Page 37 of Third Time is the Charm (Passion and Perseverance #3)

“Even though you dispute it, I can see in your eyes that, whether you want it or not, you hate feeling like you’ve let her down.

You work so hard because you hate the thought that you might be letting Phil down.

And I told Darcy that what he said most surely made you feel like you had let him down – not just in what he thought you did, but mostly when he couldn’t bring himself to give you the chance to explain.

” He sighed again, reaching to hand her another tissue.

“I told him that if you left, and if I were a betting man, it was because you’d never really felt like you’d let anyone down before, and now, after what he said, you felt like you had. ”

If he only knew the truth.

Unless, what if that was the truth?

The thought startled her.

Yes, she left in hurt and anger at seeing Caroline, but there were a thousand other ways she could have handled that.

Yes, she’d gone over to Darcy’s apartment with the full intention of trying to apologize for her actions and to forgive him for the words that he’d said in anger.

But, was it the combination of both those things, hearing those accusations of spying come out of his mouth, knowing that what he thought of her was so low that he didn’t even want to bother with her side of the story, and then cementing her failure by replacing her with the woman that she despised most.

Losing him had broken her heart. Feeling like it was because of a failure on her part had broken her.

“Oh, Beth, I’m sorry.” Her dad’s worried voice broke through her thoughts and she realized that she had begun to shake with the attempt to restrain her sobs. “I didn’t mean to tell you that to make you cry, I’m sorry…”

She hiccupped trying to catch her breath and find her voice.

“No, please,” she choked out. “I’m sorry. I’m ok. It’s just… everything that you said…it’s the truth. Please, I’m not… upset… with you. I want to know.” She took another tissue from the box that he had set on the couch. “Please…”

“The same hurt that I see in your face right now is what I saw on his that day, realizing how deeply he had hurt you,” her dad continued, hesitantly.

“What did he say?”

“He said that you hadn’t let him down, that he was the one who’d let you down – that he’d been letting you down the whole time you were together.”

“He said that?” Beth asked in quiet astonishment. Darcy rarely admitted fault – even to her, but especially to someone he barely knew, like her father. Not that her father would hold it against him in any way, but it just wasn’t Darcy’s personality.

“He didn’t just say it, Beth, he meant it.

And he didn’t say it to me, he said it to himself – like he was finally seeing himself and how he treats others, especially you, for the first time.

I think it was an epiphany for him… I know it was.

” Mr. Bennet reached his arms around Beth and hugged her as the last of her tears fell onto his shoulder.

“I know you’ll figure it out; I just thought you should know before you head back. ”

“Thanks, dad,” Beth whispered. She held onto him, needing his comfort for another minute – something that she’d sorely missed in Boston. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too, Beth,” he replied, pulling back from her. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks,” she said sheepishly, giving him a small smile before standing up and taking her pile of tissues over to the garbage can by her dad’s desk.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Beth,” he continued. “Or him for that matter. But, mostly you; sometimes, the heart wants what it wants, even if rationally it makes no sense. Just look at your mother and I.” Mr. Bennet concluded with a wry smile to which Beth couldn’t help herself but to return.

“I know,” she found herself admitting “I just wish he made it easier for me to be able to accept that.”

“Well, love is not easy, that is for sure. I apologize if I ever gave you the impression that it was.”

“No, no,” Beth assured him. “I didn’t think it would be easy, I guess I just didn’t think it would be so complicated – no, not even that. I didn’t think I would want something, or someone, who made me feel so complicated.”

Her father stood, making his way over and giving her another hug.

“Sometimes, life is complicated. Other times, we make life more complicated than it needs to be. Listen to your heart, decide what it is that you want and then work for it – just like you’ve done for everything else in your life; love is no different.

“Thanks, dad.” She sighed into his shoulder and then stepped out of his comforting embrace before she found herself unwilling to return to Boston. “I should get going.”

Her dad nodded, motioning her towards the door and following her out of the study. As they walked into the hall the front door opened to reveal Mrs. Bennet, Kat, and Mary.

“Oh, Beth!” Irene exclaimed, surprise written all over her face at seeing her daughter.

“I thought you would have left by now.” She set her bags down inside the door, knowing that her husband would be the one to take them upstairs for her.

Meanwhile, Kat and Mary acknowledged their sister before heading to the kitchen to find something to eat.

“I’m on my way out,” Beth explained, hoping that would still be the case…

“Oh, dear, that’s unfortunate. I feel like I didn’t get to talk to you at all this weekend.

But, that Colin,” she paused to sigh and dramatically fan herself.

Beth rolled her eyes and truly wondered at times like this what her father saw in Irene Bennet.

“What a dreamy gentleman. I’m so glad that you brought him to the wedding, he was such a hit with everyone. ”

Of course, he was…

“Yeah, he is pretty great,” she replied, trying to sound more enthusiastic about that than she was.

Unfortunately, the only thing that she felt when she thought about Colin right now was the overwhelming sense of guilt for everything that had happened – not just between her and Darcy, but between her and him that had led him to believe that there would be more to come.

After last night with Darcy, and in spite of everything that she did feel for Col, it was nowhere near enough. With Darcy, even though there was every complication, there was no comparison.

This time, McDreamy just wasn’t going to cut it.

“Well, I hope we get to see more of him soon – and more of you.” She frowned, remembering that her daughter was leaving again and who knew the next time she would be back in town.

“I’ll be back soon, mom,” Beth offered weakly.

“Hmph.”

She sighed in exasperation. Maybe it was the talk with her dad, maybe it was some of the relief she felt after hearing Darcy’s confession last night, but she found herself feeling much more patient with her mother than usual, which is why she continued to press forward in their conversation.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I was leaving, mom,” she offered – a small olive branch to appease the woman who never seemed to be pleased with her.

Her mother looked shocked by her admission, momentarily speechless – which was saying something for Irene Bennet.

“That’s ok, dear,” she began kindly. “I just didn’t expect it from you; you’re always so rational and so thought out about everything – you and Jane. Lydia, as upsetting as it was, I could see the signs. You, I couldn’t, but then again, I know that we aren’t very close.”

Well, what was she supposed to say to that? It was the truth.

“I’ll try to act more rationally from now on…” she offered as a joke, trying to lighten the air.

“That’s not what I meant,” Irene huffed.

“I meant that you leaving meant that something – or someone – must have hurt you so badly that for once your reaction was emotional and impulsive. Of course, you do what you have to do dear, but for a mother, to know that her child must be hurting that much to cause such a drastic departure from her normal character, it was very worrisome.”

Beth bit her lip, her heart aching at the most real conversation her and her mother had had in a long time.

“And you know how I am with my nerves – you know how sensitive they can be…” Irene trailed off, also trying to make light of the situation even though her expression told Beth just how worried she had been about her.

“I’m sorry, mom. I was ok – for the most part. I just needed to leave. I’m sorry for not telling you, but, honestly, I barely knew myself.”

“I know, dear; Jane told us – she kept us sane.”

Thank God for Jane.

“She’s good at that,” Beth murmured.

“Ok, dear, well I’ll let you get going. Don’t be a stranger,” her mom said, an attempt at a smile crossing her tired face.

“Thanks, mom. I’ll be back soon, promise.” She leaned in and hugged her mother – something that hadn’t organically happened in a long time. “Love you.”

“Love you, too, dear.”

And before the waterworks started again, Beth picked up her overnight bag and darted out the front door into the crisp, refreshing air.

She made it down to the curb, her mind in a complete daze from it all – Darcy, Lydia, her father, her mother.

Everyone was different, yet still somewhat the same.

It seemed like her relationship with everyone was changing – all for the better, or at least most, but it still didn’t seem like it could be happening.

It took a minute for the cars passing by her to creep through her tumultuous thoughts and remind her that she needed to call a car to take her to the airport.

Pulling out her phone, she saw that she had two messages from Darcy, remembering where she’d left their conversation before when Lydia had approached her. She sighed, sliding open the screen and calling an Uber before giving in and opening up Darcy’s messages.

- You can tell yourself that you aren’t running from me, gorgeous, that you just need space; but the truth is that you are trying to outrun yourself and how you feel about me and I can tell you right now that you won’t get very far. Trust me, I’ve tried.

A few minutes passed, probably while he waited for a response that never came, before he texted her again.

- Last time, I didn’t deserve you. This time, I’m different; I’ve grown and I’m not letting you go.

Beth swallowed, her heartbeat picking up its pace, knowing that he meant it; he would come after her this time. How he had changed, she wasn’t sure; maybe just from the emotional trauma of leaving and then losing her, but that seemed like a stretch.

She’d find out at some point.

After talking with her dad, she heard the truth in Darcy’s words.

As much as she blamed her needing space on him and the ease with which she let herself become completely distracted and borderline irrational around him, it was really her own emotions that she was trying to hide from.

It was her feelings for him that she was trying to flee from and if she wasn’t around him, it was easier to pretend they didn’t exist; it was easier to rationalize that they couldn’t exist or why they couldn’t exist or why they shouldn’t exist.

Except she didn’t want to pretend anymore.