Page 36 of The Runaway

Connor nodded.

“Would you mind telling me a bit about them? Only if that’s okay with you.”

Connor opened his mouth to reply… but suddenly, his mind froze. His last heat had been the worst, an epic marathon of pain and degradation, and for a moment, he was back there, in the barn on the Riviere estate, screaming in pain, helpless and wishing he was dead. “I…” His hands shook. He couldn’t breathe. Tears pooled in his eyes. “I was…”

“Whoa, steady on. It’s okay. Take a deep breath.” Gabriel moved to sit beside him, gentle hands on his shoulders. “You’re safe. Just look around and tell me about the room. What can you see? What can you hear?”

“I see.. the bed…” Connor said, struggling to focus on the present. “And the chair. And… and the mirror.” His lungs suddenly began working again, and he sucked in gulps of air. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t…”

“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have asked.” Gabriel smoothed his hands down Connor’s arms, and the gentle touch grounded him. “I don’t want to make you remember anything bad.”

Connor didn’t want to remember it either. But as he’d said to Gabriel all those nights ago, if he didn’t tell anyone, then how would anyone know that it had ever happened? It would just be lost in the flow of time, as if he’d never existed.

“Tristan was angry with me. Before my last heat,” he managed to say. “He was the master of the house, the oldest brother. I don’t even remember why he was mad. But he decided that I should be made to wait. He locked me in the barn and went away. They said it was for three hours, but… but it felt like a lot longer. And the cramps started, and then the pain hit, and…” His fists were gripping the sheets, echoes of the agony ripping through his body. “And then they came back, and it was… all three of them.”

He heard Gabriel gasp. “Three alphas? Fucking hell…”

A tear fell from Connor’s eye. “People say that alphas don’t like to share, but they didn’t have a problem with it. All three of them, one after another. And they beat me while they were mating with me. Afterwards, I couldn’t walk. My legs were black with bruises. I had a black eye and I could hardly see. No one was allowed to come and help me. And they just laughed about it.”

He sniffled, then dared to glance up at Gabriel. The man’s face looked stony, his expression perfectly blank. God, what if he thought… What if he wanted to do the same thing? He didn’t look shocked, or upset, or…

“That’s not going to happen here,” Gabriel said, his voice sounding rough. “It’s just me. Just you and me. I’m not going to let you suffer the pain.” He took Connor’s hands in his own and gave them a squeeze. “Are you listening, Connor? There’s no reason anyone should ever have to endure that.”

Actions spoke louder than words. But Gabriel’s words had been true before. “Okay,” Connor said, willing himself to believe him. He wiped his sleeve across his eyes. “Should I, um…” He gestured vaguely to his clothes. “Should I get undressed?”

Gabriel let his hands go and shifted back a bit on the bed. “Just take your shirt off,” he said, after a pause. “That’ll do for now.”

Connor nodded. With shaking hands, he tugged the shirt up and over his head, letting it fall to the floor beside the bed. He’d put on a little weight since he’d been here, but he was still skinny and scrawny. Weak. Ugly.

“Turn around,” Gabriel said. “Just sit with your back to me.”

This part, at least, was familiar. Alphas only wanted to mate him from behind. They didn’t want to look at his face, didn’t care whether he was enjoying things or was in pain, and it was easier for them to ignore that side of things if they didn’t have to look at him. He turned around, bracing himself for… he wasn’t sure what exactly. Gabriel wasn’t going to hit him. He was reasonably sure he was right about that. But that still didn’t mean Gabriel wanted to look at him…

He felt warm hands on his shoulders and tensed. “It’s all right. I’m not going to hurt you,” Gabriel said. “See if you can relax a bit.” Strong fingers pressed down on the muscles of his shoulders, rubbing back and forth. They set up a slow rhythm, squeezing and pressing, then slid closer to his neck. He could feel the callouses on Gabriel’s hands, but at the same time, his touch was surprisingly gentle. He felt the tension in his muscles ease a fraction. “That’s it. Just breathe slowly. How does this feel?”

Connor considered the question. It felt… odd. Like he imagined it would feel if a cat was kneading his back, like they kneaded soft blankets or chair cushions. But why would Gabriel want to do that to him? “It feels kind of nice,” he said, feeling confused. It wasn’t just his shoulders and back that were reacting to the touch. He felt a faint trickle of sensation running all the way down his spine, to land in his groin. The tingle he felt there was getting more insistent. He gave a faint moan. His erection was coming to life, going from half mast to fully hard, and for the first time in years, that felt… not bad.

“Do you like that?” There was a note of warmth in Gabriel’s voice, and Connor imagined he would be smiling. He felt another flush of heat engulf his body. Gabriel was handsome when he smiled, his eyes brightening, his face looking younger. It didn’t happen very often, but Connor had seen it once or twice, and he felt an odd thrill now, as he wondered if he had caused it. Gabriel smiling was a good thing, and it pleased him for reasons he couldn’t quite work out.

“Connor? Do you like this?”

“Yes,” Connor said, feeling more tension ease out of his muscles. “That’s really nice.”

The massage continued for another few minutes, Gabriel working on the muscles all down his back, then up the sides of his neck. By the end of it, Connor’s heart rate had come down a bit, his hands no longer shaking. They had a long way to go yet, but this wasn’t a bad beginning.

Finally, Gabriel pulled away. “Turn around,” he said gently. Connor did. “Can I make a guess that no one’s ever given you much control while you’ve been in heat?”

The question was baffling. “No,” Connor said, with a frown. “Omegas don’t control a heat. Alphas do.”

“Only if they’re assholes,” Gabriel said, an edge to his voice. “We’re going to try something a bit different this time. And I’d like you to tell me if you’re not comfortable with it. I’m not going to get angry. I just want to give you a bit more control this time around.”

Connor nodded, not sure what to say. Already, his hormones were making his mind hazy. He was terrified of more pain, but at the same time, he felt drawn to Gabriel. The alpha’s skin was starting to produce a deep, musky scent, and he was already missing the feel of his hands on his skin. He wanted to be touched more. He wanted to bury his nose in Gabriel’s neck and breathe in that delicious alpha scent. He wanted… His gaze drifted down to Gabriel’s groin. His erection was pressing against his trousers, thick and long and bold. That huge, hard length was going to be pressed up inside him, and then…

Connor skittered backwards across the bed, away from Gabriel, with a sharp memory of just how painful that organ could be. Then an instant later, he cursed himself for his stupidity. Rejecting an alpha was a sure way to get a backhand across his face. He was supposed to submit, to obey, not to run away like a frightened rabbit.

But Gabriel didn’t move. He followed Connor’s gaze down to his own groin, and for a moment, he seemed surprised as he took in the obvious lump of his own erection. “We can take this as slowly as you like,” he said. “I’m going to give you plenty of time to get ready for it.”

Connor felt a flush of moisture in his back passage, at the same time as he felt a stabbing pain in his abdomen. Not a real pain, he realised a moment later. Just the memory of one. But going slowly wasn’t really an option. If they took too long, his mild cramps would turn into burning agony as his body demanded an alpha’s mating.