Page 11

Eliza

Three Days Later

This weekend has been… weird. Julian and Calder have spent every single second of their time doting on me, from making me food to asking how I am and offering to do random things for me.

They are trying to turn themselves into my maids in a way, but it’s mostly that they have turned almost submissive.

This morning, I playfully said they drank all the coffee, and Julian practically broke his neck to make more, despite me saying he didn’t have to.

Their love language is definitely acts of service because that’s the way they’re always showing their affection.

I’m trying to think of ways we can build our relationship back stronger, but I don’t know what to do.

I just want them , but I don’t want them to feel like I am blindly forgiving them.

Maybe they could have checked in more, but what reason did they have to check on me?

They were so clear in their messages that I can’t place any fault on them.

I know that I’ll have to focus on Calder first, because he isn’t carrying as much guilt as Julian, who avoids looking at me and is suddenly mild-mannered.

I sat out of the staff meeting today so I can meet with Ryan.

I want to talk to him about all of this because he is their friend.

They trusted him with me, so I know he is the one I should talk to.

I also intend to talk to Troy, but I’m going to call from my old phone before I destroy it.

No way in fuck he is getting my new number.

The office door comes open, and Ryan walks in with two coffees. “Hey,” I say.

“Walk with me. The guys are coming back,” he says. He probably knows I want to talk to him about them. They have been acting weird all day.

“Is that for me?” I ask.

“It sure is,” he says, handing me one of the cups. We step out of the office and go to the stairwell. Once the door is shut, we walk up to the door that goes out to the roof. “So, what’s up?”

“Well… I need to explain something that happened first, but just listen. Okay?” I say.

“Alright,” Ryan says.

“So… Troy apparently made an account for me on VelvetBound,” I say.

“Oh no…”

“Yeah… I assume it is him, but… Can I just show you the messages? They gave me the password to their account.”

“Do they know you’re talking to me?” He asks, taking my new phone from me.

“No, but they’ll understand,” I say. “None of these messages are from me.”

Ryan leans against the concrete parapet wall and starts scrolling through the messages. His eyebrows raise up several times, and he glances up to judge my demeanor. “Oh wow,” he says, handing the phone back.

“Yeah, so… They got home Friday night when I was in bed asleep,” I say.

“Oh, Liza… Did they…”

“Julian did. The second he actually saw my face, he stopped immediately. I was panicking because all I could think about was Troy. We went back and forth for a second, but ultimately figured out they had been set up. Calder is struggling, but Julian… I never want to see him cry like that again. It broke him, Ryan. It broke him.”

“Fuck. Well… How are you?” he asks.

“I’m okay. I need time to process this, but I do love them so fucking much. Everything said, I do have an interest in besides degrading comments. Troy abused me using my own kinks, and I need to find a way past that.”

“But Julian is hurting.”

“He won’t look me in the eyes. Calder will, and he will be relatively normal, but Julian is hurting more than I can handle.

I want to help him because it’s not his fault.

I don’t blame him, and I want the three of us to find our way through this.

I just need to teach myself the correct way that kink should play out. ”

“But you need them to be a part of that for you to truly learn,” he remarks.

“Exactly, but Julian is scared of me. Truly,” I say.

“I have an idea, but I want to see Julian around you,” he says. “I deal a lot with survivors of trauma, and I am a licensed therapist.”

“No shit. Really?” I ask.

“Mhmm. I use BDSM as a tool to help survivors of various types of traumas as well as things like anxiety, self-harm, and suicidal ideation. I work with a lot of trafficking victims, too.

“How so?” I ask.

“Well, it’s like a group home of sorts. BDSM is just one of the tools, so I just work with the girls, and whatever works best for them is what we do.”

“Wait. Do you fuck these girls?” I ask.

“No,” he laughs. “There are several Doms who take them on, and the girls choose. Sometimes I am the one with them, but sometimes I just observe. None of what I do is sexual, but that is not always the same with the others. There is a lot of paperwork and steps they go through to get in with us because not everyone will benefit from what we do.”

“So how will that help me?” I ask.

“I think the three of you could benefit from starting at the top and going through everything the same way that they would work with any other student. You should learn how BDSM and kinks actually work, and they should learn to trust themselves with you. Building trust takes time.”

“Will they get mad I told you?” I ask.

“No. Julian trusts me,” he says. “My advice for Calder is just be blunt. If you want something from him, just say it.”

“So, if I want him to fuck me, just tell him?” I ask.

“Yes, ma’am. Connecting with him away from BDSM will be a good place to start with him.”

“Okay. Well, let’s go talk to them,” I say.

We go downstairs and to the office. When we walk in, Julian and Calder look up. Julian glares at Ryan, but won’t look at me. “Juli,” I say. “Look at me.”

“What, Eliza?” he snaps. I realize quickly he is being shitty to push me away. I narrow my eyes at him, and Ryan chuckles when I walk over to his desk. “What are you…”

“Shh,” I say, pushing his chair back so I can stand in front of him. He goes to push away, so I grab his face and kiss him. He melts immediately and gently rests his hands on my waist.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly.

“No matter how hard you push me away, I’m not letting go,” I say. “I love you, Juli. We will get through this.”

“Why is Ryan here?”

“Because I told him what happened,” I say. Julian sighs heavily and goes to pull away, so I kiss him again. “If you keep trying to pull away, you will be the one needing a safe word.”

“I hear you,” he sighs. I notice he still has his hands on my waist, so I cover them with my hands, and he relaxes a bit.

“Do you love her, Julian?” Ryan asks.

“Yes,” Julian sighs, not looking up at him.

“Nope. What we aren’t going to do is that. Stand up. Both of you,” Ryan says, motioning for me to come over to him. Calder and I do, but Julian hesitates. “Now, Julian.”

“Bossy,” I laugh, and Ryan smiles at me.

“What?” Julian asks when he finally walks over to stand with us.

“Look at her, Julian. Eye contact,” Ryan says. Julian sighs but finally makes eye contact with me. I smile at him, and relief involuntarily sweeps over him. “Does she look scared of you? Upset? Hurt? Does she see you as a monster?”

“No,” Julian admits.

“Then I’ll ask again. Do you love her?”

“Yes,” Julian says with more confidence in his voice.

“Then say it. She is not fragile, nor is she broken. Tell her you love her,” Ryan pushes.

“I love you, Eliza… so much,” Julian says softly.

“I love you too, Juli,” I reply sweetly.

“Now… here is what I think should happen,” Ryan says.

“She has only ever known abuse with BDSM. You are both teachers. So… teach her everything there is to know about being your submissive. She wants you, but she wants to separate what Troy did from BDSM. The only way that is possible is if she sees what it’s actually about.

If you want to do something for her, show her that BDSM, and even CNC, is not abusive.

Show her that she can heal with you two and still submit. That is what she wants and needs.”

“Are you sure?” Calder asks me. “All of it?”

“Yes,” I say. “I want to learn, and I want you two. I don’t want to let Troy win.”

“Okay,” Calder says to me. “Julian?”

“I don’t want to hurt you again,” Julian says to me.

“You won’t,” I say softly.

“But what if I do?”

“Then just let me butt-fuck you and we can call it even,” I say with a shrug, making him laugh and shake his head. “I’m serious, Juli. I want to learn.”

“So, you could honestly get on your knees and not panic while I fuck your throat and teach you how to control your breathing and gag reflex?”

“I don’t have a gag reflex,” I say. “Troy made me throw up because he doesn’t know how to wash his dick, and he was intentionally trying to make me sick.”

“Prove it,” Julian says simply.

“How?” I laugh. “You can hardly look me in the eyes. How are you…”

“Ryan,” Julian says. “We trust him with you. We know he is very qualified to teach as well. Also, having someone not involved in what happened will help us see past our fear.”

“Also,” Calder says. “Having someone other than us would help you, too.”

“It sounds like you just want to see Ryan do dirty things to me,” I laugh. I glance over at Ryan, and he is smirking at me. “What?”

“Nothing. What are your thoughts?” Ryan asks me.

“I think you are all delusional for wanting me at all, but that is rooted in trauma,” I say. “If you truly want to be a part of this, then I trust you.”

“Why?”

“Because they do, and I have talked to you enough over the years to trust you, I explain.

“What do you think of Julian wanting me to be involved?”

“So, I have seen their dicks, and I am hoping like hell you are packing something average for the sake of my internal organs,” I remark, and Calder laughs.

“Mmm. Maybe a bit above average. You’ll be okay though,” he laughs. “I won’t harp on it like they will, but are you honestly prepared to go there?”

“Low-key sad I won’t get off from it, but yes,” I say. He looks to Calder and then Julian for a moment, thinking.