Page 5

“How did your mom die?”

Jodi’s fingers froze on the microscope. Her eyes snapped to Emily. She was twisting her golden hair around one finger, watching her. Jodi turned to the next table wondering if she’d been loud enough for others to hear.

Oliver Burns looked away, turning his back on them. Jodi’s neck and cheeks burned hot.

“Emily, that’s really personal. I don’t think we’re close enough for…” Jodi swallowed. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

She changed the slide under the microscope and reached for her notes. A small cold hand dropped on her wrist. She looked up to Emily’s pale blue eyes.

“You can tell me.”

A sharp stab of air pierced her lungs. Bright sunlight refracted through her wet lashes.

“You don’t know how to swim? Jesus,” a voice panted, inches away.

Waves slapped against her neck, threatening to choke her. She blinked quickly, coming back to her body, remembering she was in water.

Julian was holding her up against the side of the pool in the deep end. Jodi scrambled to grab the ledge behind her. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and stared at her like she was a mutant.

“Jodi, are you okay?” Paige was sliding out of the duck, splashing toward them.

“I don’t like to swim. I told you not to throw me—”

“ Can you swim?”

Jodi closed her eyes against the sight of Julian’s hazel ones judging her. She turned into the ledge, crawling along the wall like a three-year-old wearing arm floaties.

“What’s going on?” Zack said, coming out of the house with Lucy.

“Julian threw her in the pool.” Paige reached for her on the other side of the ladder. Jodi inched closer, her breathing coming in quick pants.

“What the fuck, Julian,” Zack said. “You know she doesn’t swim.”

“I didn’t! She’s always such a downer, so—”

“Hey!”

Jodi ignored them as her feet found purchase on the ladder steps. Lucy was there with a fluffy towel when she came out, leading her away from the water’s edge.

Her breath was shaking and she could still feel the water swallowing her. Jodi toweled off and walked away from the group, heading inside to the pool house again.

She felt so useless. All she wanted to do was get out of a swimsuit that didn’t fit her and go crawl into bed.

She was just pulling her shirt back on when she heard the pool house door slide open. She poked her head out of the bathroom and saw Zack sitting on the back of the couch with a tight smile on his face.

“I’m fine,” she said quickly.

“Yeah.” Zack nodded. “I sent Julian home.”

She stopped in the doorway. “You did?”

“I told him he’s gotta leave you alone about stuff. He said he really didn’t know you couldn’t swim, but I called bullshit on that. Everyone knows you don’t swim.”

Jodi wrapped her arms around her stomach, still feeling the chill of the water all over her. “Okay. Thanks.”

She didn’t want to talk about the pool or Julian. She didn’t want to remember that everyone had just seen her on the verge of tears in a bikini of all things.

Zack picked up the remote from the arm of the couch. “ Stranger Things ?” His deep blue eyes gazed at her from underneath wiggling eyebrows.

Warmth bubbled in her stomach, and something like relief spread through her veins. That was so Zack . To read her mind, to know when to detour. She smiled.

“Don’t you want to swim with the girls?”

“Nah, I’m good here,” he said, slipping down the couch and burrowing into the plush cushions.

Jodi sat next to him, and Zack pulled the throw blanket around her, when he saw her still shivering. He grinned at her, and her chest felt tight with how much she wanted him. How much she wanted him to put his arm around her and tug her into his side.

A few hours later, Paige and Lucy came in, made popcorn, and watched the end of season four with them.

It was a perfect day.

During the weekdays, Zack was in summer school, meaning that the group didn’t have the glue that kept their social calendar together. That was fine by Jodi. The longer she could go without seeing Julian Hollister, the better.

She went with Lucy and Paige to the opening of some Real Housewives boutique store downtown, but could do nothing but browse when she saw the price tags.

“So, for my birthday,” Paige started, as they walked with frozen yogurt down J Street, “I’m thinking 1920s. Flapper girls and mob bosses. It’s on a Friday this year which is perfect .”

Jodi felt her heart sink. “But… the vigil is that day.”

Paige turned to her, spoon in mid-air. “The ninth? Are you freaking kidding me?” she sighed exasperatedly. “Maybe we’ll do the Saturday?”

“I don’t think we should do anything big,” Lucy said suddenly. “I’m sorry, I know it’s your eighteenth, but any kind of party you throw around that date is going to look ugly.”

Paige simmered. Jodi watched her consider her options, then said, “Maybe we could do something privately, just the five of us?”

“No pictures though.” Lucy stopped at the crosswalk and turned to Paige. “No one can see us celebrating on the night Emily’s family is holding a vigil.”

“Well, duh.” Paige tossed the rest of her fro-yo in the trash can. “I just… This sucks.”

“Why don’t we plan something small on the day, and then we can have a party once school starts?” Jodi offered. “What about a small dinner after the vigil?”

“After?” Lucy turned to her. “You’re going to the vigil?”

“Yeah,” said Jodi, frowning. “You aren’t?”

Lucy pursed her lips. Paige’s gaze was distant.

“You don’t think we should be there?” Jodi tried again.

“I just don’t think… we’d be wanted.” Lucy shrugged. “You should go. The Millses love you. But the rest of us…” The walk signal flashed, and she stepped into the street. “I don’t think the Thrashers should attend.”

“I disagree.” Jodi pumped her legs to keep up with the two tall girls. “I think it will send a message if we aren’t there.”

The truth was, the Thrashers had a reputation for not caring. Zack was nice to everyone. But too nice. It meant that people like Emily Mills, like Zack’s homecoming date last year, like his biology partner from sophomore year—they all thought they meant something to him when his attention was turned on them. After a few movie outings or study sessions, Zack moved on. It was usually Julian or Paige’s job to deal with the aftermath if the person didn’t get the memo. Paige took care of things kindly, and Julian took care of things directly.

There was a word for it. The rest of the school had decided on it freshman year when one of Zack’s “new friends” got ghosted and went emo all over TikTok.

It was called being Thrashed . That’s what the Thrashers did. Get too close, and you’ll get Thrashed. Jodi had heard that word a lot during finals week, as Emily Mills’s suicide hung over the school like a thick fog.

On the day of Emily’s vigil, Jodi pulled on her one black dress and grabbed her bike from the garage. Her dad was out of town, and no one else was planning to go, so her bike it was. She’d texted Zack outside of the group chat earlier that day and told him she planned to leave for the vigil at 6:45, if he wanted to join her.

She hadn’t heard back. It was his last day of summer school, but still. She knew better than to ask Paige to join on her birthday. They all had tentative plans to watch movies at her house later.

Clicking the button to close the garage door, Jodi wheeled her bike out to find a humid Sacramento evening. She tossed her hair up and reached for her helmet, just as the front door of the Burnses’ house slammed shut.

Oliver slunk down the driveway to his beat-up car parked in front of the Dillon home. He’d dyed his hair black this week, but the blue seemed to shimmer through in the sun. He lifted his eyes to her when her helmet buckle clicked into place.

“Hi,” she tried.

He said nothing back. As he rounded the car to the driver’s side, she noticed he was in all black, too. No logos. No ripped jeans. He started his car, rolling down all the windows and adjusting his music.

She kicked her leg over her bike, preparing for a sweaty bike ride, when the passenger door of Oliver’s car was pushed open from the inside. She blinked at it, wondering if he could possibly be offering her a ride after all these years of silence, and then met his eyes in his rearview mirror.

Jodi dismounted, pulled her bike around to the side of the house, and turned back to the street just as a black Mustang pulled up in front. Zack rolled down the window with a grin.

“Sorry. I failed chemistry. Again. So my phone got taken away. Again.”

She rolled her eyes, about to tease him for failing chemistry three times in one year, when the sound of a car door closing jarred her. She looked over to see Oliver Burns squealing away, his car puttering out of sight.

“You gonna walk?” Zack said, drawing her focus back.

She shook her head and jumped into the air-conditioned Mustang.

“I’m glad you want to come,” she said as she buckled.

“Yeah, I guess I just… I didn’t want to hide, but I didn’t want to make it about me.”

“We don’t have to climb the bleachers. We can stay below.”

He flashed her a grin. “Thanks. That’d be nice.” He ran a hand through his hair. Unlike Julian, Zack didn’t use product, so there was nothing to muss. “There’s so many people I haven’t seen since last year, you know? So, like, saying ‘Hey, how was your summer ?’ feels wrong.”

“That’s fine. I’ll probably try to see the Millses, but you don’t have to come.”

He nodded, chewing on his bottom lip as he turned onto the main boulevard.

“So, how did you manage to fail chemistry three times?”

He groaned and rolled his shoulders back. “I have no idea. How does anyone pass that class?”

“I know you have ‘the Peter Kim’,” she said. “First-class tutor—”

“ The Peter Kim. The one and only,” he said, joining the bit.

“The man, the myth, the legend.” Jodi bit back a smile. “But if you want more help, let me know. I didn’t get an A but I did okay.”

“What would Peter say about tutor interference?” Zack put on his blinker and shook his head in mock disbelief.

“If he would just give you a Kinder Bueno for every question you got right, you’d be golden.”

“Is that how you’d tutor me?” Zack smiled. “You’d train me like a dog?”

“Yeah, I’d tutor you like a dog,” Jodi said. “You get walkies and a belly rub for passing grades.”

“Belly rubs?” He looked over at her and wiggled his eyebrows. “I’m in.”

She laughed and let the AC blast away the evening heat.

When they pulled into the student parking lot, it was already half full. Zack parked behind a large truck, effectively hiding his very recognizable car.

As they walked over to the bleachers, heads turned and hands came up to cup whispering mouths.

Zack could remember small details about every acquaintance, bring up random facts they told him years ago, and turn the Thrasher smile on them without losing any steam. But, although he bumped fists with a few guys on the basketball team, waved at some girls in their class, and said hello to his math teacher, everything felt off.

A news crew was set up at the entrance to the field, the camera guy filming the students filing in. Jodi shivered. She hadn’t expected Sacramento news to still be covering Emily’s story.

They ducked left around the back of the bleachers, weaving through the crisscrossed bars to their favorite spot: underneath the accessible seating area that was always kept clear. It was where Julian liked to smoke weed during Lucy’s track meets. It had a clear view of the field while being entirely hidden by a mesh netting.

Zack jumped up, grabbing the bottom of the highest bench seat he could reach and hung, kicking his legs. Jodi tore her eyes off the muscles popping in his arms and the shirt riding up his stomach and focused on the small stage that was set up in the field.

A projector lit up a white screen with Emily’s blue eyes and wide teeth. Mr. and Mrs. Mills sat off to one side with Principal Robbins. Jodi’s eyes fell on the person sitting next to Emily’s parents and her breath faltered.

Hannah Mills was small and pale, a perfect replica of her sister, right down to her shoes. Jodi couldn’t tell from the distance, but those orange Converse might even have been Emily’s. She wore her hair in a braid on her shoulder—the only difference between the two of them. Emily had never done anything with her wavy hair, letting it hang limply.

“The paper said Hannah found her.”

She turned sharply to Zack and found him staring through the bleacher slats to where the Millses were sitting.

“I know. It’s really sad,” she said. Really sad . No shit.

Jodi began to turn back, but her gaze caught on the light near the empty pathway around the field. It was flickering, almost struggling to stay on.

Emily had had a thing for lampposts. Maybe not a thing , but a quirk. She told them about it one night when Lucy was driving them all home after the movies. None of them knew how Emily had been invited—they just assumed that Zack had told her to come. But Paige found out later that Zack had talked about it in front of Emily, that was all. Not even in front of her, adjacent to her. Emily had shown up on her own, acting like she’d been included.

On the drive home, it was just Jodi, Paige, Lucy, and Emily in the car, but it had felt to Jodi like an entire team of investigative reporters had followed them inside the Jeep. Emily wanted to know everything. Favorite colors, favorite classes, who was dating whom, how long they’d known each other, what colleges they wanted.

During a rare moment of silence at a stoplight, the streetlamp over the crosswalk had flared and gone out.

“Oh! That was me!” Emily had said. “I turn off streetlamps!”

Lucy had turned around in the driver’s seat and drily said, “You what?”

“It’s like a kinetic energy thing I heard about on a talk show. When I get close to a streetlight, it flickers.”

Jodi had exchanged glances with Paige. But it had kept happening when Emily was with them. On the football field, in a parking lot, or stopped at the red light near Emily’s street. Jodi wondered if she would have noticed at all if Emily hadn’t been obsessed with it. Maybe certain lamps just flicker due to the electric current or something.

Like this one, next to the pathway around the bleachers.

Principal Robbins stood at exactly 7:00 P.M. and tapped the mic. Jodi took a deep breath.

“We’re here to mourn the loss of one of our own. Emily Mills was a sweet girl. She would have been entering her junior year next week. Her mother tells me that she was looking forward to applying to both Azusa and Vanguard and hoped to study theology.”

Jodi snorted. “Um, no? She wanted to go into political science, like Paige.”

When Zack didn’t respond, she looked over at him. His eyes were glued to Principal Robbins. Jodi refocused.

“She excelled in science and math and was always willing to help out a friend with their homework. But before we say more about our friend Emily,” Principal Robbins said, “Emily’s sister, Hannah, put together a slideshow for us tonight.”

She nodded at the guy running sound and lights and took her seat.

“Oh god, no,” a voice said from behind them. Jodi spun. Lucy had snuck up on them, Paige just behind her. “Tell me there’s not a slideshow.”

“You guys came.”

“Zack said you were set on going.” Lucy shrugged.

Jodi moved to Paige as the lights around the field dimmed. “Happy birthday. I’m glad you’re here.”

Paige smiled back, but it looked like more of a grimace. Over her shoulder, Jodi found Julian a little distance away, vaping and texting.

She rolled her eyes and turned back toward the baby pictures of Emily on the screen. Emily and Hannah playing dolls. Emily in church. Emily’s first day of high school at Sac High, before she transferred to New Helvetia for sophomore year. Throughout, Zack’s gaze was riveted.

Jodi looked at the people in the stands she could make out from this angle and found some bored faces staring down at their phones. Reagan Matthews was sitting in the front, tears streaming down her face.

She knew for a fact that Reagan had no idea who Emily Mills was until the Monday after she died. Jodi was the one to answer her when she’d asked, “Emma Miller? Did I have a class with her?”

The slideshow music slowed to a conclusion, and on the screen flashed one more image.

Emily and Jodi, smiling at the camera.

Narrowing her eyes, Jodi took a step up to the bars of the bleachers, as if getting closer would help. When was that taken? It looked like a selfie, the camera flash bright in Jodi’s eyes. Emily’s head leaned on Jodi’s shoulder.

“Isn’t that at Lucy’s cabin last year?” Paige stepped up next to her. “I did your hair like that.”

Jodi stared. The earrings. She’d lost one during that trip and never wore them again.

Emily wasn’t there .

Jodi’s eyes snapped to Hannah, wondering why she would edit together a picture that didn’t exist.

“I guess maybe…” Jodi paused. “If there were no pictures of Emily with friends for the slideshow. It would make sense to edit one. For her parents.”

“No. It’s creepy, Jodi,” Lucy said. “That little girl is just as creepy as her sister.”

Mr. Mills took the microphone then, thanking everyone for their kind words, and said a prayer. She knew he was very active with their church.

“I didn’t realize we were a Catholic school,” Julian mumbled from a distance. Jodi pressed her lips together.

Zack’s head was leaned against a metal pole, still watching the stage.

Just as Mr. Mills took his seat again, Jodi spotted a familiar figure standing to the side of the bleachers near the faculty. Her stern ponytail and crisp suit would have given her away, but it was that red lipstick that had Jodi standing straighter.

Detective Harding was here.

She was scanning the crowd, her eyes quick and catlike. Holding a large coffee in one hand, she looked like she had just dropped in, not quite a part of this.

Before Jodi could mention Detective Harding to the others, Principal Robbins took the mic again.

“The faculty of New Helvetia and I are at a loss for words. Emily was much loved among the teachers, and we know she was just as beloved among our students.”

Lucy snorted.

“I intend to make a solemn promise tonight,” Principal Robbins continued. “The toxicity at this school has to end.”

Zack tilted his head, leaning forward onto a bleacher pole.

“My staff and I will be monitoring the bullying situation at New Helvetia much more carefully in light of Emily’s death. We’ve always had zero tolerance here, but clearly what we’re doing isn’t good enough.”

Jodi’s skin felt itchy and tight. Behind her, Paige whispered, “Oh, my god…”

“Anyone caught contributing to the bullying of another student, either in person or online, will be subject to punishment from the administration—possibly expulsion.”

Jodi wanted to ask Who was bullying Emily?

But she also didn’t want to hear the answer.

On the screen behind Principal Robbins, her own face beamed over the assembled student body, large and looming. Incriminating. A picture that didn’t even exist because Jodi wouldn’t have taken a photo with Emily like that.

They weren’t really friends.

As Principal Robbins introduced the high school orchestra, which would play one of Emily’s favorite hymns, Jodi heard murmuring behind her. She turned to see Julian on the phone, his eyes flickering wildly to the rest of them.

“We’ll be right there.” He hung up and looked at Zack. “That was your dad. There are cops at your house.”

She felt the air thin between them all. Paige brought a hand to her mouth, her blue eyes wide.

“We have to go.” Julian gestured for them to follow. “Before we’re seen.”

Jodi’s legs were moving, her shoulder bumping into Zack’s arm every few steps.

Before we’re seen .

They slithered out from underneath the bleachers, and Jodi’s gaze landed on her own face, broadcasting out over the field as the opening chords of “Abide with Me” trumpeted from the orchestra. She searched for Detective Harding, but she’d vanished.

Paige’s phone rang, and she silenced it quickly before answering. “Mom?” she whispered.

They darted around the empty concessions stand.

“What’s on TV? What do you mean?”

Paige stopped, chewing on her lip and staring at the grass beneath her feet. Jodi paused with her. Mrs. Montgomery’s voice was tinny but clear through the phone: “They say that girl killed herself because of you. All five of you. Criminal harassment, they’re calling it.”

Jodi’s mind stuttered over the words, attempting to piece them together. Her eyes unfocused and her skin was cold. She heard nothing but the wind and a whispered melody.

I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

Lucy ran her hands through her hair. Zack stared blankly at Paige as she promised her mom she’d be home soon and hung up.

Julian spun to Jodi, grabbing her arm. “What did you tell that detective?” His tone was accusatory, like this was somehow her fault.

Jodi wrenched out of his grip. “Are you kidding me? What could I possibly have said?”

“We can’t do this here.” Lucy tugged Jodi’s other arm toward the parking lot, but Julian dragged her back.

“What did you say about Zack specifically?”

“I didn’t say anything, but”—suddenly Mrs. Mills’s words came to her—“Emily’s mom said she didn’t want to see Zack.”

Julian locked eyes with Zack over her head, his expression filled with something unreadable—irritation? Fear?

Jodi turned over her shoulder and watched Zack tug at his hair, squeezing his eyes closed.

“Let’s get out of here,” Paige said. She marched forward, taking charge and leading them to the parking lot.

Jodi was still trying to decipher the look on Julian’s face when they rounded the final bleacher set and found the news crew.

The five of them halted, like finding a bear in the woods. Julian was the first to move, taking Zack’s elbow and shifting him to his other side. “Don’t look at them,” he whispered, and Zack ducked his head.

They edged to the cars, but a voice called out.

“That’s him! That’s Zack Thrasher.”

Light blinded her as Jodi tried to look over. It was more than just one news crew. At least three cameras turned on them, their bulbs bright as sunlight.

Julian and Zack kept walking. Lucy took Jodi’s arm.

“Zack! How would you like to respond to the allegations—”

“Did you tell Emily to kill herself?”

“Over here!”

“Zack, are you sorry she’s dead?”

Lucy tugged her to the right as Zack and Julian continued to Zack’s car. She looked over her shoulder as Julian moved to the driver’s side, but there was a camera still following Lucy, Paige, and her.

“How long have you girls known Zack Thrasher? Which one of you is dating him?”

Ripping her keys from her pocket, Lucy turned Jodi and Paige sharply through two tightly parked cars to lose the camera crew.

Paige started running, and Lucy and Jodi jogged to catch up. Lucy beeped open her Jeep, and Paige was inside and buckled before Jodi even got her door open. Lucy squealed out of the parking lot just as the camera caught up to them. The light beamed into the back seat, whiting out Jodi’s vision. Paige panted in the front seat, hyperventilating.

Barely five minutes later, the car veered into the Thrashers’ driveway, speeding down toward the red and blue swirling lights.

Julian and Zack were joining Greg Thrasher and two officers on the porch. Lucy shut off the engine, and Jodi stepped out just in time to see Zack turn around, hanging his head as one of the officers pulled cuffs from his pocket. The click of the cuffs was drowned out under: “Zackary Thrasher, you’re under arrest for the harassment and statutory rape of Emily Mills.”