Page 152 of Tied to You

And I’m okay with that.

Or, I was. Will he ever be ready? Letting out a sigh, I don’t want to go over this again. It’s too exhausting.

When we make it back home, I drop the bag on the side and kick off my shoes. Janette’s here with me, trailing behind, trying to make sure I’m okay. In all honesty, I’ve been a mess since I purchased the test she made me get at the shop on the way home.

This was never in my plan when I came here. This was never something I had envisioned for myself.

But here I am. Engaged and potentially knocked-up with an outlaw’s baby. I feel my heart pang, and I hate myself for thinking this. I don’t care who he is or what he does. I know he’s what I want and where my future lies. Everything else is irrelevant.

So why isn’t he here? Why hasn’t he answered my calls or my texts? Feeling tears begin to mount, I pull out my phone. It’s ten o’clock. He should be here.

Me: I don’t need anything but you. Come home x

No reply.

“Do you need me to stay?”

I turn around, looking at Janette.

She’s looking around the place, probably hoping Travis was here, like me.

“No, I’ll be fine.”

“Will you call me once you know?”

I smile, but it’s hard. “I think I’ll wait for Travis.”

She gives a small sigh as she rubs her nose. “Okay. You know where I am if you need me.”

I nod and walk toward her, wrapping my arms around her. I know she’ll appreciate it. “I’ll call in the morning.”

I go to pull away, but she doesn’t let me go. “We love you.”

I sink into her hold. “I love you too.”

Watching her leave, I then make myself a tea and sit down at the breakfast bar. The bag stares at me, taunting me to open it. Sipping my tea, the same twang of disgust makes me recoil, forcing me to hold the mug out like it’s going to explode. I put it down and get out of my seat, quickly pacing to the fridge and opening the door, grabbing the milk and reading the label. The veryin datelabel. Shit.

One more glance at the bag, and I know I have to take the test. The test that could change everything, or make everything okay.

Snatching it off the counter, I walk to the bathroom and take the stick from the box. I haven’t done one of these before. I quickly read what I have to do and pee on the stick, leaving it on the side as I wait. Wondering.

Three minutes pass slower than having to watch paint dry. I picture Travis holding a baby in his arms. A life where we have a family. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to think it because it’s not what he wants, yet, it’s the easiest thing I could have imagined. It’s the clearest image I could have seen. If I wasn’t sitting here waiting to see if I’m pregnant with his child, it wouldn’t bother me not having it. But peeking a look at the stick, I know if this comes back positive, that reality will be one he never wanted. Living with it will be difficult. Impossible?

Will he expect me to get rid of it? Will he tell me it’s him or a baby? I’ve seen him on some pretty dark days, but I don’t believe he’d be capable of asking me to do something like that. I hope not, anyway.

Hearing the front door gently close, I quickly stand and rush to see if it’s him. It is. He’s back. His head’s hung low; an invisible weight sat on his shoulders. “Where’ve you been?” No doubt he’s been riding.

“Needed to clear my head.”

Relief envelopes me that he hasn’t been drinking. I can tell by the way he pulls off his cap and throws his cut on the hook that he’s sober. Walking to me, his hand places on my hip as he dips and rests his lips against my head.Then he walks past me and into the bathroom.

Rooted to the spot, I’m not sure if it’s good or bad that he didn’t say any more. That he didn’t pull me into his arms and apologise for leaving the way that he did.

There’s a bang from behind, a crashing of the door being flung open a few moments later. “What’s this?”

I swivel on my heels, noting the white stick in his hand.Shit.I swallow. “It’s a pregnancy test.”

He looks down at it. “You’re pregnant?”