Page 20

JANUARY

Jodi was properly mortified by the time she’d sobered up come daybreak. She also had to pee, but she didn’t want to wake up Paige and Lucy yet.

But none of that mattered when the bedroom door opened with a quiet click, and Paige shot up in bed, wiping her drool and squinting at Zack in the doorway.

“Sorry, sorry.”

Lucy shifted in the armchair, pulling a blanket up over her head until she disappeared. Paige reached for her phone, as if to press the snooze button. He crept over to Jodi and paused when he found her awake.

“Rosa can’t reach you,” he whispered.

“Fuck.” Jodi hadn’t responded to her yet, hoping she could pass it off as passing out and getting “Oliver” to drive her back in the morning. She opened her phone.

“I told her I was at the party, and you’re at my house now.”

She sat up and rubbed her thumbs under her eyes. Jodi was still reeling from the stupidity of the past six hours. Her cheeks flushed and tears pricked her eyes.

“Okay, thanks,” she said, unable to meet his eyes. “Can I take a shower?”

“Yeah,” Zack said and pointed to the attached bathroom. “Towels should be in there.”

She slipped out of bed, feeling cotton-mouthed and groggy. Avoiding her reflection in the bathroom, she grabbed a T -monogrammed towel from the stack and started the water. Out the curtained window, she caught a view of the backyard. Julian was already up, doing laps. She stared down at the pool, wishing she hadn’t called him. She could have kept this to herself, woken up in a strange bedroom with a killer hangover, and gone home—her friends none the wiser. She tore her eyes away and got under the spray.

Only Lucy was in the bedroom when Jodi came out of the shower, flipping through her phone until the bathroom door cracked open.

“Hey.”

Jodi grimaced. “You drove back? Was there ice on the roads?”

“Not too bad.” She shrugged it off and stood, sliding her hands into her back pockets. “Zack and Paige ran to get McDonald’s.”

Their chosen hangover food. Which is what Jodi had. A hangover.

Strange. Almost like a rite of passage.

“How are you feeling?” Lucy asked.

“Like death. You didn’t have to drive back. The cavalry had already arrived.” She dragged her wet hair up into a ponytail, meeting Lucy’s eyes in the mirror.

She pressed her lips together. “Julian said you were alone in a bathroom, barely coherent.”

Jodi bristled at the accusation, but Lucy’s eyes were sad. The meaning of it swept over Jodi in a horrified rush. Freshman year, before she’d known Lucy well—the wrong party, the wrong drink.

Lucy met her eyes. “I wish someone had driven two hours for me.”

She moved quickly through the door to the bathroom. It clicked closed. Jodi felt the echo of it for what felt like forever.

The enormous stupidity of what she’d done flooded her, and she sat in the chair Lucy had slept in to gather her thoughts. Oliver and Nikita had taken care of her a bit, but not really. She didn’t have anyone at that party looking out for her. Not once had she considered that she needed to pour her own drinks or only drink from closed containers. She’d been surrounded by strangers when she drank for the first time, not knowing how she’d react to it. She assumed that the way she felt last night had been “drunk” and not “drugged,” but how would she have known the difference?

Jodi grabbed her phone and left the bedroom before Lucy reemerged. She took the curving stairs down to the living room and texted Rosa, verifying Zack’s story. Rosa responded right away with a million questions Jodi tried to keep up with. Still staring down at her phone, she reached into the fridge for a bottle of water—

“Do the Pellegrino.”

She spun. Julian was sliding the glass door closed behind him, towel tossed over a shoulder and swim trunks still dripping on the mat.

“Better to settle your stomach,” he said and disappeared into the bathroom off the kitchen.

Jodi took the Pellegrino, twisted the cap, and sat at the kitchen table sipping the fizzing water until the front door opened. The idea of McDonald’s made her stomach roil, but as soon as Paige dropped the bags in front of her, the smell alone could have solved all the world’s problems.

She ate a hash brown slowly as Paige slathered a couple of hotcakes with butter and syrup.

“How’s your stomach?” Zack asked.

Jodi nodded and declined Paige’s offer for half her plate. “It’s fine. How was Napa?”

“Good.” Zack pulled out the chair across from her. “Julian’s cousins had a party that was pretty nice.”

Jodi sipped her Pellegrino, wondering how drunk Julian had still been when he was driving twice the speed limit to get them back to Sacramento.

Lucy emerged and grabbed a breakfast sandwich, slipping onto a stool at the kitchen island. When Julian joined them, fully dressed and hair half-dry, he declined the junk food, grabbing a banana instead. Once he had pulled himself up onto the kitchen counter, Paige turned to her.

“So babe, what’s with the change of heart? I mean, you know me—I love drinking at parties. So there’s no judgment from me, but why?”

Jodi paused in peeling melted cheese off the sandwich wrapper. She thought of Oliver and his friends, calling her their lapdog. Zack not inviting her over for Christmas like he usually did. The way no one had spoken to her for almost a week.

And the clear image of them playing Ride or Die with Emily. As if she’d been there herself. Only… she hadn’t. She’d been purposefully excluded.

She cleared her throat. “No reason, really. I guess I shouldn’t have gone overboard the first time though.” She caught Julian’s heavy gaze and looked away with a shrug.

“Hey, I’d love to get drunk with you sometime,” Lucy said, almost too casually. “If it’s something you wanna do again, we can do something low-key. Just the five of us.”

Zack nodded. “Totally. If you felt like you had to be the sober one for our sakes, or something, I’m sorry. If I’d known you were interested in getting buzzed, I would—”

“So this is like an intervention,” Jodi snapped. “I finally do something normal kids do, and you all need to have an AA meeting about it.” She crumpled the wax paper and crossed her arms.

Zack’s eyes were wide, dumbstruck. Paige cracked a knuckle and said, “You did something uncharacteristic, and we’re concerned. That’s all.”

“We just want you to know that we’re here for you,” Lucy added.

“If I’d known the only way to get you guys to hang out with me again was to fuck up, I would have careened off course months ago.” She felt rage boil over. She wished she had a car, so she could just walk out like they did in the movies. Make them think about what they’d done.

But instead Lucy’s brows were raised. Paige’s eyes narrowed in on her as Zack’s mouth opened and closed.

“So this was a big cry for attention?” Julian spoke up for the first time. He popped the last of the banana into his mouth and chewed slowly.

She felt something inside of her snap. “When you all decided to invite Emily Mills to play Ride or Die, was that your idea of Thrashing her?”

She looked over their stunned faces. Zack was the first to look away from her. Lucy checked in with Julian before clearing her throat. “What are you talking about?”

“I know you played Ride or Die with Emily in April, and so does the prosecution.”

Julian leaned back, resting his head on a cabinet and closing his eyes in defeat.

Paige stuttered. “Okay, so… from what I remember, you weren’t free. I think you had to go home or something. We didn’t like, exclude you on purpose.”

Paige’s expression looked earnest, but Jodi knew that she had no plans in her life that didn’t revolve around being available for the four people in this room.

Zack ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I think we did play Ride or Die with her. You made it pretty clear that you don’t like that game. So yes, when we were hanging out, I guess we assumed it would be okay to play a game without you—”

“Look, I’m sure there’s tons of things I’m not included in. Especially these days.” She swallowed. “I’ve accepted that you guys don’t want me around all the time. I’m not Emily. I can take a fucking hint.”

Paige reached out her hand, brows scrunching in concern. “Wait, Jodi—”

“I get it, okay? Just don’t lie to me about it.” She set her Pellegrino down with too much force. “Never mind. I just want you guys to know that there’s an eyewitness to that, and it didn’t look good from the outside.”

“Who?”

Jodi snapped her head toward the voice. Lucy had been quick to ask.

“I can’t tell you that.”

The silence in the kitchen was too loud.

Jodi wondered if she could just walk away now. She’d done her duty as a friend. She’d warned them. But she needed to ask one more thing.

“Who was driving?” she said quietly. “When Emily was on the hood?”

Zack’s eyes looked between her and the rest of them. Paige shifted on her feet. Lucy stared back at her with cool eyes.

“We can’t tell you that—”

“It was me.”

Jodi’s body turned toward Julian, perched on the counter. His arms were crossed over his chest, and his mouth was tight.

“You don’t even have to ask,” he said. “You know it was me.”

She felt something sputter inside her chest, like an engine trying and failing to turn over.

Paige looked between Jodi and Julian, eyes quick and nervous, and Jodi reexamined Julian’s lazy posture and tilted head. Casual. Challenging.

“Look,” Lucy said, “I apologize if you feel I, personally, have been absent, but I’m spending every waking moment I have worrying about what happens after graduation. I’m sorry, but I don’t have time to coddle your feelings when a dead girl’s diary is about to send me to juvie for bludgeoning her with a soda bottle.”

Jodi’s eyes shifted away from Julian and focused on Lucy. “You got the details on your assault charge? What did it say?”

Zack jerked out of his awkward stupor. “Don’t—”

“Jodi, that’s the issue.” Lucy shook her head. “I can’t talk about the biggest thing going on in my life with you. Not when you’re testifying.”

But that wasn’t what she was fixating on. “What about a bottle?”

There was a still silence, and then Paige whispered, “Go on. She’s gonna hear it from the legal team soon anyway.”

Lucy rubbed her face and seemed to deflate, curled over herself.

“According to Emily’s journal, last year I drove up on Emily walking home from the bus and hurled a bottle of Coke at her.”

“It’s assault with a deadly weapon,” Zack said.

“Which I don’t get. Can you really kill a person with a soda?”

“If it’s a full bottle, I guess…”

But Jodi wasn’t listening. The sun flickering on the pool water snatched her gaze, like a phantom beckoning her to come closer.

“You can tell me anything.” Emily’s eyes were unblinking.

“There’s nothing to say. It was an accident.” Jodi stuffed her books in her backpack, ready to bolt.

“It’s a really big bruise. Jodi, if you don’t tell me that you’re okay, I’m going to have to talk to a guidance counselor about it.”

Jodi stared down at her, seated at the library table and twisting her fingers around each other. “Are you fucking insane?” she hissed. “Maybe I don’t feel comfortable talking to you about it.”

She moved quickly through the library tables, past the computer lab, and out toward the bus stop. She had to take her backpack off her left shoulder, having forgotten about the pain.

When she slid onto the sticky leather bus seats, Emily was there within seconds, joining her. “I’m sorry. I just care about you. I don’t think a lot of people care about you.”

Jodi glared at her open and honest gaze. “I’m fine, Emily. I would like it if you respected my boundaries, okay?”

Jodi held her backpack to her stomach as the bus gasped and took off. Emily faced her in their two-person seat. It was quiet for two stops.

“Does Zack know?” Emily asked.

“Yes. A little.”

Maybe it was the way Emily was pinning her to the bus seat or the echo of the words, I don’t think a lot of people care about you, that did it.

“My dad doesn’t hit me,” Jodi whispered. “He’s never hit me or grabbed me. But when he’s drunk he throws things. He has a shockingly good aim.”

“He throws things at you.”

“No, he—he throws things because he’s angry or frustrated or the team is losing. And more often than not, the thing in his hand is his beer.”

“A beer can gave you that bruise?”

“Bottle.”

Emily’s eyes were bright. Jodi was ready to stare out the window and ignore her, but then Emily said, “How did your mom die?”

Jodi’s head snapped to her, and Emily looked like she understood her—like everything fell into place.

“He didn’t kill her. What kind of person asks if your dad killed your mom? Jesus, Emily—”

“I’ll protect you,” Emily said, and Jodi felt like she’d inched closer, maybe even under her skin now. “How did she die?”

“She drowned. She fell asleep in the bathtub. Are you happy now?”

Jodi heard a buzzing in her ears, coalescing into conversation. The Thrashers’ pool winked at her.

“—can’t even prove it. I don’t know why this is on the table.”

“They said there’s an eyewitness, so…” Lucy rubbed her brow.

“It’s Reagan,” Jodi said.

Four pairs of eyes turned on her.

“What?”

“It’s Reagan. She told me she was the eyewitness.” Paige’s fingers lifted to her mouth, greasy from the hashbrowns. Lucy furrowed her brow.

“Lucy, what day was it?” Jodi said, pulling out her phone.

“May 3.”

She flipped through the videos she’d taken from the journal in the wall, but the last entry was in April. She still didn’t know why Emily had stopped writing in this journal the month before she died, but if the police were going off an entry in May from the journal they had, she was even more convinced that their journal was fake. There would be no corroboration from the journal in the wall about Lucy’s assault charge.

Jodi looked up at her friends, the people who’d come running at her first big mistake. Jodi felt her insides twist in hot anger at how Emily had pulled that secret out of her and then used it to hurt her friends. She needed to talk this out with someone.

“Julian, will you drive me home?”

She ignored the electricity of stunned silence that coursed through the group, staring at Julian with intent in her eyes. Despite his confession that he was behind the wheel, she didn’t trust anyone else with this yet.

Zack opened his mouth, and closed it. Julian slid off the counter and went to grab his keys without a word.

“I’m fine,” Jodi said to the rest of them. “I’m really glad you came for me. Lucy, I’m sorry to hear about this. I’m gonna do all I can to help you.”

Lucy tilted her head at her in confusion, but Jodi just said goodbye and met Julian at the door. He unlocked his truck, and she climbed up into the passenger seat. She thought she should probably thank him for rallying the troops last night, but instead, she waited until they were out of the driveway before saying, “My dad threw a bottle at me once. A glass beer bottle. It left a bruise on my shoulder and probably could have done a lot more damage.”

His fingers tightened on the steering wheel, but he said nothing, keeping his eyes on the road.

“And the only person I ever told this to—before now—was Emily.”

Julian’s lips twisted into a wry smile, a soft laugh pushing out of him. He ran a hand over his neck and said, “Oh, that crazy little bitch.”

She watched his mind work, his eyes darting over the street and his fingers tapping the steering wheel.

“There’s more.”

“There always is.”

“In the Millses’ upstairs bathroom, there’s a broken tile in the wall. Behind it is a second journal. It’s Emily’s. The police have a fake.”

The truck pulled up to a stoplight. There was no indication that Julian heard her, aside from the tightening of his jaw and the focus in his eyes.

“So, Emily made a fake journal before killing herself?” he asked.

“Emily, or maybe her sister. Her parents. I don’t know.”

The light turned, and he seemed not to notice until the car behind them honked. He pressed the gas.

“How do you know about this second journal?”

“I went over there and found it while I was looking around,” Jodi said.

He glanced at her then, searching her face. “So, why haven’t you told the police about it?”

“Because Emily’s phone is also hiding there,” she said. His knuckles turned white. “I checked it. I couldn’t find what you texted her. But I’m not sure the police won’t be able to.”

She watched him as he turned into her aunt’s neighborhood, waiting for him to say something. When they pulled up in front of Rosa’s, she didn’t move to unbuckle.

“Are you gonna tell me what you sent to her?” she said.

He watched the neighbor kids playing on a tire swing and ignored her question. “Why’d you tell me all this?”

“Because I wanted someone besides me to know that we can’t trust anything in that journal.”

He nodded, and his eyes slid over to her. She stared at him carefully.

“Were you really driving that car?”

A muscle tensed in his cheek before he responded, “I already told you I was.” He reached for his unlock button. The car clicked. “Later, Dillon.”