Page 26 of Trained In Sin

Saphy

I wake up in my own bed feeling like a completely different person.

Every muscle in my body aches in the most delicious way, reminders of last night painted across my skin in the form of fingerprint bruises on my hips, beard burn on my throat, and a tenderness between my legs that makes me flush just thinking about it.

I stretch, running my hands over the marks Sebastian left on my body. Mine. The word echoes in my head in his voice, rough with possession and desire. I am his now, in ways I never was with Damon, in ways I didn't even know were possible.

The guilt tries to creep in as I shower, washing away the physical evidence of what we did while the emotional impact remains burned into my memory. Three years with Damon, and I broke up with him yesterday only to end up in another man's bed, well, on his desk, the same night.

But underneath the guilt is something stronger: relief. Pure, overwhelming relief that I finally stopped lying to myself about what I wanted. That I finally chose passion, even knowing the risks.

My phone buzzes as I'm getting dressed. A text from Sebastian: Good morning, beautiful. How are you feeling?

The simple message sends heat pooling low in my belly. I can practically hear his voice, see that satisfied smirk he wore when I left his office last night .

Sore , I text back, then add: In all the best ways .

His response is immediate: Perfect. That's exactly how I want you to feel every morning.

The possessiveness in his words should probably concern me, but instead it sends a thrill through me. This is what I've been craving without even knowing it, someone who wants me with this kind of intensity.

*

Beth is already waiting at our usual café when I arrive, and I can see her studying my face before I even sit down.

"Holy shit," she says without preamble. "You fucked Stalker."

I freeze halfway into my chair. "What? How did you…."

"You're glowing. Like, literally glowing. And you're walking differently." She leans forward, lowering her voice. "Also, what's that on your neck?"

My hand flies instinctively to my throat, where I know Sebastian's mouth left its mark despite my attempts to cover it with makeup. "It's nothing."

"It's a hickey. A very prominent hickey that you're trying to hide with concealer.

" Beth sits back, her expression a mixture of concern and fascination.

"Saphy, you broke up with Damon yesterday”.

She stares at me in disbelief. "You went straight from breaking up with your boyfriend to sleeping with your stalker. "

"He's not…." I start, then stop. Because technically, that's exactly what happened. "It's not like that, Beth."

"Then what is it like? Because from where I'm sitting, it looks like you've lost your bloody mind."

I take a deep breath, trying to find the words to explain what I'm barely understanding myself. "It's like I've been sleepwalking for three years and I finally woke up. Like I finally understand what all those books and movies were talking about when they mentioned passion."

"Passion?" Beth's voice rises slightly. "Saphy, this man has been stalking you for weeks. He broke into your flat. He harassed you."

"I know what he is." I meet her eyes steadily. "But I also know what I felt last night. And it was more real, more alive, than anything I felt in three years with Damon."

Beth studies my face for a long moment. "You're serious about this."

"I am."

"And you think this is going to end well? With a man who thinks taking what he wants is acceptable behaviour?"

"I don't know how it's going to end. But I know I can't go back to pretending I'm satisfied with half a life." I lean forward. "Beth, when he touches me, I feel like I'm on fire. When he looks at me, I feel like the most desirable woman alive. I've never felt anything like it."

"And that's worth the danger? The risk?"

"Maybe. I don't know yet. But I'm going to find out. "

Beth shakes her head, but I can see the concern in her eyes is mixed with something else, understanding, maybe. "Just promise me you'll be careful. Promise me you won't lose yourself completely in this."

"I promise. Besides you’re the one who told me to really think about what I want." Though I'm not entirely sure what I'm promising. Last night changed something fundamental in me, and I'm not sure there's any going back.

“True, I didn’t exactly mean fuck your stalker though. Just please, tell me one thing. Was it good?”

I don’t think my face could get any redder if I tried. “Beth!”

My phone buzzes on the table. A text from an unknown number, but I recognize the tone immediately.

Saphy, please call me. We need to talk. I think you're making a huge mistake. - Damon

I show Beth the message, watching her eyebrows rise.

"He's not giving up easily. I don’t know what you expected." she observes.

"He'll have to." But even as I say it, something cold settles in my stomach. The desperation in his voice last night, the anger when I wouldn't be swayed. It was a side of Damon I'd never seen before.

Another text comes through: I love you. We can work through this. Don't throw away three years over some moment of confusion.

Then another: I know you're reading these. Please just call me back .

And another: Saphy, answer your phone. This is ridiculous.

"Jesus," Beth mutters, reading over my shoulder. "How many is that?"

I scroll up, counting. "Thirteen. In the last ten minutes."

My phone starts ringing. Damon's name on the screen.

"Don't answer it," Beth says immediately.

"I have to. He's not going to stop until I do."

I answer on the fourth ring. "Damon…."

"Thank god. Saphy, listen to me. I know you're upset about last night, but…."

"I'm not upset. I meant what I said."

"No, you didn't. You were emotional, confused. You've been under a lot of stress at work…."

"Stop." I keep my voice firm. "Stop trying to explain away my feelings. I know what I want, and it's not this."

"It's not what? A man who loves you? A stable relationship? A future together?"

"It's not enough, Damon. I don’t think it ever was."

There's a long pause, and when he speaks again, his voice is different. Harder. "There's someone else, isn't there? This isn't about us not being enough. You've been cheating on me. "

The accusation hits like a slap, partly because it's true. I did kiss Sebastian while I was still with Damon. I did go to him within hours of ending our relationship.

"That's not…."

"Who is it, Saphy? Some guy from work? Someone you met at that club?" His voice is getting louder, more aggressive. "How long has this been going on? You fucking whore!"

I flinch at his words. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that we're over."

"We're not over until I say we're over!" The shout makes me flinch again. "Three years, Saphy. Three fucking years of my life invested in you, in us. You don't get to just walk away."

The possessiveness in his voice, so different from Sebastian's controlled intensity, makes my skin crawl. "Yes, I do. That's how breakups work."

"Not this one. Not us. I won't let you destroy what we have because you're having some crisis."

The line goes dead. I stare at the phone, my hands shaking slightly.

"What did he say?" Beth asks gently.

"That he won't let me go. That this isn't over." I set the phone down with more force than necessary. "God, Beth, I lived with him for three years. How did I never see this side of him?"

"Because you never tried to leave before. Some people only show their true colours when they're losing control. "

My phone buzzes again. Another text from Damon: I'm sorry I shouted. I'm just scared of losing you. Please, let's meet and talk about this properly.

Then another: I know where you are. The cafe on Mill Street. I can see you through the window.

Beth and I both turn toward the street, scanning the faces of people walking past. There, across the road, standing under a shop awning. Damon. He raises his hand in a small wave when he sees us looking.

"Fuck," I breathe. "He followed me."

"Come on." Beth grabs my arm. "We're leaving. Now."

We gather our things quickly, Beth leaving money on the table while I try to avoid looking toward the window. But I can feel him watching us, feel the weight of his stare as we head for the back exit.

"Is he following?" I ask as we slip out the rear door into the alley behind the café.

Beth glances back. "I don't see him. But Saphy, this is serious. You need to tell someone about this."

"Tell them what? That my ex-boyfriend is upset about our breakup? That's not exactly a crime."

"Stalking is."

The word hangs between us, and I realize the irony. I've been calling Sebastian a stalker for weeks, but his pursuit felt different. Intense, yes. Overwhelming, certainly. But not threatening. Not like this sick feeling in my stomach as I realize Damon might not accept my decision.

My phone buzzes again. I don't want to look, but I force myself to check.

This isn't over, Saphy. I'll prove to you that we belong together.

The certainty in his words, so different from the pleading in his calls, makes my blood run cold.

"I need to go home," I tell Beth. "I need to think."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No. I'll be fine." But I'm not sure I believe that anymore.

As we part ways, Beth gripping my hands tightly before letting me go, I can't shake the feeling that breaking up with Damon has unleashed something I wasn't prepared for. Something that won't be reasoned with or discouraged.

For the first time since this all began, I understand why Sebastian's pursuit felt so different. He never tried to convince me I was wrong about my own feelings. He wanted me to realise that I wanted him too. He never claimed ownership over my choices.

He simply made it clear he was waiting for me to want it too.

Damon, apparently, has a very different approach to losing something he considers his.

And I'm beginning to realise that last night, in choosing Sebastian, I may have made myself a target of something far more dangerous than desire.