Page 11 of Unmasking You (Hidden Hearts #1)

Chapter 10

Shane

Ten years ago

Three months and we’re as inseparable as brothers, though I’ll never see him as one.

I’m not sure what I feel when I’m with him, but it makes my insides quiver, and my skin comes to life every time he touches me. I lock away every sensation he gives me because each one of them is new to me, and I never want to forget.

I’ve never been important to anyone. I’ve never been loved for who I am, but Jamie has never even questioned any of it. He just likes me for who I am. I don’t need to be the best. I don’t need to be the strongest, and I don’t have to be more than I am. For him, I just need to be Shane, the Shane I have inside, who never really saw the light of day until Jamie entered my life.

We don’t spend enough time together at school, between my friends and all the extra-curricular activities I’m forced to take to please a demanding father—who’s never pleased. Everything but Jamie is hard work. With him, I have peace, a peace I want to keep close as much as I can. I’m whole, and I have hope, hope for a future that’s not already fully written for me.

Jamie is the key to open the door of my golden cage.

Every day, I hope it’s the day I get to fly. When I get to be free, when I get to follow my dream.

Every day, the crack between my imprisonment and my freedom becomes bigger, but I’m still watching, waiting for it to slam shut. Because every single thing I’ve ever wanted has been taken from me, and now I want Jamie.

I’m gripping it, and him, with both hands and all my might, as I’m sure it will end one day. Because of me, because of my name, or because he may see that the darkness inside me is stronger than the light he brings out.

“Shane?” Jamie’s whisper next to my ear makes me shiver.

I bring my hand up to rub that spot and make the tingling sensation disappear before I turn to him, hoping my face doesn’t display what he did to me with just one word.

“Yeah?” I say, turning slightly towards him where he’s sitting next to me—very close—because he forgot his book.

“About coming over today…”

A thump inside my heart, and agony spreads inside my body. “Are you not coming?” Why does the thought make me want to smash something or plead with him not to leave me behind?

“I am,” he says, and all the darkness disappears into the light of happiness. “Are you sure your family is okay with it?”

I didn’t really ask them, and I never talk about Jamie because I’m sure if my dad saw how happy he makes me, he’d take him away.

“Yeah. No one is going to be there.”

“Okay,” he says, and I love the way he turns red and bends his head to hide his face.

I resist the urge to lean closer and place a kiss on his cheek, but I can’t avoid my face becoming as red as Jamie’s.

I push my leg closer to his, and I lean over. “Let’s have lunch together,” I whisper, looking at his face. I love the shy smile spreading there, and I want it to stay there forever.

The bell rings, and I pull back quickly, but then slowly lean against the backrest as if I have no cares in the world. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as Jamie jumps up and begins collecting his stuff.

Looking around to make sure no one witnesses what I’m about to do, I reach out to him, and with a finger, I caress the side of his hand. He stops but doesn’t look at me. Now that I have his attention, I whisper, “Meet me at our usual place.”

His head moves up and down once, and then he’s gone.

“Shane, my man, are you coming with us?” Dan asks.

“No, man. I have something to do.”

“Aren’t you a busy bee?”

I don’t like his tone, and I like it less when he leans closer, and even less when he talks. “Are you meeting your girlfriend?”

The way he says “meeting” makes my stomach revolt. Sometimes I really wish I could tell Dan to fuck off and let me be, but our fathers are friends so I have to live with it. He reminds me of my dad when he acts like this.

“I don’t have a girlfriend, and you should know, as I spend most of my time with you and the guys.”

“True, true,” he says, and he’s once again the cool guy I like to spend time with.

Sometimes, though, he acts like a jealous prick and says things that make me uncomfortable, and that’s the reason I’ve never brought Jamie into our group.

“I’ll see you later, Dan.”

“Okay.”

I turn around because I can’t shake the feeling he’s still looking at me, but I’m glad when I turn around that he’s talking to Tom and Toby.

I rush through the corridors because I need the calm Jamie brings. He’s someone I’m not exhausted by. In fact, he’s the battery I recharge from.

I find him sitting in our usual place, nearly disappearing behind a large plant. Today, though, I need something more because the dread of something coming is taking my breath away.

Looking around, I don’t see anyone else, so even though I know I shouldn’t, I take his hand and bring him somewhere I know we’ll be alone. “Come with me.”

At the far end of the property, there’s a small pond protected by trees. Few students know about this place, but during those moments when I couldn’t wear the mask I’m expected to, I explored this part of the school.

“Wow.” Jamie’s voice washes over me and has the calming effect I was hoping for.

“Yeah, it’s beautiful here,” I say, stopping in front of the pond and letting the stillness of the water calm my nerves a bit more.

Jamie perches on a flat rock and pulls a box out of his bag. He always has the most amazing food. I don’t even know if I’ve ever eaten anything cooked by my mum.

“Where’s your lunch?”

“I forgot.” In my need to be with him and away from Dan, I didn’t even think about lunch.

“Let’s share,” Jamie says, scooting to the side to make space for me.

I sit and watch him take half his sandwich out and pass it to me. Tuna and sweetcorn, my favourite. I take a bite, and then another, and in a few seconds it’s gone.

Then it’s a piece of carrot, and another, until they’re all gone too. And finally, he breaks the chocolate bar in two and gives one half to me.

“Thank you,” I say when we’re done.

We relax next to each other, enjoying the silence and the sounds of the leaves moved by the wind. I look at Jamie, his eyes closed with that sweet smile on his lips, and something inside me builds. On impulse, I lean in and place a kiss on his cheek.

Then I pull back, afraid I crossed a line I shouldn’t have. Instead, he’s looking at me, his face as red as before, but on his lips is a smile I’ve never seen. A smile that tells me I’m safe, that tells me he feels the same, that brings tears to my eyes.

The bell rings at that moment, and we rush to get everything back inside his bag. Before we leave, though, he takes my hand and squeezes, and my spinning world returns to its axis.

We don’t look at each other and go our separate ways once we’re back in the building, but whatever we had at the pond will always be inside me.

I’ve never seen anyone look as uncomfortable as Jamie does while sitting on the edge of my bed. And I don’t think his mind is like mine, full of the indecent things I want to do to him.

“Shall we play video games?” I ask, and snort when he jumps up and nearly falls to the floor, arse first.

“I don’t know how to play.”

I hate seeing him so guarded and afraid of saying or doing something he’ll be judged for.

I’ll never judge him. To me, he doesn’t have any flaws. To me, he’s the essence of perfection. Just like the sun and the moon or a cold drink on a hot day.

He’s so beautiful when he smiles, his head thrown back, his face illuminated with amusement, and his lips stretched thin in joy. I wish I had the power to make him smile like that all the time. Instead, what I hoped for today wasn’t really happening because he’s so afraid of what’s around him. He’s not even looking at me with his full attention like he does in school when he makes me feel as if I’m the only person he really sees, as if I’m the only person he wants to see.

“What’s wrong?”

His eyes land on me but quickly move away.

“You’re rich.”

I nearly laugh at his astonished tone.

“I’m not,” I say, and his eyes are back on me. His forehead is furrowed as if he doesn’t understand, so I continue. “ I’m not. My dad is.”

Now, even his eyebrows are frowning, and I want to smile so badly, but I don’t want to make him more uncomfortable than he is.

“It’s the same thing,” he says finally.

“No, it’s not.” My tone is harsh because I’m not like them. I’m at my parents’ mercy, with no power over my own life, and I don’t seem able to please them, ever.

“Okay.” His meek tone and “I’m ready to flee” demeanour make me feel like I kicked a puppy.

Jesus.

I breathe in a few times while trying to control my frustration over the gilded cage I live in, and no one seems to understand how much I want to fly free. How much I want to be like Jamie, with a family who loves him, praises him, and thinks he’s the best thing that ever happened to them.

Me? I’m just an object that can be used in different ways depending on the situation. Dutiful son, but only when I excel in my studies or in front of others. A disgrace when I don’t maintain the high standards my name requires. A failure when no outside eyes are on me.

“Sorry,” I say to the only person who has ever made me feel like I matter. I sit next to him and lean closer until my shoulder is touching his. I ignore the electricity passing between us, instead gripping the peace and calmness that spreads inside me whenever we’re close with both hands.

The more I relax, the more Jamie relaxes, and when I’m back to the person I am with him, I speak. “Don’t worry about all this,” I say, pointing to the stuff around my room. “None of it is important. We are.“ And with fear eating at my insides, I inch my hand over until it covers his, and then I grip it delicately, afraid he’ll reject me, just like everyone I love does.

I hold my breath while I wait for his reaction. I admire his long lashes fluttering with nervousness, his teeth biting at his bottom lip, and his pale skin pinking at his cheeks. He looks stunning, like a flower blooming in spring.

“Okay,” he says breathlessly, and all my worries are gone.

I’m not sure how long we stay like this, basking in each other’s presence and touch. No need to talk to fill the silence, no need to move, but only the need to be together.

“Shane.” Agata’s voice makes us jump in surprise and forces us to move apart quickly.

She’s the help and has been assigned to provide for all my needs. With the way my dad goes on and on about descending from noble blood, which we do, I’m glad she calls me by my name. However, while we’re still commoners, I was afraid he would ask the people who work for us to address us as lords and ladies. What a nightmare that would have been.

I want to pull Jamie right back against me, but I can’t allow anyone to know because if they do, they’ll ruin it.

A knock quickly follows, as I haven’t been quick enough to answer.

“Yes, Agata?” I say, and she takes that as an invitation to enter the room.

I want with all my being to lock the door and live here forever with Jamie, but instead, I face reality.

“Mr Campbell is requesting your presence in the study.”

“But I…” I look at Jamie, the person I want to spend time with, and Agata, the person who’s taking me away from here.

“Your father doesn’t like to wait.”

I want to scream and throw everything on the floor in a tantrum, but I learnt it won’t make a difference. I’ll have to bend to my father’s desires anyway. We all do.

“I’m sorry, Jamie,” I say, turning towards him.

“Don’t worry. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.” His soft smile calms the beast inside me, ready for a battle it will lose.

I can’t let this moment go. “Meet me tomorrow at the usual place. I don’t have after-class lessons,” I whisper in a rush, afraid we’ll be forced to let go, but making sure he’s the only one who can hear me.

“The car is waiting.”

Of course my father had the idea of calling the car to send my friend home. He’ll expect Jamie to be grateful for being seen getting out of a limousine, as a repayment for his time here being cut short.

We leave the room following Agata, and I want to reach out to him to tell him without words how sorry I am to see him leaving, while all I want is to be sitting next to him with his hand in mine.

“Shane,” my father greets me before turning to Jamie. “Mr Wilson, it’s a pleasure having you here. I hope you found our humble abode comfortable enough.”

What I don’t expect is for my dad to extend his hand.

“Your house is beautiful, sir. Thank you for having me,” Jamie says, all composed while extending his hand to shake my father’s.

Jamie gets distracted by Alan, our chauffeur, who appears at the door, but I don’t miss how my father cleans his hand, the same hand that shook Jamie’s, on a tissue pulled out of his pocket.

At this moment, I come to hate him and make a promise to myself: I’m never going to be like him.

I turn away, disgusted by his display of false superiority he showed Jamie, and follow him outside.

I want to take his hand and hold it, but instead I wave while the car moves away, and then he’s gone, and I wish I was going with him.

“I’m proud of you.”

My father’s voice surprises me as soon as I enter the house.

“Befriending the poor kid is the kind of behaviour expected of a Campbell. Helping those less fortunate will be a good way to gain others’ approval. Well done, boy.”

I watch him walk away, and I’m disgusted with myself because while I hate his words with all my being, I’m also a tiny bit happy to have finally made him proud, even if for all the wrong reasons.

Maybe I’m not as different from my father as I wish to be.

Maybe it would be a good idea to avoid Jamie.