Page 45 of Trained In Sin

Seb

The drive back to London feels like a resurrection .

Saphy sits beside me in the back of the car, her hand in mine, her thumb tracing circles across my knuckles in an absent gesture that sends warmth straight to my chest. Every few minutes, I glance over just to confirm she's really there, really mine, really coming home with me.

I was ready to disappear forever. Now, I have everything I've ever wanted sitting beside me, telling Matthew some story about her work while Beth interjects with sarcastic commentary from the passenger seat.

Normal conversation. Normal life. Like I'm not a killer who just spent days drinking myself to death in a Welsh cottage.

Like she loves me anyway.

"You're staring," Saphy murmurs, squeezing my hand.

"I'm memorizing."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I know. But I'm still memorizing."

She smiles, and the expression is so beautiful, so genuinely happy. My heart feels full for the first time in my life.

This is what I've been missing my entire life. Not just love, anyone can inspire lust or affection or even devotion. This is acceptance. Complete, unflinching acceptance of exactly what I am, darkness and all.

She knows I'm a killer. She knows I'm possessive, controlling, dangerous in ways that should terrify any rational woman. And she chose me anyway. Not despite what I am, but because of it.

Because she understands that my darkness serves her light .

My phone buzzes incessantly in my jacket pocket, three days of ignored calls and messages finally demanding attention. But for the first time in years, business feels secondary to something else. To the woman beside me, to the life we're building together, to the future I can actually envision now.

"Wilson's been calling," Matthew observes from the driver's seat, checking his own phone. "Sixteen times in the last hour."

"Let him call."

"The riverside project deadline is tomorrow. The investors are threatening to pull out if they don't get confirmation."

I think about the riverside development, months of planning, millions in potential profit, the kind of deal that would cement my reputation as a legitimate businessman. Three days ago, it would have consumed my attention completely.

Now, it feels like an elaborate game I'm no longer interested in playing.

"Tell Wilson to fuck himself."

Matthew's eyebrows rise in the rearview mirror. "Seb?"

"You heard me. Tell him the deal's off. I'm not interested."

"That's a fifty-million-pound project."

"And I don't give a fuck about fifty million pounds." I bring Saphy's hand to my lips, pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles. "I have something more valuable than money now."

Saphy looks at me with surprise. "Sebastian, you don't have to abandon profitable projects because of me. "

"I'm not abandoning anything because of you. I'm choosing what deserves my attention." I meet her eyes. "The riverside project would have required months of meetings, negotiations, managing contractors and city officials. Time I'd rather spend with you."

"But…."

"Princess, I have more money than I could spend in ten lifetimes. What I don't have is enough time with the woman I love. So yes, I'm choosing you over profit margins."

Beth snorts from the back seat. "Jesus Christ, you two are going to be insufferable."

"Probably," I agree, not caring in the slightest.

The truth is, I'm already recalculating my entire approach to business. The hands-on management, the constant meetings, the need to personally oversee every detail, it's all been a way of maintaining control over a world that felt chaotic and threatening.

But I don't need that level of control anymore. Not when I have something worth coming home to.

The criminal enterprises will continue, of course.

I'm not naive enough to think love will transform me into a law-abiding citizen.

There are still people who need to be reminded of their place, still debts to be collected, still territories to be maintained.

But I can delegate more, step back from the day-to-day operations, focus on the bigger picture.

Let Matthew and Danny handle the details. Let the legitimate businesses run themselves. I have better things to do with my time now .

Like learning how to love someone without trying to control them. Like proving that monsters can change, at least enough to be worthy of the angels who choose to stay with them.

"Where are we going?" Saphy asks as we enter London.

"My place. Unless you'd prefer yours?" I wink.

"Your place is fine. But Sebastian..." She hesitates. "I need to actually show my face at work at some point.”

The possessive part of me wants to argue, wants to demand that she leave everything else behind and focus solely on us. But that's exactly the kind of controlling behaviour that drove her away before.

"We'll figure it out," I say instead.

"Really? You're not going to insist I quit my job and become your kept woman?"

"The thought crossed my mind. But then I remembered you threatening to go to the police if I didn't respect your choices." I bring her hand to my lips again. "I'm a fast learner."

"Good. Because I like my job. It's one of the few normal things in my life."

Normal. The word should sting, should remind me of everything I can't give her. Instead, it makes me smile. She wants to keep some normalcy while choosing to love a man who's anything but normal. It's perfectly balanced, perfectly her.

"Keep your job. Keep your flat if you want it. Keep whatever makes you happy." I meet her eyes. "I just want to be part of it. "

"You will be. All of it."

By the time we reach my building, I'm practically vibrating with anticipation. Three days of thinking I'd lost her forever, followed by the cottage encounter that proved we belong together, I need to get her alone, need to convince myself this is really happening.

"Thank you," I tell Matthew as he pulls up to the entrance. "For finding her. For bringing her to me."

"Thank you for not actually firing me."

"About that..." I pause, considering. "Your salary is doubled, effective immediately. And you get two weeks paid vacation to recover from dealing with my emotional breakdown."

"I don't need…."

"It's not a request. You've earned it." I glance at Beth in the rearview mirror. "Both of you. Dinner tomorrow night? The four of us?"

Beth looks surprised by the invitation. "You want to have dinner with me? The woman who's been calling you Stalker for months?"

"You were protecting your friend. I respect that." I help Saphy out of the car. "Besides, you were right about me being dangerous. You just didn't understand that dangerous isn't always bad."

As Matthew drives away with Beth, I finally have Saphy alone. The lift ride to my penthouse feels endless, both of us hyperaware of the space between us, the promise of privacy, the need to reconnect properly. I can’t bear it anymore, and slam the emergency stop button.

“Seb, what are you…. ”

I don’t give Saphy the chance to finish her sentence, before I slam her against the wall and smash my lips against hers. She opens, letting me in. My hand is under her shirt, pulling her bra down. I pinch her between my fingers, and she moans into my mouth.

“My lift, I can stop it if I want.”

She tries to undo the buttons on my shirt, but I stop her.

“Naughty, I didn’t say you could touch.” And I grab both of her wrists and pin them above her head.

With my other hand, I slowly work my way down her stomach, under her waist band and into her underwear.

She’s soaked. “So ready Princess. What a good girl.” And I slide two fingers into her.

She moans and throws her head back, trying to free her wrists.

“Ah, ah. Don’t make me take that back.” I circle inside of her, and my thumb finds where she’s most sensitive.

She’s going to beg. Just when I know she’s going to fall apart, I let go of her wrists and pull my hand out of her underwear.

“What the fuck…”

I pull the emergency stop button back out and the lift starts moving again.

“Anywhere, anytime, you are mine princess.”

*

After we finished what I started in the lift, Saphy rolls over in bed to look at me.

"How do you feel?" she asks .

"Like I've been dead for three days and just remembered how to breathe."

She moves into my arms without hesitation, and I hold her close, breathing in the scent of her hair, feeling the solid warmth of her body against mine.

"I was so scared," she whispers against my chest. "When Matthew said you'd disappeared, that you might hurt yourself..."

"I thought about it," I admit. "For about ten minutes, I thought about just... stopping. But I felt a bigger punishment was living in the pain.”

"I'm glad you didn't. Hurt yourself, I mean."

"So am I." I pull back to look at her. "Saphy, I need you to know, I'm still going to be possessive. Probably obsessively so. I'm still going to want to know where you are, who you're with, whether you're safe."

"I know."

"And I'm still going to handle threats to you in ways that aren't exactly legal."

"I know that too."

"But I'm going to try to include you in those decisions. To trust you with the truth, even when it's ugly."

She reaches up to cup my face. "And I'm going to try to understand that your possessiveness comes from love, not control. That your need to protect me isn't about limiting my freedom, it's about keeping me safe in a world that's more dangerous than I used to believe. "

"We're going to be a strange couple."

"The strangest. But I think that's what makes us work."

I kiss her then, long and deep, pouring three days of desperation and relief into the connection. When we break apart, I rest my forehead against hers.

"I love you, Saphy Jenkins. Completely, obsessively, probably unhealthily. But I love you."

"I love you too, Sebastian Blackwood. Monster, protector, mine."

Mine. The word sends satisfaction coursing through every nerve ending. She's mine, and I'm hers, and for the first time in my adult life, that feels like enough.

More than enough.

It feels like everything.

*

Later, as we lie tangled together in my bed, her head on my chest and her fingers tracing lazy patterns across my skin, I allow myself to think about the future.

Not the empire I've built or the money I've accumulated or the power I've amassed. But simple things. Waking up next to her every morning. Coming home to her every evening. Learning her moods, her preferences, her dreams .

Building something together that's bigger than either of us alone.

"What are you thinking about?" she murmurs, her breath warm against my chest.

"You. Us. The fact that I have everything I've ever wanted right here in my arms."

"Everything?"

"Everything that matters."

She props herself up on her elbow to look at me. "What about your businesses? Your empire?"

"Will continue to exist. Will continue to generate money and power and influence." I brush a strand of hair away from her face. "But they're not what drives me anymore. You are."

"I don't want to be your whole world, Sebastian. That's too much pressure."

"You're not my whole world. You're the reason my world makes sense."

She smiles, leaning down to kiss me softly. "I can live with that."

"Good. Because you're stuck with me now. No more running away when things get complicated."

"No more running away," she agrees. "But also, no more disappearing to Welsh cottages when you think I'm going to leave you. "

"Deal." I roll her beneath me, settling between her thighs. "Though I make no promises about my response if you ever actually try to leave me."

"Oh really? And what would you do?"

"Hunt you down. Convince you that you belong with me. Probably use illegal surveillance and questionable persuasion techniques."

"So, typical Tuesday for you?"

"Pretty much."

She laughs, the sound pure joy, and I capture it with my mouth. This is what happiness feels like. This is what love is supposed to be, not just passion or obsession or need, but this perfect balance of acceptance and challenge, safety and excitement.

I'm still a monster. I'll still do terrible things to protect what's mine. I'll still solve problems with violence and manipulation when necessary.

But now I'm a monster with something worth protecting. A monster who's learned the difference between possession and partnership.

A monster who's been chosen by an angel brave enough to love him back.

And that makes all the difference in the world.