Page 7 of Unmasking You (Hidden Hearts #1)

Chapter 6

Shane

I tap my fingers on the steering wheel while I look across the road, hoping to spot Jamie coming out of his apartment.

This is the fifth Saturday I’ve been here, just outside his apartment, watching for him to be out doing his own thing. He has a very precise schedule, and knowing him as I once did, I should have expected it. He’s as anal now as he was when we were in school. I used to poke fun at him over it, but not maliciously. I loved teasing him and watching his cheeks go all red, and then he would push me away, and just that touch made everything worth it.

Why am I here? God only knows because I don’t. I’ve thought of him over the last ten years, mostly with regret, but seeing him at the charity event has brought long-dormant feelings back to life.

Not all these feelings are positive.

I can’t forget the long-ago past—and the more recent past—we’d shared. They both haunt me. The first because of the choices I made, and the second because of how good kissing him was.

At the charity ball, he’d made himself very clear that meeting me again, a decade later, was not a pleasure. If he’d hit me, I wouldn’t have complained because I deserved it then—and I still deserve it now. But even then, given the opportunity, he was still a better person than me. He never compromised his values and beliefs.

However, my fear of him being broken by what happened when we were in school has been soothed by how far he’s gone in life.

He’s not the scrawny boy he once was. He’s fit, knows how to dress, knows how to behave, and he fits the part of a billionaire perfectly.

I still can’t believe he’s a billionaire. He was always clever, smarter than most of us, and he’s more than proved to everyone who looked down on him that he could make it.

Jamie should be the one looking down on us. We’ve done nothing other than use the money our families have amassed, having everything handed to us. But Jamie, he worked his arse off to rise to the top.

When he passes by my car, I’m glad no one can see past my black-tinted windows, and I watch him heading to the park for a walk with his dog.

A fluffy white thing that looks adorable with a red ribbon on her head. They both look adorable. Jamie’s wearing loose trousers, skater shoes, and an adorable hoodie with a cartoon-like dragon on the front that says Dragon’s Hugs , and there’s a small chubby dragon with enormous eyes, rolled up on itself, just below the phrase.

My hands itch to open the door, jump out, and ask for one of those hugs.

I watch them walk past me and I crack up when I read the back of his hoodie… “If you piss me off, I’ll fry your...” There’s a picture of a peach instead of the word arse. I’m sure it’s what would happen to me if I requested a hug.

When they head into the park, disappearing from view, I jump out of the car to follow.

They’re going to spend the next half hour going around the park so the little lady can do her business.

I should be scared, knowing so much about him without having spent a second with him. My behaviour is downright stalkerish.

This time, not even his no violence policy would stop him from frying my arse. So I just need to be careful and not get caught.

His walk around the park will give me time to get settled and pretend I’m just there for a coffee, not waiting for him.

The inside of the coffee shop is painted green. Plants hang from the ceiling, making the place look like a forest.

I head to the counter and spend the next couple of minutes chatting with the server, Andy.

“I’ll have a chai latte. Regular.” It’s one of my favourite drinks and I’m always on the lookout for new places to try it.

“Take away?”

“No, stay in,” I reply, and then I pull out my card.

“Three pounds eighty-five, please,” says Andy, and points at the machine for me to pay.

While I wait for my transaction to go through, I look around for a table that will give me a full view of the door but will also keep me partially hidden.

I spot a good one, half hidden by a plant with big green leaves, and head there once my payment is complete, confirming with Andy that he’ll bring the latte over when it’s ready. I don’t want to be caught by Jamie when I get up to grab it from the counter.

Once I’m seated, I glance around the space. I love what they did here. It’s all dark furniture and light green walls, giving it a comfy, bookish atmosphere. There are shelves on the walls with small cactus plants and books. I could see myself coming here often to take a break from my life.

I count the seconds, and every time the bell over the door rings, my heart gives a thump like it’s trying to jump into my throat, and butterflies flutter inside my stomach. It’s like I’m sixteen again, waiting at the usual place for Jamie to arrive.

Before I can lose myself in the memories, the door chime rings again, and this time a white dog leads the way. I watch in awe as the man I’m waiting for makes an appearance.

Afraid of being spotted even before I take my fill of him, I grab an abandoned newspaper from the corner of the table and quickly open it. I watch Jamie from around the edge of the newspaper, seeing without being seen.

“Hey Jamie,” Andy says as soon as Jamie enters.

Jealousy unfurls inside my body at the sight of Jamie’s beautiful smile being directed at another man. A jealousy I’m not allowed to experience, but my mind and heart don’t care.

I want to stand up, go over to them, and claim him. I wish I had the right to do that, but he’d probably kick my arse if I attempted something like that.

I inhale, trying to push the foolish feeling deep inside. I have some grovelling to do if I want him to at least talk to me. Losing my shit because I’m jealous of him talking to other people won’t win me any points.

I let go of the cup’s handle and try to relax my body and my face. I don’t want him to see this side of me.

While Jamie speaks with Andy, someone else focuses her attention on me.

“How’s Lizzie today?” Andy says. I love Jamie’s smile, but I don’t like it when it’s meant for someone who isn’t me.

The dog doesn’t turn to Andy as all her attention is on me, but the two men are too involved in their conversation to notice.

“Queen Lizzie is good. We had a wonderful walk today.”

“That’s great. How’s work?”

“Argh. Let’s not go there. I should be in my office instead of walking around, but I couldn’t say no to Lizzie when she came running with her leash in her mouth.” Jamie giggles, and I love the sound.

I lose sense of the words as I watch Jamie getting into his conversation. Even the jealousy I felt a few seconds ago decreases, faced with the beauty of his movements, of his very being. His hands move to express even better what his mouth is saying. I like the way he touches his mouth when he laughs too loudly and gets self-conscious about it. He looks adorable, and I want to be the one making him do all these little things.

I compare this man to the boy he was, and there are so many similarities, but there are also new things I find endearing. He’s taller than he was, at least five inches, putting him at about my shoulder. His body has filled out a bit, but he still has the swimmer’s physique that attracted me so much when we were younger. His hair is longer than before, and my fingers tingle with the need to touch it, wanting to make sure it’s as soft as it looks. Jamie’s face still has a youthful appearance, but his cheeks are more visible now, and I love how he keeps his face clean-shaven. My eyes zero in on his lips, the colour of a ripe peach, and—as I already know—as soft as a mature one. The taste, though, is different; it’s like nectar, like the best wine you can buy, sweet and delicate, and so very manly. I’m addicted to it, and I want more of it. I want to drink from them as if they were a cup, as if they were the Holy Grail. They are lost to me, though, like that cup is lost to humanity.

I ignore the sadness that thought brings, and I concentrate on drinking in everything Jamie is. I don’t want to miss a single detail because they will soon all be lost to me. The sweetness he has will soon transform into hate. A hate I deserve. A hate that’ll probably never go away. A hate I want to take from him and wear until he feels I’ve done enough penance. And maybe then he’ll find the strength in himself to forgive me.

When the dog moves, I redirect my attention to her. I mentally coax her to go back to her owner so I can admire him from afar for just a little longer. Instead, she moves towards me, getting a little closer. I’m sweating more with each step she takes because I’m sure I’m seconds away from being discovered.

“Queen Lizzie?”

Jamie’s voice calling the dog spreads panic inside me. I need more time to admire him, to absorb as much as I can before I’m discovered. I sound like a stalker, and clearly I am one, but what other choice do I have when he doesn’t want to see me?

It’s wrong. Completely and utterly wrong, but what else can I do?

I bring the newspaper higher, totally hiding myself behind it. The dog, instead of listening to Jamie, moves closer and sits on my foot, leaning her full weight on my leg. She turns her head towards me, and those black eyes are so lively and attentive, calling for lots of cuddles.

I always wanted a dog, but I was never allowed one. I was never “obedient enough to deserve a dog.”

This beauty is really trying to carve out a space in my heart. She seems to understand my turmoil because she stands up, sits on her back legs, and after placing her front paw on my leg, looks up at me. Her tongue is hanging out, spreading doggy drool all over my jeans while I whisper to her to go away. Instead of listening to me, she swiftly jumps up to sit on my lap. Surprised by it, I let the newspaper fall.

I hear Jamie’s panicked intake of air and then his steps getting closer.

Does he know it’s me?

“I’m so sorry.” His tone is apologetic at first, and then more commanding. “Queen…” Then his voice stops abruptly, and for a second, there’s only silence.

I glance up, knowing damn well I’ve been discovered, but still hoping to have time to be with him. His face has lost everything I admired before, all the joy and warmth, and my guilt rears its ugly head.

“What are you doing here?”

I don’t look up. Instead, I focus my attention on Queen Lizzie. Such a fitting name, especially now that she’s sitting on my lap, acting like she owns it.

My brain is trying to come up with a plan that won’t make me look like the dick I am. Before I can, however, Jamie speaks again. His irate tone and the jealousy I felt before come back with a vengeance that clouds my mind.

“I said, what the hell are you doing here?”

I fold the newspaper with calm and controlled movements, like I’m not the one in the wrong here. Or like I haven’t been caught doing something I shouldn’t. I follow my old man’s teachings—always act as if you’re right—and for once, his way of doing things is coming in handy.

“Having a drink,” I say, glancing at Andy, who’s watching us as we interact. My glance has him going back to preparing my drink, so I don’t look like the liar I am.

I’m being a dick, and I have to continue…

“Here?” Disbelief exudes from Jamie’s words.

“Yeah, chai latte. My favourite.”

“It’s mine t—“ He stops, as if remembering we’re not friends, and lets his words die. Then he continues with a different tone. “I’ve never seen you here before.” Suspicion has taken over the disbelief from a few seconds ago.

“It’s my first time. I love finding new places and trying their chai lattes. Today, it was this place.”

Another long look has me squirming like a kid being scolded by the teacher, but I don’t show it.

“So, you’re not here for a chance to talk to me?”

I’m screwed. Lying to his face is where I draw the line. I did it in the past and there is no way I’m doing that now.

“I can’t say I’m not.”

He looks at me, puzzled, as if he doesn’t really get what I’m saying. “Are you here for me?” Doubt drips in as his voice shakes.

“Yes.” Honest and direct.

My answer seems to shake him, as if he didn’t expect me to be so frank. He recovers very quickly, and I don’t like what he says next.

“Stop.”

“Stop what?” I ask when he turns on his heel, ready to walk away.

When he turns around, his stare burns like fire, but I’m not declaring defeat until all my hopes are crushed. From his behaviour, though, I know it won’t take long.

“Stop following me. Stop interfering with my life. You and your friend have done enough. There’s nothing here for you.” His voice goes up a notch with every new word he says until he’s nearly shouting.

All my attention is on him, and he’s breathtaking. Even when he’s mad at me, the only thing I want to do is kiss him until he’s moaning and writhing under me. Until he’s pleading for me to let him come.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I should be crawling, begging at his feet, instead of setting his teeth on edge.

Jamie seems to think the same because his face becomes as dark as storm clouds, and his words are like knives stabbing my skin. “I don’t want you here. I don’t want to see your face. I want you gone, now and forever.”

His dog seems to disagree with him and keeps jumping on my leg.

That seems to make Jamie even angrier. He looks at the dog and then at me, and I catch a glimpse of his watery eyes, and if I wasn’t feeling like shit already, now it reaches a whole other level. I stand up and feel like a monster when he takes a step back, his face going as white as the foam in my latte.

I take a step back too, bringing my hands up and surrendering to his desire. But before I can talk, someone jumps in.

“Is everything okay?” Andy asks, stopping to stand next to Jamie, and I hate it.

“Yeah,” I reply at the same time Jamie does.

“No.”

“Can you please leave?” Andy says, while moving to stand between me and Jamie. As if I’d ever hit him.

“Yes, go away. Leave me alone.” He’s looking straight at me.

Where is all this aggression coming from? Jamie was never this direct, always preferring to stay in the shadows. Did I do this to him? Another fucking thing I would be guilty of.

Good way of making him think I’m different from before. He’s never going to change his mind now. I’ve upset him even if it was the last thing I wanted to do. I’ve ruined the moment of his day he enjoys most, and I’ve made him uncomfortable in a place he loves.

“You haven’t changed a bit…”

His voice brings my attention back to him, and I try to jump in to defend myself from the accusation, but he doesn’t leave me space to interject.

“You still do as you like. Because it’s always about you and no one else.”

“That’s not true.” It sounds weak even to my ears.

“Didn’t I ask you to stay away from me?” He looks at me as if waiting for an answer.

Even if I don’t want to because it’s like shooting myself in the foot, I reply, “Yes, you did.” I shouldn’t find this side of him so arousing, but I do. So much so that my dick is taking notice and starting to fill.

“You did.”

What was I really trying to achieve other than defying whatever he made clear at the event? For me to stay away.

“Is everything okay?” Andy asks, placing a hand on Jamie’s forearm.

Jamie turns and gives him a smile. A smile I want for myself.

The jealousy melting away while Jamie’s full attention was on me comes back full blast, and of course, so does my bad behaviour. And like the horrible person he just accused me of being, I’m ready to give a demonstration.

“I’m not here for you,” I say while picking up the dog in my arm so she stops humping my leg. I caress her long fur, but at Jamie’s murderous look, I place her on the floor and continue. “I’m here for a chai latte.” I turn to Andy. “Is that ready?”

Yep, I kept the no-lying policy in place. In my mind, I roll my eyes at myself.

I don’t miss Jamie’s hurt face, and it’s going to add to the pile of regrets I have and haunt me for a long time.

The satisfaction of seeing Andy leave should make me feel like an arsehole, but instead, I’m relieved.

Jamie only stares at me, and it seems like he isn’t even blinking. It’s as if he’s trying to rein in everything going on inside him. He keeps himself still, but his trembling hands are impossible to miss. Then he clutches them into fists.

Being forgiven is becoming even more of a distant possibility.

So, focused on Jamie, I miss Andy returning. I look at the cup he’s holding in front of me and then at the man holding it, and it’s clear what he wants me to do. As if I was ever someone who did things other people asked of me, unless it was my father.

“J—“

“Here’s your chai latte,” Andy says, placing the cup in front of me and himself in front of Jamie. “Please leave now.” He’s polite but firm, and I bet it would take him less than a minute to throw me out of this place.

I leave before my mouth can spout more bullshit, but not before I take a good look at Jamie.

As soon as I’m out, I want to walk back in. This encounter was supposed to go a totally different way. It was supposed to end up with me asking for forgiveness, instead of me spouting bullshit because jealousy clouded my mind.

Andy is accompanying Jamie to his usual table, his hand on Jamie’s lower back, and his body close as if he’s trying to protect him from me, even if I’m not there any longer. My mood goes sour, and with a growl I leave them to it, but I vow to myself to come back and find a way to make him listen.

Whatever happened ten years ago, I had my faults, yes, and I regret them all. But I never wanted to harm him in any way.

How am I going to come back from what happened today?

He’s sure I haven’t changed, and my behaviour has given him plenty of proof. But it’s a lie. I have changed. How am I going to prove it to him now?

Is there a way out of the hole I dug for myself?

Or maybe Jamie is right, and I am a dickhead, and I’m the only one who doesn’t want to admit it.

I need to stay away from him.