Page 46 of Third Time is the Charm (Passion and Perseverance #3)

“Four months. These past four months. Aside from work, I’ve been drowning myself in efforts to work through my control and trust issues.

I was going to see her almost every day, but the past month or so, it’s been once a week – sometimes more as it got closer to Charles’ wedding,” he answered her first question.

“I should have talked to someone a long time ago. I know that I’ve learned a lot – grown a lot since I’ve been going to see Megan.

I didn’t want to admit it at first, but there’s just no denying it.

If Charles hadn’t intervened, I don’t know what would have happened to me. ”

“That’s why you said those things in your speech at the wedding…” Beth mused out loud, remembering the part of his toast that had confused her with its apparent deeper meaning. Now, she understood just what an impact Charles had had on him recently.

“If it wasn’t for Charles pushing me, arguing with me, some weeks even walking me to the door because I felt like I wasn’t making any progress.

If he hadn’t encouraged me in the beginning and along every step of the way, I wouldn’t be here.

I wouldn’t be with you; you wouldn’t want to be with me.

” His hands began to caress her face again, tenderness etching itself back onto his features.

“In spite of everything that he did, if it wasn’t for you – for the thought of being able to get you back for good – I don’t know what would have happened.

I probably would have lost all feeling left in whatever is beating in my chest.”

“Darcy,” Beth choked. “I don’t know what to say.

I can’t believe you went to talk to someone…

for me… I know how hard that must have been for you.

” She admitted; no, it would definitely not have been as easy feat for the old intolerable Darcy to admit to a fault, let alone admit that he needed someone else’s help to fix it.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me this from the start though? ”

A brief, harsh laugh escaped his lips, his eyes glistening. “What was I going to say? ‘Hi, Beth. Sorry for treating you like shit for months, but I’m seeing a therapist now so you should forgive me and take me back’?”

Beth pursed her lips. “Well, not those exact words…”

“Oh, Beth. Our whole relationship all I did was tell you things and expect you to believe them, to do them, to not do them… My actions rarely coincided with my words; no, most times they loudly contradicted my words. One of the things that I’ve come to realize is that especially with you, I don’t want to treat you like that.

My actions shouldn’t cause you to question what I tell you.

And I didn’t want to start off whatever was possible between us on the same foot. ”

Beth just nodded, the lump in her throat growing over his thoughtfulness and concern.

“I didn’t want you to just believe that I’ve changed because I told you or showed you a therapist’s bill,” he explained hoarsely.

“I wanted you to see it with your own eyes; I wanted you to feel it in your heart – that it wasn’t a lie or an exaggeration.

I wanted you to be able to be confident in your decision to be with me.

” His eyes brimmed with just how much he wanted her to be confident in him and his feelings for her.

“You thought I wouldn’t believe you?” she asked over the tears clogging her throat.

“No.” He shook his head. “I knew that you would. But, I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve that blind trust from you – especially after how I’ve treated you.”

“Oh Darcy…” she murmured.

“But more than that,” he continued with determination.

“I’m not fixed. I’m farther than where I was, but I’m not where I need to be.

Having to prove to you that I can be the man that you deserve keeps me on that path and keeps my reason for doing all of this concretely in front of me, lighting my way. ”

She was his reason . She saw it written all over his face.

“I’m sorry that I haven’t told you until now.

I know it goes against what I promised you.

I promised you openness and honesty and at the same time, I’ve been keeping this from you.

I just couldn’t use it as a get-out-of-jail-free card.

I wouldn’t… I hope you can forgive me.” His thumbs rubbed rhythmically over her cheeks, removing the tears that trailed down her face.

“I can’t believe you thought you had to keep this from me,” Beth choked out.

“I would have believed you because I have faith in you! I know that change takes time, especially when you’ve been through what you have.

I know that it’s a process – a process that I want to be a part of.

I want to be there for you; please, let me be. ” Her plea ended softly.

It was the only thing that she had ever wanted.

“God, Beth, there’s nothing I want more than that. I just –”

“I know,” she cut him off. “I know; you didn’t want to give yourself the easy way out. But you need to cut yourself some slack. Getting professional help is only one part of the equation – you need to allow the people around you who care about you to be your support system.”

“You’re right.” His jaw clenched and his hands dropped from her face. “I just… It doesn’t matter. I should have told you sooner. Beth, can you forgive me?” Fear shone in his eyes, worried that he’d ruined everything for the last time.

“Oh, Darcy,” she whispered. “I know what you were thinking. I understand it, but I also have more faith in you than you think I do – or than you have for yourself. I just want you to know that I’m here for you – good or bad.”

His eyes bored into hers, waiting for her answer to his question.

“So, yes, I can forgive you,” she said softly, tears streaming down her face as her hands reached up to clasp the sides of his face. “Of course, I can forgive you – I love you.”

Her words seemed to freeze everything around them. The moment stopped, complete silence enclosing them.

It was the first time since they’d been back together that she had uttered those three life-changing words.

It was the first time either of them had.

And he knew it.

He kissed her softly, as though he hesitated to believe her words, feeling like he didn’t deserve them. “Beth, I love you,” he said, softly. “I never stopped.”

Tenderly, they kissed each other. It seemed the final veil between them had been shed and they were finally free to love the other with nothing standing between them.

Beth kissed him with all the love that she felt, all the love that she wanted to give him to show Darcy that she would be there for him.

He hadn’t come after her before because he needed to change for her.

Now that he had her in his life again, he was plagued with self-doubt that he wasn’t perfect, that he was going to make a mistake to ruin it, that he hadn’t changed enough.

She kissed him to show him that it was ok; that he was enough.

He was more than enough.

“I meant it,” she whispered. “And I will prove that to you, but right now you need to get to the airport.”

“I know,” he said quietly. Beth nodded in silence, her eyes falling to her mug that she held in both hands. He walked over, tipping her chin up so she could meet his gaze. “I’ll be back on Friday.”

She swallowed hard, not wanting to bring up that she had the work dinner with Col that night.

As if he could read her thoughts on her face, he finished softly, “I’ll see you after your dinner?” It wasn’t even a statement, it was a question. He was wondering if she wanted to see him then.

“Yes.” The word rushed from her lips. “Friday night. I’ll leave a key for you downstairs.” She said the last breathlessly as his lips touched hers again. One last second where the puzzle of her life – of their love – seemed to be fit into place.

And then he was gone, picking up his bags and striding out her door. His steps forcefully carrying him away from her before he convinced himself otherwise.

Beth knew he could stay if he wanted. And, she knew he wanted to; he only left to give her space.

She’d run back to Boston so quickly after the wedding – after her night with Darcy – to sort through her feelings about him and everything that she’d learned; he’d followed her to make sure that she knew where his feelings stood and what she meant to him – and that he wasn’t going to let her go again, unless she asked him to .

Assured that she finally knew that, he again put the ball back in her court promising his return, but giving her some time to think through everything – alone – without the distraction of him.

He had given her time to change her mind if this wasn’t really what she wanted.

If he wasn’t really what she wanted.

Beth felt her heart swell inside of her as she swirled her spoon in her yogurt. Glancing at the clock, she realized she needed to get going. Putting her bowl in the sink, she grabbed her stuff from where she’d set it down last night and left for work.

She could spend the next few days in debate with herself over whether it not risking her heart on Darcy for the third time would be worth it.

She could dwell on the pain that he’d caused in the past, on who he was, or she could stop tormenting herself with the what-ifs when she knew deep down that he was her one.

Being alone felt empty and trying to move on with Col who was textbook, perfect-boyfriend material left her feeling nothing; only Darcy was able to reach inside and awaken her heart.

So, she would take the time, the few days without him to think, to be rational, but only about their future. She wanted him to be a part of her life, she needed him to be.

She didn’t know how not to.