Page 146

I tossed and turned all night after my mother’s words.

Now you choose her. Whatever that means. Whatever that means. Whatever that means.

It echoed in my brain over and over, and it sparked a pretty drastic realization.

I only get one life, and it’s a short one at that.

I can’t spend it miserable.

If I have to choose between her and the game, I choose her. Of course I choose her.

I made excuses before. I was scared, and I was stupid.

I thought my commitment to Troy and the rest of the team was more important than my personal feelings, but as it turns out, I can’t play my best if I’m heartbroken. I can’t be a leader when I’m constantly wondering whether I made the right choice, or wondering what she’s doing, or wondering how I can get out of this mess.

All I can do is fucking fix it, and if that means walking away from the Heat, then that’s what it means. I walked away from the game once before, so I have an apples to apples comparison.

And the truth is that walking away from Gabby hurt far worse than walking away from the game.

I said it before, and I’ll say it again. She is it for me. She is what I want for the rest of my life. I love baseball. I will always love it. But I don’t love it in the way I love Gabby. It doesn’t fulfill me the way Gabby does.

There is no guarantee that I’ll get her back just because I walk away from baseball.

She’s probably hurt and angry and upset. She probably feels rejected and abandoned, and she has every right to. I did reject her. I did abandon her. She even said as much the night before I left—that I’m just like everybody else. So now I have to prove that I’m not, and I have to beg and plead and grovel to try to find a way to get her back.

But it’s not something I’ve ever had to do before, so it’s not something I know how to do.

Still, it starts with the first step, and that’s talking to Mike today after the team meeting.

I’ve made my decision. I can’t have both. Troy has made that clear.

And now, I choose her…if she’ll have me.

I choose a life with her...if she wants a life with me.

I choose myself. I choose happiness.

It’s the day before opening day. It’s late to be pulling out. I’m going to be letting a lot of people down.

But I’d rather let the entire team down than continue letting the one person who means the most to me in the entire world down.

I arrive at the stadium minutes before the meeting. Most of the others have been there all morning shooting the shit or working out as they mentally prepare for what’s to come tomorrow.

I slide into a seat next to Danny, the man who has become my best friend on the team, I suppose, and he glances over at me.

“Why are you so late?” he asks.

I nod toward the front of the room where Troy and Mike are exchanging words before they start the meeting. “I made it on time.”

His brows dip. “Barely. What’s going on? I thought you’d be here first pumping us all up with your witty platitudes.”

I can’t help a grimace at that. I should have been here, but when my heart’s not in it anymore, how could I?

“Sorry,” I mutter. I turn and glance at him, and I lower my voice so only he can hear. “I’m telling Troy and Mike after the meeting that I’m out.”

His eyes widen. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“You can’t do that.” His voice holds an air of finality.

I shrug. “Well, I am. I’m putting myself first for once.”

“Selfish prick,” he mutters, and I know he’s joking. “Hey.” I glance over at him. “We’ll be fucked without you, but good for you, man. Get your girl.”

I press my lips together. “I hope it’s not too late.”

The meeting starts. Troy speaks, and Mike speaks, and I’m guessing I was supposed to speak but I wasn’t asked to. All I can do is think about how this is probably the last team meeting I’ll ever sit in.

“It’s all about the fundamentals, boys,” Troy says as he ends what’s supposed to be an inspirational speech. “Hitting, throwing, catching. We have something to prove here, and it all starts tomorrow. I want to see hustle. I want to see excitement. I want to see you bleed Heat red and blue. Let’s fucking go!”

AJ starts an LFG chant, and soon all the players in the room are standing and pumping their fists in the air as we get ready to fucking go.

I do my best to blend in, but my heart’s not in it. Not when I know I won’t be on that field tomorrow.

Not when I know what’s coming up next.

The team is dismissed, and most of the guys head out to go home. It’s the last day of semi-peace before the season begins and life gets hectic for a while—for them, anyway. I guess not so much for me.

I wait until the room is mostly cleared out then make my way toward the front of the room, where Mike and Troy are still talking. I wait patiently until Mike looks over at me.

“Can I talk to you both?” I ask.

“I have things to do,” Troy says flippantly.

“And I have a meeting to get to,” Mike adds.

“It’ll only take a minute,” I beg.

Mike glances behind me. A few guys are still hanging around, and he nods meaningfully toward them. “Let’s head up to my office,” he suggests, and Troy begrudgingly follows.

We’re quiet in the elevator ride up to the front offices from the conference room where we just held our team meeting. I suppose I could just get it out here in the elevator, and I open my mouth when the car skids to a stop to let someone on.

I close my mouth again. I’ll just wait until we’re in Mike’s office.

We get up there, and my heart starts beating faster.

I’m really doing this.

I’m really giving up the dream I’ve had my entire life so I can pursue a dream twelve years younger than me.

Mike walks around his desk and takes a seat in the executive chair. Troy sits in a chair facing him. I remain standing. I grip the back of the chair beside Troy, the one I should be sitting in, but I can’t sit right now. I’m too nervous.

“What’s going on, Cooper?” Mike asks.

I draw in a shaky breath.

I wish I would’ve practiced this. I wish I knew how to begin.

I don’t, and that’s why I blurt my first words. “I’ve decided to walk away.”

Troy sits back in his chair like I’ve issued a physical blow while Mike’s jaw slackens. Neither man says a word. It’s so quiet in here I could hear a pin drop.

“Troy, I’m in love with your daughter, and you made me choose between her and the game. I chose wrong.” I shake my head. “I’ve already lost your friendship, clearly. But I refuse to lose Gabby, too. It may be too late, but I have to try to win her back. I’m not happy, and I’m not playing with my heart because it’s in pieces held by your daughter. I’m incomplete, and I’m broken, and there is nothing I want more than to go find Gabby and tell her that I chose wrong. I never should have chosen the game, but your ultimatum made me feel like I didn’t have a choice. I want to choose her. I will always choose her going forward if she’ll have me, and maybe it’s too late. Maybe I lost her forever. But life is too short to spend it miserable even if it means I’m walking away from the team, from a ninety million dollar contract, from this legacy we were meant to build together...from our friendship. Because I’m not meant to build anything at all if it isn’t with Gabby by my side, and I need to go fight to get her back.”

Troy stands, and his face is red and he’s breathing heavily and for a split second, I’m worried I’ve given him another heart attack. I glance at Mike, and I expect him to be looking at Troy, too, but instead his eyes are wide and he’s looking beyond both of us at the doorway.

I turn to see what he’s looking at, and my broken heart starts to race.

Because there she stands, and I’m pretty sure she heard every word I just said.