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I thought back to our first interaction and how much had changed since then.

The period of my life when I didn’t know Theo felt like a lifetime ago.

Even though it hadn’t been that long, I couldn’t help but think back on how cute it all was.

Meeting each other, going to games. How nervous I’d been going to see her and messaging her.

I felt like a completely different person from then to now, and only in the best ways.

Iris always told me that my first significant relationship was going to knock me on my ass—she’d gone through her first big heartbreak as a high school senior—and I’d always brushed it off.

I was insistent that I was never going to change and that I’d always keep one foot out the door.

There was always someone else who was more interesting, a new high that was worth chasing.

But it was different with Theo.

I’d only known her for such a short time, and we’d only just now slept together for the first time, but I knew she was my first big relationship. Or I wanted her to be, at least. I couldn’t argue against it, couldn’t fight it .

The only thing I could do was lean in and hope that nothing changed.

“I didn’t date,” I said, choosing my words carefully. “Everything was casual all the time with everyone. My mom was never big on commitment, and she always seemed so much happier when she wasn’t attached to someone, and I think I got a lot of that from her.”

“Have you ever wanted to date?” Theo asked, and I could hear what she was suggesting. There was such a hopeful and curious undertone.

“Not before you,” I admitted.

We both sat in silence, letting my words sink in. I was just as surprised I’d said them as I was sure Theo was to hear them.

As soon as I opened the door to my hotel room, I heard Iris’s feet scramble on the hotel carpet. She met me right in front of the entrance.

“How was it? Tell me everything,” she said as she grabbed me by the arms.

“Hi to you too,” I said, but I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. “How was the diner?’

She waved off my comment. “You know neither of us cares about the diner. You’re literally glowing.

” She followed me back toward the hotel beds where I kicked off my shoes and threw myself down.

Memories came flooding back—Theo’s hands in my hair, her low voice asking me what I liked and what felt good, her sheets against my bare skin.

Hotels were never going to be the same for me.

Utah as a whole was never going to be the same to me—this place suddenly felt like the sexiest state in the nation; it might as well have been Vegas.

“I thought that was a myth that people glowed and looked different after sex, but it’s like someone put a lightbulb on inside of you. ”

“It was…amazing,” I admitted. I put my hands to my face, resisting squealing like a little kid.

“I really like her, Iris. It was perfect. I’ve never been treated like that before.

She was so…gentle. And attentive. It was like receiving the best massage of my life or something.

I don’t even know how to explain it. It was definitely the best sex of my life. ”

Iris sat down on the edge of her bed. “I’m seething with jealousy, but I’m so happy for you. I’m glad you guys were finally able to figure it out. I was worried it’d end up being one of those things where you wait until graduation and realize too late that you were both into each other.”

“I’m glad it wasn’t,” I said. My body hummed with lingering pleasure and the sensation of being with Theo. It wasn’t just post-sex glow; it was post-Theo glow. It was perfect. It was storybook sex, porn sex, feels like the first time sex.

“I’m assuming you’re going to see her again, then.”

I nodded. There was no use in pretending that I wasn’t going to want to see her. All I wanted was to be near her again. I was relieved she’d only be out of town for one more game this week, and then I’d have her again next week. Days were going to feel like years, but it was worth it to me .

“Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?” Iris teased and then sighed. “I can’t believe it really happened. Someone finally broke down Maya Healy’s walls. It was going to happen eventually. I’m just glad it was Theo.”

“You want the friends and family of WAG discount.”

She held her hands up. “All I’m saying is this is the best-case scenario for me. I don’t think there’s a partner in the world I’d be happier with for you for a multitude of reasons.”

I snorted. “Playing the long game for you.”

“You can’t even make the jokes properly anymore, I see that smile on your face.”

“Whatever,” I said, even though I could feel that it was true.

In the weeks following, I kept waiting for the happy little honeymoon bubble to burst but it didn’t. Unlike my crushes before, my feelings for Theo seemed to only intensify. What I’d been feeling before we’d gotten together continued to be true—I liked her more the more I got to know her.

To my surprise, she continued to be just as kind and supportive as when we first met.

I couldn’t find any cracks in the armor, anything that suggested she’d been putting on a show for me.

The only thing that seemed to change was rather than waiting for me to make a move, she was more assertive and way more willing to take charge—and I didn’t have any complaints about that

“I was thinking about you in class today,” Theo said after we practically sprinted from her front door to her bedroom.

Our time spent together had flown by over the winter months; we’d accidentally built a routine around each other.

She’d barely waited for me to completely shut the door before I was in her arms again, her face buried in my neck.

The feeling of her lips against my skin was so distracting that I could barely formulate a response.

It’d been weeks of this—blowing through finals and the holidays.

Theo’s basketball schedule was intense the entire time.

There was no time to really celebrate having time off from classes when her travel schedule was still just as rigorous.

I’d stuck around by association. My mom was off in Cancun with some guy she’d been seeing on and off, and I didn’t have any friends from back home I was going to go out of my way to see.

Holidays had never been a tradition for me, so it wasn’t a loss.

I felt worse for Theo, who was on the phone with her parents multiple times a week to check in.

It was obvious that not being home for the holidays was hard for her.

“This is how it is every year,” she said when I asked her about it, and we left it at that.

Things were similar for New Years—there was no time off, no ability to go out all night and drink when there were games to play. Theo still maintained her pre-game routine, so our time together was limited to random chunks of time and sleepovers where she was usually up hours before me.

If anyone had told me that this would be my life a few months ago, I would’ve told them that there was no way I’d be down for something like that. The schedule was all over the place—Theo was constantly here and then there, constantly up and out. She was always needed at practice or at a game.

But I didn’t mind it. It felt like easing myself into something. It gave me time to miss Theo instead of working myself up and spiraling out.

Theo was also more than worth it. Despite her schedule, she was attentive and kind; she was busy but she wasn’t neglectful, and that was all that mattered.

She took good care of me and actually listened to my day.

There were people I’d met with schedules not even one-quarter as intense who couldn’t bother to send a text back.

I dragged Theo toward her bed, ready to get lost in the feeling of being with her.

I was certain that the shoe was going to drop, that something was going to ruin everything, but it wasn’t coming.

The more time we spent together, the looser the knot in my chest became, and I realized that maybe I wasn’t anti-commitment as much as I’d been uninterested in committing to anyone before her.