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Light burst against her pupils. She coughed, sucking in air. Blessed air.

She heard sound like she was inside a bottle, listening to it ricochet over her. Blinking against the orange light against her eyes, the first thing she felt was pain in her chest.

“Oh, you fucking bitch.”

Jodi wheezed, blinking.

Julian Hollister’s wet hair dripped onto her face. He looked like he wanted to kill her.

I’m already dead.

He disappeared in a tantrum of curse words as wet blond hair slapped against her cheeks.

“Julian, don’t! God!” Paige brushed her fingers over Jodi’s cheeks. “Jodi, babe. Breathe.”

“Did everyone get out?” an unfamiliar man shouted from far away.

“Yes!” Paige replied. “Four of us.”

“Is she breathing?” the man said.

Jodi stared into the setting sun. Orange and pink and fuchsia. Yes, she supposed she was breathing.

But Paige didn’t answer.

Jodi turned her head to the right where she heard a soft counting, punctuated by thumps. She stared through wet eyelashes as Zack pumped Kiera’s chest, leaning down to blow into her mouth.

Kiera coughed.

Paige left her side. Jodi turned her head toward the pink clouds, lying alone on the rocky shore of the river.

“Julian!” Lucy called for him, as if he was far away from them.

Jodi listened to Kiera breathe, feeling her own chest ache and wheeze.

“Where is she?” Kiera’s rasping voice asked.

Jodi tilted her head back to the right. Kiera was sitting up, looking at the water. Her eyes wild.

Sirens wailed, bleep blipping.

“Jodi’s right over here,” Paige said.

“Where’s Emily?” Kiera gasped. “I hit her. I hit her with my car. She was in the middle of the road and I hit her.”

Jodi heard the crunch of boots on gravel and turned to see first responders arriving, carrying gurneys down the side of the river bank.

“Where’s Emily?” she repeated.

The pain in Jodi’s chest was too tight. As the boots reached her, she closed her eyes, happy to pass out again instead of listening to the answer.

Jodi woke up to the familiar popcorn ceiling of Mercy Hospital. A monitor beeped to her left, and nurses chatted just past the curtains.

She tried to sit up, and pain lanced through her chest. Wincing, she shifted against the pillows to get upright.

“Hey, hey. Easy, tiger.” Lucy appeared at her side, guiding her. “Your rib broke during CPR.”

Jodi squeezed her eyes shut. “Now the pleasant wildfire in my chest makes sense.”

“The doctor should tell you, but there’s no cast or anything. It hurts like a bitch and heals on its own in four to six weeks.”

She nodded. “Did they see Paige’s head? She has a concussion—”

“Yeah, they got her. She’s down the hall. Our third concussion this year, collectively.”

“We should go for a record.” Jodi checked the time on the monitor. 8:12. “Where’s Zack?”

“He’s… checking on Kiera.”

Jodi knew she should have been curious about her condition, but all she felt was a hot spike of anger and jealousy coursing through her. Two girls almost drowned today, and he made a choice as to whose bedside to wait at.

“Julian’s nowhere to be found,” Lucy said. “As soon as the ambulance took off, he got in his truck and drove away.”

Jodi scoffed, and her chest constricted in response. “Figures.”

“Is there anything going on with you two?”

Jodi swiveled her head to see Lucy studying her, a coy smile on her lips.

“Who two?”

“You two. You and Julian.”

She blinked at her. “Sorry, what’s the question?”

Lucy smiled slowly. “He was very worried about you.”

“Yeah, he called me a ‘fucking bitch’ when I woke up.”

Sitting back in her chair, Lucy took a breath and crossed her legs. “He met me in the river. I was treading water, trying to keep Kiera’s head above the surface and swim for the shore, and he said, ‘Where’s Jodi?’”

A shiver crested over her shoulders. She tried to look away from Lucy’s deep eyes but couldn’t.

“I tried to give him Kiera, but he just swam down for you. Wouldn’t let anyone else pump your chest on the river bank.”

“He knew I couldn’t swim,” she said quickly. “That’s probably why.”

Lucy nodded slowly, barely accepting the excuse. “Well, I’m gonna try to find him. Let him know he broke your rib, but that you’re completely alright.”

“Yeah, okay. I mean, if you want to.” Eager to change the subject, she asked, “My dad?”

“They called him. Zack made sure they called Rosa, too.”

“She’s gonna force me to live here sooner or later.”

“Yeah, we really need to cut it with the whole traumatic injury thing.”

Jodi hesitated. “Tell that to Emily.”

Lucy’s eyes snapped up to her.

“Did you see anybody in the road?” Jodi asked.

“No. Nothing. Suddenly, she was just braking and swerving. But there was nobody there.”

The curtain pulled back and revealed Zack. “Hey, Jo.” He grimaced.

Lucy stood. “I’m gonna check on Paige.”

“Okay, yeah.” Zack hooked his thumb in the direction of the hall. “They just told me she’ll be good to go soon.”

Jodi looked down at her starchy white sheets. Three girls in the hospital, and Jodi was the last person on the list.

Lucy let the curtain close behind her, and Zack took her chair. “You okay?”

“Dandy. And Kiera?” She was proud of herself for controlling her voice.

He ran a hand through his hair. “She’s physically fine. But she’s… she’s really freaked out about thinking she saw Emily on that bridge.”

Jodi nodded, scrunching the sheets between her fingers.

Zack sat with her while the doctor checked in and discussed discharging her. When they were gone, he pulled out his phone.

“I’ll text Julian, let him know you’re alright.”

Jodi’s eye twitched. “Yeah, okay.”

Zack shook his head as his thumbs moved. “I’ve never seen anyone move that fast. He had to stop the truck, put it in park, and he still made it down to the riverbank before I did. I’m glad you two are finally getting along.”

“Who said we’re getting along?” There was an edge to her voice she didn’t like. “He probably just went into lifeguard mode.”

Zack dropped it with a shrug.

Jodi felt irritation swirling in her chest, bubbling next to her broken rib. She blamed the painkillers for opening her mouth.

“Why was Kiera even there today, Zack?”

He glanced up at her with unguarded, curious eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, why did you invite her to hang out while I was in my deposition?” She leveled a hard stare at him. “Why did she have to be a part of that today? Did you really think I’d sit down at dinner and tell all of you what happened at the courthouse while Kiera was sitting there?”

Zack’s gaze flickered over her. He seemed to struggle for words, opening and closing his mouth. “I don’t… I guess I don’t see what the problem is?”

Jodi’s brows jumped to her hairline. “You don’t?”

“No?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “She’s cool, Jodi. Like, she’s not going to tell anyone anything we talk about.”

“For how long?”

“What?”

“For how long will she keep all our secrets, Zack?” Jodi’s voice was hard-edged. “As long as you’re flirting with her? As long as she gets to hang out with the Thrashers? At least until prom, I’m sure, as long as you’re taking her.” She felt her face heat. Zack frowned at her. “What do you think happens when you’re done with her? Does she still keep these confidential, legal secrets then?”

Zack sat back in his chair, his mouth pressed in a thin line. “You’re starting to sound like the rest of them. Julian, and Lucy, and Paige. You used to be the only one who didn’t think the worst of people.”

“Oh, I always thought it. I just was too afraid to tell you the truth,” Jodi said. She felt the words pouring out of her like water. “Too afraid I’d get Thrashed if I said something you didn’t like.”

He stared at her, confusion and mild disgust warring on his face. Sighing in the back of his throat, he lifted his hands to rub his eyes. “What are you even talking about? Why would you use that word?”

“Because you do call the shots, Zack,” she said. Her heart was in her throat. “You wanted Julian to come on our Six Flags trip in eighth grade, so he did. You wanted Paige and Lucy to start doing everything with us, so now they do. I didn’t ask for any of these people to be my closest friends, but now I have them. I don’t have anything in common with them except that we all want to be around you.”

“And so, what?” he said sharply. “You all get jealous when I try to introduce someone new? Is that it?” He sat forward, his eyes pleading with her almost. “ I don’t decide when someone gets Thrashed. That’s all of you. You’re the ones telling me when someone is no good or when they annoy you or when you don’t want them at your parties.”

Jodi shook her head in frustration, looking away from him. “Okay. Fine, if you think that’s the truth. Just please stop treating Kiera like someone who will be here for the long haul. You have no idea if she will be. And you’re an idiot if you think we can talk about the cases with someone you’ve known for five minutes.”

Jodi felt heat in her cheeks and lips, hot anger and embarrassment rising.

Zack took a deep breath and sounded resigned when he said, “Yeah. Okay. I don’t think it will be a problem. She said she didn’t really want to spend time with us anymore after what happened today. And after the rose garden.”

Pressing her lips together, Jodi bit out, “Well, I’m sorry to hear that.”

A puff of air burst from Zack’s mouth, and she looked over to see him laughing. “No, you’re not.”

She smiled. “No, I’m not.” He laughed again. “Zack, she had no discernible personality. I mean, what the hell?”

“Yes, she did!”

“‘Rich, pretty, and obsessed with you’ is not a personality,” Jodi said, laughing, too.

“Are you kidding? It’s my favorite type of person,” Zack joked, and Jodi hit him with her limp hospital pillow.

The thing about driving your car off a bridge is that you’re grateful to be alive, but everything else is one hundred times more difficult.

Jodi’s phone was gone. It was at the bottom of the American River, along with her wallet. They would send a team to get the car out, but the first priority wasn’t recovering possessions.

Her broken rib hurt like a mother. Rosa kept her home from school for the first week of recovery, and as much as Jodi begged, she wouldn’t let her drop by the theater lab to check on the backdrop. The theater lab was the one place she felt like she had some control over anything in her life. She created things there, and it was torture to stay in bed while Oliver kept the scenic lab freshmen away from her unfinished backdrop.

It was a week of schoolwork, puzzles with Grandma, and phone calls to replace everything she’d lost in the car. She kept in touch with Oliver about the play, and her friends checked on her—all of them except Julian. She’d heard nothing from him since he’d dragged her onto the river bank.

On Wednesday, Jodi gingerly lowered herself to sit at the card table with Grandma. She was piecing together a puzzle of a vase filled with brightly colored flowers. She had been wanting to ask Grandma about her mother ever since the deposition, to see if Buechler and Harding were right. But there was never a good time to ask someone if their daughter killed themselves. But today, Grandma brought her up.

“Your mother broke her leg in sixth grade,” she said. “She didn’t whine as much as you.”

Jodi laughed, and stopped when her rib ached. “How did she break it?”

“She was trying to show off for the older kids. Herminia always tried to be older than she was.”

Her fingers paused in their reach for an edge piece. “Who?” Jodi asked.

“Herminia Josephina Rodriguez,” Grandma said. “She hated it, so she asked to be called Josephine.”

“My mother’s first name was Herminia?”

Grandma nodded. Jodi stared at the puzzle pieces.

Nan had been right. The H name. It had been her mother trying to be heard over Emily.

She wants you to go to Rosa’s.

Swallowing back the lump in her throat, Jodi asked, “Was my mother sad? Was she depressed?”

Grandma pushed a purple flower into place and took a deep breath. “Sadness comes and goes. Herminia had more of it than others.”

Jodi’s eyes brimmed with tears. She wanted to ask more—if her mother had taken those pills on purpose, if she’d locked the door on purpose, if she’d brought Jodi into the tub, knowing what would happen. But Grandma excused herself to make tea.

Jodi finished the edge pieces for her instead.

The following week, Jodi came home from her first day back at school, immediately grabbed more painkillers for her ribs, and sat down to open her college portal. The halls had been drowning in news of college acceptance letters that day, and Jodi could barely concentrate through the end of her classes, anxious to get to a computer since she didn’t have a phone still.

Jodi took a deep breath and typed in her password.

California Institute of the Arts is pleased to accept you into our Theatrical Design and Production program.

Bright joy filled her chest. Jodi beamed at the screen. She was going to CalArts.

She ran to the living room and found Rosa and Grandma watching TV, and without preamble, she burst out, “I got into CalArts!”

Rosa screamed and threw her popcorn in the air.

Jodi clapped her hand over her smile and couldn’t help the giddy laughter that poured out of her, despite the pain in her ribs. Grandma danced and kissed her cheek, and Rosa started crying.

“I know I still have to hear about financial aid.” Jodi wiped away the tears that had started to fall.

Rosa hushed her. “Don’t worry about that now. We will figure it out, I promise you.”

Grandma got on the phone and started telling all of her friends, and Rosa started making a cake to celebrate. Jodi thought about calling her dad, but wondered if he might immediately think about money instead of letting her live in this moment.

She decided to wait. As she went to her laptop to type in the group chat, she realized that the rest of her friends were having their college dreams shattered. Maybe she could wait a little longer to tell them, too. Maybe after the trials.

Rosa took Jodi to get a new phone the next day. Once she’d transferred her apps and contacts and made sure she still had access to her pictures, she checked in with Paige about her concussion and asked about Kiera.

does she still think she saw emily on the bridge?

Paige typed back, she told the doctors and police that she hadnt been sleeping and thought she saw someone but she said maybe she didnt. zack tried to reach out to her but she said she wanted space.

Jodi frowned. She didn’t think Kiera would drive them off a bridge on purpose, but she wondered if exhaustion was really to blame.

With her phone finally in her hand, she was anxious to check on everyone. She hovered over Julian’s number, wondering what to say.

Maybe thank you? If he hadn’t been so quick to get to her, it might have been too late.

The day before, he’d greeted her with a nod from across the room, but didn’t follow her to her locker or ask for notes like he used to. So he wasn’t ignoring her. They just weren’t friends. Again. It was strange how used to him she’d gotten.

Jodi typed generic greetings and deleted them. She typed long-winded paragraphs thanking him for coming for her and deleted them. She took a deep breath and ran her hand through her hair, tugging on the roots. Her chest was tight, and it had nothing to do with the pain in her ribs. There was nothing to say that felt right.

What do you say to someone who swam to the bottom of a river for you and did CPR?

She thought maybe she should just pull him aside at school, but the idea of it twisted her stomach in knots. She couldn’t imagine looking into his smug hazel eyes and saying thanks, like he’d offered her gum.

Ultimately, she decided to wait until the moment felt right.

When she got home from school the next day, she had an email waiting for her from Greg Thrasher. The subject line just said You were right…

When she opened it, there was an attachment called “Vanessa Jones.” She opened it quickly and found paperwork with the Sac High logos on it, but blacked-out names and addresses.

April 2, 2023

After speaking with [REDACTED] in extensive detail, it is my recommendation to separate [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] for future classes and extracurricular programs. [REDACTED] has been bothering [REDACTED] and repeatedly inserting herself into [REDACTED] ’s personal life, including showing up unannounced to her house, using [[REDACTED] ’s passcode to open her phone and snoop around, and stalking friends of [REDACTED] if she brings them up in conversation.

[REDACTED] no longer wishes to associate with [REDACTED] and would like any action by the school to be discreet at this time.

Jodi scrolled to the next document, her mind spinning quickly to fill in the redacted names.

May 18, 2023

The parents of [REDACTED] are considering filing a restraining order against [REDACTED] . The behavior has not improved and [REDACTED] has made her boundaries clear. I suggest a meeting with Principal Hughes and the [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] families to resolve and/or to consider disciplinary action.

Jodi read it over ten times, her heart pounding as she put herself in Vanessa’s shoes.

Vanessa had wanted a restraining order against Emily. She obviously hadn’t filed it, or else the defense would already know about it. But it was bad enough that Emily had to switch schools.

Staring at her ceiling that night, Jodi wondered if Emily would have gotten that bad with her eventually. She thought about the photo she’d edited together of the two of them.

Maybe it was already that bad.