Page 21 of Unmasking You (Hidden Hearts #1)

Chapter 20

Shane

Jamie wasn’t in my arms this morning when I woke up, gone like a dream and yet to come back.

I don’t know if he’s gone or if he’s still in his room, because I didn’t have the courage to face him. What I know is that today I have an appointment with the doctor, and if they discharge me, my time with Jamie is done. He won’t have to take care of me any longer, and our unresolved issues will stay unresolved.

Jamie appears at the door, looking as handsome as usual. He’s gotten changed, and he’s wearing jeans instead of the usual loose trousers.

“Do you need a hand to get changed?” he asks, and while I wish for him to touch me, and for him to let me touch him, I don’t want him to feel obliged.

“I can manage.”

“Okay, but call me if you need me.”

“Will do.”

I do my best to get ready quickly, and I’m sweaty when I finally make it out to the living room.

We don’t talk until we reach the car, and then Jamie asks, “Are you happy you’re going home?”

“Sure.” I avoid saying how sad I’m going to be at not seeing him every day, or maybe ever again. Why did he have to ask me that?

I want to ask if I’m ever going to see him again, but I’m not sure I could deal with the answer.

When he stops the car, he doesn’t turn it off.

“Are you not coming?”

“Nope. But I’ll be here when you’re done. Then I’ll drive you to my place so you can pick your stuff, and I’ll drive you home after that if you want.”

Going home is the last thing I want to do, but at the same time I’ve imposed too much already, and since our talk, nothing’s really changed.

What were you expecting? To be forgiven just because you were forced to make the wrong choices.

“Okay,” I say while leaving the car. “I’ll see you later.” The more steps away from him I take, the more I want to run back. Is it crazy to not want to get better so I can stay with him longer?

Waiting to see the doctors, talking to them, and then getting a long list of exercises to do while I wait for my appointment with the physio all happens in a haze. My thoughts all focus on Jamie and on what leaving his house means for us.

Is there even an us? Can I ask for an us?

When I leave the hospital, Jamie is there, just like he promised. He’s sitting on a bench close to the entrance, and he has a takeaway cup in his hand. His face is turned up to the pallid sun, and his eyes are closed. He seems lost in thought, so I slowly walk towards him, and I don’t stop until I’m shading him from the sun.

He opens his eyes, and some kind of emotion passes through them, but too quickly for me to recognise it.

“How did it go?”

“I have a long list of exercises to do while I wait for my physio appointment.”

“You’ll be a hundred percent soon.”

“Talk to me,” I say to him, and Jamie’s gaze falls to the floor.

That bad, hey?

“I’m sorry—“

“Don’t be sorry,” I interrupt him. He never has to say sorry to me. None of what happened was his fault. He was a victim. I considered myself a victim of the circumstances I was in, but seeing Jamie lose his temper and shout his pain... That fucked me up, and it made me rethink my choices. It made me understand I should have stood up and fought.

“I need time. I need time to process everything and think about what’s best for me.”

“I understand.” I don’t want to understand, but I need to respect his wishes. I didn’t go through what he did, so I don’t know how he feels. I trust Jamie enough to know that he’s not getting his revenge on me, he’s just looking out for himself. He has the right to do it.

“I’m not walking away.”

I nearly go down to my knees from the tension leaving my body at his words. Words of hope that I don’t deserve.

“I want us to be friends. I want to start afresh. We’re different people now and we don’t know each other anymore. I don’t want to adjust a past that cannot be adjusted. Mistakes were made, and apologies have been given. Pushing you away would mean letting them win, and I don’t want that. What I want is to build something new, something that’s not linked to the past.”

I watch him, trying to understand if there’s something I’m missing, but Jamie seems strangely open, as if he’s trying to tell me he trusts me.

Friends. I never thought I’d have the chance to have him back in my life. And even if being friends it’s the only thing he’s offering, I’m willing to take it.

“Friends,” I say while extending my hand to take his.

I push away the fear of this being probably the last time I’m going to touch him, and instead, I look forward to the opportunity to get to know him.

Six weeks have passed, and I’m still missing him like crazy.

I really tried to avoid texting Jamie, but I didn’t last a day. Since then, though, we’ve been speaking daily. Not about forgiving me and giving me a second chance, but about who we are now, and how our days, weeks, and months are going.

When I was living at his house there was too much of the past that needed to be purged, so we never had the chance to get to know the men we are now.

It’s always me initiating the conversation, but he never leaves me hanging. There’s no sarcasm or anger in his texts, and like he promised when he left me in front of my building, he was doing his best to be a friend.

Texting him is the highlight of my day, because since I came back from what my dad defined as a holiday, he’s been riding me pretty hard. I wish I could quit, but I can’t abandon those kids just because my life is not comfortable.

Having Jamie as a friend is not what I really want, but not having him in my life at all is something I can’t cope with, so friends it is.

“Hey man, are you back home?” Karl says as soon as I answer the phone.

“Yeah.”

“What happened?”

“Just frustrated. I wish there was something more I could do, other than pining for him.”

“I’m sorry, man. Please do not become a stalker again.”

I laugh, because if I wasn’t still recovering, I probably would be stalking him again.

“He’s still replying to your texts, isn’t he?”

“Yes, he is.” I’m so damn happy about it.

“Then stop complaining. If he hasn’t sent you packing, that means he still has feelings for you.”

How can I believe him after everything I put Jamie through. “Come over and help me get smashed.”

“Why don’t you come to the meeting I have with that company I told you about, so you can meet them?”

“I don’t feel like it.”

“Please man. I need you there.”

When my silence goes on for a little too long, Karl speaks again. “Please, mate. Please come.” His childish voice makes me laugh. That’s what he did the first time we met.

“I love you, man,” I say, touched at the way he’s always there for me. “Okay, but you’ll have to pick me up.”

“Of course, Mr Campbell.”

“No, please. Don’t do that to me. My father is someone I don’t want to talk about.”

“I love you too, Shay. And fuck your father.”

“I’ll see you later. Over and out.”

I’ve got just enough time to get changed, because an hour later the doorbell rings. I walk slowly to the door, and laugh when it rings another three times before I can reach it.

“I’m coming,” I say into the receiver.

“Come on, we’re late.” Karl’s voice fills my ears and makes me laugh.

I put the receiver back. I look at myself in the mirror, and then pick up my wallet and key, and I’m out the door.

“Princess, your chauffeur is here to drive you to the ball,” Karl shouts as soon as I exit the building.

“Stop it, you crazy old man.”

“Says the one older than me.”

As soon as he enters the traffic, I talk business.

“So, tell me more about this company.”

“So, they’re working with all the best Fortune five hundred companies, and dealing with their internal security. They came from nothing, just like me, and they’re one of the best in the market, if not the best.”

“Okay, I like what I’m hearing. Why do they want to work with us?”

“They don’t. That’s why you’re here, to convince them.”

“They mostly work with companies that are involved in LGBTQ+, so that’s a good advantage we have.”

“What are we hiring them for?”

“We are not. We are going to sell them that little project you have.”

“You mean convince them to come to our foundation and teach our kids technology, and to help them by offering them apprenticeships? That project?”

“Yep. This is your chance to get your dad off your back, and to do something good for those kids.”

“I’m not ready for this.”

“Mate, you were born ready.”

We banter like this until an hour later he’s parking the car. I’ve never been here, but I’ve heard of this place. They’re very LGBTQ+ friendly.

“Are you sure this is the right place?”

“Yep, it was their choice.”

I’m not sure what to expect when we enter the place, but I immediately love the cacophony of colours, all in theme with what this pub-slash-restaurant represents.

“We have a reservation under Witman, ”Karl says as soon as the manager appears.

“Please follow me,” she says while picking up the menus.

The table is still empty, and I choose the spot facing the restaurant so I can distract myself from my plaguing thoughts of Jamie and what’s going to happen between us.

I pull my phone out of my pocket to check whether he’s texted me back, when a familiar voice has me raising my head. Jamie is here in the flesh with his friend Alexi, a beautiful grin on his face.

“Are you following me?” he jokes, leaving me breathless.

I keep looking at him as if I’m seeing a ghost, and his grin fades and his face falls.

“I was here first.” I want to smack myself. Could I be any more lame?

His grin comes back, and if that’s what lame gets me, I want to be lame all my life.

“Do you know each other?” Karl asks, and I turn to him ready to explain, but his smug smile tells me all I need to know. He knew Jamie was going to be here. He must have planned everything.

If Jamie wasn’t here, I would have kissed him and kicked him at the same time.

I watch in trepidation as they get settled. Please, sit next to me , I keep praying.

I’m out of my skin with happiness when Jamie chooses to sit next to me, and I can’t stop myself from touching his leg with mine, just needing to be sure he’s really here with me.

The zing of pleasure that shoots from our point of contact has my cock taking interest, and by the way Jamie is looking at me, he felt something too. I love his pink cheeks, and I wish I could be doing something to spread that redness way below his chin.

I reign my wild thoughts in. Him being here doesn’t mean he wants more.

We go through the motion of reading the menu and ordering, and I still can’t stop looking at him.

“How are you?” Jamie asks, leaning forward and making me believe we’re the only ones in the world.

“I’m good. I was discharged today, and I’m going for a long ride tomorrow.”

“Are you in need of freedom?”

Even when we were still at war, when we were enemies, he was really listening to me. That makes me so happy I can’t stop a smile from taking over my face, and the euphoria coming from Jamie’s vicinity makes me bold.

“Do you want to come with me?” I say it as if I’m not dying to receive a yes from him.

“Yeah, I’d really love that.”

I’m speechless. For a few seconds my brain goes haywire, a red alarm blaring and a robotic voice saying malfunction, malfunction. Then a big sign pops up showing the words, “He said yes . ”

What the heck just happened? Do I have a date with Jamie?

“Please kick me, because I believe I’m dreaming,” I say to him in a shaky voice.

Tears pop out while I watch Jamie with his head thrown backwards, and he’s laughing. And I’m struck by a thunderbolt.

I love him. I’ve never stopped loving him.

I open my mouth to tell him, but Karl chooses that moment to pull us into their conversation. I could kill him if I wasn’t so happy. I turn towards him and Alexi, while I keep my leg plastered to Jamie, and my joy grows when he pushes back.

Maybe, just maybe—because I’ve suffered a lot believing he would never forgive me—it was worth being separated for a while. We both needed time to come to terms with the pain we inflicted and received.

“Tell me more about this project of yours,” Jamie says looking very interested.

“You probably know I’m very involved with the Pride to Be foundation. It’s my baby, even if I’m not really part of the committee.” I stop for a moment because that always hits me hard, being at the mercy of my father and not having any control over something I love and I want to make grow. But I learnt a long time ago that life is unfair and kicks you when you’re down.

“Yeah,” Jamie says, and I’m sure he’s remembering that conversation I had with my dad on the phone.

“Anyway, just because I’m not in charge doesn’t mean I can’t do anything to help them have a future.”

“Mate,” Karl says, but I wave him off.

I don’t look at Jamie because I don’t want to see pity there. Ten years and I’m still under my father’s thumb so much that I can’t protect something I love. I only hope that this time I’m making the correct choices.

“My idea is to have coding classes, or anything linked to technology, as we all know that’s the future. I can have that with other companies, but we would like to work with you, because on top of that we want them to have the chance to do apprenticeships. Because they’ve suffered already, I don’t want them to end up working for someone who’ll make them feel less because of who they are, or who they love.” I look at Jamie straight in the eyes, because I know he’ll understand where I’m coming from. He lived that. We both lived that in our skin.

His eyes are wet, and unconsciously I extend my hand under the table and place it on his leg. My own eyes get wet when he places his hand on top of mine.

I don’t want to believe we’re okay until he tells me so, because if it’s not true, I’ll be devastated.

“I’m aware that your company works primarily with LGBTQ+ organisations, and I’d like for you to offer the people we support a chance, so they can go out into the world as functional members of society. I want to give them a chance to be happy, to be proud of who they are.”

“We do that,” Alexi says. “But we aren’t big enough to support a project like this.”

I understand, but they have the right contacts to make this project a success.

“We do have the right contacts, though,” Jamie says to Alexi.

I want to laugh out loud at Alexi’s face clearly saying, “I was trying to save you from spending time with your old bully.”

Jamie continues, unaware of his friend’s turmoil. “We’ll have to oversee everything, because I don’t want to have any problems, but I believe we can do that.”

“So, we’re doing this?” Alexi asks, placing a hand on Jamie’s arm.

I want to move it away, because I don’t want anyone touching him, especially when nothing between us has been settled. And also because I’m afraid he’ll change his mind and I’ll lose the opportunity to spend more time with him, and to give a better chance at life to my kids.

“Yeah, we are,” Jamie says, and he pats his friend’s hand before pulling away.

I want his attention back on me, so I lean closer.

“Are you going to teach classes?” The idea of Jamie being a teacher and wearing those hot as fuck glasses makes me hard. If we ever get to make love one day, I want to fuck him with his glasses on.

My face goes ablaze when I notice all eyes on me. Jamie’s smirk and bashful eyes tell me we were on the same wave of dirty thoughts.

How I wish it was only the two of us, in a place where there weren’t eyes to watch me kissing him until we were both hard and ready for more.

I shake my head, because this is not the time or place to have these thoughts.

I’m glad the food comes and distracts me. While we eat we set up a plan of actions, and book another meeting to discuss further.

The evening is one of the best I’ve ever had, and I’m not even counting having Jamie so close to me we can touch.

“You need to try this,” I say to him, while raising my fork to share some halloumi cheese and cucumber salad with him.

When he looks at me as if I’ve gone mad, it hits me that this is a business meeting. We are not together and we’re barely friends.

My face goes up in flames, and I look around to check whether anyone noticed my idiotic behaviour. I’m glad when even our companions are too busy with what they have on their plate.

“Jamie, I’m sorry,” I say while pulling my hand back, but he stops me mid-action.

He pulls my arm until the fork is close to his mouth, and I watch in awe as he opens and leans in so he can close his mouth on it. The fork goes in, his lips close on it, and then the fork moves backwards.

Sexy as hell.

My cock replies in turn by filling up and pushing against my zipper. When Jamie’s tongue makes an appearance to clean his lips, my eyes dart up to look at him, and there he is, teasing me. He winks at me and sends my brain into the gutter, filling with visions of Jamie sprawled on my bed, naked and needy.

A smack to my hand brings my attention back to the room, and to Jamie.

“Did Kitty eat your tongue?”

Fuck if I don’t love him like this, and if I don’t love the nickname I gave him.

“Yeah, he did. But I’m hoping Kitty will allow me to savour him at some point.”

“Kitty is free tonight.”

What? Is he really asking me to go home with him? To lay him on the bed and make all my dreams come true?

“Are you—“

“What are you talking about?” Karl asks, and Alexi turns to us as well.

The smile on Jamie’s face tells me he wont reply, but there’s no need as Karl continues. “What happened to your face? Is that salad so spicy?”

I watch Jamie throw his head back and laugh. Happiness spreads out of him in waves, and I’m thrilled that my discomfort and my wicked mind are giving him joy.

“Nothing that concerns you, and yes, something is very spicy in here.”

Another burst of laughter from Jamie, and I follow him, while those two look at us as if we’re crazy.

We go back to our meeting and keep jumping ideas off each other. This is one of the best evenings I’ve had in years, and I don’t want it to ever end.

Especially if it means losing Jamie.