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The house Rush secured is about a fifteen-minute drive from the field. Another group of guys rented a house nearby, and we rented a few cars between the twelve of us to share while we’re in town. The rest of the team is staying a little closer to the stadium, but I like a little distance given the fact that most of us staying in this house together are well-known in the baseball community.

I don’t know where Troy is staying. I didn’t ask. I don’t know if he got a place with the other coaches or what, and I’m not sure I care so long as he isn’t in the same house I’m in.

This is bad.

Real bad.

I realize my best friend is going through his own version of heartbreak and maybe we should be there for each other. But how can we? How can we ever be friends again?

The entire time I was with Gabby, I was worried I’d lose either my best friend or the girl I love. I was na?ve to think I wouldn’t lose both of them, yet here we are.

There’s supposed to be mutual respect and understanding between a team manager and a player, and I just don’t have that right now. I can’t even look at the guy without everything rushing back to me, but I know I can’t blame him. He might have been the one who made me choose, but I’m the one who decided to keep it from him for as long as I did. He’s right…we’ll never know how he would’ve reacted to the truth. Instead he discovered the lie, and those are the repercussions we’re forced to live with.

When I walk into the place that’ll be home for the next month, I feel just the tiniest glimmer of respite from everything going on. It’s a mansion built into a hill overlooking the valley. It’s got six bedrooms, and every one of them has access to the huge back patio with a pool and a firepit.

There’s a game room, too, along with a weight room and a sauna, all of which I imagine we’ll spend a good amount of time when we’re not on the field. Two huge side yards run along either side of the place, and one side has a batting cage while the other side is perfect for playing catch.

It’s like the owners built the place with the idea in mind of baseball players hanging here for spring training season. And they’re charging us enough that it’ll take care of their expenses for the year, though I imagine a sweet place like this gets plenty of renters throughout the year.

Each of the six bedrooms features a king-sized bed along with a private bathroom, and we draw cards to see who will get first pick. I draw the Ace, which means obviously I take the primary suite.

I set my duffel and my suitcase down in my bedroom, and I collapse on the bed as I stare up at the ceiling.

I wonder what she’s doing right now. I wonder if she’s thinking of me.

I wonder when I’ll stop wondering what she’s doing and thinking. I wonder when any of this will get any easier.

Eventually Rush knocks on my door asking what I want for dinner. He tosses me a menu he found in the welcome binder in the kitchen, and I make my selection. He orders our food, and we meet in the kitchen to eat an hour later.

It’s a good group of guys, and we’re all pretty laid back. We’ve gotten close over the last couple months, and this next month will draw us even closer.

And that’s why I shouldn’t be surprised when Rush glances up at me while we’re eating and asks, “What’s wrong, man?”

I blow out a breath. I guess I’m not very good at hiding what’s going on, but these are my best friends. They might be the only ones who can help me through it—who can help me get to the other side of it.

“I ended things with Gabby last night.”

Danny already knew, and Rush and Nick knew I was seeing her, but this is news to Duke and AJ.

Danny’s eyes are wide when he glances up at me, as if to say dude, Duke and AJ didn’t know .

But it doesn’t matter. Troy knows, so now I guess everyone can know.

“Oh, shit, dude. I’m sorry,” Rush says.

“Gabby?” Duke asks.

“Troy’s daughter,” I clarify.

Duke’s eyes widen, and AJ chokes on a French fry.

“Troy’s daughter?” Duke repeats.

I nod. “We met before I knew she was his daughter, before she knew who I was. We’ve been seeing each other on the sly since August, and her dad found out last night.”

“How’d he take it?” Nick asks quietly.

“Well, we broke up, so that should answer that question.” I set my fork down, suddenly not very hungry anymore.

“You’ve been banging Gabby?” AJ asks, and I can’t even muster up a sharp glance to tell him to shut his damn mouth.

“It was more than that,” I say softly. “She was it for me, and now…” I trail off. Now…what?

Now I’m alone.

Now I’m not sure I’ll ever find love again.

Now I’m not sure I’ll ever even smile again.

I’m not sure I want to without her.

It’s dark and cloudy all around me, but I made my choice.

Now I have to deal with the consequences.

“Let’s get this boy fucked up!” AJ says.

I shake my head as I think about what he really means—his real motives here. He wants to go out drinking with the boys, and he wants to find someone to hook up with. Maybe he wants that for me, too, but that’s definitely not something I’m game for.

“I just want to focus on ball,” I say.

“Anyone else want to go get fucked up tonight?” he asks as he looks around the table, clearly not understanding my predicament.

Danny raises his hand, and AJ fist bumps him from across the table.

I’m glad they’re going out and having fun, but I’m not here for that shit. I’m too old at this point.

Instead, I’m going to study the teams we’ll be playing. It’s what I’m here to do anyway. I’m going to look over our practice plans and tweak what needs to be tweaked before emailing my notes off to Troy because fuck if I’m going to sit in a meeting with him right now to make these decisions and have these conversations.

And then I’m going to stare out at the view this house offers and wonder how the fuck it all went so terribly wrong.