Page 112 of Under the Mistletoe with You

He can hear a kind of frustrated groan from Kurt’s end.‘Dude, I know you think you’re very subtle and clever, but I always know when something is up.You go all squirrelly and quiet—’

‘I do not.’

‘Youdo.I wouldn’t be a good agent if I didn’t notice when you were quietly pissed or worrying about something, as looking after you is a major part of my job.We’vebeen working together for what, fifteen years now?You’re like a little brother to me, and anything you want to tell me, well, we can work with it.But you gotta tell me what it is before we go back to the table,capiche?I’m not asking you to tell me now, so you’ve got the next few days to make a bullet-point list, a mind map, anything.But you do need to dosomething.’

‘Okay, Kurt.I’ll try.’

‘Good.I hope whatever that situation you were dealing with has resolved itself?’

‘Err.Yeah.’

‘Are they cute, at least?’

Nash can’t help but laugh.‘Am I that obvious?’

‘Probably not, but I know you.You’re a romantic who hates to admit they are, and you love a fixer-upper, so I put two and two together.’

Well.He’s not entirely wrong.

‘Go have fun.Happy holidays.’Kurt says, after a pause.

‘Merry Christmas, Kurt.Have a good one.’

When he gets back to the kitchen, Christopher has plated up the risotto and topped it with some fresh parsley leaves picked off a plant, and some grated Parmesan.His back is still to Nash, so he takes a moment to just watch.There’s something so domesticated about all this that it’s doing something strange to his insides.He’s been wanting this, quietly, for so long.Someone to make dinner with.Someone to make dinnerfor.

The thing about being a workaholic is that you can always put those relationship wants on the back burner by pretending that you’re ‘just too busy for it right now’.He can tell himself that, maybe one day, when the film industry or wherever he ends up next inevitably gets a little fed up with him, it’ll be different.He’ll have more time for his people then, right?

But what has that got him?Sure, it’s not changed things with his parents because they’ve always been somewhatarm’s length, but pleasant, about it.It does mean he sees his friends only in between shoots, when usually someone will chastise him for not texting back, or there’ll have been a huge piece of news that he’s missed in the interim – admittedly because of the not-texting-back issue – that he has to roll with on the spot.It makes him an outsider in his own life.

If he’s honest, that’s not enough.

That’s only part of why he wants a career change, but it’s a big part of it.What could his life and relationships be like if he was more present?If he had time for people.If he wasn’t afraid of committing to someone ...

That’s a whole other problem in itself, though.What he and Christopher have is probably the most emotionally intimate thing that wasn’t built on a pre-existing friendship that he’s had with someone in, well, years.

But this is just blowing off steam, right?That’s clearly what they’re both doing here.It’s not as if theylikeeach other in that way.It’s fine.They’ll have a nice time together, unite Christopher’s community for Christmas, and then he’ll go home.That’s all this is.

He’s not ready to examine why exactly that makes his stomach ache a little, but it’s probably just hunger.

Finally, as he turns to place the plates on the tiny kitchen table, Christopher notices him.And smiles.It’s a soft, small smile that feels reserved just for him.The kind Christopher is trying to keep for himself.

God, he’s getting too sentimental this Christmas.

‘Thanks for this.My agent just wanted to wish me happy holidays.’

They both squeeze in round the kitchen table and eat in exhausted but companionable silence.

‘Are you going to assemble the gingerbread house tonight?’

Christopher glances up at the clock on the wall that Nash is pretty sure has never worked.‘What time is it?’

‘About nine.’

He groans.‘Apparently not.’

‘There’s still time.You guys have Christmas for longer, right?The whole Boxing Day thing?’

‘Yeah.I guess you’re right.’