Page 58

7:22 p.m.

We arrive at our first Begin Day destination: the Santa Monica Pier.

On the drive over, I caught up Alano on how my Begin Day was going. I didn’t get into anything about the self-harm since I

haven’t opened up about that yet—and I will—but I did tell him all about my self-care routine, doing laundry, and mowing the

backyard for Mom. He was proud of me, as I hoped. I also told him that I tried reaching out to Margie at Present-Time, which

he did too apparently, and he also got the voice mail. We’re gonna try again to make sure no security footage of us with the

gun will get leaked.

Then as we were parking, Alano filled me in on how his Begin Day began with the police showing up at his place because he

was recognized on the Hollywood Sign. Even though he was doing the right thing, Alano’s parents were pissed that he risked

his life for me. “I’m lucky no one knows we were at Present-Time with that raider,” he says as we cross under the Santa Monica

Pier sign and walk downhill. “My father would’ve had the cops lock me up for my safety.”

Instead, we have his bodyguard following us.

“I’m sorry I almost got you arrested,” I say.

“Your life is worth going to jail,” Alano says.

“So is yours.”

“Thanks for believing that.”

I still don’t know everything that led to Alano wanting to jump off a roof, and I hope he opens up to me like I have to him,

but for now, I’m giving him space. “So your best friend surprised you?”

“One of my best friends, yes. That’s complicated. Do you mind if we get into it later? I’d rather have fun with you now.”

“I won’t fight you on that,” I say, throwing him a smile.

We walk through the pier. The Ferris wheel is already lit up even though it’s not fully dark yet. The sky’s blues and pinks have fused into this beautiful purple while the clouds glow orange like they’re being burned away for the night. The smell of salty air is getting stronger as the ocean’s waves get louder. Outside Bubba Gump is a snack cart, and we grab Sour Patch Kids, Airheads, and cotton candy for the world’s sweetest dinner. We almost pop into the arcade, but there are so many live performances, like a breakdancing trio who have drawn a big crowd, a mime who recognizes Alano and mimics a phone call before playing dead, and a girl playing guitar and singing into a mic. The girl is covering Taylor Swift’s “Lover” while two older women dance together and share a deep kiss. The thought of asking Alano to dance to this song as the sun sets has my insides breakdancing, but I’m as speechless as that damn mime. Alano places some cash into the girl’s guitar case, and we continue down to my favorite part of the pier, where there’s carnival games, a roller coaster, and the Ferris wheel. It might not be a romantic dance, but I wouldn’t mind being alone in the sky with Alano. Instead, he stops in front of somewhere unexpected.

The Make-A-Moment station is a simple white-bricked building and a NO-RISK THRILLS! sign above the double doors. This VR company is built with Deckers in mind, but a lot of non-dying people come anyway because

of safety, accessibility, and even affordability. Booking experiences at Make-A-Moment isn’t cheap, but it’s a lot cheaper

to virtually scuba dive the Great Barrier Reef in LA than it would be to fly to Australia and get certified and rent equipment

to do it for real—and you also don’t have to worry about jellyfish stinging you to death.

“Am I really about to act like a Decker again on our first Begin Day?” I ask.

“I was thinking about a different kind of acting,” Alano says, pointing to a sign.

HIRING!

Make-A-Moment is seeking to fill the following positions:

Front Desk Agents (full-time)

Show Guides (full-time)

Security Guard (full-time)

Actors (of all ages and backgrounds)

for new Make-Life-Moments Experience

Training begins in August (part-time)

Preference to those who can work

overnight and early mornings.

Apply inside or online.

“Wait. They’re hiring actors?”

“The Make-Life-Moments Experience is the company’s effort to expand beyond safe thrills and create intimate milestone moments

that the Decker might not have experienced in life. This could mean anything from exchanging wedding vows to winning a Pulitzer,

all in front of friends and family so they can cherish the moment too,” Alano says, turning away from the building to look

me in the eyes. “But they need actors. This might not be your dream role, but the role you play for a Decker could make their

dream come true.”

I stare at the sign again, imagining the endless possibilities of who I can become for these Deckers. “What if it’s too much

to handle mentally?”

“I’m the last person on this planet who will judge you. I should’ve trusted my own instincts and not done that herald shift,”

Alano says, closing his eyes and shuddering like he’s reliving that memory in high-def. He shakes it off. “In the spirit of

Begin Days, I thought I’d show you another avenue to pursue acting until we get you back on the big screen. Also, you’ve survived

personal experiences with Last Friends, so I thought you could handle more time with Deckers too. At the end of the day, you

know yourself best.”

Every breath I haven’t wanted to breathe is slowly filling me up. Training starts next month, which means living past the anniversary of Dad’s death—which means not killing myself. This job could be something to live for, something that gives me purpose on the hardest Begin Days. Not only would I get to act, but Alano is right that I’ve proven that Deckers are fine around me. Then I feel all the air leaving me because the dying aren’t my problem. It’s the living. “But they won’t hire me.”

“Why not?” Alano asks.

“No one is hiring a killer to hang out with Deckers every day.”

“You were declared innocent.”

“I also had my records sealed, but that hasn’t stopped people from knowing who I am anyway.” If only the Scorpius Hawthorne

stuff came up when someone googled my name during background checks instead of everything about my trial. “It’s okay, thanks

for trying—”

Alano grabs my wrist before I can walk away. “What’s the harm in trying? This is a place of no-risk thrills, right?”

“Yeah, the no-risk thrills that Make-A-Moment offers are more daring, like virtual skydiving and rock climbing, things you

really shouldn’t be doing on your End Day. I doubt we’re gonna find a VR room for applying for a job.”

“You forget that Deckers are also known to embrace the dangers of reality, even on their End Day. If they’re willing to die

doing what they love, why aren’t you willing to live to get what you love? What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

“Rejection,” I softly admit. That’s part of being an actor anyway.

“What’s the best thing that can happen?”

“I could get the job.”

That would change my life. Not just change my life—it could save it.

“Your call,” Alano says.

“Okay, fine, but I’m gonna use my stage name to play it safe,” I say.

Alano rests his bandaged arm on my shoulder, leaning in and coaching me. “You shouldn’t hide who you are, Dario. If they

won’t accept you, take your worth elsewhere.”

It’s hard when those people make me feel worthless, but I gotta stop giving them power over me. “You should give a TED Talk

about motivating suicidal guys.”

“Only if I can point to evidence that my little speeches work.”

I smile, taking this Begin Day head-on and walking inside Make-A-Moment. It looks like a high-end arcade. There are four TV

screens previewing the experiences, kiosks for booking, black leather couches, dimmed overhead lights with a neon yellow MAKE-A-MOMENT sign behind the empty counter.

“I kinda love it in here,” I say, kicking sand from the pier on the rug.

“That’s awesome, because it looks like they could use some help.”

The door opens, and Dane walks in. “Mr. Alano, you know you’re not supposed—”

“We’re just grabbing an application for ,” Alano interrupts.

“It’s best that we step outside.”

My heart starts racing. “What’s going on? Are we in danger?”

“No, no,” Alano says. “My father has recommended that I avoid businesses for Deckers after recent attacks by the Death Guard.”

“That was an instruction,” Agent Dane says. “Part of your agreement.”

“We’re fine. In and out.”

“Mr. Alano—”

An older man in a yellow Make-A-Moment polo comes down the hall, and Dane immediately shields us—shields Alano, really.

“Hi,” Alano says from over Dane’s shoulder.

“Welcome to Make-A-Moment,” the man says cautiously, like we might be the threats. Then he squints and makes out Alano. “Alano

Rosa? Wow! It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Ross, the manager of this location.”

Alano comes out from around Dane and shakes the man’s hand. “Hi. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Ross.”

Ross’s eyes now widen. “You’re not dying, are you?” he asks, no longer starstruck.

Just like last night at Present-Time, Alano assures this Make-A-Moment manager that he isn’t dying and that he’s here for

a friend. “We saw the job openings.”

Ross looks at Dane, hopeful someone of his build is here to become a security guard, and then he turns to me, where he’s no

doubt picturing me behind the counter and checking in guests. He doesn’t know that I’m a killer. Not yet.

“It’s for me,” I say. Then I second-guess and third-guess myself before adding, “I’m .”

I wait for Ross to recognize my name, but he just opens a folder. “Which position are you interested in?”

“Actor,” I say. It feels nice owning this again.

“He’s fantastic,” Alano says.

I smile at the compliment, even if he’s working off a performance from when I was six years old. (I still look back at that

movie and think my acting really holds up.)

Ross hands me the application. “I take it you’re familiar with our forthcoming Make-Life-Moments Experiences. There’s a lot

of roles someone young like you could play: a first date, a friend at graduation, or a son playing catch with his father.”

I flinch at the idea of playing catch with Dad—of knowing I’ll never be able to when it’s time for my own End Day.

“,” Alano says.

I snap out of my trance. “Yeah, sorry, I’m just imagining all the possibilities. I’m your guy, I can adapt to any role you

need me to.”

Ross nods. “Great. Apply as soon as you can so we can review your résumé and schedule an audition. We’re getting a lot of

interest.” Then he mutters, “I think some of these Disneyland actors are tired of dressing up as Mickey and Elsa.”

There’s this mischievous glint in Alano’s green eye. “Would it be too much trouble for to do his audition tonight?”

Before Ross or I can weigh in, Dane does. “Mr. Alano?”

“I want to help give the edge over the competition,” Alano says, like Dane is an older brother who needs to loosen up

instead of a bodyguard sworn to keep him alive.

Ross scratches his head, thinking. “I would love to make an exception in gratitude to your family, but I’m unfortunately short-staffed tonight and don’t have someone for to act with. I just lost an employee this afternoon who found the job too . . . difficult.”

I’m sure “difficult” means “devastating.” It takes a lot for someone to face the dying, especially for minimum wage. I would

be doing it for my survival and happiness.

“Thanks anyway,” I say. I wave the application. “I’ll go fill this out—”

“I can act with ,” Alano volunteers.

“That’s okay,” I say, nervous that he’s gonna blow this.

“What if and I book an experience? Could that double as his audition?” Alano asks.

“That depends on what characters you’re playing,” Ross says.

“How about two boys on a first date?” Alano says, and I’m now nervous for different reasons. “You said it yourself that

could pull that off. I could be the Decker and could be my date. Assuming that’s all cool with ?”

Fuck yeah I’ll go on a date with you is what I wanna say, but I just say, “I’m down.” If only Ross knew how well I sold that line he would hire me on the spot.

Ross smiles. “Our company exists to make moments like this happen.”

Agent Dane approaches the counter. “For Mr. Alano’s security, I will need to know if there are any other people in the building

or if you have any upcoming appointments with Deckers.”

“No one else is here. Walk-ins like yourself are always welcome, but it’s rare for Deckers to appear in the evening, you know.”

It’s chilling how most of today’s Deckers are dead or will be in the next few hours.

“I’ll keep watch,” Agent Dane tensely tells Alano.

Alano rejects Ross’s offer for a complimentary booking and leads me to the kiosk. We click our way through the eight-page-long

waiver, wondering which Decker reads this thing and changes their mind. The thing is, for all we know Alano isn’t just playing

a Decker, he might actually be one. He better not die on our date, fake or not, or that’s a wrap on the Begin Days. Alano

swipes through the selections, looking really cute as he squints, reading the descriptions for rafting through the Grand Canyon,

climbing Mount Everest, volcano boarding in Nicaragua, and orbiting the moon.

“I’ve had a lot of real-world adventures,” Alano says. “Anything catching your eye?”

You , I wanna say, but the only thing scarier than getting rejected by Make-A-Moment is getting rejected by Alano.

I swipe and discover that Make-A-Moment now offers fantasy/sci-fi experiences, like a wizard heist where you get to throw

fireballs and cast lightning bolts at all the orcs guarding a stolen treasure. “We can do a fantasy world if you’re tired

of the real world,” I say.

“As cool as it would be to act like a wizard with a Scorpius Hawthorne legend such as yourself, maybe we shouldn’t be fighting for our lives as we get to know each other,” Alano says, leaning in to whisper. “We sort of did that already last night.”

How can someone speaking so quietly make my body wanna scream?

This date isn’t gonna require a single second of acting.

“How about horseback riding?” I ask.

“Anything to do with a certain Oscar-winning film about gay cowboys?” Alano asks.

“Yeehaw.”

I freeze when we get to the payment screen. My ticket alone is gonna cost four hundred and thirty dollars. That’ll only leave

me with seventy bucks in my bank account. Not sure I should really be putting a price on a date, except I would be spending

real money on a fake date that we’re only doing so I can maybe make back real money.

Alano swipes his card, covering us both. “My treat since I asked you out,” he says, linking his arm through mine.

I can tell all the lies I want, but my body always tells the truth: my face flushes with heat, my heart races because of something

good for once, and these happy nerves spreading everywhere inside me make me wanna jump up and down, like the first time my

mom brought me to an audition—like I’m so much closer to the world I wanna live in.

We’re guided down the hallway where there are three mini-screens above each open door, previewing the different experiences that can be found inside. The set designs are so amazing that I feel like I’m teleporting across the world every time we pass a room: mounds of sand that lead to a four-foot-high water tank with a surfboard; props of medieval weaponry and glowing sconces and a throne with suits of armor for Deckers to really immerse themselves as knights defending their dark castle; a projection of outer space, astronaut costumes, and a shuttle the size of a tank; a rock climbing treadmill blends in perfectly with the 3D Mount Everest, all of it surrounded by high-quality faux snow that big-budget movies use; and then our trail, complete with animatronic horses, foam boulders, artificial bushes, and a projection of a bright red sunset.

We’re given VR glasses, a haptic feedback vest so we can feel vibrations within the realm, and gloves so our avatars will

move as we do. I breathe in the scents of grass and river, filtering in from the gray diffuser that’s blending in with the

foam boulders, before climbing on top of my fake horse’s very real, very uncomfortable saddle.

Once we’re both strapped in, we switch on our VR glasses and I select my avatar—a light-skinned, curly-haired guy in a blue

plaid shirt and jeans—and I don’t waste time accessorizing beyond that.

A white light washes over me. In acting class, we’re trained to create our own fourth wall when facing the camera because staring directly into it will break the illusion for the audience, but thanks to the VR glasses, I don’t have to imagine anything: I’m surrounded by the greenest of trees that shoot up into the clear blue sky, and the trail ahead has hoofprints that create a real sense of history in this virtual world. And then out of nowhere, Alano appears on a horse—sorta. His avatar has long brown hair that falls down the back of his black plaid shirt, and he’s accessorized with a cowboy hat and handkerchief; I wish I was looking at the real him.

“Try not to mind me,” Ross says, which pulls me out of this world even more, like an audience member’s phone going off during

a live theater performance. “We always have guides present to tend to our guests. Just forget I’m here and enjoy your first

date.”

The stereo switches on, playing sounds of birds singing and squirrels scurrying and hooves clopping at a steady pace, which

are perfectly in sync with the gentle swaying of our robot horses. No, not robot horses—real horses. I don’t love Sanford

Meisner’s acting method, but I do love what he said about how acting is about living truthfully under imaginary circumstances.

That’s what I would do on a real movie set and that’s what Make-A-Moment will be expecting once they cast me to be a character

actor for their Deckers. I ignore everything that you wouldn’t find in a real forest—the diffuser, the stereo, Ross watching

us like a casting director—and I pretend like I’m not auditioning and act as if I’m on an actual first date with the real

Alano and not this CGI stand-in.

“I’m happy you asked me out,” I say. That’s not scripted.

“I’m happy you said yes,” Alano says. I hope that’s not scripted.

It’s a good thing that our narrative is that we’re two boys on a first date because I’ve never been on a real date, so all my cluelessness will work in my favor. But now I can’t help but wonder if Alano has been on real dates.

My body starts telling a harsher truth, like it actually was lying before when I thought everything was good: my face goes

warm again but this time out of embarrassment for being stupid enough to believe Alano wanted this date because he’s interested

in me, my stomach twists like I’m gonna be sick, and my breath tightens like I’ve just been thrown off the horse and had my

heart trampled over. I will only ever get close to the world I wanna live in, but I’ll never actually arrive.

I stop myself, recalling my therapist’s advice about what to do when I’m making upsetting assumptions. Raquel says that if

I can’t identify the story in my head with one of my five senses, then it isn’t real. In this case, I haven’t heard Alano

say that he’s only doing this out of pity. I haven’t seen him look at me in disgust, like I’m nothing but a killer who deserves

to die alone. And I haven’t felt him push me away, like I’m not worth saving.

If there’s something I wanna know, I can ask Alano, but fuck my senses, I don’t need to hear all Alano’s stories about going

on real dates as he travels the real world, or see pictures of the hot guys he’s used to dating.

“How long have you known you were into boys?” Alano asks.

I try to calm myself down and remind myself of the facts: Alano asked me out. Alano said he was happy I said yes to the date.

And Alano wants to learn more about me now. Just because we’re in a virtual world doesn’t mean it can’t be real.

“I kinda started cracking the code I was gay when I was nine. I think it was on Fourth of July or some other summer barbecue, but Mom was taking me to the park, and I saw some boy wiping away his tears on the street. I don’t even remember what he looks like, just that I got that butterfly feeling that told me it was different.” It’s weird reflecting on this perfectly normal coming-of-age experience, knowing that it all goes to hell a few weeks later, when I was dealing with being a killer instead of gay. “What about you?”

“I feel like I should take that answer to the grave,” Alano says lightly.

“Oh, come on. It’s me.”

“That’s kind of why I shouldn’t say anything!”

“I’ve come all this way for you,” I say as our horses go through a clearing that brings us to this open valley where the sun

is slowly sinking behind a mountain. “You gotta give me something.”

Alano laughs. “You promise you won’t ride off?”

“I promise I won’t ride off.”

“I had a crush on you,” Alano says.

Thank fuck I’m strapped onto this horse because I almost fall off. “You’re kidding.”

Alano’s avatar is facing me. “Look at me. For real.” I remove my headset to find that Alano has already done the same. It’s so great to see the real Alano with his real smile, to see that he’s so close I could reach out and hold his hand. “Remember how I told you that I was watching the last Scorpius Hawthorne movie on the first End Day? I really should’ve said I was rewatching because of you.”

Even with our headsets removed, how sheepish Alano is being still feels like a performance, maybe one he’s putting on for

Ross so I better play along too. “So it was love at first sight?”

“I don’t believe in love at first sight,” Alano says, throwing me off.

“Really? Because Kid Alano was rewatching a three-hour movie to see Kid in a three-minute scene.”

“I like the journey,” Alano says, beaming. “The concept of falling in love at first sight isn’t foreign to me. Deckers do

it all the time, though I’ve often wondered how many of those couples would’ve survived outside of an End Day where there

wasn’t an undercurrent of desperation to get life right before you die. No one can know one way or the other, which is probably

for the best; it’s comforting to believe someone found their soulmate while there was still time.”

“Then what do you believe in?”

“Friends first to make sure we like each other as we fall in love.”

I can’t help but imagine myself as part of that we .

“It worked for my parents,” Alano says. “They met on August 15, 1988. Both eighteen. My father heard my mother laugh in a coffee shop and knew deep down that if he didn’t know the girl behind the laugh that he would regret it for the rest of his life. Everyone thought he was insane for believing in his gut like that and for not giving up when my mother took her sweet time as friends—eighteen months exactly—before they dated. Before agreeing to a Valentine’s Day dinner, she gave my father one rule: no asking her to be his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day because she thought that was too cheesy. At midnight on February 15, 1990, my father didn’t waste another minute asking to be her boyfriend, and they’ve been together ever since.”

It’s a dope story, but it’s kinda infuriating that Joaquin Rosa got to meet his soulmate at eighteen and have a normal life,

meanwhile I’ve been suicidal forever because of Death-Cast’s fuckup. I guess if things work out between me and his son, I

can move past it.

“My mom and stepdad were friends first too. She just married the wrong person.”

“Thankfully they made it right before it was too late,” Alano says.

My incoming little sibling is proof that Mom and Rolando are still making up for lost time.

“Now that I’ve opened up, it’s your turn to tell me if you ever found me cute,” Alano says.

“You never called me cute,” I point out.

“Did I have to? I wasn’t charmed by all your demonic magic spells. Kid Alano thought Kid was cute just as nineteen-year-old

Alano thinks nineteen-year-old is cute.”

This fake date is starting to feel real.

“Have you ever thought about me?”

I feel like Alano is all I think about since meeting him, but it’s still weird that we sorta know each other because of the spotlights we grew up under. “Kinda impossible not to think about someone as famous as you. I honestly envied you a lot. You had it all.”

“No one has it all. Every person has their smoke and mirrors, especially if they’re famous. It’s the only way to survive in

a world that’s always watching you,” Alano says, acting as if his robotic horse rocked him hard, but he discreetly nods at

Ross as a reminder that he can’t say everything he might wanna.

I’m so used to growing up with people not trusting me that I don’t understand how hard it must have been to grow up not trusting

everyone around me.

Alano continues, “It’s always greener on the other side, but I wish I got to grow up as a normal kid.”

“Same,” I say, even though we’re on different sides of that famous kid/infamous kid coin. “I hope it wasn’t all terrible.”

“Of course not. I’ve gotten to live in ways people dream about their entire lives. Global travel, the finest dining, the coolest

parties. It’s been a really privileged upbringing, but there are moments you can’t buy. Or I guess you can now,” Alano says,

gesturing like we’re linked because of Make-A-Moment. “But I would trade so many of those extraordinary adventures alone for

ordinary moments with a boyfriend. Sitting on the couch and bingeing the new season of the show we’ve been watching together

for years. Taking turns applying sunscreen on each other’s backs. Learning something new every day. Waking up and talking

about our dreams.”

All of that sounds extraordinary to me.

“You know what else I want?” Alano asks.

I hope he says me. “What?”

He grins. “I’d like to know if you think I’m cute before I die.”

I laugh, a genuine I-can’t-believe-how-good-this-feels laugh. “You still have some time to find out,” I tease.

Through the rest of our simulated journey, we share fun facts, almost like we’re actually boyfriends learning something new

about each other: he once dyed his hair purple when he was fifteen and wishes he could scrub those pictures from the internet,

or even just his own mind; my favorite mode of transport is the train, though I’m not mad at these robot horses; he went skydiving

in Dubai, which I obviously knew from his Instagram but don’t voice; I wanna visit Puerto Rico badly; he once auditioned to

play clarinet in his elementary school band, but wasn’t good enough; how I wouldn’t survive in a postapocalyptic landscape

unless my group needed an actor for entertainment; and we both love everything about the rain, how it feels, how it looks,

how the world smells different when it’s done.

“I like flowers,” I say. “But I’ve never gotten any obviously.”

“What kind of flowers do you like?” Alano asks, like he’s about to ride away to grab some. “Roses? Tulips? Dahlias? Irises?”

“I legit don’t know.”

“You can steal my favorite flower. The lily of the valley. It symbolizes rebirth. Kind of perfect for the Begin Days.”

“And a generous parting gift on your End Day,” I say, right as our horses slow to a stop and the stereos fade to silence.

Our first date is over.

Ross claps before helping us get unbuckled from the saddles. “, you were fantastic. Inquisitive, charming, quick. I’m sure I’ll be seeing more of you around here. Let’s get that application filled out.”

Alano gives me an air five across the room, but I wish we were much closer and touching for real.

We return to the front, where I fill out the application on the spot as Alano proudly watches. The form asks if there’s any

criminal history to disclose. I say no because my records are sealed. I hand the application to Ross and look around the lobby,

envisioning myself here a lot, becoming a chameleon who meets the needs of every Decker’s dreams.

After Ross gives me his phone so I can take a picture of him with Alano, we leave Make-A-Moment, moving back out onto the

pier where Dane shadows us again.

“That was so much fun,” Alano says. “Way better than when I did Vogue ’s seventy-three questions.”

I definitely wanna look that up later. “How honest were you in there?”

“A hundred percent.” Alano bats his eyes then looks up at the Pacific Park sign before we enter the pier’s play area. “I have

no reason to lie to you. Everything was true. The first date. Favorite flower. Childhood crush. Everything.”

“Okay, that’s wild. Why didn’t you say anything about the crush last night?”

Alano gazes back at me, raising one eyebrow. “We were a little preoccupied,” he says, which only now reminds me that the top of the Hollywood Sign wasn’t exactly the time or place to confess his childhood crush. “I had my priorities straight last night, and I have new priorities now. Including living my life as I want. That means memorable first dates with my new cute friend.”

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, I think this is going okay? Like, Alano might actually be hitting on me? I was spiraling before

because I thought there’s no way he could actually like someone like me, but he’s not just dropping hints, he’s straight-up

calling me cute. And yeah, he called me a friend too, but he wants to be friends before boyfriends. It gives me enough courage

to get to the bottom of his romantic history. “I’m still shocked you haven’t been on a date.”

“Why is that so shocking?”

“You’re you. Alano Rosa. The Death-Cast heir. All that living, but no dating?”

“Being the Death-Cast heir is precisely why I haven’t been on a date. My life has made it easier to climb mountains and skydive

than fully trust someone.”

“Have you gotten close to trusting anyone?”

He nods. “The stars ultimately didn’t align,” Alano says, a discomfort on his face before he switches it up on me. I wonder

who broke his heart, or whose heart he broke. “The same can be said about you, by the way. No dates?”

“Nope. Boys aren’t exactly rushing to hang out with the psycho dad-killer.”

“There’s no way anyone who meets you believes that.”

“I’m not in college, I don’t have a job, and I can’t even get into an acting class. Guys don’t get to meet me unless I’m on the Hollywood Sign.”

“And you’re never going back up there,” Alano says, firm but lovingly. “The old ways of how you’ve accepted your treatment

are in the past now. We’re moving into the future, one Begin Day at a time.”

For the first time in forever, I’m no longer counting down to killing myself but instead to the day when Alano and I will

grow from friends into boyfriends.