Page 26

Not Today Satan

M eredith

I rolled over, bumping into Grizz’s solid form.

Settling myself against him, I told myself I was still asleep.

Grizz was his own personal oven, so when he swung his arm around my waist, I had to roll back over to my side.

I couldn’t stand to be hot. My eyes opened a sliver and saw it was still dark outside.

It was too early, and I wasn’t a morning person.

If the sun wasn’t up, then I didn’t feel the need to be awake.

“Hey, Sweet Cheeks.”

My eyes flew open, and I quickly sat up in bed. The memory of Pulse’s voice made my chest tighten, but panic didn’t settle in. I was then panicked because I wasn’t panicking. I could breathe, and that was normally half the battle. “Not today, Satan,” I whispered into the darkened room.

The nightmares were getting better, but I still had at least one every couple of days. They ranged in intensity, but the worst ones were always about Pulse. I needed to forgive myself so that he would go the fuck away, once and for all, but I wasn’t ready.

Reaching behind me, I stacked my pillows, propping myself.

I was up, and there wouldn’t be any chance of falling asleep again.

The movement hadn’t woken Grizz. He wasn’t a light sleeper, but he was so in tune with my nightmares that any shift in the bed usually woke him.

Guilt settled over me. I’d done that to him, and today was his only day to sleep in.

There was a club meeting at nine, and with the businesses closed, Grizz wasn’t in demand.

Checking my phone, I saw it was only six in the morning. Even in the dark, I couldn’t ignore the group chat that lit up my home screen. The Three Musketeers. My best friends had been chatting last night, ignoring my lack of responses.

Me

Hi.

Stella

OMG! You’re alive.

Charlie?

Get UP!

Charlie

You woke me.

I didn’t get in until late.

Me

Phones have off buttons.

Charlie

Not a fucking chance in hell.

I don’t want to miss you.

Stella and Charlie had lived together off and on as long as I could remember.

They’d been college roommates, and I had lived next door, but right before my failed wedding, Charlie had decided she didn’t want to work in corporate communications anymore.

She’d applied to be a flight attendant, and when the airline had hired her, it had made no sense for her to live alone.

Stella had volunteered to go half on a place. The rest was history.

Me

How was your flight?

Charlie

Good.

Red eye

Most people slept after snacks.

Stella

God, Mer.

It’s so good to hear from you.

I keeping asking Gabe.

He says to give you space, but you need to give us something.

Charlie

Who’s Gabe?

Me

She didn’t tell you?

Charlie

Nope.

Me

He’s my MC bodyguard.

Charlie

I catch her texting.

She giggles but buttons up when I ask.

Stella

It’s not like that.

I told you I check in with him to see how Mer is.

Grizz isn’t always reliable.

Charlie

Bullshit

Me

Cough

Charlie

Bullshit

Stella

Can I ask you something?

Is his road name a secret?

Me

He hasn’t told you yet?

Stella

No.

I keep asking.

Me

DeadZone or Dead

Stella

That’s it?

Why wouldn’t he just tell me?

Charlie

Probably thought it would scare you off.

Stella

I deal with 35 toddlers a day.

Nothing scares me.

Ok, spill something, Mer.

My stomach lurched at the thought of telling them everything. I hadn’t wanted to show the brothers my scars because I thought they would pity me. My friends were the complete opposite. They would love me to death, and I wasn’t sure which extreme I preferred.

“Tell them,” Grizz mumbled, rolling over so that his back faced me. It was a mystery how he knew I was texting my friends.

Me

I told you the part about the night we broke up.

Brandon called after. He said I had to meet him for dinner.

I tried to get out of it, but no go.

Grizz showed up during the dinner.

It went to shit from there.

Charlie

Why the fuck were you having dinner with Brandon?

Me

He said we needed to meet.

I didn’t want to, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Brandon was doing shady shit.

Stella

Makes me like Grizz more.

Me

Good.

We’re married.

I had an ectopic pregnancy.

I dropped my phone into my lap, not sure I could continue this conversation.

Pain hit my heart, and my stomach lurched.

I wondered if I would always feel this way when I thought about that pregnancy.

I had wanted the baby. Excited, I had told myself it was a mix of the best parts of us, despite never having considered a family before.

I bent down and kissed his shoulder. “I love you.”

Charlie

No, missy.

Go back!

You don’t get to dump like that and run.

I watched my phone light up with each new message.

Stella

Oh, Mer!

Why didn’t you tell us?

I knew why, but all the arguments I had made to myself seemed silly now. I had thought I was a failure, each action another stepping stone into the depths of misery. Typing out a few words, I quickly deleted them. I tried again, but I still couldn’t get it right. It annoyed me.

Me

I don’t know.

I should have.

Stella

Okay.

From the top.

Charlie

I’m up now.

Me

I found out I was pregnant right before Grace left Matt.

I was supposed to tell Grizz that weekend.

Stella

Why didn’t you say something?

We could have supported you.

My fingers typed the abbreviated tale that wouldn’t land us on some watch list.

Me

Everything was a mess.

Getting messier.

Grizz shows up to the dinner.

The bad guys chase us.

We end up jumping from a moving car.

The end.

Charlie

Holy shit.

Stella

How’s Aunt E?

I always liked her.

Me

Getting better, but her speech isn’t there.

She might be in a thruple, though.

Charlie

What the fuck?

Stella

Don’t misdirect.

Me

Sigh

I get to the hospital.

They tell me there isn’t a baby.

It’s an ectopic.

They remove it.

My dad showed up with Matt, so Grizz got Cyph to marry us on paper.

I’ve been at the clubhouse ever since.

Married.

Stella

Do you want to be?

We can be there in four hours.

I’ll drive, and Charlie can sleep.

Me

I won’t leave him.

Stella

Ugh, it’s almost seven.

I have to go.

First kid in 45 minutes.

Love you, Mer.

Charlie

I’ll kick your ass if we don’t hear from you in forever.

Love you.

Going back to bed.

Me

Love you, too

I sighed, missing them already. They had their own lives, but we’d always made time for each other.

I’d forgotten how good it felt to talk with people who had been there from the beginning.

I didn’t have to explain all my secrets because chances were good, they already knew.

Not wanting to be the shitty friend who came around only when they needed something, I vowed to text and visit more often.

I worked hard not to be the weak link in the Old Lady Alliance, and I wouldn’t be a weak friend either.

I sat the phone down on the nightstand, sighing again.

“Good chat?” I looked down, and Grizz’s hooded eyes stared back at me.

“Yeah, I’ve been a shitty friend, but I miss them.” I adjusted my pillows and slid back down into the bed. Grizz extended his arm, letting me curl up against him. His eyelids flickered.

“Are you up?” I asked.

“Not enough for that tone.”

“Okay.” I wiggled closer to bury my nose against the center of his chest.

“What is it, baby?” he sighed.

“Are you leaving the club because of me?” The burden lifted as soon as the words were in the open air between us.

I’d tried to let it go, but I needed to know.

The brothers had always been important to Grizz, and I didn’t want him to give that up because of me.

If the roles had been reversed, I didn’t know if I could have left my friends for Grizz.

I would have wanted everyone to get along for my sake, and I was demanding enough to make it happen.

Grizz sighed, rubbing his eye with his free hand. “Who told you that?”

I said nothing, fearing I’d get Dead in trouble.

“Dead?” Grizz rasped, his voice full of sleep. “Yeah, it was him.”

“Why’d you ask if you already assumed?”

“Not up, baby. Knock it off.”

“If you were mad at me, you wouldn’t have snuggled closer.” I didn’t enjoy being up this early either, but I was up, so he had to be up. We had shit to discuss because I didn’t want to let this slide until later.

“Brat.” He turned his head further into the pillow, tightening his arm around me.

“You married me.” I’d show him how much of a brat I could be. I didn’t stop to think I’d been the one to start this conversation.

“If you hadn’t been unconscious, it would have been the best day of my life,” he mumbled.

“I’m serious, Grizz. I don’t want you to leave the club. This is your home. Your family is here. My family is here.” I tugged on a piece of his chest hair.

“We can visit, if Sabre allows it, but I won’t stay here if you’re uncomfortable. You’re more important to me than their bruised egos.” His eyes blinked open.

“Is it also true they’re building a community out back?” I pushed.

“Grace? Yeah, they’re trying to get it going, but it’s still in the planning phases.” Grizz yawned, stretching the arm I wasn’t laying on.

“Tell them I want a house, and they won’t have to see me, as long as we can stay.

” I didn’t know where the idea had come from, but the more I thought about it, the more I liked it.

I’d be close to my family, and Grizz could be close to his.

If I wasn’t in the clubhouse, they wouldn’t have to interact with me, lowering the amount of friction.

I could be a princess in my very own tower.

“Meredith.”

“No. It’s a compromise. If they’ll approve it, I’ll hold up my end of the bargain.”

“Baby,” he whined. “I can’t let you do that.” Grizz tightened his arm around me and looped the other one around my waist.

“You’re not letting me. I’m telling you this is what I want. You’ve never let me down before, so don’t start now, Jonathan.” The relief I felt was immense. I’d just shattered nine months of hostility, pain and grief. It felt amazing.

“When you going to marry me?”

I let the happiness bubble up and explode into a fit of laughter. “Can’t,” I said, holding onto as much of him as I could reach.