Page 32

Nothing But Love

M eredith

The stress of the night evaporated as soon as I hung up the video call. They were safe, and if anything happened overnight, they would have each other. There was nothing I could do from here, and the fight drained from my body. Saying goodnight to everyone, I hoped to catch a few hours.

Crawling into bed, I moaned, sinking into the mattress. My eyes flickered, but I quickly grabbed my phone, firing off texts to Stella. I didn’t want to forget, and if I fell asleep, I wasn’t sure what time I’d wake up.

Me

Hey Stella!

Can you buy Grizz baby supplies?

You’re the only one I know of who can do this.

Please!

Drop off at my aunt’s.

Call Grizz first so that Dead doesn’t have a heart attack.

Should I warn her about Dead? She had told me they were chatting, but I didn’t think she knew how serious it was from his perspective.

He was lying to himself, and my bodyguard couldn’t hide his alpha assholeness.

I felt guilty immediately after thinking that.

Dead had gone to bat for me a few times, and I considered him my best biker friend.

I said a silent plea of forgiveness. He’d never know, but I would never think like that again.

The only way Dead had agreed to let Stella drop off was when Sabre had offered to have a brother check my aunt’s home.

There had been nothing left to argue with, and Dead wouldn’t face a punishment for disrespect.

His only ask had been that I tell Stella to text Grizz before she left the store.

The brother checking my aunt’s home needed to be there before Stella arrived to secure her safety.

She was my best friend, and Dead could trust that Grizz wouldn’t let anything happen to her.

Grizz wasn’t here, and I feared the nightmares would haunt me, but I was exhausted. I let the bed swallow me whole, praying for sleep.

***

I opened my eyes, but the sun was shining, and it was too bright in the room.

Instantly closing them again, I pulled the covers over my head.

I didn’t want to be up, feeling like I had just fallen asleep.

Picking up my phone, I checked the time with one eye open, barely focusing.

It was only eleven, but there were a few messages from Stella.

Stella

Of course.

Love you!

Just dropped off.

Saw How and Zook?

I think.

I’m ignoring Gabe.

He can pound sand.

You needed me.

If only she knew.

Grizz was bringing home Clara’s baby. He’d said today or tomorrow morning, but I had a feeling they would want to be back in their territory sooner rather than later.

“Clara’s baby” rang through my mind, echoing around the room as if someone had spoken the phrase out loud.

I instantly scolded myself for that line of thought.

I was the poster child for what it was like growing up without your mom, and I wouldn’t wish that for her.

If she wanted to know the details, I promised my future self I’d tell her, but I was going to be present, and she’d never know the difference.

I quickly sat up in a panic. Where the fuck are we going to put the baby?

Grizz’s room was in the corner, Cyph was next door, and How was across the hall.

I looked around, trying to reimagine the layout that would allow for a crib and a changing table.

What if we emptied the closet, bought dressers for our stuff and moved her in?

I flopped back down on the bed. It was a silly idea.

Someone would let it slip that her first bedroom had been a closet.

They couldn’t help themselves, and I would kill the person who made her feel unwanted.

My stomach growled, and I used it as an excuse to delay.

An empty stomach solved no one’s problems, and I showered quickly and ran downstairs.

Heading towards the kitchen, I heard the commotion before I saw it.

JR was sobbing, and someone was trying to shush him.

Grace would have never let him be in such anguish.

Picking up the pace, I barged through the doorway, immediately stopping when I saw Peaches holding JR sideways. His legs kicked in the air, fighting her awkward grip. His head hung low, and I was afraid she was going to hit him against the island countertop.

“Where’s Grace?” I asked, heading straight for her.

“Oh thank God,” she said when she saw me. “He’s your problem now. Grace asked me to watch him for an hour, so I took myself off the club girl rotation for a break, but I can’t get him to shut up.”

“Why did you agree when you’re the first person to walk away from him? He makes a noise, and click click, your stilettos are high-tailing it back to your room.”

“You don’t touch him, so why are you coming after me? I know what my role here is, and I fuck just fine. Thank you very much.”

She adjusted her hands and almost dropped him.

He sobbed louder, and I sprang into action.

Taking JR from her arms, I cradled him against me.

“It’s okay, JR. Aunt Meredith is here.” I swayed side-to-side, patting his back while his sobs calmed down, becoming small baby hiccups.

“You’re okay.” I kissed his forehead. “Where’s Grace? ” I asked Peaches again.

“Upstairs, I think. She said she’d come get him.” Grace must have been desperate to trust Peaches. She would have normally called Kelly, but with the lockdown in place, no one from the outside could visit.

“If she comes looking for him, tell her we’ll be on the back patio.

” I didn’t even stop to think that I was touching him, holding him.

His cries had pierced right through my icy shell, and I wanted to fix it.

It also made me want to beat Peaches until she couldn’t fuck anymore.

It would have caused more issues than I wanted to deal with, but she needed to know this wasn’t alright.

JR had plenty of bouncy toys lying around.

All she’d had to do was keep him safe. It wasn’t hard.

“Hey, Peaches,” I said over my shoulder as I stopped in the doorway, “I saw your dick handling performance, and it wasn’t very good either.” JR and I walked out, not bothering to listen to whatever comeback she had.

I high-fived the baby, placing my palm against his fist. “We showed her,” I whispered, opening the back door to the patio. Sitting on the stairs, I propped JR up against me, and his whimpers stopped as soon as he could reach for his feet.

“You like that, don’t you?” JR giggled at me and I chuckled with him. It felt good to be outside, and I wondered if he felt as cooped up in the clubhouse as I did. I wouldn’t go against Grizz’s orders for my safety, but there was a difference between not going out and not being able to.

We were content. I didn’t know how long we’d been out there when I heard the patio door open and close behind me.

“There you two are.” Grace had found us.

“If you ever let Peaches babysit him again, I’m disowning you as my sister,” I told her, not bothering to turn around.

“I didn’t think it would be bad until I heard a little of what happened. I just needed an hour, and she was the only one walking around when I went looking.” Grace sat next to me, tickling JR’s belly.

“She almost dropped him, and all I could imagine was his head being cracked open on the kitchen island. Next time, come find me.” I was the last person she’d ask for help, but I thought it was progress that I’d offered. It was one step closer to healing our relationship. “Why did you need an hour?”

Her voice shifted, quieter than I’d ever heard it. “I’m a widow,” she said, staring blankly into the yard like she wasn’t really here.

“What the fuck?” I turned my head to look at her, but she didn’t meet my gaze.

“I don’t need a divorce. They found Matt’s…” Her lips trembled, and the tears poured down her cheeks. “…body. My lawyer said he has to resubmit the paperwork with the recent developments, but the fight is over.”

“Is the bank going to come after the money?” I sputtered, never expecting her to say anything like that.

In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d thought about Matt, or Brandon, for that matter.

They were gone, and I hadn’t given them my time or energy.

That was when it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I noticed that, for the first time since my arrival here, a smile didn’t dance on her lips.

“They can, if they really want it. My lawyer wasn’t sure what they were going to do, so he’s going to poke around and see. When the brothers get back, I’ll ask Cyph to dig. He’ll know more than the lawyer probably will. I haven’t slept, so I asked Peaches for an hour.”

“Does Sabre know?” I asked, distracting JR. He didn’t need to feel the anxiety coming off of me in this conversation.

“No, I didn’t have time to tell him on Friday, so I’ve held it in. He doesn’t need to be distracted.” Her face turned, looking at my profile, as I bounced JR. “Are you ready for a baby, Mer?”

“Is this the part where you tell me I’m not emotionally stable enough to be her mom?”

“I’m being selfish, but I can’t stop thinking Matt’s her father, and all the ramifications that will have for JR. I can help you, but I’m not sure I could be her mom, knowing she’s the product of an affair.” Grace laid her arms in her lap and placed her forehead on top of them.

“I kept calling her ‘Clara’s baby’ this morning.

We can’t label her before she’s even here, or the rest of them will follow our lead.

She’s mine with Grizz, and she’ll know nothing but love.

” I was bitchy enough that if anyone tried to tell her differently, I’d step in and Grizz would back me up.

She was ours, even though she hadn’t been born to us.

“She’ll know nothing but love,” Grace said, confirming she wouldn’t take Matt’s foul deeds out on the baby. “This is all my fault.” Her brow furrowed as she let JR grab her finger.

“How long have you been clinging to this guilt? It didn’t start with Matt, but he used it against you.

” If I was attempting to heal our relationship, that probably wasn’t the best way to start.

I had a bad habit these days of not giving a fuck and letting whatever came out of my mouth fly.

If anyone said anything, I’d blame it on too much time at the clubhouse.

No one censored themselves, and I was just living by their example.

“I’m fine.” She reached for JR, but he didn’t want to go to her. She dropped her hands.

“We both know that’s not the case.” We always snapped at each other in times of stress.

It was our default setting, and I wanted to break the cycle.

“I listened when you picked a fight in the front yard. I’m officially claiming the backyard, and I have shit to say.

Right, JR?” I bounced him on my leg. “Mommy needs to listen to us.”

“I don’t have the energy to fight with you,” Grace sighed, suddenly looking worn out. “Now, what shit do you have to say?” Her lips twitched at the profanity. I let the fucks fly, but Grace still maintained her prim polishing.

“Did you hate me for all the times Dad checked out and made you fill in the gaps?” I really had to work on my finesse.

Grace wasn’t expecting such a heavy hitting question right off the bat, and neither was I. Her eyebrows raised towards her hairline, as her lips dropped open into a perfect O shape. She tried to form an answer, but every time she did, she’d stop. “No!” she said emphatically.

“What makes you think you’re going to see Matt’s affair in the eyes of this new baby? She’s innocent, and I know you. You won’t hold Matt’s sins against her. That’s if she’s even his.” I scrunched up my nose. “You never held them against me.”

She squeaked as her mouth dropped open again.

“I may not have had a mom, but I had a Grace. I can never make it up to you, but I swear I’ll make you proud of me,” I said, trying to hold back my own waterworks.

It was a losing battle, and I tightened my hold on JR, just in case.

“I had plans to tell Grizz about our baby the weekend you left Matt, and when it all went to shit, I took it out on you. No words will ever be good enough to tell you how sorry I am.” I took a deep breath.

“I’m so grateful you’re alive, but you broke my heart when you said your hands weren’t clean.

JR just wants his aunt, and I want my sister.

We don’t care. See?” She pointed at JR in my arms, tears streaming down her face.

She didn’t bother to wipe them away as more fell.

“If the roles had been reversed, I would have already laid down and quit. I don’t have your strength. ”

“Dead thinks I need to forgive myself before I can get rid of Pulse.” I scrunched my nose, pretending to itch it.

“He still invades my nightmares. Most of the time, it’s some new fucked-up version of the kidnapping, like watching as fake zip ties wrap around my wrists. He plays off of my insecurities.”

“Dead actually speaks? Every time I try to thank him for watching over you, he grunts at me.” Grace laughed with no humor behind it.

She slid closer to me on the stoop and wrapped her arms around us, laying her head on my shoulder.

“That little girl hit the jackpot when Grizz stepped up. She’ll get you, and you’ll never let her feel less.

We’ll always shower her with love, but you have to stay.

There are rumors Grizz is planning on leaving the club. She’ll need all of us, and I need you.”

I didn’t hold back the sobs, and neither did she.

“I told Grizz—if they let us build a home, I’d back off. Keep my distance. His family’s here. My family’s here. Now we’re raising a baby. She needs all of us.”

“You’ll be miserable.” Grace tightened her arms around us.

“I would do it with no complaints,” I said, smiling through the tears, not caring if I looked a mess.

Grace’s eyes stayed on mine. She didn’t smile, but she didn’t look away either.

“I need your help,” I whispered.

“Anything.”

“I tried to rearrange the furniture to get a crib and a changing table in Grizz’s room, but I can’t figure it out. The only thing I could think of was to empty the closet, but I can’t put her there.”

“Fuck,” she mumbled.

“Yeah, but I’ll watch JR afterwards so you can have a nap. We’re buddies now.” JR made a happy noise as he tried to reach for his feet.