Page 8 of Unmasking You (Hidden Hearts #1)

Chapter 7

Jamie

I still haven’t recovered from my encounter with Shane.

His behaviour reminded me so much of when we were in school. The way he treated Queen Lizzie, though, reminded me of when we first became friends. He treated me with the same gentle touch he used with Lizzie, the same care, and gave me the same undivided attention. I was like my dog, eating from the palm of his hand and craving his attention every moment we were together—and beyond. I’m glad I had more self-control or I would have humped his leg like Queen L did.

I used to crave spending all my time with Shane. He made my life a little less analytical and a lot more adventurous.

We never did anything dangerous; however, being with him was like standing atop a train going full speed.

He made my life exciting and kaleidoscopic, and every day we got to spend together left me wanting more and more.

Until… I prayed night and day for him never to look at me again. While my heart cried for him to be back by my side.

Why was he doing this to me again?

“You need to come to this appointment.” Alexi’s impatience at my lack of attention is like a wave of stormy water crashing against a rock.

“You know I’m the one who does the typing, and you’re the one who does the talking.”

”I do know that, but the client wants to see both of us at the meeting.”

“Who’s the client? I’m sure we can afford to lose them.”

“Of course we can. With your genius, we’re set for life. However, this company is doing a lot for the LGBTQ+ community, and I thought you’d be interested in working with them.”

Ah, damn. Alexi said the magic words. The words that’ll convince me to do basically anything.

I’ve got it marked inside my body, what being an outsider means, even before I knew I was gay. After that, though, my life became a living hell. At that moment, I promised myself that once I had money, I would do everything in my power to prevent other kids from feeling as I did—judged, hunted, and rejected.

“When is the meeting?”

“Thursday, at seven p.m.”

“Seven p.m.? That’s late for an office meeting.”

“The customer wants to have dinner with us. He wants to discuss the project in fine detail with the person who’ll be working on it. He’s busy during the day, and then he’s travelling, so he won’t be available until the end of March. Problem is, he wants the project to be well under way before that time.”

“I really don’t want to have dinner with them. Can’t we change it to a normal meeting? During regular working hours? It’ll be faster, and I can be out of there as soon as we’re done.”

“Jamie.”

Uh-oh. I’m in trouble. But I’m fed up with rich people, and a very rich one appears in my mind.

For crying out loud.

I need to stop thinking about Shane, and I need to stop my body from reacting to the mere thought of him.

“You need to go out more, and while I understand you don’t want to spend time with rich people…”

I zone out, following my thoughts once again. Alexi knows me too well, and he knows why I hate rich people. I wish it was only Shane, then I could have survived, but it was more than him. So many more…

My pulse quickens at the thought of what I lived through. I jump backwards, nearly falling out of the chair, when a hand lands on me.

I’m not usually this bad. I can hide it better. But my last nightmare has left my nerves exposed, like a fuse ready to blow, and so close to the surface my skin is buzzing. My body hurts as though I never left that nightmare.

My recurring encounters with Shane are not helping either, as they’ve left me unstable, like I’m walking on broken glass.

I need to call my doctor, but it’s like admitting defeat at the very first obstacle life places in front of me.

Shouldn’t I try to deal with these emotions and Shane without having to go back to square one?

“Fuck, man. I’m sorry,” Alexi says while taking a step back. His face is as white as I believe mine is.

It’s fucking upsetting that the only touch my body didn’t reject was from the man who made my life hell when he touched me out of nowhere.

“Jamie, I’m s—“

“No, I am,” I placate him, trying to take a couple of breaths to calm my heart. “Never apologise for this. I was just lost in thought.” I extend my hand, and I’m glad it’s not trembling. I smile when he takes it and squeezes.

“You’re spending way too much time indoors. Come out with me tonight. It’s Friday, and you don’t have any life-or-death matters to resolve.”

“Hmm. I’m not sure.” A polite way to say no.

“I bet your laptop is dreaming of a night’s rest.”

I smile gently, but it’s clear he’s doing everything in his power to return to the casual conversation we were having before. If I say no, it’ll be like I’m punishing him for touching me.

I make a promise to myself not to allow Shane to win anymore. Not to allow them to control my life any longer. To live , despite everything.

“Okay, let’s do it.”

Alexi’s grin is dazzling in its brightness.

“That’s amazing,” he says, squeezing my hand and then letting it go. “I’m meeting with a couple of mates from the gym for a few drinks, then we’re going to hit the dance floor.”

“Don’t think for even a moment that I’ll be on the dance floor.”

“You can spend your time candy shopping,” he says with a wink.

We both know I’ll never do that either, but I don’t call him on it. I cock an eyebrow at him.

“I’ll be happy if you just come with me. It’s been ages since we went out together.”

“Okay,” I concede. “But now, let’s get back to work.”

“Okay, boss.” His laugh reverberates through the room even after he’s gone and leaves a smile on my lips.

I think about my best friends. I’m so damn lucky to have found them, and so fortunate they decided I had to be their friend.

Ruby, she’s my hero, my saviour. The one who helped me through the worst moments of my life. I never felt alone after meeting her at the psychiatrist’s office. She bonded with me when I couldn’t do anything more than open my eyes every day. Even leaving my bed was a chore too exhausting for me to take on.

We exchanged phone numbers… or she forced me to give mine to her, and then the texts filled my phone, day after day. Memes, fun facts, texts with just a smiling emoji—or five—or simply asking how I was.

Sometimes, even reading her texts would drain me. I would spend my time sleeping for long periods just to wake up even more tired than before. Slowly, at a sloth’s pace, though, things changed, and I began looking forward to receiving her messages.

I push away thoughts of what happened during those changes.

Alexi had money, but he didn’t come from money, so he was kinda like me. Shamed and called an outsider, never fitting in. He left his school, and we met at a new one we attended together.

Where trusting Ruby was easy—we’d suffered the same pain—I didn’t trust Alexi at first. He had money, so he was like them. Only with his perseverance and Ruby’s constant nagging about giving him a chance were things able to move forward. That and the pack of crisps we fought over and then shared while we talked about my idea, and his interest in it, were his winning cards.

I had the brain; Alexi had the money. And on top of that, he believed in me. Teaming up was the best thing for us both. We’ve been friends since then.

A knock at the door pulls me out of memory lane, and I smile when Alexi’s head appears in between the door and the frame.

“Are you ready to go?”

“Go?”

Alexi smirks. “It’s seven, and we’re meeting the guys at seven thirty.”

“Seven?”

This time, Alexi laughs out loud, and I send a dark look his way, but there’s no heat behind it.

“How can it be seven? You were here like a minute ago.”

Another burst of laughter, and I can’t keep a straight face.

“Chop, chop,” he says, grinning at me. “I need a drink, and I’m keen on spending time with my best friend doing something other than working.”

“Let me—“ Big fingers push the screen on my laptop until he’s completely closed it, and I have no choice but to move my hands out of the way.

“Nope,” he says. “Let’s go.”

“Okay, okay. I’m ready.”

I’m kind of pleased about going out. It’s really been a long time since I last did. Since Shane.

Fuck. Why does it always go back to him?

I shake my head to dispel those thoughts.

“Are you okay?”

I hate that both Alexi and Ruby have to tiptoe around me because I’m a wimp and they’re worried.

“I’m good,” I say, infusing the joy of being out with my friends into my tone.

“Good,” he says, bumping his shoulder gently against mine, but it still nearly makes me stumble.

“Hey!” I tease. “Be careful with all that strength and enormous body.”

“Sorry, mate.”

Alexi stops, and I bump into him. When I look up, the pub is right in front of us. Pulse is one of the best private LGBTQ+ nightclubs in London.

When we get inside, I’m assaulted by the loud music, and I wait until my ears adjust to the sound. Every time I come here, I’m fascinated. I love the brick walls, the dark purple fabric adorning the ceiling, and the hanging Edison-style light bulbs, creating an intimate setting. The lighting is mostly purple and white, casting a sultry glow through the venue. The combination of the deep purple tones and the brightness of the white gives the place a sensual, mysterious atmosphere.

We walk in with no problem, and after leaving our coats at the entrance, we continue inside.

At the centre of the room is the dance floor—something I will avoid like the plague. The floor is dark and glossy, reflecting the lights above. All around it, there are dark benches with purple cushions, placed in the shape of a U, so the dance floor is always visible. The tables are black, and white lights are embedded in the floor to illuminate the area.

The bar is visible at the far end of the room, and it’s stocked with various bottles that I don’t recognise half of.

Mounted on the walls are multiple screens, pumping music and showing videos.

On the left are stairs leading to another section, the VIP area. That’s where we’re heading. The elevated section overlooks the downstairs, but the music is quieter to allow people to have conversations. The area is more intimate, with plush sofa-like benches, each set in private booths. Their backs are tall to create a secluded, cocooned feeling. The tables have lamps on them to illuminate the space.

When we arrive upstairs, Alexi’s friends are already sitting there, and they greet us with joy when we approach the table.

“Hey guys,” Alexi greets them before pointing at me. “This is Jamie, my best friend and work partner.”

“Hey Jamie,” they chorus.

“Hi,” I say without looking at anyone. This kind of situation makes me uncomfortable. I wait for Alexi to take a seat so I can sit next to him.

“Jamie,” Alexi calls out to me. When I raise my head, he continues. “This is Adam,” he says, pointing at the guy sitting closer to us, and then continues, going clockwise, with the introductions. “Next to him are Luis, Owen, and Dominic.”

I glance around, not really making eye contact, and smile in their general direction. Once we’re seated, the waiter arrives to take our orders.

“A glass of prosecco,” I say when it’s my turn, then lean back against the bench, trying to relax and enjoy the evening. I’m not a good drinker, and I always prefer having a clear mind.

“So, you’re the infamous Jamie,” says someone next to me, close enough to be heard over the music, making me jump.

I turn towards him, pushing away a little, and I’m met with two beautiful crystal-blue eyes and dark brown hair, short on the sides and longish at the top, with strands falling messily over his forehead. He’s a looker, and he knows it. My gaze lands on his lips, stretched in an open, gentle smile and encased in a well-kept, barely there goatee.

Remembering his name is never going to happen, I wasn’t paying enough attention. However, I find myself replying to him with no problems. “I’m not that famous. Alexi always exaggerates.”

I pick my glass up and take a sip when the waiter places it in front of me. A bit of alcohol will help me relax and not look like I swallowed a stick.

“He does,” he says while looking at Alexi, and then winks at me when my friend takes the bait and stares at him with menacing eyes no one is going to take seriously. Then he turns his attention back to me. “I heard you’re a genius, and you can make magic happen with a laptop in your hands.”

“It’s only lines of codes and numbers.” I’m not used to being the centre of attention, but I’m comfortable chatting with this guy. He’s kind enough to welcome me into the group.

“Don’t listen to him,” Alexi jumps in. “He’s amazing.”

I go bright red and then turn to Alexi, who’s put his chin on my shoulder so he can crash the conversation. “Don’t listen to him. He’s a salesman.” Now it’s my turn to wink and then laugh at the outraged sounds coming from Alexi.

He places two fingers near his eyes and then squints them threateningly, pointing those fingers at us. He and I look at each other and then back at Alexi, and then we’re both laughing.

“I’m Dominic, by the way, but you can call me Nic,” he says with a smile.

I like him. His hair is styled to perfection, and his blue eyes are open and kind. I also don’t miss how ripped his body is. The shirt he’s wearing just accentuates his muscles. I relax a bit more, grateful that I won’t be making a fool of myself for not listening to the introductions earlier.

“How did you two meet?” he asks, pointing at Alexi with a nod of his head.

“We went to the same school.” I can’t believe how good it is to talk to someone like I’m doing with Nic, but his calm, playful behaviour makes me feel at ease.

“Adam, Luis, and I went to school together.”

Following his look to the other guys, I don’t miss the longing in his eyes. I also don’t miss Adam’s look when Nic turns back to me, nor do I miss the jealousy showing on his face. I wonder what their story is.

“Then there’s Darren, but he’s always late.”

“Hi guys,” someone says, stopping at our table.

I don’t pay attention because Nic says, “And Darren has arrived.”

“Hi everyone.”

My blood goes cold, and I don’t have the courage to look around and check if what my ears heard is reality or a figment of my imagination. I push closer against Alexi, and he leans towards me, aware something is wrong, especially after what happened at the office earlier today.

“Is everything okay?”

I want to scream, No, nothing is okay .

But I haven’t looked yet, so how can I be so sure he’s here?

The music is loud enough to distort voices, but my entire body is saying he’s here.

What the heck am I going to do? I can’t jump up and scream at him to stop, to leave me alone. I don’t even know if he’s here for me, even if it feels like he’s stalking me.

I don’t reply, instead glancing up, and my fears are confirmed because there’s Shane, saying hello and bumping his fist with some of the other guys.

When his eyes land on me, he pauses for a moment, his eyes going dark and his smile wavering. And even if it’s only a second, it feels like it lasted a lifetime.

Someone calls him, and he breaks our standoff.

“Shaz, this is Alexi and Jamie.”

“Hey,” I hear Alexi say. As usual, he’s always friendly with everyone.

However, as much as I try, I can’t seem to make my vocal cords work or my eyes move from the table back to Shane.

“Hey,” Shane replies, and his voice washes over me, making my body go hot and cold.

They keep talking for a while, but I don’t follow. I’m too busy asking all the deities to grant me a wish and send him away. Meanwhile, my body relives the few touches we shared at the event and asks for more.

As if I’d ever allow that. But my body has a completely different idea from my brain and keeps reminding me of the feeling, almost as if his hands are still touching me.

“Have a seat, man.”

I watch in horror as Shane walks towards the side of the booth I’m sitting on.

I can’t sit next to him.

But then why is my body buzzing at the idea of having him close?

My heart is beating so hard it’s stealing my breath away. In self-preservation, I jump up, and without looking at anyone, I rush to the stairs. My only hope is reaching the toilets before I break down or before I allow him to touch me again.

I rush down the staircase and walk across the dance floor. That’s when a hand lands on me. I struggle against the grip, but it doesn’t budge. I turn around, hoping my stare will be enough to incinerate them, but I’m left with my mouth hanging open.

Shane is there.

I ignore his worried face and his pleading eyes. Instead, I struggle more to get free and he lets me go. At last, he lets me go.

I turn around, ready to abandon him there and take refuge in the toilets. It’s only then that I take notice of the fact I strode across the dance floor instead of walking around it. Now I’m surrounded by a crowd of bodies lost in the music and not aware of the walls closing around me, or my breath deceiving and disappearing on me, leaving me breathless.

I whip my head left and right, trying to find a way to get free, but the bodies close in on me. I bring a hand to my throat, willing my lungs to breathe and free me from these chains.

My body is out of control, frozen in the fear of being surrounded, until a soft touch has me raising my head up to meet ocean-blue eyes that stop my mind from spinning out of control.

I watch his lips moving, but I can’t understand what they’re saying. Then strong arms wrap around me, and I expect my body to recoil from the touch, but instead it sags against it as if the touch is my salvation.

My head is full of the same word, like a song on repeat… please, please, please .

I breathe in the alluring scent flowing from this body and let it fill my head until those walls push outward and my brain resumes its natural function.

At that moment, everything I thought I disliked is what’s keeping me sane.

“Are you okay?”

His voice reminds me of who I have in front of me, and I rein in all my fears to face the monster. But a sick part of me wants to keep him close because some part of me tells me I’m safe with him.

My brain, though, knows he’s not, so I push his arms away, standing tall in front of him. Knowing the music is too loud for him to hear me if I move away, I stand still.

I look up and meet his eyes. I don’t waver.

“What—“

“I promise you, I didn’t know you’d be here.”

I pause because his words ring true. Does it really matter? My brain supplies. What about all the other times?

“Would it have made a difference if you knew?”

“No. I would have wanted to come here even more.”

His words unsettle me, and I’m not sure if it’s because I refuse them or because I want them to be true.

The bodies around us get closer still, and I flinch at the idea of being touched and unconsciously take a tiny step forward. I stop myself from searching for his comfort and instead focus on breathing. I don’t have any intention of letting him see me broken.

“Leave me alone. Don’t talk to me, and above all…” I spell out the rest in the hope he’ll finally listen and finally believe what I’m saying, “Do. Not. Touch. Me.” I grit my teeth and move forward ready to pass, to be done with him for good.

He steps in front of me, and I watch his mouth move, but I can’t hear anything. The dam has broken, and everything I tried to keep contained is now dripping out, and it won’t take long to be a flood that will submerge me.

Please, don’t let him see me broken.

“What’s happening?” Alexi’s voice washes over me, and his large body encircles me, creating a cocoon I’m glad to have right now.

I try to speak, but nothing comes out.

“What did you do to him?” Alexi’s voice, once again so clear, even if the music is loud.

I need to run away, and I can’t do it on my own, so I force myself to speak.

“I want to go.” I believe I’ve whispered the words and no one is going to hear me.

Instead, Alexi turns to me. Only a glance, and I’m sure he knows. “Let me get you home.”

He guides me away, making sure no one else is going to touch me, and once we’re out, Alexi doesn’t ask. Instead, he stops a taxi and helps me in, following me inside and giving my address to the driver.

I sit there, broken, like the threads of a rag doll. Alexi’s stare is impossible to ignore, but I keep my face towards the window, watching without seeing what’s out there because all my thoughts are on Shane’s face.

He looked devastated.

Am I seeing another facet of the mask he constantly wears?

Or has Shane really changed?

Why do I wish it to be the latter?