Page 16 of Unmasking You (Hidden Hearts #1)

Chapter 15

Jamie

Ten Years Ago

When the bell rings, I jump out of my seat, grab my lunch, and rush through the corridors, with all my focus on the destination ahead of me.

A few times, I wished I had the money to buy food at the cafeteria, but not today, because today I’ll have the chance to spend time with Shane. Alone. Or as alone as you can be at school.

Today, Shane doesn’t have to have lunch with his mates, so we’re meeting up to spend the lunch hour together. I’m eager, and my rushed steps show just how much I want to be with him.

I’ve been waiting for this. To have him to myself for a full hour. I suppress a giggle that’s ready to come out.

I even have a cake for him. He doesn’t need to know I baked it just because I wanted to give him something made by me. I wanted to make today as special as I could. I’m all nervous inside, like an exposed wire, as if my insides know something is going to happen.

I come to a halt when I spot Shane sitting next to a big vase containing a huge plant with long hanging leaves. The sun, so rare in March, illuminates him, making him look like a god, like he is the sun himself. At least in my eyes. Making him look like the god I believe he is. Gorgeous, kind, and always ready to help me. Me, poor, inept—at least in the way of the rich—Jamie.

Shane could have anyone, but instead he chooses to spend time with me.

I love the way his face brightens when he sees me, and I eagerly reciprocate, because when he smiles he makes my heart beat faster. My stomach fills with butterflies, and my feet move faster to reach him before he disappears, because if I don’t rush, I may lose something good.

“Hey, Jame,” he says as soon as I’m close enough to hear him, and my heart does a pirouette.

I love the nickname he gave me a couple of days after we met because it makes me feel special. I’ve noticed more than once that he always addresses others by their full name or by calling them mate or bro . I’m the only one he calls something different, and never with a generic word that could identify anyone else.

I must be special to him.

“Hi, Shane.” I’m too much of a chicken to give him a nickname.

Especially when the names I want to call him are not really fitting for a boy like him. I could never call him sweetie, love, or darling; I’m blushing just thinking about it. They seem so old, anyway.

I’d love to call him Blue, but I can’t really say that aloud because Shane—and everyone else, for that matter—would know I’m taken by his beautiful eyes.

I’m already an outsider. They’re all rich and have fancy things, while I’m the poor guy who came to this school on a scholarship because I’m clever. They can barely stand me, probably jealous of the bond Shane and I have. I’m sure if they find a weakness, they’ll use it against me. I’m not ready to test that theory, so I just need to keep my head down.

I just need to keep my thoughts and my feelings to myself so nothing can jeopardise what I have now.

Once we’re out of here—school, I mean—then, if I find the courage, I might tell Shane how much I admire him and how much I want to become like him. Maybe, if I’m brave enough, I’ll tell him how much I like him. If I’m lucky enough, he’ll share my feelings.

Being courageous is not one of my best features; I prefer spending my time with books, games, coding, baking, and being in the shadows. All things that can’t put you in danger.

Shane is the epitome of danger, passion, and love, all in one beautiful, hot body.

I close my eyes and school my face to avoid Shane reading the whole sequence of emotions shining brightly through them.

I sit next to him, leaving some space between us. We’re only friends, and friends don’t sit too close to each other. I distract myself by pulling out my sandwich and crisps.

I keep the cake hidden because after that pep talk I had with myself a second ago, I don’t want Shane to be aware of the strange feelings I have inside of me.

“Hey! What do you have there?” he says, indicating the piece of cake I was trying to hide.

“Cake?” I say, but it sounds like a question, and it makes Shane giggle. I can’t believe he’s still hot even when doing something ridiculous like giggling.

“Why are you hiding it?”

I ignore the question and instead ask one myself. “Do you want it?”

“Oh, yeah. As if you need to ask. I’m a sucker for sweet things,” he says, then winks at me.

Am I a sweet thing? I wish I were a sweet thing.

I shake my head, trying to stop these dangerous thoughts, as they can only bring trouble. I take my time giving the cake to him, but when his smile brightens the day more than the pallid sun, I have no regrets about baking it for him.

I watch him bite into it, and his eyes sparkle with delight when the sweetness reaches his tongue, and the moan he lets out should be illegal. My stupid dick needs to get the memo that we shouldn’t be interested in Shane.

“Who made this?” he asks once he’s done chewing.

As if I’m telling him I did. “Me.” Stupid mouth. Of course I can’t lie to him.

“J, you’re a genius.”

“That I am,” I say with humour in my tone.

He bumps his shoulder against mine, telling me with his body to stop teasing. “This is much better than your mathematical witchcraft.”

His face and voice are serious, but once again, his eyes give him away. I laugh, happy he’s not judging me and liked what I made.

I smile and then look around just to check that we’re still hidden from others. I let out a breath of relief when no one is looking at us, happy that the big plant is doing its job.

I concentrate on my lunch, so I avoid getting lost in Shane’s presence, and for a few seconds, it works. It works until he places a bite of cake right under my nose. I pull back and look at him, but his face is serious again, and his eyes have a strange look in them that has me on edge.

“No thanks,” I say to him, taking a bite of my sandwich.

His face seems to fall a little, but then he raises his shoulder as if he doesn’t care and eats the bite of cake himself. I follow the movement like a moth following the light, and I get trapped in his presence, just like the moth gets caught by the net.

“This is good. Do I have to bribe you into getting me more of this nectar from the gods?” His laugh sends tingles of awareness through me and makes all my hair stand on end.

I love his laugh. I’m actually thinking that I love a lot of things about him. Again, with these derailing thoughts.

“Not too often, I hope, or I’ll put weight on, and it’ll be a problem with the coach.”

I glance at him out of the corner of my eye, and crap if I don’t love the tight muscles that I can imagine through the clothes he’s wearing. “As if that’s going to happen. Your body is perfect.”

Silence settles between us, and I pretend to concentrate on whatever I have in front of me while I sweat buckets, afraid he’ll leave me there, but not before punching me. I stop breathing while I wait for Shane to move. When nothing happens, I go back to eating my lunch, even if it now tastes like sand.

I do my best not to let the tears start, and use my jacket to dry them before they fall. All the while pretending that I didn’t actually say what I did.

When Shane moves closer and plasters his leg against mine, letting me learn about his muscles in a different way than just visually. Even in my state of panic, I can’t stop appreciating them.

Our heads are so close I can smell his scent and feel the warmth of his breath washing over me. Panic is building up inside me—along with something else I should be feeling for the opposite sex. Instead, all my senses are captivated by him. Shane Campbell . Someone I never thought I’d meet, and someone who was turning my world on his axis.

I look up just to find he’s smiling down at me. His white, perfectly linear teeth are just as hot as everything else about him. My eyes zero in on his lips, now back to their natural resting form, and they look so inviting, just like a ripe peach you’re compelled to bite. I lean in slowly, as if my body has a mind of its own. It’s only when Shane’s smile slowly dies on his lips that what I’m doing becomes clear to me. I go to pull back and pretend I didn’t just try to taste my best friend’s lips, but Shane’s hand lands on my thigh, stopping everything—my retreat, the breath inside my lungs, and my heart. Just to make it beat faster a second later when he’s the one leaning in.

I watch his face coming closer to mine, as they do in movies, his blue eyes getting darker and darker, and then, when I can’t look at them any longer without mine crossing, I close them, and in the darkness, I wait for my first kiss to happen.

Shane’s breath is hot on my chilled skin and sends shivers down my spine. Then, when it washes over my mouth, I have the first hint of how close we are. I inhale deeply to take his scent inside me, so I won’t ever forget it.

Then a butterfly-winged-like touch caresses my lips, but it’s too fleeting to be called a kiss. Shane’s hands land on my shoulders, tightening on them for a second, and they feel foreign until he pulls me towards him.

There is nothing classy about the way we’re close to each other. Too many limbs in the way, but yet, I can’t find any fault in this shared moment. For me, everything we’re doing is beautiful, magical. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

Now, I just want to feel his lips on mine.

We’re in a world made only by us. Shane and me.

“I saw Jamie coming this way. I bet Shane is with him.”

My brain is still caught up with the need for Shane to kiss me, so it takes a moment for the words to register, and when they do, my eyes spring open. Shane’s eyes are reflecting the same fear I have right now.

I move away, afraid of being found out. I must have been too slow because Shane uses the same hands that were just keeping me close to push me away. The movement is so unexpected that whatever I have on my lap flies off and lands on the ground.

When I look at him, I would bet my eyes are as big as saucers, my body filled with worry, but he’s no longer looking at me. Instead, his face and body are turned away as if he’s trying to put as much distance between us as he can.

Why does my heart feel like it’s just been stabbed?

“What’s going on here?”

I’ve never hated someone’s voice like I hate Dan’s right now. Every other moment, I wouldn’t have cared about him crashing my time with Shane. Today, though, because he robbed me of my first kiss, I wish I could stuff his mouth full of cotton so I no longer have to listen to the voice that ruined everything.

Little did I know there was so much more he could ruin for me.

I don’t turn around, still looking at Shane, hoping—even when it’s clear to see I shouldn’t—that he would turn towards me and smile that beautiful smile of his. The one that leaves me breathless every single time.

I bend down to pick up my stuff, and Dan, at the same time, kicks it.

“Hey,” I say to him before reaching out to pick up my lunch box.

“You’re too slow, Povo.”

“Stop that. It’s not funny.”

“I think it is,” he says, looking down at me from his six-foot-something frame.

I glance at Shane, but he’s still not looking at me. Another stab to my heart.

“Shano, why are you so upset? Did we interrupt something?” Probing, that’s what Dan is good at. Finding your weakest point and using it until he’s satisfied.

I fret, afraid they’ve discovered us. Instead, Shane doesn’t even flinch.

That only pushes Dan to be more openly aggressive, while the others look at us with smiles on their faces. What a bunch of idiots.

“Jamie and Shane sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G,” Dan sings in a childish voice that has me wanting to cover my ears.

I bet, just to pull a reaction from Shane. I turn towards him again, and the disgust on his face kills me a bit more.

“Are you a fucking child?” Shane says, turning towards him. The look in his eyes is one I’ve never seen before. Cold, hard, and nasty.

Dan’s smile fades away, but I don’t miss his devilish glance at me because I’m witnessing everything.

“I’m out of here,” Shane says, walking past me without even a backward glance.

“Shane,” I say and place a hand on his forearm to stop him from leaving before we even have the chance to talk.

He breaks free, and with the same hand I grabbed him with, hoping to keep him here, he pushes me away, making me stumble backwards. Tears spring to my eyes, but I do everything I can to not let them fall.

“Ooooh, look at Povo. He’s going to cry.”

I don’t have a comeback for him, and I don’t really care now that Shane is walking away from me.

“Let’s go,” Shane says, and the bell rings at that moment, signalling the end of the lunch break.

I watch them walk away, feeling like Shane took a piece of me away with him, because I’m broken now.

Inside myself, though, I’m sure this is the end of us.

“Did you two fight or something?” Dan’s voice reaches me.

“No. He’s so fucking clingy.”

Why did he say that? I thought we were friends. Did that tender moment disgust him so much? Am I disgusting?

I enter my next class with an uneasy feeling gnawing at my insides. I don’t look at anyone or anything, and no one seems to notice me. When I reach my desk, I glance up, ready to say good morning to Shane, but as I look at him, he turns his face away and speaks with Dan sitting next to him.

I really wish the memory of yesterday was just a nightmare, but I guess what happened wasn’t a dream after all.

I sit down next to Shane, and maybe I shouldn’t because he wasn’t nice to me yesterday, but I want to talk to him anyway.

“Hi,” I whisper, so he’s the only one who can hear me. I won’t feel too ashamed if he doesn’t reply.

He doesn’t really look at me, instead blatantly ignoring me as if I’m not really there.

It’s like there’s a wall between us, a wall that I don’t know how to climb because I’m not sure what I did to have it erected in the first place.

I place my book on the desk and pretend to concentrate on the lesson, but my thoughts are all jumbled inside me, and my gut is telling me I did something wrong, and that’s why Shane doesn’t want to spend time with me anymore.

Didn’t he want to kiss me? Did I come onto him too forcefully?

Oh, God. My insides turn upside down, making me want to throw up. But no, I’m sure it wasn’t all in my mind. Everything was good when it was only the two of us.

We don’t talk, and I’m glad when the bell rings, pushing us to another class, a different class, so I won’t have to sit next to him, racking my brain about why he isn’t talking to me.

I reach my locker and open it, hiding my face so others don’t see the tears ready to flow, and use the sleeve of my jacket to wipe them away. I hear voices around me, but I don’t pay them any attention. I pull my book out for the next lesson, and take a step back to close the locker.

A shove sends me crashing against the locker, and I bang my head on it. I turn around, and the gang’s all there, led by Shane and Dan. I detest the look in Dan’s eyes, so full of hate, and it makes me shiver in fear. What did I ever do to him?

“Hey,” I say, while I glance at Shane, but his gaze on me is a blank canvas. It’s as if we’d never met before. What the fuck?

“Sorry, Povo, I didn’t see you there. You should watch where you’re going before someone gets hurt.”

What the fuck! Is he blaming me?

“Stop calling me that.”

“What’s up your ass today?” I hate the disgusted smile he sends my way.

“Go back to class.” Mr Andrews’s voice has everyone moving. All except Dan who is still looking down on me.

“Is there a problem, Mr Bryant?”

“Nope, I think Mr Wilson here has one, though.”

“Mr Wilson?”

“No problem here, Mr Andrews.” I close my locker and walk away, but I still feel Dan’s eyes on me.

I don’t turn back. Ignoring him is the best thing I can do.

Ignoring him is not working.

Every time no one’s looking, I find myself pushed against walls, lockers, or whatever surface I’m next to when the gang walks past me.

A month after my near first kiss with Shane, my life at school has become a nightmare.

Now I’m surrounded by Dan, Tom, and Toby, towering over me. I don’t miss Shane, just a few feet away, pretending not to see what’s happening here. He hasn’t been the same since that day. Nothing has been the same.

What I loved about him, I now hate the most. I want to cry because it’s not even true. I’m still waiting for him to turn my way and save me. And every time he doesn’t, I die a little bit more inside.

I can’t believe that for a couple of seconds, something that felt so right has become the worst decision of my life. And now, this mess is my life.

“If you open your mouth again to accuse us of bullying, I will find you outside of school and break your legs.”

“Please, leave me alone.” My voice shakes, and I hate myself for it.

“Povo, stop fighting, because things can get much worse.”

Yeah? Worse than having my stuff stolen and finding it in the bin on my way to the next class? Or my homework torn and pushed into my pockets? Or having to become well-acquainted with every surface they push me into?

I’ve tried responding, ignoring, and taking different routes, but they’re there all the time. I can’t ever seem to have a moment where I’m not subjected to their bullying.

I don’t have anyone to talk to, as my only close friend is now part of the group that bullies me. He watches—always watching—but never, not even once, has he said anything.

I don’t care what they do to me because my head is full of ideas about how to put a stop to this.

When I’m taking the Tube to go home, I ask myself how easy would it be to jump in front of the train? How liberating? Or when I’m near a window, I wonder whether it’s high enough that if I jump, I’d be dead when I hit the ground. These are my thoughts.

I live in constant fear of going to school, perpetually afraid of people finding out and having to pay bigger consequences for that.

They’re never going to stop.

Maybe today is the day that I really put an end to this—by putting an end to my life.

My mum is always so happy when I’m back from school, so proud of the boy who achieved so much to be accepted into one of the most selective colleges. She doesn’t know of the pain, the fear, and the desperation filling me every day. She doesn’t know of the bullying I endure, even at home, because they keep texting me. The messages all seem very friendly, and only I know what their words hide and what’s waiting for me the next day.

“Are you fucking listening?” Dan pushes me, and I hit the tree behind me.

I hiss in pain, but that seems to spur him on, and he pushes me again and again until my head bangs on the tree trunk with a loud thud. I raise my hand to push him away, but two of them take my arms and bend them backward.

“Let me go.” The more I struggle, the more they pull my arms backwards, pressing my back against the tree. Fear of my arms breaking makes me stop struggling.

“Shut your mouth,” Dan says, his face so close to mine I’m afraid he’ll bite me.

I close my eyes to keep myself from crying, but that seems to anger him even more. I actually think that everything I do makes Dan and the others angry. The only one who seems unaffected is Shane.

“I think Povo needs a bath. What do you think?”

“Oh, yeah. He fucking smells,” Tom says.

“I can’t even stand to be near him,” Toby is happy to add.

“No,” I say while trying to drag my feet, but not finding any grip. “Please don’t.” And this time, I can’t keep my tears inside, and they fall free, making them laugh.

Once they’re next to the small pond, Tom and Toby still keeping my hands behind my back, someone else pushes me so violently that I couldn’t stand even if I wanted to.

I fall face first into the water, and I struggle to free my arms, and panic when they don’t release me. Then I’m free, and I fight to pull my head out of the water.

I scramble to get up, ready to run away, but they’re already walking towards the building. Only Shane is still standing in the same spot, but this time, he’s looking in my direction.

I’m not sure why I walk to where he’s standing. My shoes are making squeaky sounds, and water drips on the ground as if I just had a shower. “Shane?” I call, hoping he’ll do something, anything, to make me feel safe. I grip his jacket so he doesn’t leave me here, alone and afraid. Hope is still making me do idiotic things that I’m going to regret.

He turns around, making me lose my grip on his clothes, as if bitten by a snake. “I told you not to touch me.” Only his hard face, straight mouth, and the fear of repercussions push me to back away. But he’s still not happy and he pushes me, but I don’t fall.

I stand there watching his retreating form, and it’s at that moment I finally understand.

I’m alone.