Page 7 of Third Time is the Charm (Passion and Perseverance #3)

“Beth.” His face looked tortured. “We can go. I’m sorry.

I didn’t mean to… I just… I’ve been waiting.

And I’m so tired of seeing you so closed off from everything.

I’m sorry, it was selfish of me, we can go.

” Col began to raise his hand off of the table in front of them to signal their waiter, but she quickly reached out to grasp it.

“No,” she implored. “I’m sorry. This is overwhelming, I won’t lie, but I need this. I can’t stay… closed off… forever.”

“You sure?” he asked, hopefully. “I mean I can just go back to being the awkward coffee guy.”

Beth laughed at his attempt to lighten the mood. “Yes, I’m sure.” Beth smiled back at him, even though she wasn’t. She wanted to be though.

She wasn’t sure of many things anymore, but she knew that Col wouldn’t have rushed things to hurt her; she knew that he wouldn’t hurt her. He’d been the only one to help her move on with her life, maybe he’d be the one to help her heart move on too.

He adeptly steered them onto lighter topics, sharing stories about the one time he was here with Patrick and Renée and some of the other cast from Bridget Jones ; they regularly came up to support the Dempsey Contest so he’d gotten to know his brother’s cast mates pretty well.

Beth relaxed as they fell into the comfortable conversation that normally flowed between them.

That was what she needed – to feel safe.

Only the food arriving broke the steady flow of their discussion; Beth relished it – the food and the flow.

There were only a few times when her gaze strayed from Col to notice some of the other guests nodding and looking in their direction, realizing who was sitting back with her, even though his back was to most of them.

“So, are you excited for Jane’s wedding?” Col asked, bringing the conversation back to Beth as gently as he could.

She nodded as she finished swallowing the bite of delicious fish and amazing lobster risotto that had accompanied it.

“I am,” she replied with a smile, but there was a sadness that touched her eyes.

“I miss her a lot. We’ve lived together for so long, she’s been my sidekick for so long, and being up here…

Well, let’s just say I lost a lot more than I thought when I left New York. ”

“I’m sorry, Beth.”

“Don’t be,” she said, forcing a bigger smile onto her face.

“I’m happy I came; I needed to. Life goes on and she’s my sister, she’ll always be a part of me.

It’s just a transition period right now I think, and more so after the wedding, to figure out how we’re going to keep our closeness.

It’s harder right now, being so far apart, but we’ll get through it. ”

“I have no doubt,” Col agreed. “It’s the same with Pat and me – and not just because we are twins.

We’re pretty close, especially since we started the Center together; in fact, I think that brought us even closer.

I don’t get to see him that much with his other jobs, but even though we go for periods where we see each other a lot, to those where we hardly see each other at all, nothing manages to change between us.

Distance can separate bodies, but it can’t separate hearts. ”

Beth felt hers squeeze at his words as her eyes rapidly blinked back tears.

She couldn’t agree more – she and Jane would always be inseparable; his words spoke what she knew to be true.

But for a split second she’d heard them instead as her worst fears being realized – that her distance from Darcy would never be able to stop her heart from loving him.

“Shit, I’m making you cry again, I’m the worst date ever,” he said apologetically. “Feel free to tell the reporters, I deserve it.” And suddenly she was laughing again.

Their conversation continued as the sunlight dimmed; the restaurant grew busier, but for a little while neither recognized that time was moving. Only when the waiter finally brought their check without it being asked for did Colin grin sheepishly at her before checking his watch.

“It’s almost ten – no wonder they are trying to get rid of me; I turn into a pumpkin at ten-oh-five.”

Beth giggled at his joke; his corny attempts to be funny combined with the bottle and a half of Riesling that they had killed, pushed her over the edge.

Shoving cash on top of the check, he stood and reached for her hand. “Alright, c’mon McGiggles, let’s get you home.” He chuckled at her failing attempt to control her laughter.

Oddly enough, in spite of the situation she’d been in when she moved to Boston, she hadn’t really resorted to alcohol to try and dull her heartache.

She’d bought a bottle of wine the first day, but by the time Patrick had emailed her back about the job, she’d finished it and hadn’t bought another.

Maybe because the thought of drowning out every emotion, numbing the torrents of sadness that threatened to drown her, had been too tempting.

Or maybe it was because, deep down, Beth knew that nothing would be able to touch the pain of her heart breaking.

The limo was out front waiting for them as they left the restaurant, but, thankfully, none of the paparazzi. They must have gotten tired of waiting. Col helped her into the limo first, sliding in beside her.

The energy between them now was much different than it had been on the way there. Beth had been anxious and uncertain. Now, she felt comfortable and relaxed, her head falling to the side using Col’s shoulder as a pillow.

“It’s a good thing I got you out of the house tonight and gave you some wine,” he began. “Otherwise you would have been done for at Jane’s wedding.”

“Pshhhhhh, no,” Beth replied, unsure if she was slurring her words or not. “I will be just fine.”

His head turned to catch her eyes. “Well, I don’t know if you know this about me or not, but I am available as a wedding escort.”

“Really? Like in the Wedding Date?” she joked, surprised at the quick comeback she was able to retort even as her heart picked up speed realizing that he wanted to be her date to Jane’s wedding.

“Exactly, although Dermott is not nearly as entertaining as I am – trust me, I’ve met him.”

“The real question is though – are you a better dancer?” Her eyebrows raised, daring him to answer.

“You’ll just have to invite me and find out for yourself,” he said as the car stopped in front of her building. Colin got out, again extending his hand to help her – which was a good thing because she was definitely less stable on her feet this time around.

Holding onto him for a not insubstantial amount of support, they walked to the door of her building, Col insisting that he escort her up to her apartment since there were stairs involved.

“Thank you,” she said softly as they stopped in front of her door.

His fingers tilted her chin up as he replied, “No, thank you.”

Beth bit her lip, knowing what normally happened at this point – or at least what she felt like he was hoping would happen.

“I’m sorry, Col. I’m a complete mess – you know that.

I don’t know what you see in me or what you could possibly want from me…

” she trailed off. The alcohol and her sadness making her forget just exactly where she was going with that.

“Beth, I just want you and your completely beautiful mess in whatever way you’ll let me have it,” he whispered, staring at her intently, trying to make sure she understood just how serious he was.

She gave the slightest of nods, probably imperceptible to the eye, but because his fingers were still on her chin, she knew he could feel it.

A small smile spread to his face. “I had an incredible time. And don’t forget, for you, my dance moves and I are available if you want us.” Beth smiled at his humor, his hand leaving her chin to fall at his side. “Goodnight, Beth. I’ll see you on Monday.”

With that, he stepped away from her like the gentlemen that he was and turned back towards the stairwell.

For a second, she stood frozen, her thoughts a jumble over what had happened, what she thought was going to happen, what she wanted or didn’t want or didn’t know what she wanted to happen.

The next thing she knew, his name flew from her mouth and he immediately paused and turned to face her.

Beth watched as her possessed body closed the distance between them, stood up on her toes and pressed her lips to his.

She could feel his shock at her action before he relaxed against her; his hand moved up to cup her face for just a moment, pulling her lips hard against his before he let go and pulled back – like the gentleman he was .

“Goodnight, Beth,” he said with his dazzling, movie-star smile, disappearing into the stairwell, leaving her to stand speechless in the hallway – stunned not by him or his response, but by hers.

What had she been thinking?

Had she wanted to kiss him or had she just wanted to know what it would be like to kiss someone after Darcy?

Unlocking her door, the familiar pit returned to her stomach as she wished she hadn’t done what she’d just done – not because it had given Colin the wrong idea, not because it had encouraged him on something that might not happen; no, she wished she hadn’t done it because she hadn’t felt anything.

She hadn’t felt the all-consuming desire sear through her cells like she did when Darcy kissed her.

She didn’t think she felt desire at all.

It hadn’t been a bad kiss.

No, it hadn’t. It just hadn’t demanded more – then again, nothing with Colin ever did. Beth set her purse down and walked into her tiny bedroom to change into her pajamas.

Brushing her teeth, she thought about the last time she’d been out to dinner with someone, it had been Darcy; this had been nothing like that. Col was nothing like him. And that, surprisingly – or not – made a big difference.

She smiled as she climbed into her bed with a sigh, relaxing into the soft mattress – the one thing she’d splurged on after moving, she smiled as she replayed her and Col’s dinner conversation.

She’d listened to his funny stories about when he was younger and acting with his brother, all the funny stuff he’d witnessed Pat do in the spotlight over the years; she’d begun to truly feel relaxed as his relationship with his brother reminded her so much of the one between her and Jane.

He made it so easy to feel comfortable around him.

Something that never would have happened with Darcy.

She could barely get two words out of Darcy on a good day, and here Col was, talking to her like he could go on for hours without any input from her if she didn’t want to give it.

In some ways, the contrast between the two of them was refreshing.

Col didn’t order her or demand things. He’d asked about the wine at dinner.

He’d waited for her to order for herself – something that she ended up giving up control of anyway.

He made her feel like he took her thoughts and desires into consideration.

It was such a change. Darcy ordered and did everything for her, he took control…

he took her. She turned and groaned into her pillow.

In other ways, it was maddening.

Col didn’t push her, he didn’t test her, he didn’t make her work for his affection; not that Darcy made her work for the sake of seeing her struggle – he’d had reasons for being such a tough nut to crack.

But that is one of the things that enthralled her about him, that pulled her in; she didn’t feel like she was the only one learning how to have a relationship.

She’d made Darcy work too, to open up and not be so demanding, to let her have some of the control.

And then there was Colin’s kiss. It hadn’t consumed her.

With Darcy, it was all or nothing – all his emotions or none, all of her body on fire and burning, about to explode, or nothing.

Kissing Col was nice, but it was just somewhere in the middle.

And it wasn’t just her; he’d pulled away first, happy that she’d kissed him, but not so consumed with passion that he couldn’t let her go.

It had still been easy for him to remain a gentleman, whereas Darcy would have had her up against the wall; Darcy would have taken what he wanted – and that was ok because it would have given her what she needed in return too.

With Col, he just gave and gave and gave. And she wished she wanted that.

God, how she wished that she did.

But no, her stupid self didn’t want the knight in shining armor, the gentleman who treated her politely and respectfully.

No, her deranged self craved to be consumed, to be pushed to the very limits of everything that she thought she could bear, even though going beyond those limits had almost destroyed her.