Page 8 of Third Time is the Charm (Passion and Perseverance #3)

Sometimes, Saturday mornings are for sleeping in and other times, they are for bouts of epiphanies and productivity.

Beth woke up at seven even though she hadn’t set an alarm last night, expecting to need all the sleep she could get after such an interesting and emotional evening.

But at seven, she was wide awake without any effects from the wine last night.

Maybe she’d been dreaming about him… or about them, but as soon as her eyes registered the sunlight streaming in through the small window in her room, she realized what she needed to do.

You can’t always get what you want.

Turning on the shower, she admitted what was no longer worth fighting to deny: She wanted Darcy and the way he’d made her feel; she wanted to be pushed, to be taken, to be challenged, to be consumed.

She wanted to feel that intensity, she wanted to not feel like she was the only one learning and growing in a relationship.

Sometimes, you have to just take what you need.

What she needed was to play it safe. Getting what she wanted had almost gotten her destroyed.

She needed a gentleman, someone who would treat her ‘properly’ even if she wanted to be pushed, who would always take her feelings into consideration even if she wanted to be challenged, someone who would take their time to build a deeper relationship with her even if she wanted to be consumed.

She needed someone who wouldn’t give her what she wanted because what she wanted was too extreme, it too easily lent itself to unimaginable heartbreak.

Which meant that Colin was exactly what she needed.

As she finished washing under the steady stream of warm water, she felt a sense of relief come over her.

She’d been so concerned about what was going to happen last night, how it was going to go, how he was going to make her feel.

This morning, she realized that it had gone the best way possible.

She’d been afraid that he would make her feel like Darcy did – what a foolish thought that was.

That wasn’t possible… for anyone to do.

The way she thought about it now… about Col… didn’t make her sad or make her feel like she was settling; it was just a different path – one that had a better chance of leading her to a happy ending.

Toweling dry, she wrapped the damp fabric around herself and walked back out into her bedroom, her phone buzzing on the nightstand just as she entered.

Picking it up, she smiled seeing she had a text from Colin.

- Good morning, Beth! Hope the wine last night didn’t make this beautiful morning too painful for you.

~ Nope, I managed to wake up unscathed. How about you?

Beth set her phone down as she threw on some sweats and a t-shirt. She needed to clean her apartment today, and then start packing for next weekend.

Because you have so much stuff to pack…

She shook her head, trying to ignore the smart-ass thoughts that kept popping up inside. Just as she pulled her head through the tee, her phone buzzed. Twice.

- Nothing could bring me down this morning ;)

- I did want to apologize for last night though, I let the alcohol get ahead of myself.

She reread his message. Was he talking about the kiss? She’d been the one that initiated it, why would he be apologizing?

~ What do you mean?

- About the wedding.

His meaning clicked immediately and her fingers flew quickly over the screen to respond before he had the chance to elaborate.

~ I want you to come with me.

~ To Jane’s wedding.

~ Crap. I mean, would you want to be my date for Jane’s wedding?

Beth stopped to breathe. Ugh. That was not smooth at all.

In some ways, her responses were just as impulsive and demanding as Darcy’s – first taking a kiss from Colin after he’d started to walk away, not wanting to push their relationship too far.

Now, demanding that he be her date for the wedding, even though he’d already offered, she should have asked.

- I would love to.

- Are you sure?

She smiled again in relief, ~ Yes, as long as your dance moves live up to your promise.

- I always endeavor to exceed your expectations, Miss Bennet. This will be no different.

Beth bit her lip at his always seemingly perfect responses to everything. How it was possible that he was so perfect, and yet so single was still a mystery to her. For Darcy, on the other hand, it was completely understandable how he was still unattached – even if it had been his preference.

God, she really needed to stop comparing the two.

It was just hard when they were really the only two men she’d let into her life. Turning on the stove to heat her teapot, she stared at Jane’s invitation again, praying that maybe now, if she could rewrite over her experience with Darcy with that of Col, her heart could finally manage to move on.

Her fingers began to trace over the words again, like they did every time, until she got to ‘ Jane’ and the thought dawned on her that she’d already RSVP’d as attending by herself.

Shit.

Picking up her phone again, she hit Jane’s name in her favorites, waiting impatiently as the line began to ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey, are you busy?”

“One sec,” Jane replied. Her response followed by a bunch of shuffling in the background. “Sorry, I was just packing for our honeymoon. Actually, I’m glad you called, I wanted to ask you about something, but mine can wait. What’s up?”

Beth hated the twinge of jealousy that she felt every time Jane mentioned any part in this happy process. She and Darcy had promised three months; she’d told him she’d marry him no matter what.

God, she’d been so touchingly na?ve.

“Beth? Are you still there?”

“Yeah, sorry, got distracted for a second,” Beth apologized. “Ok, I did something… I hope it’s ok. Please don’t be mad… but, is it at all possible for me to bring a date to your wedding?”

Silence.

“I know it’s so last minute. I’m sorry, I don’t have to. I didn’t even think when I asked him, I just…” she trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

“No! No, it’s fine. That’s not a problem,” Jane jumped in to reassure her. “Actually, one of mom’s friends just got in touch with me that she wasn’t going to be able to make it, so that’s fine. That’s not the problem.”

Uh oh.

“What’s wrong?”

Beth heard her sister sigh on the other end of the line. “I know… you don’t want to talk about what happened. I know whatever it was, was really bad, but are you sure this is a good idea?”

Beth took a sip of her tea before answering, knowing that she couldn’t assure Jane that it was a good idea. “Honestly, I don’t know. All I know is that I need to start moving forward – in all areas of my life.”

“But, can you move forward if you haven’t addressed the past?

” Jane asked quietly, even though the profound insight of her words was deafening.

“I don’t want to push you, but you haven’t talked to me…

you haven’t even just told me what happened that night.

I don’t like to assume things, maybe you have talked to someone in Boston, but knowing you, if you haven’t been able to open up to me, I can’t imagine you’ve been able to open up to someone else. ”

Beth listened to her sister with a lump in her throat. She had closed herself off from Jane, but it had been for her sister’s own good. And hers. She hadn’t wanted to remember it or relive it, especially when there were so many environmental triggers that brought her back there anyway.

She’d told Colin.

Mostly, she stayed silent out of guilt. She couldn’t tell Jane that she couldn’t open up to her, but she’d felt comfortable enough to tell Col what had happened.

Beth wanted to believe it had been out of proximity…

out of a momentary weakness to release some of the pain that she’d been feeling.

It’s not like she’d cried and broken down in front of Col.

But, she had told him certain details of what had happened.

No, Jane would be crushed to hear that Beth had kept from her something that she’d been able to share with someone who was comparably a stranger.

“I’m sorry, Jane,” was all she could come up with before the silence became painful.

“I don’t want you to be sorry, Beth. I want you to do whatever you need to do to get past this; I’m just not sure that burying it in the hopes that someday you will be able to believe it never happened is going to be good for you in the long run – or even the short run.

I’m afraid that trying to live pretending everything is ok, is going to come back and hurt you ten times worse than if you had just talked about it in the first place,” Jane continued, the sorrow and concern that she held for Beth painfully evident in her voice.

“Please don’t be mad at me for saying this.

I’ve just been waiting for you to open up and talk to me when you are ready, but then you call and ask to bring a date and it feels like you’re starting to move past the problem.

But, how can you really move on if you’re just ignoring your broken heart? ”

“I’m not mad,” Beth said, softly. “I don’t know what else to do.

You have no idea…” She broke off as her voice choked, a few tears leaking past her defenses.

“Sorry,” she continued quickly before the conversation could turn down a very emotionally distressing path.

“I know I will need to address what happened at some point. Right now, I feel like just trying to move on and put my mind in a better place will better help me handle that point when it comes. I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do or not, but I do know that diving back into what happened and my feelings for him will be something that I’m not sure my heart can handle; it will put my life back under his control because I’m not strong enough yet to push him away again. ”