Page 28 of Until Tomorrow (Love Doesn’t Cure All: The Ashwood Duet #1)

Logan

I was the king of small talk, and that was a real problem.

Jake.

Mattias.

Barrett.

Matt.

Owen.

Tom.

Riley.

Shit, I lost count. There were so many. And they were all so boring. It was so hard to keep a conversation going with them.

Or was I the boring one? I couldn’t tell.

In the weeks since we got back together, our life has been…

simpler. We fell into a comfortable routine of work, therapy, and evenings together.

I put aside time daily to go through Tumble and try to figure out this dating thing.

The fact that communication couldn’t be initiated without two people liking each other’s profiles was a plus.

But it also meant I had to sit there and swipe through profile after profile.

Which drove me up a goddamn wall. I didn’t know what I was looking for. I didn’t know what I wanted. How was I supposed to figure out if I wanted to date someone based on some words on an app? It was so damn easy to lie on them, making trust hard.

Was Jake really a stay-at-home dad with one kid? Or did he have seven kids with six different women and hated all of them?

Was Mattias really thirty-four? Or was he pushing fifty like he looked?

Did Barrett go to college? Or was he just saying he did?

The questions were endless, and my trust was not limitless. How was I supposed to get to know and connect with anyone when these men were just… names on an app? It was frustrating. I was frustrated. It felt like I couldn’t make any progress this way.

“Why,” Eva raged as she flung open the bedroom door and came storming out, “does your kind think it’s okay to send unwanted dick pictures whenever you fucking want?”

I faltered, my coffee mug halfway to my mouth, and my chest tightening. My kind? Never in my life had I sent her dick pictures. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be lumped in with that crowd.

Also, who the hell was sending my wife unsolicited dick pictures? That warranted addressing.

Clearing my throat, I set down my mug and braced against the island as I considered her outrage.

“Theoretically, you could inform them that your husband is a lawyer and more than happy to have them arrested for sexual harassment,” I said.

“Cyber flashing is becoming a real thing that law enforcement is trying to navigate where they can. California has a law in place for just that, allowing up to $30,000 in civil damages. And considering that the app requires registration, it wouldn’t be too difficult for me to track down actual identities to have them arrested.

I have no problem making a case for it here. ”

Yeah, I wasn’t messing around where my wife was concerned. I was surprisingly comfortable with her wanting to date and meet people, but there was no way in hell I’d let anyone make her uncomfortable. God help the man who tried to hurt her.

“Oh.” That little piece of information made her smile, and I found it easier to breathe. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

“Anytime. Want to talk about it?” I asked. She let out an angry huff as she stomped around the kitchen to make a bowl of cereal. I remained silent, simply pulling out a chair for her when she came close.

“Men suck,” she muttered.

“ I’d apologize on behalf of men everywhere, but some of them don’t deserve your forgiveness,” I replied. Under my breath, I added, “Probably most of them.”

“Thank you.” Eva leaned over and kissed my shoulder. “But seriously, why do men think it’s okay to just send dick pictures? I don’t want that! And most of them aren’t impressive anyway.”

“I think that’s a straight-man problem,” I replied honestly. “I have yet to encounter that issue.”

“You mean you’re not scrolling through profile pictures and just BAM ! Dick in the face?”

I paused to think about the dozens of profiles I’d gone through. Sure, there’d been some questionable shirtless pictures and maybe a handful of suggestive ones but straight-up dicks? Not a single one. And none of the men I’d started conversations with had ever sent one uninvited, either.

“No, thankfully.”

“That’s not fair,” she muttered, stabbing her cereal, which was impressive, considering she had a spoon. “It’s exhausting. I mean, sure, it’s easy to block the guys who just hide them in their profiles, but the ones who send them uninvited are gross. It gives me the creeps.”

“I’m sorry that’s the experience you’re having.” I meant that. I hated the idea of that being what she had to deal with.

“It’s not all bad,” Eva said. “Neil wasn’t horrible.”

Neil was a guy she’d met for lunch one day and was possibly the most boring human being on the planet—her words, not mine.

However, he was proof of why I struggled with dating profiles.

While I knew how important the moment was for her, it proved to be equally important for me.

I’d gone into the whole thing not knowing how I’d feel, but it didn’t bother me.

Did I worry? Yes, but I always worried about Eva.

The woman could cross the street and I’d worry about a bus hitting her. Anxiety was a pain like that.

But I wasn’t upset. I wasn’t jealous. In fact, I found myself rooting for it to go okay and waiting to hear from her. Her disappointment bothered me.

All of that had to be progress. At least, I wanted it to be.

“I was talking to a woman—I liked her,” she continued.

“That’s good,” I replied. “Any pl ans?”

“I liked her until she incorporated her boyfriend into the chat. They were looking for a unicorn,” she told me. “And I made sure they knew the only way I’m like a unicorn is that I get stabby when I’m hangry.”

“I love you,” I snorted into my coffee. Also accurate. Well, maybe not stabby but definitely volatile. “Remind me again what a unicorn is?”

There were so many damn terms to keep up with. Admittedly, if I applied the same study methods I’d used in law school, I’d figure them out, but I liked the conversations with Eva as we learned together.

“It’s when a couple tries to add a third partner to the relationship,” Eva explained.

“It’s considered unethical because the expectation is an equal relationship between all three partners, but that’s a lot of pressure to put on the third.

Relationships are all different, but unicorn hunting doesn’t allow for that. ”

“Sounds messy.”

“It is. Plus, the unicorn is expected to just follow all the rules and such set by the couple. There’s a power imbalance. Also, most of the time, the third is a bisexual woman, so there’s a lot about how it contributes to the fetishization of bisexual women in the community.”

“Makes sense,” I murmured.

“And I’m not bisexual, so it was pointless,” she said. “And he looked like Ted Bundy had a baby with Ron White.”

I spit out my coffee at that image, coughing hard. She patted me on the back while she continued to eat as if nothing had happened.

“Good God,” I rasped.

“Next time, make sure you’re not drinking?”

“Yes, please.” I cleared my throat. Good God, the things she said. Her hand remained on my back, rubbing small circles between my shoulder blades.

“What about you?” she asked. “Have you talked to anyone else since Matt?”

“That was four matches ago,” I said. Her brow arched curiously, but she said nothing. “I am… just struggling with this method of meeting people. It’s hard to figure out who people are on a screen. I’m not good at small talk.”

“Have you thought about just saying that and asking someone out for a drink or a coffee?” she replied. My lips pressed together tightly. I had not. “It’s okay if it’s difficult to get to know someone via messages, sweetheart. And it’s okay to just move straight to setting up a date.”

“I know you’re right.” I’d had the same thoughts.

“ Still nervous?”

“Immensely.”

“Have you talked to Amelia about it?” Eva asked.

“I have,” I said. “It’s like anything else I do: I hate not knowing all the variables. My mind keeps running through all the outcomes, and then I can’t convince myself to do it.”

“Logan,” she took my face in her hands, “sweetheart, it’s just a drink.”

“I think I’d prefer no alcohol be involved,” I admitted. I’d rather have all my faculties in order.

“Then it’s just a coffee. A coffee you can freely walk away from at any point.

I know you’re thinking of all the long-term possibilities, but we need to reframe those thoughts.

Take it one step at a time. Start with a coffee and a conversation.

Nothing more. If more becomes an option later down the road, then we’ll work through those thoughts too. ”

“I hate anxiety,” I muttered.

“Just slay your tiny anxiety dragons,” she teased, making me smile. I hadn’t heard her say that phrase in years. It came from her dragon books era. I missed it—more than I realized until I heard it. She kissed the tip of my nose. “You can do this, Logan.”

“Okay.”

“Say it.”

“I can do this.”

“One tiny dragon at a time,” she continued.

“One tiny dragon at a time,” I agreed with a small laugh.

“Yes, you can. I’m going out with that guy Nathan tomorrow. Maybe it’d be a good evening for you to go out as well.”

I made a sound because she was right—Eva usually was. I just needed to pull the trigger and make myself do it, no matter how anxious it made me. Just slay the anxiety dragons. I could do that.

Sometimes, I had great clients. Other times, I had clients who made me want to throw in the towel. This particular client fell somewhere in the middle, leaning toward making me want to quit. I ran my hand over the thick stubble on my jaw and sighed.

As I did, my phone dinged quietly with a notification. I glanced at it, expecting Eva or Elliot, but instead found a message notification for Tumble . If it was the only distraction I had from my client’s file, I’d take it.

GambitX: hey. so i suck at these kinds of things.

I frowned as I re-read the message. And apparently, he sucked at using proper grammar as well. He wasn’t starting strong.

GambitX: Autocorrect really wasn’t coming in clutch on that one. Sorry about that.

GambitX: Anyway, my name is Chad.

Journey81: I’m Logan.

GambitX: Nice to meet you, Logan.

Journey81: Likewise.

Ah, the little white lies. I had no feelings about this entire conversation so far, and thus, I couldn’t say if it was nice to meet h im.

GambitX: So, I see you’re bi-curious.

Journey81: I am. I’m still getting comfortable with the idea.

GambitX: That’s okay. I didn’t realize until I was in my early thirties that I was also into women. It happens.

Huh. I made a face. Interesting, but I had no idea how to respond to that. This was where I got stuck. How the hell did I proceed from here to keep the conversation going?

The deep breath I drew in caught in my chest as it tightened. Swallowing the rising anxiety, I made myself type out my next response.

Journey81: Admittedly, I’m not great at small talk, nor am I good at figuring out how to talk to people online. I do better in person. Would you like to get a coffee tomorrow evening?

As soon as I sent the message, I turned around and texted Eva in a panic.

I asked a guy to get coffee tomorrow night, and I’m about to panic.

EVA : Slay the tiny anxiety dragons, sweetheart.

They feel like very big dragons, honey.

EVA : You took a very big step. I know you’re anxious, but just remember… you can always back out. You don’t have to do anything, Logan.

EVA : Do you want to go out and get coffee with him?

I do. I just…

EVA : Uncertain things are stressful, I know. It’ll be okay.

Thank you.

EVA : What did he say?

I don’t know. I closed out the app before he could reply.

EVA : Well, when you’re ready, open the app back up and find out.

Okay.

EVA : And take a few deep breaths, Logan. You’re in complete contro l here.

The woman was a saint for putting up with me. My anxiety hadn’t been this all over the place in a very long time. It bothered me.

I sat there for a few minutes, focusing on my breathing. My heart slowed in my chest, and the tightness eased up a bit. It wasn’t much, but it was enough. Only then did I open up the app again.

GambitX: I’d like that.