate how all this went down today.”
“Like it matters,” I spit. “The end result is the same. You never would’ve approved of us whether we lied to you or we were open from the beginning.”
“I guess we’ll never know if that’s true.” He raises his brows pointedly, and it feels very much like the end of this conversation.
“I’d like to go home now,” I say.
He nods. “Of course. I will not be coming home tonight. I’ll send someone to pick up my bags for Arizona in the morning.”
“Right.” I should tell him to have a good trip or win some games or something, but I can’t seem to muster any of it up. Instead, I stand and move toward the door without another word.
“I’ll miss you, Gabriella. I’m sorry for how all this went down, but trust me. It’s better this way.”
I freeze by the door, and then I turn around to face him. “I wish you trusted me enough to make that decision for myself.”
I open the door and head for the first stairwell I find, hoping against hope I don’t somehow land in a sex room on my way out of this strange place.
Table of Contents
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