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“It’s okay. It’s not like you were intentionally avoiding them, you have someone who’s here to see you. You can explain it when you see her—I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“I know,” I said with a small sigh .

And I did know—it was true that I could just explain it all to Maya and it’d probably be fine. But I wasn’t exactly happy about it.

Since I’d started seeing Maya, the most important thing to me was that I maintained a balance between her and basketball. I never wanted to lose sight of what I loved, but I also didn’t want to have to give her up—or make her feel left behind—because of my sport and future career.

After getting pulled into a few more meandering conversations with Bendr’s friends—who were very nice and supportive but didn’t know shit about basketball—I thanked them all again and headed off with the team for our post-game huddle.

True to my word about keeping my personal life and basketball separate, I didn’t miss a single word of what Coach Darlene said after the game. My mind didn’t wander to Maya or if she was going to be mad at me for getting held up.

I saved that for after Coach finished.

When we were set free to shower and go home, I grabbed my phone from my locker. I didn’t see a text from Maya, which stung a little bit but I couldn’t blame her. She knew I didn’t have my phone on the court with me; it would’ve been pointless for her to try and have reached me that way.

Did you go home? I wrote Maya, knowing there was no way she was still in the arena. Even if she had wanted to wait for me, it’d been too long at this point. The custodians and building staff would’ve cleared her out. But maybe she was hovering nearby, waiting in the parking lot with Iris.

Yeah, we walked back. The pictures of you guys with Bendr are really cute , she wrote. They’re already up all over social media.

I bit my lip, guilt still swirling in my stomach.

Nothing she said indicated that she was upset, but this felt like the first time I hadn’t been able to keep our post-game tradition going.

We’d known Bendr was coming, but I wasn’t expecting it to turn into what it was.

And it wasn’t fair of me to expect Maya to wait around for me.

Can I see you tonight? I texted, even though I wasn’t totally sure how that was even going to be possible. I couldn’t duck out on my team for a girl, but I also didn’t want to leave Maya hanging tonight.

Text me when you’re free and we can see if I’m still awake , Maya wrote back and I wasn’t sure what that meant.

Are you mad at me? I wrote, half as a joke but half genuinely wondering.

I appreciated that things between us had felt so normal and stable that I didn’t feel like a loser for asking.

I genuinely needed to know for us to be able to figure things out together.

I couldn’t make her feel better until I knew that she actually was upset.

Maya took a little longer to respond this time than she had initially. The longer I waited, the antsier I felt. My text was suddenly feeling less lighthearted and playful and way more annoying .

The little bubbles popped up, telling me that she was drafting something.

I thought back on all of our conversations about how she’d never been someone who was into commitment or anything serious.

My stomach lurched at the thought that this might be it.

We’d been able to get away with being so happy and stable because nothing had been going on between us.

But eventually, things would have to get serious and real, and I wasn’t sure how a girl who’d never wanted anything serious was going to take that.

No, I’m not. I promise. I’m just disappointed I didn’t get to see you , she wrote back and her answer was honest enough that I believed her. It genuinely made me feel better.

“Ready?” GJ asked, clapping a hand to my shoulder. Her duffel bag was hanging over her shoulder. “I think I’ll shower at home and then we can meet up with everyone from there.”

“Yeah,” I said. I tried to muster up enthusiasm for the team—we’d won, we were in great shape for our game against Point Brook, our record was still one of the best we’d ever had in program history.

But even so, I couldn’t completely shake off the feeling in the pit of my stomach that it was only going to get harder to balance everything as time went on.

After going out with the team to a house party—a singular beer in my system at the request of GJ—I texted Maya to see if she was still awake. She texted back not much later that she’d just gotten into bed .

Come join me , she wrote.

I’d never cut across campus so quickly to get anywhere. I made it to her apartment in record time, GJ watching my location the entire walk to make sure that I made it safely. Maya buzzed me into her apartment, and I took the steps two at a time to her front door.

Inside, the lights in the apartment were off and Iris’s door was closed with no light peeking out from under it. Maya’s room had a faint glow coming out from the bottom, telling me she was still awake.

I slowly opened her bedroom door so I wouldn’t scare her. “Hey,” I whispered.

“Hey,” she said. “Come lie down.”

“Did you have fun at karaoke?” I asked. Maya had gone out with Iris and some of her other friends for a birthday.

“Yeah, it was amazing,” Maya said. I dropped all of my clothes to the floor until I was standing in only briefs and my sports bra, and then crawled into bed with her. She laid her head on my chest. “How was going out with the team? Did you get to party with Bendr?”

I laughed. “No, I don’t think the Lakeside Green party scene would really be his vibe. I’m sure he got out of here as soon as he could after the game. It was cool he stopped by, though.”

“I should’ve invited him to karaoke. People would’ve loved that.”

“They definitely would’ve. Free drinks all night, I’m sure,” I said.

I settled further into bed, and Maya readjusted around me.

It was perfect and cozy and everything I could’ve possibly asked for.

But I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep until we addressed the elephant in the room.

Or at least, the elephant that didn’t seem to exist to Maya but felt like it was crushing my chest.

“Are we okay?” I asked, stroking her hair. “From after the game? I really am sorry I wasn’t able to find you.”

“Oh, it’s okay,” Maya said in the most serious and genuine tone I’d probably ever heard her use.

It was immediately obvious she wasn’t being passive-aggressive or playing it off.

Maya and I were still getting to know each other, but her direct communication was a trend I’d noticed.

She didn’t bullshit—at least, not when it came to me.

It didn’t seem like I’d have to jump through hoops to get information out of her, which I appreciated.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. It happens. Things get busy.”

I was quiet for a moment. “I just really like the tradition we had going,” I said.

She smiled, snuggling in closer. “Me too.”

“My parents tried to do something similar for me. They’d call after games.”

“That’s sweet.”

“Yeah, it is. It didn’t really end up working out, though. We could never catch each other at the right times.”

“Hm.” Maya’s response was so easygoing that I could only assume she wasn’t as worried as I was.

All I kept thinking about was how hard my parents and I had tried to keep some kind of tradition going, and we hadn’t been able to.

Things had just gotten in the way, one thing after another.

It wasn’t anyone’s fault, and it didn’t change that I knew they loved me and supported me; we really were just busy.

But still. It meant that caring about someone and trying to make time for someone didn’t mean there would always be time. And I couldn’t help but worry that maybe it was inevitable with a schedule—and future—like mine.