Page 18 of Unmasking You (Hidden Hearts #1)

Chapter 17

Jamie

Ten Years Ago

I nearly jumped on the Tube track this morning.

The idea of coming to school, the idea of living another day like the days before this one, is impossible to fathom. The idea that death is freedom seems impossible to shake.

Only remembering my dad’s proud face, tired from working night shifts, and my mum’s overjoyed face at seeing me ready to go to a school they could never afford without a scholarship had stopped me.

Right now, I wish I wasn’t clever enough to go there. If I were normal , I would have been in my old school and not fighting every day to stay alive. And I wouldn’t have had my heart broken by Shane Campbell.

I’m glad they didn’t notice the smell of food making me sick, but their joy was agonisingly painful and hurtful to watch. I wish I could tell them to take me away, to save me, but how could I face their sadness? How could I face disappointing them?

When I reach the school gate, I take my time looking around, hoping to spot them so I can walk in the other direction. But they seem to smell me, and they jump out of nowhere, scaring the shit out of me.

Their hands, touching me whenever and wherever they want. Those hands are what I hate the most. I recoil in disgust every time they try to grab me, and my stomach revolts every time they touch me. But they’re too strong, and there’s nothing I can do but endure it. When they’re gone, my stomach expels everything, leaving me breathless.

I walk slowly, hoping for something to happen, for someone to take me away. My insides are tighter than ever, and my skin is wet, even if it’s not that hot. It’s like I’m watching a ticking bomb, and today is the day it’s going to explode.

Nothing happens on my way to class, and I almost let out a sigh of relief when I remember I don’t have any classes with them today. Then it hits me. We are all in PT.

When the bell rings and it’s time for PT, I really want to leave and go home. My breath is coming in shallow, almost frantic puffs, as if the air around me has become thicker than usual. The heaviness in my chest makes me gasp, and my heart drumming inside my rib cage makes my head hurt. My hands—actually, no, my entire body is wet, as if my skin is trying to push out the terror I have inside.

“Jamie, are you coming?” I bite my lips, nearly drawing blood, and I nearly wet my trousers when Alicia’s voice takes me by surprise.

“Yeah, I’m coming,” I say, but my voice feels strangled, as if something got stuck there and it’s nearly suffocating me.

I walk with her towards the gym, and then we separate near the changing rooms. I slowly open the door, hoping not to find anyone inside, and nearly cry in relief because it’s as if a boulder has been lifted from my chest.

When I enter the gym, everyone is chatting, and I spot Dan and the rest of the gang talking and smiling, and once again I ask myself how they can’t see the monster behind the mask he wears. The masks all of them are wearing.

They laugh, and they train, and they never once look my way. They’re polite, kind, and charming, and I want to scream until my head explodes.

I’m the last one to leave the gym, hoping to find no one in the changing room. As soon as I open the door, my skin rises with goosebumps, and I want to step back, but a hand lands on my T-shirt and pulls me in.

It’s me and them inside the changing room, and from their grinning faces, I’m in for a treat.

I raise my arm to free myself, to escape, and my elbow connects with someone’s face. The grunt of pain stops me mid-air, and then the words send my fear spiralling down until my legs are trembling so much I can’t stand.

“You prick,” Dan says from in between his fingers that are trying unsuccessfully to stop the flow of blood.

A pang of pride fills my body, but it drains away when I’m pushed to the floor.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you.” I hate myself for apologising, but if I don’t, I’m sure he’ll be more violent.

“Oh, you’ll be sorry.”

And then it’s a shower of punches in my middle section, hard enough to hurt and leave me breathless. They’ve covered it with towels, I bet so they don’t leave marks.

I pull and push, trying to get free, but they don’t budge.

“Help!” I scream at the top of my lungs, but one of them places a hand on my mouth to stop me.

When he also covers my nose, I look at him desperately. I can’t really see him because my vision is all fuzzy with fear, but I try to plead with him to let me go. I freak out when air doesn’t enter my lungs anymore.

Someone pulls the hand away, and I take in air in big gulps.

I hear loud noises, someone screaming, but I don’t really understand the words. The sound of the door shutting feels definitive, as does the silence that follows. At that moment, I understand there is no escape. Whatever they want to do to me, it will happen.

“Find something. I want to show this bastard how painful taking it up the arse can be.”

What?

“No, please. Please, please, don’t.” I struggle with all the strength I have inside me, but those hands keep me on the ground, open and exposed to the whim of this horrible human being. I don’t even hear myself begging because the sound of my heart roaring inside my head is louder than anything else. I smell the scent of fear, and it’s a mix of urine, sweat, and desperation.

“Man, are you sure? We’re going to be in trouble.”

“Do you see what he did to me?” Dan punches me through the towels. The heavy hit leaves me breathless, and pain reverberates inside my skull.

Please, God, or someone, please make them stop.

I hear sobbing, and I try to find where it’s coming from. But it’s me. Those sobs are coming from me.

I should have jumped. And then nothing more fills my mind, the darkness taking me, and I wish it was forever.