Page 9 of Trust

He’s not only kissing me because he’s trying to be sweet to me after I fucked up and he hit me again.

I push those thoughts away, trying so hard to focus on the here and now. On Ilya.

It feels really, really nice to just kiss someone for once, even if I know Ilya’s only trying to get into my pants.

Ilya groans against my mouth before pulling away. I try to follow his lips, and he laughs again.

“Sorry,” Ilya says. “I should be gentler with you. Your lips will be completely red if I keep going like this.”

“I would be okay with that,” I say. I mean it. Ilikethis. I like this a lot.

I shouldn’t.

I should remember who he is; I shouldn’t get swept up in some illusion that I’m weaving.

I lean in closer to Ilya, beseeching him for another kiss so I don’t have to think about it.

Ilya obliges, and this time he runs his tongue along the seam of my lips. It’s like he’s asking for permission, although his tongue against my lips feels good on its own. I open my mouth for him. Ilya moans and slowly winds his tongue inside, exploring my mouth like he truly enjoys all of this for its own sake.

Maybe he does.

Maybe this will be easier than I expected.

Adam’s commands ring in my ears.If you want this, if you want me, you’ll do this. I’m the only thing keeping you out of jail. I don’t care what it takes. Youwillget close to him, youwillfind out what he’s up to, and youwillreport back to me.

This is what I have to do. This is what it takes.

But right now, it feels too easy, like I’m the one being set up instead of the other way around, and I’m wary that I’ve already gotten caught. It’s not likely. More realistically, Ilya will use me and throw me away, and I’ll never have the chance to get close.

I have to try, though.

Ilya cups my jaw and rubs his thumb gently across my chin. “This kissing, it arouses you?” he asks in a whisper.

My face turns red. “What? How—I mean…”

Ilya smiles gently. “It’s fairly easy to tell when a man wants something.” He looks down briefly, and I follow his gaze, down to where my slacks are very clearly tented.

I should’ve realized it was so obvious, but I’m mortified that a simple kiss is getting me hard. I glance at his groin, and I’m at least relieved to find that he’s reacting the same way.

He really does like men, and his only ulterior motive right now is to seduce me.

“Y-yes,” I admit quietly. “Is that too much? I’m sorry.”

My nervousness isn’t even faked. If he finds out what I’m doing, who I am, he’s going to kill me. If I think about that, I’ll mess up. Instead, I need to focus on his kindness, his arousal, the way he’s treating me like I’m something to treasure instead of use.

“No. It’s good. I like seeing that you’re enjoying yourself.” Ilya brushes a strand of my hair aside. “But I need to stop, before I do things that are ungentlemanly to you. Things we can’t do in public.”

Ungentlemanly.

As though a mobster like him could even begentlemanlyat all.

“Who says we need to stay in public?” I blurt out the words, desperate for an in.

He’d invited me home with him. All I have to do is say yes — assuming, of course, that he meant the offer. Adam will want meto establish a… relationship. I think. It was only by chance that Ilya approached me before I got up the nerve to approach him.

Only by luck.

Adam hadn’t said anything about Ilya being gay. Does he know? If he’d known, would he have given me the same cover story?