Page 65

12:19 p.m.

I ’ m happy that my worlds are already coming together.

As we were making our way through Universal Studios, my friends were chatting about things to do in Los Angeles until Rio

stopped for coffee, since he’s still jet-lagged, which led to Paz admitting that he’s starving, since he didn’t have breakfast.

We stop at the Jurassic Cafe. Rio and I have claimed a booth while Paz is in line ordering his Herbivore Salad.

“How was last night?” Rio asks.

I tell him the same thing I told my parents this morning: “One of my favorite nights ever.”

“No red flags?” Rio asks, as if that’s an appropriate response.

Unfortunately, my research has revealed that many people will consider borderline personality disorder a red flag. It was

especially upsetting to learn some psychiatrists and therapists won’t even treat patients with borderline personality disorder

because their behavior can be too complex and unpredictable. There were certainly moments last night where Paz was sensitive

because of his disorder, but I wouldn’t dare write him off because of his trauma.

“No red flags,” I say.

“That’s good. I’ve been freaking out since watching Grim Missed Calls last night.”

I stare in confusion. “Why did you watch that?”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Was that the only thing available?”

“No. First I watched this B movie on YouTube called Canary Clown and the Carnival of Doom . It was as low-budget as it gets.”

“And Grim Missed Calls is as dishonest as it gets. You know that was made by pro-naturalists who are so clearly campaigning against Death-Cast and

for Carson Dunst.”

Rio gestures for me to calm down. “I watched that docuseries because you’re my best friend and I care about you. You’ve been

there for me, and I’m literally here for you.” He nods at Agent Dane, who’s keeping an eye on us at a nearby booth. “You were

almost killed, , by someone who had a secret switchblade in his phone, and Dane hasn’t bothered to inspect mine. I suspect

he hasn’t inspected Paz’s phone either. What if we wanted to hurt you?”

It’s like I’m falling back through the memory of my assassination attempt. I relive the searing pain of Mac Maag’s switchblade

dragging across my forearm and stabbing me deep in the abdomen. I’m on the sidewalk outside my building, bleeding out. The

trauma is so painful that I work hard to float back to the present.

“Do you want to hurt me?” I ask even though Rio already did by triggering that memory.

“Of course not.”

“Do you believe Paz wants to hurt me?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll be keeping an eye on him. Has he been patted down?”

“No.”

“Why not? You do it for me and Ariana, and we don’t have his criminal record.”

“Correction: my father makes the agents inspect you before entering our home. I trust you both otherwise, just like I trust

Paz.” Though, if I’m being honest, I trust Paz more than I do Ariana right now since she not only hasn’t reached out to me

since my assassination attempt, she’s also ignored my texts and calls. “I’m glad you’re getting this opportunity to meet Paz

so you can see once and for all that he’s not the criminal that internet strangers make him out to be.”

“It’s worth investigating the facts—”

“How’s the hotel?” I ask, interrupting Rio.

He’s confused until he sees Paz return, scooching in next to me as he sets down his tray with his salad, fries to share, and

waters for all.

Rio picks at a fry and says, “The hotel is fine. I couldn’t sleep, so I was up most of the night watching TV.”

“Anything good?” Paz asks.

Rio eyes Paz suspiciously when he’s not looking. “Nothing good.”

“There’s a lot of garbage out there,” I say.

“And I can’t get booked on any of it,” Paz jokes. “What were you watching?”

I glare. It would make a really bad first impression if Rio admits to watching Grim Missed Calls , as it continues to disrupt Paz’s life.

“ Canary Clown and the Carnival of Doom ,” Rio answers. He calls it unspeakably bad and proceeds to speak about how bad it is for a few minutes. “Hopefully you’re

auditioning for better material.”

Paz sighs. “Yeah, I actually had a chemistry test last week, but I didn’t get it.”

“For what?” Rio asks.

“The adaptation of Golden Heart by Orion Pagan.”

I can practically see Rio calculating how Orion Pagan plus Valentino Prince equals a love story that gets divided by Frankie

Dario, who gets subtracted from the mathematical problem because of Paz Dario, which means that adding Paz into any movie

based on this equation isn’t the right answer.

Rio thankfully bites his tongue.

“Last night Paz auditioned for a cool job at Make-A-Moment,” I say.

“ was my scene partner,” Paz says with a big smile.

“Scene partner?” Rio asks.

I explain the new Make-Life-Moments Experience and the need for actors. “We performed a scenario for the manager,” I say,

trying to avoid what it was specifically, but of course Rio asks and I won’t deny the truth. “A first-date simulation.”

Rio is naturally confused as anyone would be upon hearing about a first-date simulation, but I’m sure his confusion is coming

more from my saying that I wasn’t going on a date with Paz. “What does simulating a date look like?”

“Getting to know each other,” I say.

“Proving we have chemistry,” Paz says.

“But it was just a performance,” Rio says.

Paz shrugs. “Felt like a real date to me.”

“Me too,” I say. I hope that doesn’t come off as disrespectful to Rio, given our past, but when we had our conversation about

how we needed to commit as friends and nothing more, we agreed that our many date-like hangouts weren’t technically dates

since we never defined them as such. “That’s one example of an experience Paz might perform at Make-A-Moment.”

“Unlimited roles I can play,” Paz says.

Rio stares off into the distance, his dark eyes watering before he blinks the tears away. “There are definitely limits. No

one could ever be my brother,” he says.

Paz looks horrified and immediately apologizes. “That’s not what I meant.”

“That job isn’t about replacing anyone,” I say. It’s safe to assume there will be Make-A-Moment clients using this service

in relation to their grief, as is their right, but Rio will not be one of those people, as is his right. “The best actor in

the world will never be your brother.”

I’m expecting Rio to go cry privately, but he collects himself with a deep breath. “The job sounds really cool otherwise,”

he says, moving on. “We should let Ariana know about the job opening. Did tell you about our best friend who’s pursuing

acting?”

Paz nods. “Broadway, right?”

“She’s really talented,” Rio says. “Right?”

Ariana is very qualified to be a Make-Life-Moments actress. “Feel free to inform her,” I say.

“What if you tried? It could be a nice gesture all things considered.”

“I’ll leave that to you,” I say.

It would be a nice gesture, but no matter how guilty I feel in having done the right thing, I still recognize it was indeed

the right thing to do. Morally and professionally. I’m upset that my father firing Andrea Donahue has interfered with my and

Ariana’s friendship, but I refuse to invest in Ariana’s future when she’s not even interested in what I survived. Every minute

that passes where Ariana doesn’t reach out, the more I believe that my best friend wouldn’t have cared if I had died.

After some small talk as we finish the food, Paz clears his tray and runs to the restroom.

“I feel like you hate me,” Rio says the moment we’re alone.

“I definitely don’t hate you.”

“Then why are you fighting me on everything?”

“I’m sorry if it seems like I’m fighting you. I really appreciate you looking out for me, but I’m entering an era where I

need to embrace what I want. I’d rather not obsess over Ariana when I can be present with you, who’ve proven you care about

me. The same goes for Paz.”

Even saying Paz’s name stirs something beautiful inside me. I want to nurture this connection so that it blossoms, but I don’t feel comfortable sharing that with Rio after his lingering kiss on the cheek yesterday has me questioning if that was his way of saying goodbye to the intimate moments we’ve been sharing as I make space for someone new or if he was trying to reclaim his abandoned throne, so to speak.

“Friends can’t turn off our concerns for one another,” Rio says.

“Pass that memo to Ariana.”

Rio doesn’t take the bait. “I’ll try and relax and let you live your life.”

“Pass that memo to my father.”

He laughs. “Paz seems cool, by the way. Grim Missed Calls has gotten a lot wrong.”

Coming from Rio, who carries many unfavorable opinions, this endorsement from my last standing best friend not only means

the world to me, but grows my own world exponentially so that I don’t have to risk losing Rio to begin something new and beautiful

with Paz.

Choosing to live pro-naturally might actually give me the life I’ve always wanted.