Page 9 of Unmasking You (Hidden Hearts #1)

Chapter 8

Shane

I’ve fucked up again.

Last night, I could have ignored him and had the chance to spend the evening with him. Instead, my impatience bested me, and I forced myself on him once again.

I wasn’t prepared for the pain I felt when he walked away from me yet again. Even less when the other man was the one taking care of him. I wanted that to be my responsibility, but instead, he ran away from me.

For a moment, he’d sagged in my arms, and for a second, I’d believed Jamie wanted to stay there. That was until he pushed me away.

What was all that, anyway? He seemed afraid… actually, no. It was more than that. He seemed terrorised and, for a moment, broken beyond measure.

I watched him walk away while something inside me screamed to rush to his side and protect him. Only his friend’s bigger body held him up. Seeing that had long-gone memories resurfacing and breaking me.

What happened last night was because of what I did?

Or did something else happen to him?

I made a promise to myself last night, one in which I would not reach out to him anymore, because I’m clearly only making things worse for him. However, his face wouldn’t stop flashing through my mind throughout the night, while I lay awake in my bed reliving in vivid detail what had happened on the dance floor.

Remembering the layer of sweat covering his face and his dilated pupils, his need to run away made impossible by a body unwilling to cooperate. If I hadn’t witnessed those symptoms in so many of the youngsters coming to our foundation, I wouldn’t have recognised them.

However, that’s why I’m here today. My promise didn’t even last twelve hours. The need to see if it was my mind playing games with me forced me out of bed and brought me here.

I didn’t park in front of his place this time, afraid Jamie would see me and ask me to leave again. Instead, I parked a couple of streets away and walked over, making sure to become invisible. I’m hoping the people around will be an excellent cover, so he won’t catch me with my trousers down, so to speak.

I don’t want to talk to Jamie. I mean, I want to but I won’t, because I heard him loud and clear. Last night, I understood, and it finally settled in my soul… He wants nothing to do with me.

Hearing his broken voice mumbling incessantly, “Please, please, please . ”

Fuck, that’s what nightmares are made of.

I’m not even sure he was aware of it because when he faced me—and I liked it more than I should—there was nothing pleading in his attitude. He was standing strong and tall, pushing down the fear I could easily see.

He stops, and I stop with him, far enough away not to be spotted.

I’m a stalker.

I admit to that.

Am I ashamed? Yes . A thousand times, yes . But… I needed to check on him, to see if he was better today, to see he wasn’t as broken as I believed yesterday.

I needed to be here today for my sanity so I could stop drowning in guilt.

I’ve followed him from his house to the park and now to his usual coffee shop. I watch him while he orders his drink and then chats away with Andy. Jealousy has become my friend. But what rights do I have over him? None . Yes, my brain is always a friend I can count on.

As soon as his drink is ready, he leaves the shop and keeps walking, as if what’s inside his head is more important than what’s happening outside it.

Another dog owner stops him, and it gives me time to observe him. I’m too far away to see his face in detail, but his demeanour is shouting, “I’m at my limit . ” I watch him as the dogs sniff one another and try to run away from them, while Jamie looks tired and a bit dejected. He wears dishevelled amazingly well, even if he looks too pale. I’d bet everything I have that he probably didn’t sleep at all.

I wish he was like last night—before he saw me—tranquil and with a small smile on his face. That smile… the one I loved when we were boys, because it made my heart beat as fast as a race car. The same smile I want so much to curve his lips when he’s looking at me.

It surprised me that the guy who was never friends with anyone, who used to talk only to me—for a long time only when I asked questions—has become this chatty bee moving from person to person like they’re flowers in blossom.

Am I jealous? Yes. Again, a thousand times, yes .

It’s childish and wrong. However, I wish I was the one Jamie wanted to spend his time with. Instead, I’m reduced to following him around ,having glimpses of him when I’m sure he’s not aware of it.

Am I going to stop being a stalker? No. A thousand times, no.

Now that he’s come back into my life—or I’ve come into his, really—I want to have the chance to apologise and make up for the pain I inflicted, even if it’ll take me a hundred years to do it.

I lean forward slowly to make sure I’m not spotted and take a few more seconds to admire the person who’s become my obsession. He’s still walking around, enjoying the sunny winter’s day. It’s not raining, and that’s a blessing, but not even the horrible weather would have stopped me from being here today.

I swiftly move backward when Jamie moves, and then, after waiting a few seconds, I poke my head out again. If he walks, I follow, and if he stops, I stop.

Poking my head out again, I’m met with two dark orbs focused on me. My gaze jumps up in search of Jamie’s face to see if I’ll have to come out of my hiding spot and once again be on the receiving end of his anger or if I’m still safe. When I look up, my body sags against the wall in relief. He’s still talking with someone and is very involved in the conversation.

I look down at his feet again, and Queen L is staring at me. Her tongue is hanging out, doggy drool falling from it, and her tail is going left and right, thwapping against Jamie’s leg. I love how he looks down and smiles at her. Yep, I’m jealous.

How would it feel if all his attention was on me? Just for a second, so for that moment I could live without guilt and regret.

She wiggles and pulls, then sits when Jamie gently pulls on the leash.

“Queen, just a minute. We’ll go to the park again before going home if you behave.”

I’m too close if what he’s saying is so clear. I wait until they both get distracted by their friends and I cross the road. Once on the other side, I find another corner from where I watch undisturbed.

I take my phone out and pretend I’m busy with it, while nothing going on over the other side happens without me knowing.

“Baby girl, what’s wrong?”

With the road so quiet and not too wide, hearing Jamie makes it easy enough to know when he’s moving, even if there’s no way I won’t be constantly checking where he is.

I’m becoming obsessed. No, I am obsessed. Leaving him alone, though, is simply not an option.

He could have me arrested. And yet, here I am.

Queen listens for a few seconds, behaving like an obedient dog, but then she’s turning back to me again. I make it just in time to hide behind the wall before Jamie takes another look around, probably checking what’s making his dog so restless.

I press myself against the wall, close my eyes, and wait for Jamie to arrive and tell me off. When nothing happens, I peek again, and I’m glad when Jamie is still involved in the conversation.

Queen pulls again, and this time the leash detaches, and I’m not sure who’s more surprised, me or the dog. She looks at Jamie, but he’s still talking, and when she sits back, I take a breath of relief. It doesn’t last long, though, before she wanders around. She takes a few steps in the direction she saw me before but then stops. Her nose is probably telling her I’m no longer there.

She sniffs the ground and then the air, and then she’s onto me. I glance at Jamie, but he hasn’t noticed anything, so he’s still unaware of his dog walking free.

That’s good news to me since it means she’s lost me. But it doesn’t last long because after sniffing the air a couple of times, she turns her head in my direction.

“Crap,” I mumble, and get a dark glare from a passer by. I smile, using years of my dad’s teachings, and the man walks away.

I turn just in time to find Queen staring at me, and I swear to God she smiles at me as if we are old friends. And maybe we are after she humped my leg at the coffee shop.

My heart beats faster and faster the closer she gets to me, only to take a breath of relief every time she stops and looks around.

“Queen,” I whisper. “Go back to Jamie.”

She seems to have a mind of her own. She sniffs the air and then looks at me, and her tail does a little dance once again, then she resumes pawing her way towards me.

I shake my head at her, and instead of following my instructions, she barks. With an under-my-breath profanity, I hide behind the wall so Jamie doesn’t spot me. After my behaviour each time we’ve met, and ruining his days out, I don’t want him shouting “stalker” or worse in my direction ever again.

When I don’t hear Jamie’s voice, I poke my head out, and the dog is still walking towards me as if she has all the time in the world.

I watch her moving from the pavement to the road, indifferent to whatever is happening around her. I frown when I don’t hear Jamie’s voice calling for Queen to stop. She’s still wearing the red bow on her head, keeping her hair standing up straight, making her look like a real queen.

She turns her head up and sniffs around like she has all the time in the world, as if there aren’t any cars around and she’s still in the park. I’m surprised nothing has happened to her yet.

I usher her with my hand to go back, but I only have the opposite effect, and she moves towards me. Those small legs are not covering as much ground as I would like, and every second she spends on the road has my blood pressure rising.

I hide again behind the corner, hoping that if she doesn’t see me, she’ll go back to Jamie. I count to thirty and then spy, without sticking my entire head out, to check if she’s made the right decision and turned on her tail to go back to her owner.

I don’t understand why Queen likes me so much, and if I wasn’t trying to hide, I would have been excited by her behaviour. I’ve never been wanted before as much as she wants me right now.

Liar, my brain reminds me. Jamie was as excited as she is to spend his time with you.

I ignore it and focus my attention on the dog.

Queen is sitting in the middle of the road, looking back and forth between where Jamie is speaking with his friend—I really hope he’s only a friend—and my hiding spot.

She jumps to her paws as soon as she spots me again and begins her slow walk towards me. Defeated and preoccupied, I coax her towards me, as she’s better off with me than on the road. Her pace doesn’t quicken, and she wastes even more time by looking around and following some scent only she can smell.

That’s when I spot the car. I’m sure the driver is going to see Queen and come to a halt. Instead, the car keeps coming at a fast speed, and my worry grows. I look at Jamie and pray he calls her back, but inside I’m conscious there’s no time to waste. My brain clocks out, and I’m running towards the dog. My only thought is that I can’t let anything happen to her because it will destroy Jamie.

After leaving my hiding spot, I jump out into the road without thinking. My entire focus is on making it in time to save Jamie’s dog. I won’t forgive myself if something happens because it will be my fault. If I wasn’t here, Queen wouldn’t have followed me. What I can’t stand, though, is the thought of Jamie suffering more and having to live with the guilt. He’ll never forgive himself if something happens to his precious dog. He’s had enough bad things happen in his life, and he doesn’t need this too.

I could jump out of my skin in relief when I’m in time to pick the dog up from the ground. I hug her tightly, happy she’s fine.

“Shane!”

Fuck, I’m screwed. He’s going to get upset and tell me off again…and we’ll be in this stupid circle forever.

Until the urgency and fear impregnating his tone chills me to the bone.

To save Queen, I launch her out of the way, and watch as she lands like a cat on her paws. I look up, knowing I can’t get out of the way in time…or without a scratch…

Fuck! This is going to hurt.