Page 148 of Under the Mistletoe with You

‘The Facebook group for community organising in Pen-y-Môr is both regularly updated and not even remotely secure.’

‘And ...how did you get here?’For some reason he can’t stop asking about logistics because his mind is still reeling.

‘The same way I left.Sadly, I didn’t get chance to get the teleportation truck working.’

‘Probably for the best.’God, get on with it, Christopher’s head and heart scream.It’s too easy to slip into this casual back-and-forth, as though they were old friends at a party, not briefly lovers who separated on a fight.‘Why are you here?’

‘Is that not obvious?’Nash asks, his voice low.‘I’m here for you.’

His heart flutters with hope, but it’s such a vague word.

‘What do you mean hereforme?’

‘Exactly what I said.I’m here for you.’

‘Nash, you lied to me about leaving, then you left, and you asked me not to hate you, and that’s all you have to say to me?I’ve not heard from you since you went.’

Nash blinks hard.‘I left you my number.’

‘Yes.You left, and you left it, and you leftme.’He hates how much the hurt bleeds out in those words, but it’s true, and he needs to say everything just in case Nash gets up and leaves again.

‘I know.I know and it fucking sucked how I did it.I’m owning that, and I’m not denying it.I’m sorry I hurt you, Christopher.I really am.But I had to go back and sort some things out, and I was too afraid to leave the door open to me ever coming back.I was worried you wouldn’t want me back either.’

Nash steps forward towards Christopher, and all the air disappears.God, he’s so beautiful.

‘So why are you?’he manages to gasp.‘Why do you even ...wantme?’

Nash reaches out and takes Christopher’s hands in his.They’re still a little cold from being outside, and Christopher wants to wrap them up, blow warm air into them.A few days ago, he would have, but then just a few more before that, and they wouldn’t even have been holding hands.

This month might have been the strangest one of his whole life.

‘Christopher, no one has ever known me like you.When I’m with you, I can be the person I am.I don’t have to put on the front all the time, and no one has ever gotten through that exterior before when I didn’t want them to.But you?You barged in.You cared for me.You made me see you.No one else has got that close and wanted to stay.’

‘Is that the only reason you like me?’Christopher says, a little too bitterly, but by God he needs to hear something about him.‘Because of how I make you feel?’

‘No!Fuck, I’m going to suck as a writer if I can’t say this right.’

Christopher’s heart jumps.‘So, you’re going to do it?Quit acting?’

There’s a series of small heartbroken gasps behind him that he can only assume are coming from Shaz and Dai.

‘Yeah, erm, Kurt convinced the execs to change the deal to be more of an all-rounded development deal.Less emphasis on me on camera, unless I decide to write something for myself, you know?Obviously I have to do the lastChristmas at the Clinicfilm for that to happen—’

‘HALLE-FUCKING-LOO—’ yells Shaz.They turn to look and she goes pale.‘Jesus, sorry, I didn’t mean to yell.Or eavesdrop.CARRY ON.’

‘The point is,’ Nash continues, as Christopher realises their hands are still entwined.‘This deal gives me not just what I want career-wise, but more flexibility about where I can be when I work.’

Christopher’s mouth goes dry.Does he dare to hope?‘And where did you have in mind?’

‘Well, I’d like to be here.With you.There’s stuff we’d have to sort out, and I’d have to fly back to LA to shoot, obviously, and be there for meetings when I stop acting, but there’s no reason why I can’t be here the rest of the time.If you’ll have me?’

This can’t be real, surely?Christopher doesn’t know how to feel, but it’shugeand bubbles up, and somehow, he finds himself saying, ‘You think you can just show up and ask to move here and tell me you love me and that’s it?Everything between us is then just fine?’

Nash laughs quietly.‘Well, actually, I hadn’t got to that part yet.But yes, I do love you.’

His breath catches.‘You do?’

‘Yes, you absolute clod.I love you.I think you’re completely ridiculous, but also beautiful and kind and so creatively talented and brave for chasing your dreams and annoyingly quite funny at times, especially when you’re being petty.When I left, the first thing I regretted was that I’d spent so much time arguing with you that I hadn’t told you any of the things I liked about you.And that’s exactly what happened just now, too.I think the world of you, and I want you tobemy world.’