Page 37 of Trained In Sin

Seb

"Mr. Blackwood?" The voice is crisp, professional. "This is Detective Inspector Sarah Chen with the Metropolitan Police. I'm calling regarding Damon Phillips."

“Good afternoon officer. How may I help you?”

“I believe you are … involved, with his ex-partner Sapphire Jenkins? Is that correct Mr Blackwood?”

“Yes I am.” The mention of Saphys name hurts, like the officer has taken Damons knife and pushed it between my ribs. “Sorry, what is this regarding please?”

"I think it’s best if we discuss this in person Mr Blackwood. Would this afternoon be convenient for you to come to the station and make a statement regarding the last time you saw Mr Phillips?”

"Of course. Whatever you need." I check my watch, calculating. "What time?"

"Four o'clock would be ideal. Ask for me at the front desk."

"I'll be there."

After she disconnects, I lean back in my chair, mind racing. Have they contacted Saphy as well ?

The thought sends a jolt of anticipation through me. I buzz Matthew through the intercom. “Matthew, come up please.” I anxiously tap my pen against the stack of papers on my desk. Minutes later, Matthew steps into my office.

“Seb?”

“Have you heard from your contact at the met? I’ve had a called from one Detective Inspector Sarah Chen, who wants me to make a statement about the last time I saw Phillips.”

“I did hear they’d be contacting people, I wasn’t given a timeline though. Let me follow up, give me ten.” Matthew leaves the room, digging his phone out of his pocket. I go back to tapping my papers. If she’s there today, if I can see her….

Matthew steps back in after what feels like hours. In reality it’s only been three or four minutes.

“Chen is who’s investigating Phillips’ death. She’s asked you to come in at four, and Ms Jenkins to come in at 4.30.”

“Ok. Ok, get James Carmichael on the phone. Tell him it's urgent."

Carmichael is the best criminal defence solicitor in London, expensive, ruthless, and completely unscrupulous. If Saphy needs legal representation, I want her to have the best, whether she knows I'm providing it or not.

"Clear my diary of everything from 3pm onward.”

Matthew nods and exits, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Three weeks since she fled from me in horror. Three weeks of searching, of surveillance teams coming up empty, of lying awake at night wondering if she's safe, if she's eating, if she's as miserable without me as I am without her .

The not knowing has been eating me alive.

I catch my reflection in the office window and grimace.

Matthew's right, I look like hell. My usually immaculate appearance has suffered during the weeks of obsessive searching.

My shirts are wrinkled, my tie askew, stubble darkening my jaw because I can't be bothered with the routine of shaving.

Dark circles under my eyes speak to sleepless nights spent staring at my phone, hoping for a message that never comes.

I should clean up before going to the station. Should present the polished facade of Sebastian Blackwood, successful businessman with nothing to hide. But part of me wants her to see what her absence has done to me. Wants her to understand that I'm unravelling without her.

My phone buzzes. Carmichael.

"Sebastian. What do you need?"

"A young woman named Sapphire Jenkins will be interviewed by the Met this afternoon. Probably without representation. I want you there."

"What's the case?"

"Homicide investigation. She's not a suspect, just a witness, but I want her protected."

"And your interest in Ms. Jenkins?"

"Personal."

There's a pause. Carmichael knows better than to ask follow-up questions when I use that tone .

"I'll handle it. What's her relationship to you?"

"She doesn't know I'm involved. Keep it that way unless she specifically asks for help."

"Understood. My usual rate?"

"Double it. This is priority one."

After arranging the legal protection Saphy doesn't know she needs, I spend the remaining hour trying to focus on work. It's impossible. Every few minutes I check my phone for updates from the surveillance team, waiting for confirmation that she's arrived.

*

The drive to the police station feels endless. Traffic moves like molasses, every red light an eternity. By the time I arrive, it's 3.45, giving me only fifteen minutes to spare.

I badge in at the front desk, playing the concerned businessman role to perfection. Detective Inspector Chen greets me with professional courtesy, explaining that they’ll be with me shortly.

"Of course. I understand these things take time."

Chen escorts me to a waiting area, uncomfortable plastic chairs and the institutional smell of disinfectant and desperation. I've been in places like this before, though usually under very different circumstances.

Then I see her .

She's sitting in a chair near the far wall, Beth beside her, both of them looking like deer caught in headlights. Saphy's lost weight, I can see it in her face, the sharp angles where softness used to be. Her skin is pale, almost grey, and there are dark circles under her eyes that mirror my own.

She looks fragile. Broken. Nothing like the vibrant woman who came to my office that night and surrendered herself to me completely.

Seeing her like this, seeing what my actions have done to her, hits harder than any physical blow.

She notices me at the same moment I'm cataloguing her appearance. Her eyes widen, colour draining from her already pale face. Beth immediately moves closer, protective instincts activated.

I stand slowly, careful not to make any sudden movements that might spook her further. But I need to talk to her, need to explain before she goes into that interview room with only half the truth.

"Saphy."

My voice carries across the waiting area, making several other people look up. But I only have eyes for her, for the way she presses back into her chair like she's trying to disappear.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice is barely above a whisper.

"Same as you. Answering questions about Phillips."

"You..." She looks confused, lost. "They called you too?"

"They know we were……together, before his death. ”

Beth leans forward, hostility radiating from every line of her body. "You need to stay away from her."

"I need to talk to her. Privately."

"Like hell…."

"Beth, it's okay." Saphy's voice is quiet but firm. She stands on unsteady legs, and I have to resist the urge to reach out and steady her. "We can... we can talk for a minute."

Beth looks like she wants to argue, but something in Saphy's expression stops her. Instead, she settles for a warning glare in my direction.

Saphy follows me to a quieter corner of the waiting area, maintaining careful distance between us. Everything about her body language screams fear, and it's killing me.

"You look terrible," I say, because it's true and because I can't help myself.

"Thanks. So do you."

We stand there for a moment, just looking at each other. Three weeks apart, and the space between us feels like an ocean.

"Saphy, before you go in there…."

"Don't." She holds up a hand, stopping me midsentence. "I don't want to hear your explanations or justifications. I saw what I saw."

"You saw me protect you from someone who was planning to hurt you."

"I saw you murder someone. "

The words hang between us, brutal in their simplicity. But there's something else in her voice, uncertainty. Like she's trying to convince herself as much as me.

"You don't understand what he was…."

"I understand enough." But her voice wavers slightly. "I understand that you killed an unarmed man in cold blood."

"He wasn't unarmed when he attacked me. And he wasn't innocent."

"Innocent of what? Being upset about a breakup? Being unable to let go?" Her voice rises slightly, drawing glances from other people in the waiting area. She notices and lowers it again. "That doesn't justify…."

"Princess." The endearment stops her cold. "You're about to learn things about Damon Phillips that are going to change everything you think you know about him. About that night. About what I saved you from."

Something flickers in her eyes, doubt, curiosity, fear. "What are you talking about?"

"When you go in there, when they tell you what they found on his computers, what he was really involved in..." I step closer, noting how she doesn't immediately back away. "You're going to understand why he had to die."

"Sebastian, I…."

"Mr Blackwood?" Detective Inspector Chen appears beside us, interrupting whatever Saphy was about to say. "We're ready for you now. "

“Yes of course, thank you Detective.”

I look at Saphy one more time, before following Detective Chen into the waiting room.

*

As Matthew expected, the statement is routine. Did I see anything abnormal in Damons behaviour, had Saphy told me anything about him? I kept my answers brief, and made sure Saphy wasn’t implicated in anything. By the end, Detective Chen merrily sent me on my way.

As I step back into the waiting room, Saphy is sat back next to Beth, chewing her fingers. Detective Chen heads in her direction.

“Ms Jenkins, would you come with me please?”

"Actually," a new voice interjects, "Ms. Jenkins won't be speaking without representation."

We all turn to see James Carmichael approaching, expensive suit, predatory smile, briefcase in hand. He looks exactly like what he is: the kind of lawyer who could get a serial killer acquitted on a technicality.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Chen asks, clearly annoyed by the complication.

"James Carmichael, representing Ms. Jenkins." He hands her a business card with practiced efficiency. "I'll need a few minutes to consult with my client before any interview proceeds. "

"I didn't…." Saphy starts, looking bewildered. "I didn't call a lawyer."

Carmichael's eyes flick to me briefly, so quickly that only I notice. "Someone concerned about your welfare contacted my office. Pro bono work, naturally."

Chen looks suspicious but can't argue with someone's right to legal representation. "Very well. Conference room B is available for client consultation."

As Carmichael guides a stunned Saphy toward the conference room, she looks back at me over her shoulder. The expression on her face is unreadable, confusion, suspicion, something that might be gratitude.

"I'll be waiting," I tell her. "When you're done, when you know the truth, I'll be here."

She disappears into the conference room, leaving me alone with Beth, who's staring at me with naked hostility.

"You arranged for the lawyer," she says. It's not a question.

"She deserves the best representation available."

"Even though she wants nothing to do with you?"

"Especially because of that." I settle back into my chair, prepared to wait as long as necessary. "She's about to learn some very unpleasant truths about the man she lived with for three years. When she does, she's going to need someone who understands what it means to eliminate monsters."

"You're delusional if you think this changes anything. She saw you kill someone. "

"She saw me kill a predator who was planning to kidnap her." I meet Beth's glare steadily. "When she understands what Phillips really was, she'll realize I saved her life."

"And if she doesn't? If she still wants nothing to do with you?"

The question hits the fear I've been trying to ignore for three weeks. What if knowing the truth about Phillips isn't enough? What if she can accept that he deserved to die but still can't accept being with someone who enjoyed killing him?

"Then I'll respect her choice.”

Because the truth is, I'm not capable of letting her go. Not now, not after tasting what it's like to have her completely. She can run, she can hide, she can bring lawyers and police and anyone else she thinks will protect her from me.

But she's mine. She chose me once, surrendered to me completely, and that doesn't just disappear because she's scared.

The interview will change everything. When she learns what Phillips really was, when she understands that I eliminated a monster who was using their relationship as cover for unspeakable crimes, she'll see me differently.

She'll understand that some killings aren't murders, they're justice.

And maybe, just maybe, she'll come home where she belongs.

I settle in to wait, ignoring Beth's continued glares and the curious looks from other people in the waiting area. Let them stare. Let them wonder what I'm doing here, why I look like hell, why I'm watching that conference room door like my life depends on what happens behind it .

Because it does.

Saphy is about to learn the truth about the monster she shared her bed with for three years. And when she does, she's going to need someone who understands that sometimes, the only way to stop a monster is to become one yourself.

I'm prepared to be her monster for as long as she'll have me.

And if she won't have me?

Then I'll be her monster anyway.