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Joanie didn’t show up to the office today, but she wasn’t expected to. I ran the marketing department as we had planned.

As if I’m not living through the single greatest heartbreak of my life.

As if I’m not carrying Cooper Noah’s baby.

As if everything’s normal when it might never be normal again.

I don’t know when Joanie is planning to come back—or if she’s planning to come back. All I know is I was in line to be her substitute while she’s out, and I did the things she asked me to do. I even stayed late as I did some research on putting together fun runs for charity, and I emailed Kaylee with ideas for how to showcase both Tight Fit and StrongFitKids. Strong Tight Fit Kids?

But I’m just going through the motions. Work isn’t serving as the distraction it might for most people post-break-up considering my ex has been in every room of this building.

My ex .

I’m not used to thinking of him like that. He isn’t past-tense to me. Not yet. Not ever.

I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to see Cooper at every turn, and I don’t want to act like I’m fine in front of Mackenzie. I want to break down and wallow.

It’s as I’m driving back to my dad’s place after a long day that my car announces, Kaylee Olson calling. Accept call?

I think about answering. She’s grown to be one of my closest friends, but she was Cooper’s friend first. Just the idea of what this conversation could turn into has me clicking the no button on the car display.

A minute later, my car lets me know I have a new voicemail. I click the button to play it.

“Hey babe, it’s Kay. I got your info about the fun run and I love it. If you want to go ahead with the planning, let me know. If you don’t, I’ll need to find someone because I think it’s a definite yes from both Ben and me. I also wanted to check on you since I know your boy is gone for the next month. When Ben has training camp he’s only gone two weeks and I know how awful that is. I can’t imagine a whole month. I’m here if you need me. Give me a call when you get a chance. Bye!”

It’s sweet that she’s thinking of me, but it’s also clear she doesn’t know that Cooper and I are over. She’s in Montana right now, so it’s not like I can meet her at Tight Fit in the morning.

I think about what to do as I navigate the short trip toward home, and I decide I’ll send her a text once I’m in my pajamas with my dinner ordered, Ruby Sue has been fed and let out, and I’m settled on the couch with the latest from Netflix and a puppy on the cushion next to me.

Me: Thanks for thinking of me.

Send.

I don’t want to talk on the phone right now. I don’t want to tell her how Cooper and I are done. Saying the words is so much harder than spelling them out and hitting send. And at least if I text her, I can wallow by myself at home after I send it. I don’t have to reply to any other messages. I don’t even have to read any other messages.

Me: PS Cooper broke up with me. Not ready to talk about it.

I stare at the words without hitting send. The doorbell rings and I grab my food. I settle back on the couch and pick up my phone.

Send.

I draw in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

A reply comes through, but I’m just not ready to talk about it yet. Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe not.

It’s not until morning when I read what she says.

Kaylee: I had no idea. I’m here when you’re ready, and Ben and I will be in Vegas for a charity soon. I’ll be around if you want to meet for morning kickboxing or evening vodka. Or afternoon vodka. Love you.

Welp, afternoon and evening vodka are both out.

And then there’s morning kickboxing.

Can I even kickbox when I’m pregnant? I run a quick search before I write her back, and the consensus is it’s probably dangerous but I should talk to my doctor.

Great.

I can’t even work out all this aggression building up inside me.

I continue ignoring texts from my father.

I continue waiting to hear from Cooper. From Joanie. From Mia.

Still nothing.

I just got back from my Wednesday night marketing class and I’m eating dinner while scrolling my phone when I come across an Instagram post from the Vegas Heat.

It’s from Dylan, obviously, since there are photos of the players. I scroll through the images and stop when I spot Cooper. He’s lining up to catch a ball, and he looks…intense. Focused.

Maybe this is easier on him than it is on me. He got to walk away the day after he ended it, and I’m stuck in the same place. It’s always harder on the person who has to stay. Now I’m living the same life I was living before, only the main key element is missing.

When I get to the office Thursday morning, I fire up Joanie’s computer and do a quick check for Vegas Heat to see what sorts of social images are being posted across the web on our behalf.

And that’s when I spot some photos I didn’t see last night.

AJ Winters and Danny Brewer were spotted out on the town. They’re chatting up some ladies, and just behind them sitting in a booth with Rush Ross sits Cooper Noah, sipping a beer with seemingly no cares in the world.

Has he already moved on?

Did he chat up a lady like AJ and Danny? Did he take one home?

It’s not my prerogative to care anymore…yet I do.

Just the thought of him with another woman causes my stomach to twist.

I set a hand over my stomach. “It’s okay, baby,” I whisper.

That’s the moment Joanie chooses to walk in. Her eyes zero in on my hand over my stomach, and then her wide eyes move to mine.

I slide my hand away and pretend like she didn’t just catch me soothing the growth in my stomach.

“Oh my God, Joanie,” I say softly. I rise to a stand, and I move across the office toward her. I wait for her to make the next move. Do we hug here?

I stare across the space at her. She’s as gorgeous as ever, but she’s wearing significantly less make-up than usual, and she’s in joggers and a Heat tee rather than her usual business professional attire.

She presses her lips together as her eyes flick down to my stomach. “Hey,” she says. She doesn’t ask the question I’m sure she’s thinking, but it’s not like I’m going to tell her. I won’t confess anything to her that I’m not ready to tell my father. I won’t make her keep more of my secrets.

“How are you?” I ask.

“I’ve been better.” She shrugs. “You?”

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been worse,” I admit, and I reach over to hug her.

“Cooper ended things?” she guesses.

I nod. “He wouldn’t tell me what my dad said to him, but I think my dad made him choose and he chose the game. Speaking of which, have you spoken to my father?”

She shakes her head. “I’ve tried. He won’t answer. He wouldn’t allow me to travel with the team. Mike’s heading up for a few days and promised he’d check in on him for me, but I hate not being there. I hate worrying. I hate not knowing where any of this stands.”

I reach over and grab her hand in mine. “I hate it, too.”

“Have you spoken to him?” she asks carefully.

“My dad?” I ask, and she nods. I shake my head. “No. He tried calling, but I can’t find it in me to want to hear what he has to say.”

“Oh, Gabby,” she says softly. She hugs me again. “You need to talk to him.”

“You’re only saying that because you want me to check on him.”

She shakes her head. “I’m only saying that because you center him, honey. You’re his entire world, and while it’s true we’re all worried about his heart and his stress levels, you both went far too long without each other to let this come between you.”

“If your father gave Troy an ultimatum that resulted in him dumping you, would you feel the same way?” I counter as I pull out of her embrace. I perch on the edge of her desk instead.

“It’s hard to say since that isn’t how things went down, but I know what I saw in you the night of his heart attack, and I know you shouldn’t waste time being mad when we all know we’re not guaranteed tomorrow.” She lifts her chin a little, and I wish I could set the clock back to a few minutes before their wedding. I wish I could fix everything.

But I can’t, so my only option is to make it through each day until things start looking up again.

“Where are you staying?” I ask.

She presses her lips together. “At a friend’s house.”

“Come back home,” I say, practically begging. “I miss you. It’s so lonely there.”

“I miss you too, honey, but I can’t. It’s too hard.” She glances around the office as her eyes start to get misty. “I don’t even know if I can keep working here. He told me in no uncertain terms it’s over, and I’m not sure how I move forward when every part of my life was so assimilated with his.” She shakes her head. “I have family back in Wisconsin. I’m thinking about going there a while to figure things out.”

My own eyes get a little misty at her words. “I get it. Believe me, if anyone understands not wanting to be here, it’s me.”

She nods. “I know you do. And I wish things could be different, Gabby. Really. I enjoyed getting to know you, and I really felt like we were becoming a family.”

“So did I. And maybe there’s still hope.” I offer a shrug. My dad is upset at the lies, but maybe he can find a way to trust her again.

“For you, too,” she says. She gives me another hug, and then she walks out as I try to rationalize why it’s so easy to tell her there might be hope when I don’t believe it for myself for even a second.