Page 58 of Until Tomorrow (Love Doesn’t Cure All: The Ashwood Duet #1)

Elliot

The minute I walked through the doors to Logan’s work, the secretary visibly tensed. Not that I blamed her. The last time, I’d thrown a whole goddamn temper tantrum and yelled at her in the process.

“I’m sorry,” I said in the way of a greeting as I stopped at her desk.

I glanced at the tag on her desk. Elizabeth.

She was a pretty young thing with thick auburn hair and hazel eyes, which leveled on me from behind her thick glasses.

She had the whole strict librarian thing going on.

I was sure someone somewhere was into it.

“Don’t worry about it,” she replied with a wave. “Mr. Ashwood explained the whole thing.”

“Oh, did he now?” I shoved my hands in my pockets. “And what did Mr. Ashwood say?”

I had to wonder if anyone else had heard the shit I’d said to him. That guilt nagged at me. Had I fucked up the entire bubble he’d crafted here? I wasn’t sure I could forgive myself if I did. Hurting Logan was the very last thing I wanted to do.

“We all have bad days, you know?” Her voice was gentle, and she leaned closer as she said it. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah,” I lied. I wasn’t—not by a long shot—but I was ready to bury it all over again. “Thank you for asking. Is Mr. Ashwood in?”

“He is. His other friend is already in there. Go right ahead. ”

His other friend? I forced a smile, having no clue what she meant by that. Nodding, I walked down one door and glanced inside at the sound of Logan’s laughter.

Fuck, why’d he have to be so attractive?

I took the chance to just admire him because why not?

I was torturing myself anyway. Logan had always been good-looking, but he aged like fine wine.

The way he filled out his suits and how he took care of himself showed.

Honestly, though, it didn’t matter. I would’ve taken any version of Logan I could get.

The guy Logan was talking to was attractive with long, thick hair in shades of chestnut and dark eyes to match the dark beard on his face.

His t-shirt fell loose around a tapered waist while the sleeves of his rolled-up flannel gave a preview of his tattoos.

The dusty work boots and matching knees gave away the fact that he worked some kind of down-and-dirty, hands-on job.

“Elliot,” Logan greeted with a slight uptick of surprise in his voice when he noticed me at the door. “I didn’t know you were coming by.”

“Yeah, I thought I’d surprise you,” I said. Lame. “Thought we could get dinner or something, but it’s not a big deal.”

“Oh.” Concern flashed across his face, vanishing quickly. He gestured to his friend, saying, “This is Loren.”

Oh. That was Loren. This was the man my best friend decided to date. Damn it. I hated that I even approved of Logan’s taste in men.

“Nice to meet you.” I forced a smile and offered a hand, turning up the pleasantries and charm. I was a good guy. I wasn’t about to make Logan uncomfortable in front of his partner.

“You too,” Loren replied. His handshake was firm and fast, something to like about him. Did Logan like his hands too? “Logan’s told me a lot about you.”

“Probably all the bad things, I’m sure,” I teased.

“Not at all. You can tell he thinks very highly of you,” he said. Did he? Because it sure didn’t feel like it anymore. Turning, he clapped a hand on Logan’s upper arm. “Go have dinner with him. We’ll go out another time.”

“Next time is on me,” Logan told him. That genuine smile on his face as he shared a moment with Loren threatened to rip my heart right out.

“You might have to fight me over that one.” Loren winked, making Logan blush, and I bit back a groan of frustration.

Fucking kill me now. Why the hell had I done this to myself?

Oh, yeah. Because I loved him. I loved him so damn much I’d take whatever scraps I could, even if it was just a lunch between friends.

“Have a good dinner, you two. Later, Logan.”

“Bye,” Logan called after him. An awkward silence spread between us in Loren’s absence. What the hell was I supposed to say? “He’s a good guy.”

“Seems like it,” I said tightly. I didn’t want to know if Loren was a good guy. I didn’t want to know anything about the man who officially had the one thing I’d wanted my whole life.

“I didn’t think I’d see you anytime soon,” he replied. He shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah, well, I was in the neighborhood.” Another lie. I never ended up near Logan’s work. “Thought I’d apologize to Elizabeth and see you. You good to go now or—”

“I’m good to go,” he interrupted. He grabbed his phone from the desk and started for the door, sweeping me along with him.

I waited as he locked it and followed him outside in silence.

I hoped to hell it’d go unnoticed as me trying to be considerate to his coworkers, but it didn’t.

He stopped me on the sidewalk outside, grabbing my elbow.

“Hey, you good?” Logan asked. He searched my face for any signs that I was lying, but I was damn good at lying to Logan. I had been for twenty years.

“Yeah, I’m good,” I assured him. “Come on. I want tacos.”

“So, Loren ,” I began because I was a masochist like that. “You like him?”

“Do you really want to talk about this?” Logan countered. We sat in a little booth with a mound of chips, queso, and salsa between us.

“Sure. Why not?” I shrugged. My heart was pulp anyway.

“You just seem put off by the whole thing last time we talked about it,” he said. “I just wasn’t sure if you and I were okay after.”

“We’re fine, Logan. I’m just going through some shit.” Like my heart bleeding out on the concrete while I keep stomping on it on your behalf.

“What’s going on, Elliot?”

“I’m thinking of moving,” I blurted out the words before I thought better of it. Fuck. Well, now we were committing to that random two a.m. thought I’d had. Many times over.

“Did you finally find something closer to the firehouse?” Logan asked .

“Actually,” I began slowly, “I’m thinking of moving out of state.”

Logan set down his water glass and just stared at me, pensive and processing.

The truth was, I didn’t know how to keep doing this with him.

I had myself convinced that I could, but seeing him with Loren?

That ruined me. I couldn’t keep up the torture.

I deserved something like happiness too.

And I couldn’t do that while pining after Logan and watching him date all the men that would never be me.

So, maybe it was a random thought, but it had weight.

“Why?” he demanded, that frown on his face deepening.

“I’ve just outgrown Boston.” I dropped my chip back in the basket and sat back in the booth. “Look, I’ve spent half my life in Illinois and now half of it in Boston. I just think it’s time for me to do something different.”

“Oh.” He nodded slowly. I could see him carefully processing my words. It sucked because I knew if I did leave, it’d hurt him too. But when did I start putting me first? “Okay. Do you know where you’ll go?”

Oh, crap.

“West Coast, maybe?” To put as much distance between us as possible. “I don’t know. I have to start applying for jobs, so we’ll see. It’s not like we’ll never see each other.”

“Yeah, of course,” he agreed. “We can easily fly out to see you.”

“And we have phones,” I reminded him. And then, because I needed to ease the tension, I cracked a joke, “Or carrier pigeons if we want pets. Though I’m not sure those are good pets to have.”

“Probably not,” Logan said. Absent-mindedly, he stirred his water with his straw as he fixated on something across the restaurant. An uncomfortable silence stretched between us. What was I supposed to say? What could I say that would make a difference? “Do you know when?”

“No, I still have to figure stuff out.” Like a job, a house, where to fucking go. “I won’t just up and leave, promise.”

“Let me know when, and I’ll take off work to drive wherever with you. That way you won’t have to move alone.”

“You never take off work, Logan, except to go back to Illinois for your dad’s birthday.”

“I’d rather help you move than work, Elliot,” Logan told me. His faded blue eyes caught mine, and emotions wrapped around my heart like barbed wire. I focused hard on my breathing to push them aside. “You know I love you, right? I’d do anything for you. ”

Except want me. The thought decimated any hope I had of feeling in control of my emotions. I swallowed hard and just nodded because it was all I could handle. Fuck. I sucked at this friendship thing.