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“You want to take it?” Boris makes a questioning sound.

Do I want to go back to Russia?

Five hours ago, I would have said no.

Now, I don’t know.

“Is there any reason for me to stay?” I ask quietly. “If we go back, we’re free of this mess. I take over for Andreyevich. I’ll find a position for you. Kolya… I don’t know if he’d want to come, but it would be better for him to lie low for a while anyway.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Boris says. He gives me a sad smile. “There are other fish in the sea, Boss. Russian fish, even. You’ll be able to whisper sweet nothings in the most beautiful language in the world.”

“No.” I shake my head decisively. “I’m going to give up fishing. I tried, but clearly I’m no good at it.”

“Nah. It just takes a while before you find your best catch.” Boris stands up then. “I’m gonna head to bed. Don’t go anywhere without me.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I wait for Boris to leave, then pull out my phone. I find the text conversation with Micah. Most of it is deleted already, thanks to the settings of my app.

Ilya

Tell me you’re all right.

I wait, but I don’t expect an answer. It’s almost two a.m. Micah is probably asleep already.

Asleep, in Adam’s arms.

I shudder at the thought.

Ilya

Don’t let anyone erase you.

Once I send it, I get up and head to my own bedroom.

I’ll make my decision in the morning.

TWENTY

MICAH

Unknown

Tell me you’re all right.

Don’t let anyone erase you.

I shouldn’t have opened the app.

I shouldn’t have seen the messages.

I shouldn’t have found out that Ilya still cares, despite it all, despite the fact that I betrayed him.

I wish I didn’t know.

I want to reply, though with what, I don’t know.

To tell him to stop contacting me?

To lie and tell him I’m fine?