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Ellie
I ’ve always been good at reading.
Whether it’s books, people, or situations, I like to think that my intuition is sound and easy to interpret most of the time and right now, my intuition is telling me that I don’t want to be here. Drawing in a calming breath, I walk down the narrow hallway outside the bathrooms and open the door at the opposite end, barely taking another step when someone barges in front of me and I’m forced to stop, narrowly missing him and the strong probability of having his pint of beer spilt all over me. I glare at his back, but he walks off without even acknowledging my existence or stopping to apologise.
Jerk.
The Croft at Arms, Craigavon’s most famous and popular student pub, is by no means small, but with the tiny sea of university students crammed inside it tonight, it might as well be the size of a sardine can. I push and weave my way through the crowd, the acrid smell of cigarette smoke and alcohol filling my nose while Bohemian Like You by The Dandy Warhols blares over the speakers. Normally, I wouldn’t be anywhere near a place like this, especially when it’s so loud and busy, but a momentary lapse in judgement landed me here. In my defence, when my boyfriend; Marco said he was going out with his friends tonight and I asked if I could come, I didn’t see the harm in it. I certainly didn’t think I’d be walking into this mess, and now that I’m here I regret not asking him what I could’ve expected first.
I wish he would’ve said something though.
After a year of dating and years of being friends beforehand, you’d think he would remember that I like to be warned before being dropped into a room full of strangers. The only reason why I didn’t say anything when we arrived and I saw the chaos we were stepping into was because I didn’t want to make a scene. I also wanted to meet (and hopefully get to know) these friends of his before our autumn semester starts in a couple of days. Unfortunately, things haven’t exactly gone according to plan and I strongly suspect it has something to do with the fact that I won’t be attending Bancroft University with Marco and his friends, but will be going to Armitage University instead; their biggest academic and sporting rivals.
I don’t really believe in all that traditional, long-standing rivalry stuff, but I was a little worried about how his friends would react, especially since I’ve heard that some people take it quite seriously. Marco didn’t seem terribly concerned when we talked about it though. In fact, he told me to relax and to stop agonising over everything so much but, it seems my instincts were right on the money, because when one of his friends; Amy asked what I’d be studying and I mentioned that I’d been awarded a scholarship for Armitage’s highly prestigious (and very hard-to-get-into) English literature and creative writing programme, her face fell and her friendly demeanour dwindled quickly as well. The same thing happened with Marco’s other friends; Owen and Wayne. I only had to mention the word ‘Armitage’ and they became decidedly less interested in me. It’s almost as if they didn’t know I was going there in the first place .
“Why didn’t you didn’t tell them about Armitage?” I asked Marco when the first opportunity to do so came along, murmuring the words quietly so that his friends couldn’t hear us.
My boyfriend merely shrugged his shoulders and sipped his beer.
“It’s not a big deal, Ellie.” He muttered back. “Now would you stop worrying and just try to enjoy yourself please?”
Suffice it to say, I mostly stayed silent after that, watching my boyfriend and his friends joke around and laugh with each other like some weird, unwanted sixth wheel until I announced that I needed the loo and quickly made my escape. I spent ten minutes or so hiding in the bathroom trying to convince myself that this disastrous evening was still salvageable somehow. I just needed to stop fretting so much and ‘enjoy myself’ as Marco put it. Though it’s kind of hard to do that with people who seem intent on shutting you out over something as ridiculous as which university you got into, but I’d endeavour to try.
After squeezing my way around a couple kissing against the bar counter and narrowly avoiding being smashed against a wall by a group of rowdy drunkards, relief begins to wash over me when I reach our table in the far corner of the pub again only for that feeling to evaporate like steam when I find all the chairs empty apart from one occupied by the girl who arrived with Owen earlier.
What was her name again? Nicky? Nicole?
She’s staring at her phone with a bored expression plastered on her face, twirling a piece of her flowy, auburn hair around her finger absentmindedly. When she finally takes notice of me, she stands, coming closer so that I can hear her over the raucous noise.
“Hey,” She says with a smile that doesn’t reach anywhere near her powder blue eyes, “Everyone’s gone to Wayne’s place to carry on drinking if you want to come.”
Wait…What.
Marco’s gone?
He left without me.
I pull out my phone, frowning when I don’t see any missed calls or texts from him. He didn’t even bother to let me know that he was leaving or to tell me where he was going. My heart pounds erratically and I’m still trying to process that when Nicky, Nicole – whatever her name is – flips her hair over her shoulder and touches my arm in a way that should be sympathetic, but feels condescending instead.
“You don’t have to come if it’s not your scene, Ellen. It’s probably for the best that you don’t. It didn’t look like you were enjoying yourself anyway.” Her snotty American accent grates on my ears, dripping with false sweetness.
“Thanks, but I’m capable of making my own decisions,” I tell her, not bothering to hide my disdain like she’s clearly trying to, “And my name is Ellie , not Ellen.”
Nicole’s poorly schooled expression slips and she scowls at me, not impressed that I’ve called her out or that I’ve managed to read her as easily as a children’s book.
“Whatever.” She says, shouldering her over-priced handbag with a huff and strutting off without saying another word.
I watch as she shoves her way through a large group of students until she’s gone, anger and disappointment burning up my throat like acid from the pit of my stomach. Unlike my boyfriend’s other friends, it was obvious from the beginning that Nicky/Nicole didn’t like me given that she eyed me like I was an insect crawling all over her food when Marco and I arrived together. I’m used to receiving looks like that though. It comes with the territory, especially when you’re dating one of the most popular and fittest guys around.
Just because I'm used to it though doesn’t mean I enjoy it.
I work my throat, trying to swallow back the bitter taste lingering in my mouth, but it doesn’t go away. Nor does the faint clenching in my chest. It’s a feeling I know all too well, unfortunately. The same one I’ve been desperately trying to ignore whenever Marco has done something else like this over the last couple of months.
Something isn’t right.
I shake my head almost in denial. A million thoughts swarm into my mind and I start searching them all one by one, trying to find a logical reason to explain why he would do this. Maybe he wanted to wait for me, but his friends carried him out of here against his will or maybe Nicky/Nicole volunteered to stay behind and bring me to Wayne’s, only to act like a bitter, jealous cow and try to discourage me into going instead. As much as I want to convince myself that those scenarios most likely happened, it’s 2 A.M. and I’m honestly too exhausted to try right now. My insides squeeze painfully and, no matter how hard I try, I can’t stop that small sliver of doubt from creeping in as I type out a text to him.
Me: Just got back to the table, but you aren’t here anymore. You went to Wayne’s without me???
I wait for his reply, but only end up frowning glumly and pocketing my phone again when minutes go by and nothing happens .
Something definitely isn’t right.
I don’t realise I’m outside until I feel the crisp autumn air whip against the flushed skin on my face. It’s mercifully quiet out here, the noise trapped inside the pub barely carrying down Craigavon’s nearly deserted, cobblestoned streets. I close my eyes and breathe in deeply, finally starting to relax when my mobile phone beeps. I pull it out, seeing a new message from Marco.
Marco: I figured you’d come with Nicole. She said she was going to wait for you.
Seems I was right about Nicole’s jealousy, but that doesn’t make me feel any better.
Me: But you’re my boyfriend, Marco. You should’ve waited for me, not her.
The fact that I need to point that out to him concerns me more than anything.
Marco: Everyone else wanted to leave and I wasn’t sure how long you were going to be in the bathroom. I’m sorry all right; I didn’t think it would be a problem, El.
I stare at his reply in stunned disbelief. He literally left me alone in an over-crowded pub without so much as a word and he can’t see the problem with that?
He can’t be serious right?
Marco: Look, come to Wayne’s and we can talk, okay?
“That would be a great idea, except I have no clue where Wayne lives,” I mutter sarcastically.
I suppose I could ask for directions, but the longer I think about what happened tonight, the more my anger and disappointment morphs into hurt. I can’t face him and listen to more of his excuses, and if I’m being entirely honest, I don’t particularly want to either. Especially since he didn’t exactly stick up for me earlier or do anything to make the weird tension between me and his friends go away. Besides, he’s been drinking. We’ll just end up fighting because he’ll be pissed off that I’m upset, or worse, he’ll brush off my concerns and feelings like they mean nothing and that’ll only make me feel even more unappreciated than I already do.
I’m not in the mood to argue with him tonight.
Me: No, it’s fine. I’m pretty tired so I think I’ll head home. We’ll talk tomorrow.
His reply comes a few seconds later.
Marco: Fine. I’ll call you.
Me: Okay.
I hesitate for a moment, gnawing on my lower lip with uncertainty before I type one more message. I need to see something.
Me: I love you.
As soon as I hit send, my stomach pinches violently and I hold my breath, only releasing it again when his answer finally comes.
Marco: Love you too.
A small, half-smile forms on my lips.
Those three words manage to ease the discomfort in my chest. Not completely, but just enough that it fades into the background again. I’m still not happy with him, but there’s a time and place to discuss these things. Nothing would’ve been resolved tonight if I had tried now.
Opening Google Maps, I type in the street address for the house that I’ll be sharing with my two best friends; Olivia (or Liv as she prefers to be called) and Natalie for the next three to four years. I’ve only been in Craigavon for less than 48 hours and don’t really know the city all that well yet, so I’m incredibly thankful that Nat, with her over-the-top, big sister tendencies, insisted that I save the address on my phone just in case I needed it.
As it turns out I did.
Once the app loads and I know where to go, I head off to the right, intensely studying the rest of the route ahead, when I unexpectedly smack into something very solid. A loud gasp leaves me in a rush and I stumble back a step or two before a large pair of hands grab me by the shoulders, abruptly stopping the movement and holding me in place.
“Shit!”
I blink a few times and slowly lift my head, trying to figure out what the hell just happened when my eyes collide with the most incredible pair of pale blue ones. They’re striking. Like staring into pools from a fjord of ice swirled with water stolen from the Mediterranean Sea. Calm, deep and utterly mesmerising. I’m still trapped by them when a car hurtles passed, effectively breaking the spell I was temporarily cast under.
I fix my cap and shift my focus, getting a good look at the man I just bumped into.
He’s older than me but not by much with a classically straight nose, full lips and high cheekbones. His dark blonde hair is styled in a grown-out buzz cut and a light beard covers his cheeks and strong jawline. He dressed in stiff, navy-blue jeans, dark boots and a charcoal black, waist-length coat with the collar popped up and a matching scarf draped loosely around his neck. He’s…handsome, but not in a metrosexual sort of way. Rather there’s a ruggedness about him that makes it easy for me to accept he’s real and not a figment of my im agination. He stares down at me, a sharp, stoic expression on his face.
“I…I’m sorry,” I apologise immediately, “I didn’t see you standing there.”
“Clearly.” He replies and although there’s no outward hostility in his tone, I still get the distinct impression he isn’t terribly impressed.
I guess I wouldn’t be either if I was minding my own business and some random person walked into me, because they were too busy staring at their phone and not watching where they were going. The man releases my shoulders and I watch as he bends down, retrieving my cell phone off the ground. I must’ve dropped it by mistake when we bumped into each other. He holds it out to me and I take it, flashing him a small, but grateful smile. Light from the lamp post next to us glints off something silver on his finger, a ring I think, but he stuffs his hands into the pockets of his coat before I can get a good look at it.
“Thanks.”
The stranger nods silently, his gorgeous eyes regarding me for a moment. I feel myself warm slightly under his hawk-like stare and quickly look away, checking my phone to make sure it wasn’t damaged when it hit the pavement.
“You’re new.” I hear him say after a bit, his tone implying it’s an observation rather than a question.
“Is it that obvious?” I joke lightly.
“Call it more of an educated guess. I’ve been here for two years and I’ve never seen you before.”
“Right.” I scoff incredulously, and to my surprise, when I look up again one corner of his mouth has curled slightly with a smile .
“You find that hard to believe?”
“I find it impossible to believe, actually.”
This time he smirks properly, his eyes gleaming with intrigue.
“Impossible, you say. How’s that?”
I squint my eyes at him.
What’s with this guy?
It’s obvious why it would be. Armitage and Bancroft may be private universities, and therefore, not quite as big as some of the other campuses found across the United Kingdom, but there are still over forty thousand students here when you combine them and most of those students either live in Craigavon or come into the city all the time. Unless someone was specifically looking for me, I’d just be another face in the crowd like everyone else and I highly doubt that anyone, let alone a gorgeous guy like him, would be looking for me so he must be full of it, right?
“It’s just logical,” I reply matter-of-factly, “You can’t expect me to believe you can remember every face you see every single day.”
The stranger grins at that, a full-blown smile showcasing a perfect set of porcelain white teeth.
“It would depend actually.”
“Depend?” I repeat, my brow furrowing, “On what exactly?”
“On whether or not it’s a face worth remembering.”
I pause.
Did he just say that … to me?
My eyes drop as heat blankets my face, despite my best efforts to stop it. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was flirting with me which is ridiculous, of course. He’s probably just messing with me.
“You can’t mean that,” I argue feebly. “You don’t even know me and besides I’m…well, I can’t imagine my face is all that interesting.” Not enough for someone like him to take notice anyway.
The man chuckles, shaking his head like he finds that idea laughable.
“On the contrary, I do mean it.” He steps an inch closer as he speaks and I look up, his fathomless gaze holding mine captive again, amplifying the hypnotic air that seems to exist around him now. “Trust me, if I had seen you before tonight I definitely would’ve remembered you and now that I have, I will.”
Stunned, my mouth opens as I try to form a response, any response, but no words come out. It’s like my throat, or my whole body has been momentarily paralysed by his presence alone, never mind what he just said. Satisfied, he smirks, leaning in a touch closer.
“Enjoy the rest of your evening.” He says softly and then he’s gone, breezing passed me with long strides that carry him over the road and down a narrow alleyway. I stand there, completely and utterly bewildered.
Did that just happen?
What on earth!
I make my way home in a bit of a daze afterwards, trying to make sense of the bizarre encounter, only to chalk it up as something entirely random that’s best forgotten about because it probably won’t happen again. Even if he will remember me like he supposedly claims, I’m still sceptical. Not that it matters. It’s not like we’ll see each other again anyway .
Tomorrow he’ll be another face and so will I.
When I turn around the last corner and finally arrive home, the lights are all off and the house is completely still.
Thank heavens.
I wasn’t in the mood to explain to either of my friends why I ended up having to walk home by myself.
I climb the narrow stairs outside the terraced house, taking in its exposed brick walls, white framed windows and the black slanted roof. It’s old, but charming and a lot more comfortable and private than the student accommodation I was looking at initially. My mum didn’t like the idea of me being crammed into a tiny dorm room with a stranger any more than I did so when Natalie said that Liv and I could stay with her off campus, we both jumped at the opportunity without hesitation. Not many first-year students can boast about living in a place as spacious and as nice as this, that’s for sure.
Releasing a soft sigh, I close the front door, lock it and tip-toe my way upstairs, being especially quiet as I sneak passed my friend’s bedrooms and slip inside my own, shutting the door behind me with a soft click. When I turn around, however, I lurch back with a start when I see Natalie sitting on the edge of my bed, waiting for me.
“Jesus!” I breathe, placing a hand over my chest, “You gave me a fright, Nat!”
I flick on the main light, noticing her displeased expression.
I freeze.
Why does she look so annoyed? I mean, I know it’s late, but I was out with Marco. She knew I wouldn’t be home early.
“What are you doing up?” I ask. “Is everything okay? ”
I take in her appearance, noticing that her shoulder-length, mousy brown hair is mussed and that she’s wearing her favourite pair of light blue pyjamas with white snowflakes dotted all over them. She must’ve been asleep at some point which means something woke her up.
“Never mind why I’m awake. Why were you walking home alone, El?” Natalie asks, standing and folding her arms across her chest expectantly. “Where’s Marco? Wasn’t he supposed to drive you?”
“How did you …” I trail off when she holds up her phone and I see that she has Google Maps open.
Oh, right.
I completely forgot that Liv, Nat and I like to keep track of each other when we don’t go out together using that ‘share your location’ feature on Google Maps. She must’ve gotten a movement alert when I started walking home and freaked out because I was supposed to be with Marco for the rest of the evening.
“So?” She presses, “What happened?”
“Nothing, Nat. We had some drinks and then Marco went to his friend’s house so I decided to come home.”
Her brow crinkles together. “He went to someone else’s house? Without you?”
Yeah, without me.
He practically abandoned me tonight, but I wouldn’t dare tell her that. Not unless I plan on waking up tomorrow morning to a breaking news report of a murder having been committed nearby. Natalie’s not a violent person by nature, but that would change in an instant if she found out that Marco left me behind, in a city I don’t know, like an unwanted cat. My mouth pinches .
I still can’t believe he did that.
I mask my frown quickly and turn away from my friend’s scrutinising gaze, taking off my favourite ‘low battery’ ball cap and pulling the elastic hair tie out of my hair. I set them both down on my desk, heading into the bathroom.
“And he just let you walk home by yourself?”
The accusation rings clear in Natalie’s voice; she’s pissed, but in Marco’s defence he didn’t know I was walking home alone. Though I’m not sure what else he expected me to do. I don’t have a car and taxis don’t run this late at night. I wonder if he thought about that or if he even cares.
“Yeah, but I was tired anyway,” I say over my shoulder. “Besides the pub wasn’t that far away and I don’t mind walking.”
“That’s not the point Ellie, he should’ve at least dropped you off.”
He should’ve, but he didn’t.
In hindsight, I should’ve stayed at home tonight. I shouldn’t have inserted myself into his plans. If he wanted me there, he would’ve asked me to come. The fact that he didn’t should’ve been a warning sign. The evening was a disaster from the moment I stepped out the door and even though I know none of it really matters, my throat clogs up without warning and hot tears spring to my eyes. I wipe them away furiously.
It wasn’t meant to be like this.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
I grab my comb and start yanking it through my hair when Natalie appears in the doorway behind me, leaning a shoulder against the frame. Reluctantly, I meet her eyes in the mirror, seeing the sympathy and pity in hers. I drop my gaze again .
Please don’t look at me like that.
I’m fine.
It doesn’t matter.
“Ellie…”
My lips tremble and she wraps her arms around me from behind, resting her chin on my shoulder and giving me a firm squeeze. A constant ache burns a hole in my chest and I lean back into her, desperately needing some comfort after such a disappointing night.
“You’ll always have us, El. No matter what.”
I nod, smiling slightly despite it all. “Thanks, Nat.”
I’ve never forgotten that and I never will.
She kisses my cheek afterwards and says goodnight, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Nicole was right about one thing; I wasn’t having fun tonight. Not really. It’s clear my boyfriend’s friends don’t like me and, if I’m being entirely honest, I didn’t particularly like them either. Amy came across as pretentious and stuffy, Nicole was a bitch and Owen and Wayne are nothing more than arrogant jocks with more brawn than brains. Not to mention the stupid, cold-shoulder attitude they all gave me because of the university I decided to go to. Do I wish tonight had turned out differently? Of course! But nothing seems to go according to plan when it comes to my relationship with Marco these days. That’s a fact I simply can’t ignore anymore. Our relationship was challenging enough already. Now if I want to spend time with my boyfriend, I’ll either have to put up with his snobby, obnoxious friends or we’ll have to make time to see each other alone when we can. Not to mention there’s also the whole issue of him ‘abandoning’ me which we’ll have to sort out tomorrow .
I finish brushing my hair and teeth, knowing that nothing will make me feel better right now except some well-deserved sleep and time to work through my emotions. Things will be better tomorrow. Maybe his friends will come around or maybe they’ll grow on me with time. Maybe tonight was some sort of weird hazing thing, like an internal joke they decided to play on me just for a laugh. Maybe next time when we meet up it’ll be completely different.
One way or another, it’ll work out. It has too.
I toe off my shoes and strip off my jumper, jeans and underwear, pulling on my long plaid pyjama pants and a loose-fitting white t-shirt. I flop down onto my bed, a weighted blanket of exhaustion suddenly descending upon me as I crawl beneath the covers and bury my head into my pillow. Within seconds, I float off to sleep, barely conscious of the pair of pale blue eyes that drift into my mind and stay there.