Page 13 of Until Tomorrow (Love Doesn’t Cure All: The Ashwood Duet #1)

Eva

I had a list of questions scribbled out between the pictures in my notes—thank God I had a second pen. As the class filed out, I studied them and waited for her.

“So,” Amelia began as she approached me, “what’d you think?”

“I have so many questions,” I admitted with an awkward laugh. I showed off the notepad with all my scribbled nonsense. Normally, I was a meticulously organized person, but that wasn’t the case here. All my thoughts were all over the place.

“That’s a good thing,” she said. She sat in the seat next to me. “Questions are a great place to start. I have some time now if you’d like.”

“Where to start, where to start…” I muttered to myself.

Amelia was patient while I flipped through my notes, trying to figure out what the best first thing to ask was.

“I guess… where do you start? I know communication is important and talking about everything, but where do you even start that conversation?”

“Well, first and foremost, I think it’s important for you to lay out what you need,” she told me gently.

“You talk a lot about what Logan needs, which I understand, considering the situation, but you have needs too, Eva. Those deserve space too. You have to figure out what you want and need from an arrangement like this. It may be that you choose to be a monogamous partner while he explores an open relationship or a more polyamorous-centric life for himself, which is fine. There’s nothing wrong with t hat.

But you should know what you want and what you expect, as well as recognize his wants and expectations.

And somewhere in the middle of all of that is an arrangement for the two of you. ”

“Oh.” I chewed my lower lip. “Admittedly, I hadn’t thought about that.”

Besides saving my marriage, what did I want?

“I know.” Her smile was kind as she covered my hand with hers.

“But this lifestyle isn’t a Hail Mary to save your marriage.

I need you to know that. It absolutely can be a way to keep your marriage while giving him the space he needs to explore himself, but it’s not something you two go into just like that.

You have to meet each other at the table, so to speak.

There’s such a common misconception that polyamory is easy—a why choose romance adventure without consequence, without forethought, and with enough dicks to fill all the holes.

It’s not. Monogamous relationships are hard, and they take work.

Polyamorous ones are no different. If anything, they’re harder because you have more partners to consider.

It can be a beautiful and fulfilling lifestyle, but it’s not a flippant thing to be engaged in. ”

“Are you polyamorous?” I asked. Maybe that was too forward of a question to ask. I wasn’t sure. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I realize we probably don’t know each other well enough for that. And I’m not sure if that’s too personal a question. I’m sorry I’m rambling.”

“I have two wives,” she replied. “I have no shame and no problem gushing about them.”

“I didn’t think you could get married to more than one person.”

“Legally, I’m not married to anyone, but we had a commitment ceremony to each other, and we view ourselves as married. Legal marriage is just a piece of paper when you think about it. Real marriage is what happens between partners. We don’t need a paper to validate that for us.”

“I like that,” I said. “What are other things I should think about? That we should think about?”

I said we like Logan was going to magically consider this, but I didn’t have a clue. He was a logical man—a by-the-book man. This? This was a matter of the heart. The variables would likely overwhelm him.

“Well, you’ll need to set boundaries and rules for your marriage. Things like… setting time aside for you two, how much you want to know about what he’s doing and vice versa, respecting the time your spouse has with your metamours—”

“My what ?” I made a face .

“A metamour—a meta—is the partner of your husband. Take Logan. He’s your husband, but if he were to date a man, that man is your meta.”

She let me sit with it as I ran that over in my head several times, getting it to make sense.

“Okay, I’m following,” I told her as I nodded.

“You should also take some serious time alone to consider what your polysaturation is,” Amelia said. My what?

“I’m going to need a glossary for all of these terms,” I muttered.

“I also have one of those that I can print out for you too.” She laughed.

“In all seriousness, polysaturation is important. It refers to the amount of time and energy you have to give to all of your partners. Our love may be infinite, but our emotional bandwidth and our energy reserves aren’t.

Some people can maintain numerous partners, others can only take on one or two.

There’s no right or wrong. You don’t want to burn yourself out trying to maintain relationships. ”

“That makes sense.”

“Overall, you have to treat it like any other relationship,” she told me. “Each of your relationships and each of his should be fulfilling, cherished, and treated with respect. You have to be honest and upfront. You can’t be afraid to talk and make it make sense. It’s not magic. It’s work.”

“Yeah,” I whispered. I stared at my notes. There was so much more to it than any of Elliot’s books had shown.

“Well,” she rubbed her hands on her thighs as she stood, “I have to get ready for my next class, but—and please, tell me if this is too forward—a small group of us are going to this incredible drag show bar on Friday. You should come with us. My wives will be there, and we’re going with a few close friends. It’s guaranteed to be fun.”

Anything would be more fun than the pathetic way I planned to spend Friday.

“It’s my birthday.” I wasn’t sure why I told her, or why I said it like it was a reason for me not to go.

“Happy early Birthday. You should join us, but no pressure,” Amelia promised. “If you want to, just text me.”

“Thank you for this,” I said quickly when she started toward the front of the lecture hall.

“I love teaching people,” she replied simply. “The more we know, the more opportunities we have to find happiness. ”

Oh, I liked that. And I wanted that. I wanted my happiness with Logan. But could we find it again? Or rather, find some new version of happiness together?