Page 5 of Unmasking You (Hidden Hearts #1)

Chapter 4

Shane

Present day

I park the car in front of Jamie’s building and turn the engine off.

I pull out my phone and shoot a text to Karl, my best friend.

Shane

I’ll see you in thirty minutes. Just taking care of something right now.

Karl

Cool. It’ll be good to have you here.

Shane

Sorry, work has been busy. I’ll owe you.

Karl

Don’t let your father boss you around.

Easier said than done.

I lean against the seat, asking myself the same questions that have been buzzing in my head since I saw his picture in that magazine.

Is he really okay?

What am I doing here?

I should be going to work instead of letting my fixation on Jamie guide my every move and thought. If my father gets a whiff of this, he’s going to make me pay, hitting me where it hurts. He’ll retaliate with the only thing I care about, the only thing that has kept me sane all this time, the only thing keeping me feeling human and not like a monster.

No one will know, though, because I’m going to stay hidden in the shadows.

Getting his address was easier than I thought. I had my assistant looking for it, and a couple of hours later, I had it on my desk.

The debate over whether to follow Jamie’s request to stay away or to satisfy my need to check he’d survived school was short-lived. And so here I am, waiting to get a glimpse of him through the window of my car.

I’m not even sure what spying on him will give me, and if I get caught, he’s probably going to punch me this time around. However, I can’t stay away. It’s like that encounter months ago has shifted something inside me, bringing me back to what we were and putting a veil over the bad things I’d done. Every time we see one another again, more memories pop into my head, and I’m sixteen again, smitten with the geeky new guy at school.

I didn’t think much of him when he entered the room; he was just another new student, and I was too busy talking with one of my friends about meeting up after school. But then his voice, so timid and frightened, commands my complete attention. When I glance at him, something new opens up inside me, feelings I’ve never felt for another person. His pale face, with that wild hair, as if he’d jumped out of bed and run his hands through it to comb it. His cheeks are pink, probably from shyness, embarrassment, or maybe he ran here. His body is small, and he looks like he doesn’t spend a lot of time outside. But what really gets me, sinking its nails inside me, are his eyes. I don’t mean that beautiful green forest colour, but the way they seem like they’re devouring everything around him, like he’s hungry for knowledge, as if everything around him is beautiful.

He’s completely different from me—head of the class, first in everything because my father demands it, because my name means I must be the best at everything. It means people must follow me. It means I need to set an example for everyone, even when that example is so far from what I am that we might as well be the sun and the moon.

There is no freedom in my life. Every step I take is controlled by the person who feeds me, and there’s no point in rebelling because I’ll be the one to lose.

But this boy is free, and I want that. I want to grab it with both hands and never let it go. I want to spend time with him and learn how to be free and courageous. And I want to be someone that I’m not, someone better.

“Mr Campbell?” Could I really be that lucky? Being his chaperone means I’ll have a reason to spend time with him.

“Madam.” I’m quick to respond. I don’t look around, convinced everyone will hear my eagerness. When no one whispers, I let my breath out slowly, trying to regain my composure.

“Can you please show Mr Wilson around for a few days?”

It takes a second to reply because I’m astonished that my prayers have been answered.

“Happy to, Mrs Brown,” I say, keeping my excitement hidden.

I watch as Jamie walks towards me, and the only thing I can hear is the thumping of my heart, getting louder with his every step closer.

“Hi.” I welcome him as soon as he’s close, eager to hear his voice again.

I need to find a way to spend more time with him. I want to know everything. Every single detail. What does he like? What does he hate? I want to find things in common that will allow us to spend time together.

I just need to make sure not to ruin everything like I usually do.

Voices outside the car pull me back to reality just in time to see Jamie and a woman leaving his building.

I’m not sure if it’s because of the memory I’ve just relived, but it’s like the first time.

He’s still as beautiful as he was back then, even if he’s all man now. His face is still as pale as it was, so he’s clearly still spending more time inside than outside.

Then something white comes into view, and it’s the cutest little thing ever. I watch the two as they walk, and I laugh at Jamie who bends down every couple of steps to talk to the dog and make sure the leash is not too uncomfortable, while the dog pulls on it, eager to move along and find something to mark.

They cross the street, never even realising I’m here watching their every move.

I wish I could just jump out of the car, walk over there and flirt with him a bit, and then spend the day with them playing with the dog, kissing and touching Jamie whenever I want, and not being rejected.

But I’d deserve that because that’s what I did to him.

No. You did much worse.

Jamie pushes a wooden gate open, and then they’re out of view.

My hand goes to the door handle, my body ready to follow them because I can’t seem to let go of the obsession Jamie has become. If I’m not spying on him like today, I’m reading everything I can find on him, trying to catch up from being out of his life for ten years. And yet, what I discover is not enough… I want to know the insignificant details. Does he still like to bake, or does he still collect comic books? Jamie has always been a marvellous mix of behaviours, and it always left me surprised.

Every rejection makes me want to be with him more. Every rejection is a way to be seen, not to be ignored. My behaviour is wrong, but I can’t stop myself from doing it again.

Even though I know I shouldn’t, I exit the car and take the same path Jamie took a minute ago.

They’re easy to spot as they stand in the middle of the park. I don’t see anything else around me with my eyes focused only on Jamie. The smile he has is the same one he shared with me at the charity event and one I’m dying to see again. The smile I know he will never share with me again.

I hide behind a tree so I can watch without being seen. I commit each moment to memory because I’m sure we’ll reach a point where these memories will be all I have. For now, though, I’ll take what I can.

Why is my heart beating as fast as it was then? Why is my heart filled with the same need to be with him? My interest should be in making amends, not in finding ways of making him happy and staying by his side until those beautiful eyes can’t see anyone but me.

My phone rings and I pull it out of my inside pocket. My eyes remain trained on Jamie because I don’t want to miss anything. I don’t even glance at it before hitting the green button to answer.

“Yes?” I whisper, making sure no one can hear me.

My father’s voice fills my brain, and I close my eyes because I already know something bad is going to come out of his mouth.

“Where are you?”

“I’m getting there.”

A long silence is the response to my words. “We have a meeting in thirty minutes, and I want you here.”

“I don’t have any meetings scheduled today.”

“You have one when I say you do. Be here on time, or you know what will happen.”

“Yes sir.” I hate how he can control me like this.

Another glance at the man playing with his dog, and every ounce of fight leaves my body. I hate letting my father win, but at the same time, losing the only thing that makes me worthy is something I can’t accept.

If my dad takes away the foundation from me, I’ll let those people down like I did Jamie. I’ll be only a monster again. There’ll be no redeeming myself from my sins. I’ll never be able to face the man across from me and explain to him how hard I tried to make amends. I’ll be the scum he thinks I am.

I don’t think he hears my reply because the line goes dead while I’m still talking. I lean my forehead against the tree, praying with all my might to refuse for once, to tell him to go to hell, and to refuse every one of his whims. Instead, with a deep sigh, I lean back, stealing another glance at Jamie before I turn around and walk away.

One day… One day, I will choose me.

While I walk away, I can’t avoid looking back. Even if I know I shouldn’t, I’m deeply aware I’ll be here again soon.

I just can’t stay away.