Page 29

Ellie

I don’t see the collision, but I do hear the spine-chilling, bone-crunching thump ricochet around the stadium followed by the collective gasps of horror and shouts of anger. My eyes shoot back towards the field, my blood running cold as ice and draining from my face entirely when I see Colin lying on the ground, spread out on his side.

He’s not moving.

Why isn’t he moving?

Time slows until it practically stops altogether and something invisible winds around my heart, clenching hard and crushing it. I try to breathe, but I can’t seem to make my body respond normally. Within seconds he’s surrounded by the ref, EMTs and other players from both teams, obscuring my view. An uneasy commotion stirs around the stadium and I hear screams as a fight breaks out somewhere nearby, but I don’t look to see what’s happening. I only catch a handful of hushed words being whispered near me.

Bad tackle in the air…

Landed on his shoulder…

Looks like he’s being taken off to be examined…

No.

Oh my god…no.

I’m not sure how many seconds or minutes pass or how long I stand there trying to process everything that’s happening, but my legs s eem to move on their own and suddenly I’m running, tearing out of the stands and heading towards the bowels of the stadium. I hear someone shout my name behind me. Probably Liv or Nat, but I don’t stop to listen or to find out which one of them it was. There’s only one person I want to see right now. I squeeze my way past people and shove others out of my way when they don’t give me a choice, not caring or even noticing if anyone gets mad at me. My mind is reeling.

This can’t be happening.

It can’t.

When I reach the lower level of the stadium, I hear the announcer say something over the speakers, the sound penetrating through the thick concrete, but the voice is too muffled to make out clearly. I head down the stairs and turn down a corridor, pushing through a set of double doors that are only meant to be used by authorised personnel, but that I know lead to where the medical suits are, assuming that’s where I’ll find Colin. I walk quickly and with purpose, not making eye contact with anyone and acting like I belong here, only to come to a screeching halt when I turn the corner and spot Graeme standing right outside the very place where I want to go. I slip back behind cover at once, peering around the edge of the wall to try and get a better look at him. He’s pacing anxiously outside the doors with his hands tucked deep in the pockets of his bomber jacket and his brow crinkled with worry.

Damn it!

The second he lays his eyes on me, there’s a good chance he’ll either turn me away or refuse to help me entirely. Hell, he may even have me thrown out of here. I clench my jaw and my eyes burn as fresh tears stream down my cheeks. I search my surroundings, trying to figure out how to get around him without being seen, but it’s no use. The long, wide corridor doesn’t offer anywhere else to hide and as far as I know, there isn’t another way to get inside the medical rooms, short of going in through a window in the back which I definitely won’t be doing. I have to see Colin though. I need to make sure he’s all right and no one’s going to stop me, not even his brother.

Steeling my spine and squashing down my nerves, I raise my chin and step out into the open, ready to make a run for the door if I have to, only to freeze after a few steps when Graeme’s glacial blue eyes lift and land directly on me. He pauses as well, staring at me like he’s stunned to see me standing there.

Is he really that surprised?

Did he honestly think I wouldn’t come?

Working my throat, I force myself to keep moving, walking towards him and the door behind him.

“Ellie –”

“– I’m seeing him, Graeme whether you want me to or not.”

Feeling bold and undeterred, I move to step around him, but his large hands grab me by the shoulders, holding me firmly in place. I try to pull out of his ironlike grasp, but he doesn’t budge. If anything, his grip tightens.

Seriously?

What the fuck is his deal?

I lift my head and narrow my eyes at him, my mouth curling with fury, but it doesn’t last long, because apart from the anguish in his gaze, a look of pure relief washes over him as well.

Wait .

Is he happy to see me?

Quickly, Graeme casts his fretful eyes left and then right before pulling me off to the side, so we’re huddled against the wall.

“He’s still being examined in there.” He whispers, “It should only be a few more minutes and as soon as they’re done, I’ll get you in to see him, okay?”

My eyebrows lift with surprise, but I nod wordlessly, biting back the urge to ask why he’s helping me all of a sudden. I was certain that after Marco’s attack, he would blame me for what happened and reiterate what he said to me that night at The Arms, only not as nicely this time, but I’m not about to question his offer to help me either.

“Is he okay?” I ask tentatively.

Graeme’s lips twist to one side like he’s in agony. “His shoulder took most of the impact when he landed. I’m not sure how bad it was yet, but don’t –”

He stops talking, his eyes growing wide with apprehension as he glances over my head. I try to peer back over my shoulder to see what he’s looking at, but he swings me around, shielding me from view just as I hear the doors to the medical rooms click open. I can just see around the edge of Graeme’s body, my own eyes going as wide as plates when a senior EMT and Kenneth Hunt step out into the corridor together, their heads bent close while they talk intently. Thankfully they walk off in the opposite direction.

“Don’t move alright?” Graeme breathes once he sees that they’re gone. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

He hurries over to the door they just came out of and pulls it open, disappearing inside and making sure the coast is truly clear before he reappears again and beckons me over to him. I move just as cautiously as he did and once I’m close enough, he gently pushes me into the room.

“Try to make it quick, okay?”

I smile up at him gratefully and step forward, wrapping my arms around his mid-section in a tight, but brief hug.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

When I pull back, one corner of his mouth tilts with a barely-there smile before he turns away and closes the door behind him with a soft click.

The waiting room outside the medical examination suite is empty apart from the framed pictures of past Admirals players decorating the walls and a few comfortable chairs for people to sit in while they wait. A tall standing lamp in the corner farthest from me illuminates the space and the sharp smell of disinfectant hits my nose. I eye the partially open door to the adjoining room nervously, but before I can even think about moving towards it, it opens even more and Lorna Hunt, Colin’s mother, appears.

My heart jumps into my throat.

I thought Graeme checked the room. There’s no way he could’ve missed her unless he thought she wouldn’t mind seeing me here. I’m not sure if she knows about Colin and I. I’ve only met her once and very briefly so it's hard to gauge how she’ll react to seeing me here, but when she lifts her head, her eyes red and rimmed with tears, there’s no sign of anger or betrayal in them. If anything, she looks pleased. Like me, she wearing an Admiral's jersey and her long blonde hair is down, neatly framing her elegant face. Her mouth curls with a sad, but crooked smile as she slips her arms around me.

“I had a feeling there was more to you than meets the eye when we first met,” She whispers, “Now I’m certain of it. ”

She knows.

Even if she doesn’t clarify that point, I know that’s what she means and I relax a little, sinking into her and hugging her back tightly.

“Did…Did he tell you?” I ask quietly.

“I had my suspicions after I saw how you both looked at each other the day we met, but I knew I had to be right after I read what you wrote about him.”

Right.

The article.

His dad has probably read it as well by now. Everyone has. At least she seems to like it. I can’t say if Kenneth Hunt will feel the same way or not, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Colin’s mom pulls back, smiling despite the distress still lingering in her features.

“A word of advice Ellie, this part will never be easy for either of you. Just try to be there for him, okay?”

I nod, smiling too. “I will. I promise.”

If there’s one thing I’ll always give to Colin, it’s my undivided attention and support no matter the situation. Even when we were apart, I was in his corner. She’ll never have to worry about that. Not with me. I wish that we could’ve met sooner. All I really know about her is that she’s a former Prima Ballerina who runs a ballet company, teaches kids how to dance in her spare time and loves her family very much. Hopefully, we’ll get the chance to spend more time with each other in the future.

Lorna nods, pleased to hear it, and after giving me another hug, she shoulders her handbag and leaves the room.

I stand there for a moment after she’s gone, sucking in a quiet breath before finally summing up the courage to go inside the next room. Wh en I reach its threshold, I stop, feeling my heart fall out of rhythm entirely.

Colin is perched on the edge of a padded examination table with his head bent low and his hands gripping the edges so tightly that his knuckles have turned white. He’s shirtless, his jersey discarded on a nearby chair, but I don’t ogle his body the way I typically would. Instead, my eyes take in the dirt and deep red splotches that cover his skin from all the tackles he’s taken tonight. I scan the faded bruises on his ribs, the medical tape around his knee and, finally, the large ice pack strapped heavily to his left shoulder.

I work my throat, my eyes misting over.

He looks so … broken.

I only take two steps into the room before he hears me and his head snaps up. His hard, dark eyes hold me in place like a vice. They’re defeated. Lost. Almost void of anything except pain he’s feeling and it shatters my heart into literally thousands of pieces to see him in so much agony.

“Colin…”

I take another tentative step and his mouth twitches, his lips starting to tremble as his eyelids flutter closed. A single tear rolls down his cheek as he shakes with a silent sob and I rush towards him, being mindful of his sore shoulder as I throw my arms around his middle and tuck myself into his chest, burying my face into the side of his neck. He doesn’t move at first and I’m worried he won’t, but then I feel his arms slide around me with care, like he’s afraid I’ll slip between his fingers like smoke if he squeezes too tightly. I mould myself to him, getting as close as I can physically.

Even then, it's still not close enough .

“I’m sorry.” I hiccup softly, crying as well now. “I’m so, so sorry.”

I can’t apologise enough. For this. For everything. I thought I missed him more than words could ever express, but I didn’t realise just how much I did until now. I never want to go another day without feeling him in my arms like this. Without being warmed by his touch or feeling protected by the peace of mind and comfort that being near him always brings me. I can’t believe I survived so long without him. It doesn’t seem like a possibility now.

“You came back.” He breathes against the shell of my ear, his voice cracking with disbelief and emotion.

His hold on me strengthens and I press a soft kiss against his skin, nuzzling the same spot with my nose.

“I never left,” I whisper back, “Not really.”

I feel him work his throat like he’s parched and when he leans back and tries to turn his head away from me, I stop him, gently cupping his face in my hands. He keeps his eyes cast down though, refusing to look at me.

My chest spasms with fear.

He’s upset with me. Possibly even angry and I can’t blame him. I distanced myself and walked away like a fool when I should have stayed and helped him.

This is on me.

“I promised you that I’d call, remember? I know that I…” But I stop, closing my eyes and shaking my head with regret, because I don’t have any excuses for him and I don’t want to pretend I do either. “I’m sorry, Colin. I…I never should’ve left you that day,” I admit, my throat clogging up with emotion, “I realise now that I hurt you a lot more than Marco did and I understand if you hate me. I probably would as well, but it made me sick to my stomach k nowing that he went after you because of me. That my existence, inadvertently or not, put your life at risk. Your career. Your future. Everything you’ve been working towards. I was terrified that if I stayed it would happen again only, next time, it would be much worse. I told myself you were better off without me, but I hated not seeing you. I hated being away from you. Every time you called and I didn’t answer, a little piece of me died.”

A proper sob slips out and I seal my eyes shut, trying in vain to stop the tears from falling.

“I love you,” I murmur brokenly, “I honestly thought I was protecting you, but I see now that it wasn’t fair for me to make that decision without you.”

I’m not gullible.

What Graeme said at The Arms did strike a chord with me, but that’s not the only reason why I did this. I’ve never wanted to be the source of anyone’s suffering, whether by accident or on purpose, and while I know other things motivated Marco’s actions, it’s hard to accept that I was one of them. When I think of ‘love’ and what it means to me, protecting someone no matter the cost is what comes to my mind first, but when I look at what’s happened now. At what my actions have done, I realise that the price of that protection was too much for either of us. Pulling away from Colin made me that source of pain.

I gave Marco exactly what he wanted; both of us miserable and hurt and I can’t forgive myself for that.

I wouldn’t blame Colin if he couldn’t either.

A warm hand touches my cheek and I feel a thumb wipe away the wetness on my skin. I open my eyes slowly, sucking in a stuttering breath when I see Colin’s brilliant blue ones gazing at me .

“You love me?” He asks softly, “Truly?”

I study his vulnerable eyes, tears glistening in them as well.

“I do.” I lean in, resting my forehead against his, “It feels like I don’t exist unless you’re looking at me. I love you, Col –”

He moves, fusing his mouth with mine and I feel the air in my lungs instantly evaporate along with my ability to speak because he’s kissing me and…God…it feels good. I can’t express how much I’ve missed being kissed by him.

“You have to know, Ellie,” He breathes in between short, hard kisses, “That I’ve never thought of anyone else the way I think about you. You’re everything. My whole fucking life. I love you. I love –”

I slam my mouth against his, whimpering softly and sliding my arms around his neck. He holds me to him, his hand angling my head as he runs his tongue along the seam of my lips, asking for permission to deepen the kiss. I part them for him willingly, feeling my stomach tighten and burst with butterflies when our tongues meet and a flood of warmth cascades through me.

This is what I thought I’d never have again.

Him.

This feeling.

All of it.

“Say it again.” He growls low and I smile, my finger brushing through his hair.

“I love you.” He grins against my lips and I kiss him again and again. “I’ll love you for as I live.”

Am I too young to say something like that?

Probably.

Do I care ?

Not in the fucking slightest.

I’ll say it again, however many times he wants to hear it and as much as I want.

I love you…I love you…I love you.

The arm he has around my lower back tugs me closer and I place my one knee on the edge of the bed, lifting myself up and carefully straddling his waist. I rub myself over his lap, moaning when I feel his cock swell, hardening in his rugby shorts. Colin kisses me, his fingers reaching for the button on my jeans, undoing it and hurriedly pulling the pants and underwear down until they’re around my knees. He brings me back in, our mouths meeting again as I slip my hand passed the elastic seam of his shorts, wrapping my fingers around the girth of his dick. He’s hot and hard and he twitches in my hand as I press my forehead to his, rising onto my knees and holding his heated gaze, slowly lowering myself down onto him.

I gasp at the way he stretches and fills me so perfectly, my eyes hooded and half-closed. His muscles shiver beneath my hands and I cling to him desperately.

God, I’d almost forgotten how good it feels having him inside me like this.

“Ellie.” Colin groans, tipping his head back and already panting hard. “Fuck you’re killing me, love.”

We stay still, holding onto each other, and it registers somewhere in the back of my mind that we should probably hurry up.

We don’t have a lot of time.

Our lips hover as we breathe, brushing softly and ghosting kisses, but before I can start moving someone clears their throat behind me, the sound shattering the moment like an ice-cold bucket of water being poured over our heads. We break apart and I scream, scra mbling off Colin’s lap like a scolded cat and almost falling onto the floor. I stand and spin around, my eyes growing as wide as plates when they land on Kenneth Hunt hovering in the doorway.

Oh. My. God.

I reach down and yank my jeans back up while Colin stands and quickly rights himself as well, my cheeks burning with embarrassment while my heart clamps with a mixture of panic and adrenaline.

Did my boyfriend’s dad just walk in on us almost having sex?

Seriously, what are the chances?

Thank God, my Admiral's jersey reaches the middle of my thighs so he can’t see anything.

Hopefully, he didn’t.

“Miss Simpkins, I wasn’t expecting to see you here. Was I interrupting something?”

It’s a rhetorical question and while there’s nothing outwardly hostile about Kenneth’s body language, something about his tone makes Colin tense behind me. He takes my hand, stepping in front of me so that I’m partially hidden behind him.

“Dad...” He starts, but Mr Hunt holds up a hand, silencing him.

Colin and I exchange a distressing look and whatever happiness we felt a minute ago seems to flee with every second that passes. It was inevitable that his dad would find out about us. If he read the article like I strongly suspect he has then it would be pretty clear that I care for his son more intimately than he initially thought .

And we always planned on telling him, just not like this, obviously.

Judging by the unimpressed look on his face he probably would’ve preferred to find out another way as well.

Mr Hunt steps fully into the room, his jaw set rigidly, eyeing us both like he’s trying to decide how to handle this disaster now that he knows about it. My palms begin to sweat and I shift nervously on my feet. Colin’s hand squeezes mine, reassuring me that he’s here. That he’s not going anywhere.

I squeeze his back with just as much meaning.

Whatever comes next; whatever the consequences are we’ll face them together.

“So, I suppose I’d be correct in assuming that this,” Mr Hunt gestures between us, “Has been going on for a while now?”

Colin nods, his features hard and unwavering; unafraid to admit the truth even if it leads to a fight.

I brace myself for it, but to my surprise, Kenneth Hunt doesn’t yell nor does he cast a disapproving look our way; he merely sighs sombrely, lowering his head and giving it a slight shake.

“I knew there was something different about you.” He muses out loud, talking more to himself than to us.

Colin’s eyebrows dig in, just as stunned as me. “Wait, you knew?”

“I suspected, but I didn’t know for sure.” His dad clarifies, dropping down into a nearby chair, his whole demeanour seeming to relax. “Obviously, I do now.”

“And you’re not…mad?”

Part of the reason we decided not to tell anyone about us was to avoid the potential fallout that could’ve happened if his dad found out. We didn ’t want to risk losing what we’d found together and we knew Kenneth Hunt could meddle with our lives if that’s what he decided to do. Technically, he could forbid Colin from seeing me again, especially if he finds out that I’m part of the reason why Marco attacked him. He could even try to have the article taken down, though I doubt Professor Garrick would let him get away with that. Colin may be old enough to make his own decisions and I’m sure he would rebel if his dad tried to intervene, but it’s not easy going against your family. It’s a hard path to go down and I wouldn’t want him to carry that strain for the rest of his life, or worse, eventually come to resent me because of it.

Technically, his dad still has that power. Whether he chooses to use it or not is entirely up to him. There’s nothing we can do about it. It’s not like we can hide or pretend anymore.

“Did I ever tell you why I retired?”

Confused, my eyebrows pinch together and Colin’s do the same.

Okay.

That’s not what we were expecting him to say at all.

“You got injured too many times and were told, not advised, that you shouldn’t play anymore,” I answer.

I remember reading about that months ago when I did my background research on Colin’s family. Kenneth Hunt had an immensely successful career that would’ve gone on a lot longer than it did if he hadn’t suffered from a repeated knee injury that doctors warned him would continue to get worse if he kept playing. So, he had no choice, but to retire a lot sooner than he or anyone else expected .

Kenneth eyes me, his blue-grey orbs twinkling almost as if he’s impressed.

“Correct, though truthfully, that was only part of the reason. I was going to have an experimental surgery done that would’ve prolonged my career if it was successful, but I decided not to go through with it at the last minute.”

“Why?” Colin breathes, bewildered by this startling new piece of information.

A faint smile crosses his father’s lips. “Newcastle, 2004.”

Colin’s brow creases as a thoughtful look passes over his face before something clicks and his eyes widen with realisation. I look between my boyfriend and his father, completely lost. There was no mention of something terrible or shocking happening to Kenneth Hunt back in 2004 when I did my research. The Newcastle Falcons were his team back then, but the only significant and news-worthy thing that I recalled reading about him around that time was him announcing his retirement from rugby the following year.

Does whatever they’re thinking about have something to do with that decision?

Kenneth must notice my baffled expression, because he sighs heavily, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

“We were playing against Bath. I had the ball and was charging towards their line when two of their players grabbed me around the legs, lifted me up and spear-tackled me into the ground.”

My eyes widen with sheer horror. “What! I-I don’t remember reading about that,” But there’s a very good reason why spear tackles are illegal now .

They’ve caused serious neck or shoulder injuries and even spinal damage before. They’ve ended careers. They’ve even killed people.

A shadow crosses over his face.

“That’s probably because they weren’t illegal yet back then. I was knocked unconscious. Taken to the hospital with a neck injury and a serious concussion.” Kenneth continues, shifting his gaze back to his son, “When I came to, your mother was completely beside herself with worry. She truly believed she’d lost me that night and when I told her I was going to carry on playing after I had healed, she didn’t take it well at all.” He lowers his eyes, his lips skewing sadly. “She hardly came to watch me play after that and every time I left to go to a practice or a game, I could feel her fear and anxiety following me out the door. It leeched itself into our lives. I tried my hardest to convince her that I’d be okay and she tried her best to be supportive and hide how scared she was, but there was this underlying tension in our marriage and it felt like there was a space between us neither of us could breach. I’m glad you and your brothers were too young to remember it because while we were happy and still loved each other deeply, there was always something there, looming over us. Things were perfectly normal during the off-season when I wasn’t playing, but as soon as that first training camp came along, all those fears and unsaid things that your mother and I couldn’t bury or escape would come back again.”

I feel Colin’s hand grip mine even more tightly and I step closer to him so that I’m at his side now rather than behind him. Wrapping my other hand around his bicep, I study his face, trying to read his expression, but all I can make out is shock as his father continues .

“Your mother never asked me to retire from rugby. She would never do that, but I knew I needed to do something to get us back to where were before. Of course, she tried to stop me when I told her what I was going to do. She even apologised for making me think I had to make that decision, but that’s not why I did it.” Kenneth heaves out a pained breath, tears almost forming in his eyes. “I know your mother would’ve gotten over her fears eventually and that we would’ve worked through it together, but I…I almost died that night. If I had landed any differently, I wouldn’t be here right now. None of us would be. Going through something like that leaves a permanent mark and I knew I couldn’t risk it happening again. The thought of losing her or losing any of you was unbearable. So, I announced my retirement to the world. I chose my family over my career and I don’t regret it, not for one, single second.”

Kenneth gets to his feet, tall and unperturbed despite the weight of the story he just told us.

“I know you think you don’t make me proud, Colin, but you do. You and your brothers always have. The only reason why I discouraged this,” He gestures to our clasped hands, “Was because I didn't want any of you to have to make a decision like that so early on in your careers. I never wanted you to think that you could lose someone who is as special to you as your mother is to me, because I can see that’s exactly what this is, isn’t it?”

Colin nods. “It is. I love Ellie, Dad and I understand you were trying to protect me, but I won’t give her up. I can’t. Not even for rugby.”

My heart flutters wildly and I grin, leaning into his arm and pressing my lips into his skin .

“I had a feeling you were going to say that.” His dad chuckles lightly and smiles – actually smiles – fixing his eyes back on me. “I hope you know that this won’t be the last time you’ll see him get injured like this.”

“I know,” I reply simply, easily, “But it won’t matter.”

“And why’s that?”

Still smiling, I meet my boyfriend’s eyes, absorbing every ounce of warmth and happiness I find in them and reflecting it right back. “Because I love him as well.”

Colin grins broadly, immediately leaning down to kiss me, but loud footsteps reach our ears right before Bryce charges into the room, panting like he just ran a marathon.

“Sudden death is over, but Bancroft scored a try so the game is all tied up again.” He tells us, nerves and excitement gleaming in his eyes. “They’re calling for a penalty shootout to decide the winner.”