Page 54

5:58 p.m.

I no longer have a gun, but I still have my knife.

Hours ago, when I was on my self-care streak, there was this dumbass voice telling me to return the knife to the kitchen,

that I wouldn’t need it anymore, but I was smart enough to not listen. I open my drawer and grab the knife, pulling back my

shorts, and the scars on my thigh look like the scratched-up floor in a horror movie from someone trying to claw their way

to freedom; I can relate. I’m about to run a new line across all of them, like a tally, but I’m ready to move on to a new

spot. Like the bottom of my foot. Yeah, that’s even better, I can hide the scars and every painful step will remind me to

never believe in stupid-ass lies again. My heart is pounding as I take off my sock and bite down on it so Mom and Rolando

won’t hear my screams. I press the knife against the sole of my foot, wincing already; this is gonna hurt, it’s gonna be so

bad, I know it, but I have to do it, and I have to do it now.

Hurting myself is how I’ll get better.

I’m a millisecond away from that first slice when my phone rings; I almost don’t hear it over the sound of my blood pumping.

And I can’t believe my eyes when I see Alano Rosa is calling.

He’s saving me from myself again.

“Hello?” I answer immediately, like I’m scared he’ll vanish again if I take too long.

“Hey, . It’s Alano.” Four words. Just four words from Alano and I can breathe again. “I’m sorry it’s taken so long to get

back to you. It’s been a day. How are you?”

How am I?

“I’m okay,” I say, returning the knife inside my journal and shutting the drawer. “What’s going on with you?”

Alano sighs. “It’s been a very eventful day of fighting with my parents.”

“Did you win?”

“Everyone won and lost,” Alano says sadly before perking up. “Long story short, I can still hang out, but I have to be home

before midnight. It’s very Cinderella of me.”

That’s a funny thought, but my mind doesn’t let me laugh, it takes me somewhere dark. “Why before midnight, do your parents

think I’m a threat to you?”

There’s a breath-long wait. “You’re no threat to me, . Others are, especially now that my fate is up in the air. The compromise

is my newly reinstated bodyguard has to accompany me everywhere I go.”

“So your bodyguard is coming on our—” I stop myself from calling this a date, since that’s not what this is. “He’s coming

to hang out with us?”

“Is that okay? Dane will keep his distance.”

“Yeah, that’s okay.”

“I understand if it’s not.”

“No, no, it’s fine. Seriously,” I lie.

I want Alano to myself, but between his bodyguard tagging along and Alano having to be home before midnight, I’ll take what

I can get.

“Thanks for understanding. I’m going to leave in a few and text you my ETA. Then we can enjoy some Begin Day fun.”

After we hang up, I stare at my foot, picturing what it could’ve looked like. I wince. From saving my life to saving my body,

Alano has magical timing. Death-Cast calls people to live before they die, but Alano calls me to keep me alive and well.

And that scares me.