Page 37

Fighting For Us

M eredith

A few days had passed since Emily had talked to the bank, and I no longer worried anyone was coming after me–at least, financially. The cartel was still out there, but the threat didn’t seem immediate to me.

I’d spent so many days within the clubhouse walls, I’d almost forgotten what it was like being in the real world.

I was perfectly safe here, but I wondered what would happen when the lockdown ended.

Would I even want to travel when I could do business from the coffee table, watching the animal channel?

I shrugged. I didn’t have to have all the answers right now.

Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around my body.

Grizz and I traded off on Pumpkin’s nightly feedings, but if it wasn’t my turn, I slept soundly.

I couldn’t remember the last time I had had a nightmare.

As long as Pulse stayed far, far away, I was good.

I wouldn’t be able to handle it if he appeared with my baby.

Pumpkin was the missing link that made our family of two whole.

If I wasn’t holding her, all I had to do was check the crook of Grizz’s arms. He’d quietly pick her up from the bouncer, and she’d baby smile and laugh against him until she fell back to sleep.

I often caught him talking to her, as if she was older and they were having serious life conversations.

I faced the mirror, drying the strands of my hair.

I no longer shied away from my reflection.

After the fight in the front yard, the scars seemed inconsequential, and I stopped worrying about other people’s opinions.

I still lotioned the skin daily, but I didn’t always wear the gloves and sleeves.

It became a normal occurrence to see the scars, and once the club had their fill, they promptly forgot.

Grizz didn’t shy away from my body. In fact, the horndog constantly touched me, even if it was just a graze.

I’d thought about hiding the scars with tattoos, but I hadn’t made a final decision.

I was leaning towards leaving them alone.

They were scars from the battle I’d won.

I was proud because it hadn’t been easy.

Firmly facing the mirror, I tried to gather my thoughts, but Dead’s voice floated around the ensuite.

He had told me I had needed to forgive myself if I wanted a chance to move forward, but my thoughts were a jumbled mess.

I couldn’t believe I was considering this for something that hadn’t been my fault.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

I wasn’t sure I was ready, and I thought about grabbing my clothes and forgetting the whole thing.

Some feeling stopped me. I liked myself for the first time, and I owed it to the new me.

The words tumbled out the second time I opened my mouth.

“I won’t forgive you,” I said, pretending I was talking to Pulse.

“You caused damage and destruction when you didn’t have to.

You did it for your own personal gain, and look where that got you. Dead.”

I took a deep breath, staring at the white lines and puckered skin of my left arm.

“I forgive myself for removing you from the equation. If I hadn’t, you would have succeeded, and my life wouldn’t be this good.

” I blew a piece of hair out of my face, watching it dance until it fell back down.

“I had to wade through the pain and the heartache to be a better person.”

My smile was genuine as I held up my hand.

The blonde woman looking back at me through the mirror raised hers, smiling the same.

“I won’t ever take Grizz for granted. I will love him with the same ferocity that I’ll yell at him with.

We won’t be perfect, but it’ll work for us because I need him as much as he needs me. Our prince wears leather.”

Grizz laughed, leaning against the door to the bathroom.

My cheeks heated with embarrassment as I pivoted towards him. “I didn’t mean to wake you,” I said.

He said nothing as he approached me, caging me in against the bathroom counter. Kissing me quickly, he turned me around, making sure my gaze didn’t stray from our reflections in the mirror. “I heard you making amends in here. You have nothing to be sorry for, baby.”

“It felt right. The last couple of times I’ve talked to her…” I pointed to my reflection. “We haven’t been happy, but look at us, Grizz. We’re smiling with our whole hearts.”

“Marry me, Mer?” he whispered into my ear before nibbling on the skin between my neck and shoulder.

“No.” The word pierced the air, loud and clear.

“What do you mean, no? I wouldn’t let anyone else take care of you.” His body was rigid, pressed against me.

“No.” I was steadfast. “We already have a marriage license, and I don’t need a ring to tell me I’m yours.” I felt him go slack against me.

“What about a real wedding? You know? With a white dress.” I watched him smirk in the mirror.

“All the dress did was give me you. Things are great, and I want nothing to jeopardize that. If I ever want a wedding, you’ll be the first one to know.” I turned in his arms, wrapping mine around his neck.

He nipped my lips. “I’d like to consummate this marriage, but we have a baby in the other room, and it feels weird.”

“What happened to, and I quote, ‘Sabre, really said that? Fuck, you’re supposed to be banging that shit as much as possible.’” I smirked, trying not to laugh at his misfortune.

He scrunched his nose, pulling me tighter against his body. “It’s a good thing we’re creative. Quickies for the win.”

I shook my head at his foolishness. Kissing him, I let Grizz absorb some of my happiness. We were heading for the tile floor when there was a cry from the other room.

Grizz was right, but I’d never admit to it. It was a good thing we were creative.

***

Pumpkin cried from her bouncer as I ran around the kitchen, getting her bottle ready. She was having a morning. “I know. I know. You’re hungry.”

“She’s vocal… like you.” My aunt was sitting at the kitchen island, watching the madness. I wanted to be snarky and ask her if there was trouble in paradise, but I refrained.

Instead, I shot her a look over my shoulder. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” If you wanted respect around here, you had to earn it. At some point, I’d relaxed, not worrying if I said the wrong thing. The club was going to accept me or not, and there wasn’t anything further I could do.

“Proud of…you.” My aunt made a hand gesture at my outfit.

The prospects had brought a few of the clothing boxes to the bedroom, but I hadn’t been strong enough to open them.

Today, I went digging for my favorite outfit: a pink graphic t-shirt and a pair of jean shorts.

It was strange, but the old me was colliding with the new me, meeting somewhere in the middle.

“We’re related. You kind of have to be,” I replied, brushing off the compliment before it could settle. I hated praise. It made me feel like I owed something in return—some performance to keep the approval coming. Childhood trauma, party of one?

I twisted the cap onto the bottle, mixing the formula with the water. Pumpkin was still not happy. “I’m coming.”

Aunt Elizabeth stood up from the barstool, and when I looked back, something flickered in her eyes. Was that regret? She looked lost in her own world, and it wasn’t sunshine and rainbows. “I wish I had…been strong…like you.”

Pumpkin was crying, but I didn’t move from my spot in the kitchen.

“Your mom…would be…proud...you’re not running.” She nodded towards the baby. “You won’t…fail her… like I did.” She hesitated before walking out, pausing just long enough to look at the baby. “Don’t be…me, Mer. Don’t spend…your life wishing…for better.”

“Why you gotta do that to me and then walk away?” I muttered as she headed into the main room.

I turned around to grab Pumpkin’s bib and a towel, not knowing Grizz was in the kitchen until I heard him talk to the baby.

“Hey, there’s no need for all that noise. You’re going to raise the dead with that racket.”

“She’s hungry, and I’m not moving fast enough,” I said, watching as he picked her up from the bouncer, soothing her.

“You’re supposed to give her hell when you’re a teenager, but I got to warn you, she’s pretty damn smart, kid.”

My heart melted, my ovaries exploded, and if Grizz said he wanted three more right now, I would say nothing as we headed back upstairs.

He tucked her into the crease of his arm, waiting for me. My brain tried to send a message to my feet to move, but I was stunned senseless. I knew how good his dick game was, and I was seriously considering skipping breakfast and eating him instead.

He smirked at me, crooking his finger, until I shifted my right foot forward. Grizz met me in the middle of the kitchen, wrapping his arm underneath my ass, pulling me against his other side. “When she takes a nap, I want to work on the next one. It’s been a few days, and I’m a starved man.”

Yes, please. Who needs breakfast?

***

“What are you doing this afternoon?” I asked Grizz, feeding Pumpkin the last of her bottle. Breakfast was almost over, but the club was still sitting around the tables, bullshitting. I had meant it as an innocent question, but clips of dirty sex with Grizz clouded my vision.

“Keep those thoughts.” He took a bite of sausage, and I imagined him taking a bite of my ass.

I took a deep breath, completely aware of my surroundings.

I didn’t need someone picking up on this conversation.

They’d never let us live it down. Grizz wouldn’t care, feeding into the ribbing, but it was only funny for so long.

One day, I’d have to explain the laws of attraction to Pumpkin, and it sobered my thoughts quickly.

“Remember when I showed you the crib I ordered? It’s getting delivered today.” I wasn’t sure why I was nervous, but my stomach had butterflies.

“Sounds like fun, but depending on when, it may have to wait until later. I have a few things I need to take care of first.”

“I thought it might be a family project, and then Pumpkin can get out of the Pack ’n Play.”

“Where are you going to put it, Mer?” Grace asked, being nosy. It was the distraction I needed to stop staring at Grizz’s forearm flexing as he ate.

“We measured, and it should fit underneath the window.” Pumpkin’s bottle was empty, and I slid forward, placing it on the table in front of me. It was enough to regroup my thoughts. “You like sunshine,” I said, laying her against my shoulder and patting her back for a burp.

“You did…when you…were little,” Aunt E said, watching me from across the table. “You would lay…on the floor…in the light. Do you…have a name?”

“Madalyn,” Grizz answered, forking another piece of sausage.

Grace was bringing her fork up to her lips, but her hand stopped midway. Her mouth remained opened in shock.

My aunt choked on a piece of toast, and Thunder had to clap her on the back until she could regain her composure.

“You remembered,” I whispered, ignoring both of them.

He gave me a look, invading my personal space as he snaked his arm around the back of my chair. “Anytime you speak, there’s at least one person in the room listening. How else am I going to give you whatever your heart desires?”

He was close enough I buried my face against his arm, embarrassed. “This is ruining your tough-guy image.”

“Nah, you’re not used to melting for me in public, and I’m enjoying every minute of this.”

“Bite me,” I squeaked. I kissed the top of her head. “Madalyn Barnett.”

“No one’s going to call her that.” Pretty shrugged, watching us from down the table. “You’ll be lucky if we even remember.”

“It’s not that complicated.” I’d always wanted to name my first girl after my mom. The least they could do was respect that.

“What’s my name?” he asked me.

“Pretty,” I said, confused. It took me a minute to understand his point, and it didn’t help that I was drawing a blank on his real name. Covering Pumpkin’s ears, I muttered, “Fuck.”