Page 69 of The Runaway
“I’ve lived on this estate my entire life,” Niles said. “I’ve never been any further than the nearest town. I need to know more about how the world works. I’ve been raised in a sheltered and safe environment, but the vast majority of the world isn’t like that. And with Gabriel going, it’s the perfect opportunity. He can guide me away from the worst of the trouble, and we still get to do some good for the rest of society.”
“You’ve only been an alpha for three years,” Antoine pointed out. “And two of those were spent largely working on your education. You’re nineteen, for goodness sake. You’ve got plenty of time to see the world.”
“So now’s as good a time as any to start,” Niles said. “Besides which, what the military is doing is just plain wrong. It’s up to the little people to stand up to them and tell them what’s what.”
Antoine was clearly unhappy about the idea, and he glanced across at Gabriel. The look on his face was plain –‘Help me talk him out of it!’it said. Fortunately for Antoine, Gabriel had just enough reservations about Niles joining them that he was willing to meet Antoine halfway.
“Niles,” he said, turning to the young man. “Do you understand just how bad it’s going to get up there? We’re talking people being deliberately set on fire. Bodies lying in the streets. Crowds of people mowed down by guns, with no regard to their gender or station. I said to Connor last night that it would be violent, bloody mayhem, and you need to realise just what that means. Just because you’re an alpha doesn’t mean the military is going to care. You could be shot, just as easily as any omega. I appreciate your desire to help, but are you actually willing to give up your life for this?”
Gabriel watched Niles closely as he thought about his answer. He’d seen plenty of young and brash men join the army in pursuit of glory, only to suffer a rude shock as they’d realised the true nature of war. Survival was the only victory, andglory, in all its idealised glamour, was quickly replaced with despair.
Niles, to his credit, sat quietly and thought about what Gabriel had said. Gabriel used the time to shovel more eggs and toast into his mouth. As he’d mentioned to Connor, food might be hard to come by once they were on the road. Idly, he wondered how Connor was doing this morning, whether he was telling the others of his daring plans or keeping his mouth shut, but Gabriel’s moment of introspection was broken by Niles answering his question.
“I think the answer’s both yes and no,” Niles said. “Yes, I understand that people are going to be dying, that this is a genuine crisis and it’s going to be far less civilised than anything I’ve ever experienced. But at the same time, I also realise that it’s going to be worse than anything I can imagine, and that in the end, I’m not going to be prepared for that. But continuing to hide in the backwaters of rural France is not going to do anything to make me more prepared to meet life head on.”
Gabriel was almost impressed with his answer… until a stray glance from Niles alerted him to a deeper issue. Niles’s gaze fell on Dante, for just a second or two, but the look that crossed his face in the wake of that single glance was one of sorrow and longing – though Gabriel was sure that Niles wasn’t longing forDante, so much as for what he represented. A conversation sprang to mind that he’d had with Niles several weeks ago, in which Niles had mentioned that he thought he wasn’t good enough for Adalene. Was is possible that that issue was related to his current decision to go to Paris? But that was a question he was going to have to address a little bit later.
“And what about your responsibilities towards this estate?” Gabriel asked next.
“Optimistically, we’ll be gone a week or two, and then I’ll be back,” Niles said, glancing at Antoine. “Which is no different from if I was sent to secure a trade deal with a neighbouring town or if I went on a short merchant trip with Alfred.” Alfred was Niles’s uncle, Christophe’s brother. “Worst case is I could actually be killed, in which case, you have Lucas to take over as first alpha and help you run the estate. I know he’s still young, and short term, that would be a serious inconvenience, but long term, it’s not going to damage the welfare of the estate. I’m not saying I’m expendable,” he added, at Antoine’s deep frown. “But in the case of my death, the real cost to this estate would be manageable.”
Gabriel turned back to Antoine, raising an eyebrow to ask what he thought of the answer. In Gabriel’s own mind, it was a balanced and well-thought-out response.
Antoine sighed. “Gabriel, will you do your reasonable best to keep him out of serious trouble?”
“I will,” Gabriel said. “I think this is a valuable opportunity to see the darker side of society, but at the same time, Niles is inexperienced, and I’m not going to stand by and let him make foolish decisions. There is a time for valour and a time for caution.”
“Niles, will you abide by Gabriel’s advice and instructions?”
“Yes, I will,” Niles answered, his expression serious.
Antoine closed his eyes and shook his head, but they all knew the battle was won. “Fine. Niles can go, then. But if it’s three of you going, you should take the carriage into town. One of the betas can drive, and then he can do some shopping while he’s there. You’ll have to buy passage on a merchant caravan from there onwards, but at least you’re setting off on the right foot.”
Gabriel suppressed a smile. Antoine might not be happy that they were going, but he was still going to give them the best send-off he could manage.
After breakfast was finished, Gabriel followed Niles out of the dining room, both of them needing to go and pack for the journey. But before Niles could disappear up the stairs, Gabriel called him back. “Do you want to tell me what this is really about?” he asked, after checking that they were alone.
“What do you mean?” Niles asked.
“Let’s just be honest with each other for a moment,” Gabriel said. “You’re a kind and compassionate man, but I’ve never got the impression you’re the type to hurl yourself into other people’s battles. So I want a straight answer, Niles. Why are you going to Paris?”
Niles glanced back down the hall to the dining room. Antoine hadn’t yet emerged from the room, and Gabriel imagined he’d be having a prolonged discussion with Dante about the loss of two of the estate’s few alphas. Niles rubbed his eyes – a move that was strangely reminiscent of a gesture Antoine often made. “You’re halfway towards bonding with Connor,” he began, giving a far more direct answer than Gabriel had expected. He’d anticipated a lot of prevarication and beating about the bush before they got down to the real reason. “Antoine saved Dante from a life of misery and taught him that alphas are capable of being decent men. You bought Connor from brutal masters and showed him what it means to be treated with kindness. But I have nothing to offer Adalene. And before you ask, no, this is not some brazen attempt at convincing her that she actually wants to bond with me. This is me giving up. She’s not going to bond with me. And I’m slowly seeing all of the reasons why.
“I don’t expect that by going and rioting in Paris, she’s suddenly going to change her mind. It’s more that I’ve finally figured out that I am no one in particular, and if I’m ever going to do anything useful with my life, then I need to get out into the world and actuallydosomething. And for what it’s worth, I do actually believe that the military murdering their own omegas is a gross atrocity, so if I’m going to fight for anything, then that’s a pretty good cause to start with.”
“You’re giving up on Adalene?” The news was both a wise decision and a stark disappointment. “Have you told her?”
“No, not yet. I mean, I only actually decided to go to Paris ten minutes ago. But everyone knows it’s been heading that way. Even Adalene does. I don’t think it’s fair to either of us to keep dragging this out.”
Gabriel put a hand on Niles’s shoulder. “My father once told me that some of the wisest decisions we make can also be the most painful. And from what I’ve just seen, I think you’re turning out to be a very wise young man.”
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Half an hour later, Gabriel was loading his bag into the carriage, Niles lingering off to the side as Cirroc and Henry hitched the horses into their harnesses. Connor was still packing, Gabriel having dropped into the omegas’ quarters after breakfast to confirm they had Antoine’s permission to go. Connor had seemed tense but determined, and Gabriel had spared him the patronising question of whether he still really wanted to go. Connor knew how to speak his mind, Gabriel had learned, and he’d also been forced to realise over the months that Connor’s convictions were not easily swayed. If he’d had the courage to wake Gabriel in the middle of the night, then he was serious about the trip to Paris.
But as Gabriel stepped out of the carriage, he noticed that another person had joined them in the stable. Adalene stood in the doorway, arms folded, a stony expression on her face. Gabriel’s heart sank. From the look of her, he could only guess that Niles had told her of his trip and that he was breaking off their intended bonding.
But then Gabriel noticed the rucksack lying at Adalene’s feet. And then he noticed that she was wearing trousers instead of her usual skirt and she had her long, blonde hair tied back in a tight braid. She was dressed for traveling.