Page 57 of The Runaway

Gabriel shook his head. “Sorry. I’m not trying to ignore you. I’ve just got a lot to think about. That’s why I needed to get away for a while.” He turned back to the front, then a moment later, looked back again. “Are you okay?” he asked. “Not too uncomfortable in the saddle? Do you need a drink of water?”

“I’m fine,” Connor said. “Where are we going?”

“To find a spot to camp by the river. It should be another hour at most.” They continued in silence for a while, then Gabriel glanced back again. “Not that I’m complaining, but why did you decide to come?”

“To make sure you’re okay.”

Gabriel’s heart did an odd little trill at the idea. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“You’re running away. They call it something different when an alpha does it, but from where I’m sitting, it looks the same. And I know something about running away. So I figured I’d come along and make sure you didn’t do anything too reckless.”

Fucking hell, this lad was far too observant for Gabriel’s comfort. He’d said three words to Antoine and made an impulsive decision to go on a camping trip, and Connor had seen straight through him. And if he was honest with himself, doing ‘something reckless’, as Connor had put it, was probably not out of the question. Sitting out in the rain, perhaps, to see if he really did get pneumonia. Burning himself in the fire just to see if he could still feel anything. Just keeping going and not bother to ever go back to the Calvet estate. If he’d ended up doing that, Gabriel was fairly sure he’d have sent payment back to Antoine for the horse, but with Connor here, it was unexpectedly reassuring to know that he wouldn’t have the chance for that sort of flagrantly poor decision making. He would look after Connor, whatever demons happened to be hounding Gabriel.

“I have to warn you I’m probably not going to be great company,” Gabriel said, glancing back again. Had it been the wrong decision to bring Connor? He’d likely be bored out of his mind, just staring at a river for a couple of days.

Connor snorted. “Well, let’s see. So far, you and I have had a conversation in the middle of the night about people being tortured, you’ve watched me have a panic attack, I’ve watched you nearly punch someone’s face in when they didn’t want to sell me, and you looked after me while I was having a mental breakdown over another omega being killed. So yeah, I don’t know why I’d expect this to be anything other than a cheerful garden party.”

Gabriel glanced back again, but this time, it was with a wry grin. “Okay, okay, so we’re both a bit of a mess. Point taken.”

“I didn’t come here because I expect you to entertain me,” Connor said. “Or even look after me. I can do that myself. I just figured that at some point, you’d need someone to lend you a willing ear. And I’m good at that sort of thing.”

“That you are,” Gabriel agreed. A smile tugged at his face, a soft, genuine one this time. “I’m glad you came. It’s better than trying to get through all of this alone.”

???

Gabriel eventually chose a camping spot near a bend in the river where a series of rapids evened out into a wide pool. The water was clear, and from the bank, it looked like the pool would be about waist deep – though Gabriel was aware that such things could be deceptive – which was a decent depth to bathe in, if the water wasn’t too cold. He found a level area amongst the trees, up and away from the river’s edge, where he got to work setting up the tent. To his relief, he discovered that Connor had brought his own bedroll, which spared Gabriel having to decide which of them would sleep on the one he’d brought with him.

“Where did you get that?” he asked, as he watched Connor unroll it. The tent was really only designed for one person – intended for someone to sleep in the paddock while the sheep were lambing, in case of emergencies – and it would be a tight fit for both of them. Not that Gabriel was going to complain. He’d slept in far worse places than in a waterproof tent in a secluded forest.

“Dante gave it to me,” Connor said, glancing up at Gabriel with a look of mischief in his eyes.

“And did Dante also have anything to do with persuading you to come with me?” Gabriel asked. Antoine’s bonded omega was far cannier than an omega should be. And far more willing to push the boundaries than Gabriel had ever expected.

“He might have mentioned the idea,” Connor said, standing up and brushing his trousers off. “I’m going to go collect some firewood,” he announced, neither asking for Gabriel’s permission nor objecting to the work.

He was going to be a very easy companion for this trip, Gabriel realised, as he watched Connor walk away into the forest. He’d unloaded the horses’ packs while Gabriel had set up the tent, he’d found some rocks to set up as a fireplace, and then he’d set up his own clothes and bedding beside Gabriel’s, without the faintest query about whether or not he would be allowed to sleep in the tent. As far as Gabriel could tell, Connor was regarding himself as Gabriel’s equal; half the work was his to complete, but half the spoils were his also. Gabriel felt something tense and anxious inside himself settle as he reflected on Connor’s behaviour. There was something mystical and surreal about it all. It was one thing for an alpha to be able to look beyond all of society’s constructs and call them out as ridiculous, but it was a far more significant achievement for an omega to be able to do the same. Could Connor really consider himself as Gabriel’s equal? And if that was the case, it opened up a whole plethora of possibilities for their relationship. The idea was both daunting and exhilarating.

Okay, enough introspection for the time being, Gabriel counselled himself. He set about unsaddling the horses, swapping bridles for halters, and then tethered them near a patch of long grass near the river’s edge so they could graze. By the time he’d finished, Connor was back with an armload of dry wood, stacking it neatly for later use.

Then Gabriel sat down on a log beside the makeshift fireplace – as yet unlit, given the warmth of the midday sun – and…

And he sighed. Time to start unravelling the mess of emotions and contradictions about Avril and Chloe. Time to reconcile his disappointment in Antoine with the belief that he was still a good man. The water in the river danced in swirling ripples as it flowed ever downwards over the rocks. The birds flittered about in the trees, while leaves fluttered down each time the breeze disturbed their limbs. And Gabriel trudged through memory after memory, trying to find the roots of his own anger, trying to figure out what he was so damn afraid of. Because he was afraid. Afraid of failing. Afraid of hurting someone. Afraid of becoming the very thing he claimed to hate so much, because this world had a way of wearing everybody down until morals and ideals were nothing more than vague memories of what once might have been, tossed about on a sea of chaos.

“Can I ask you something?” Connor said, making Gabriel jump in his seat. “Sorry,” he apologised a moment later. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Gabriel looked around, stunned to find that the sun was nearing the horizon, casting long shadows through the trees. How long had he been just staring at the river, lost in thought? “Yeah, go ahead,” he said, rubbing his eyes and rolling his neck to ease the tension.

“I was just wondering… Are you angry that you own me, instead of Antoine?”

Gabriel looked over at Connor, seeing both concern and disappointment on his face. The concern he could understand. It must be unsettling to find out that your master didn’t actually want you. But the disappointment?

“It’s not that simple,” Gabriel said. “I’m extremely glad we were able to buy you at all. There’s no way in the world I wanted to send you back to the Rivieres. But after I left the military, I promised myself I’d never own an omega. I’d seen too many terrible things done to them. I didn’t want to be any part of that.”

Connor tilted his head, peering at Gabriel quizzically. “Owning an omega doesn’t mean you’re going to abuse them. I mean, I’ve seen you do pretty much anythingbutthat. Most omegas I know would give their left arm to be owned by you.”

The sentiment was flattering, but it also missed the point. “It’s more about not wanting to support the system that keeps you all enslaved,” Gabriel explained. “If I buy an omega, then I’m paying money to someone else who sees your slavery as a valid part of the status quo. In your case, I didn’t like the idea of paying the Rivieres, but I couldn’t see another way around it that would still get you away from them. I don’t suppose it would really have made a difference if you were owned by the estate instead of me. I still paid for you, I still persuaded the Rivieres to sell you. It’s just… I had this idealistic notion of who I wanted to be, but every time I try and do anything, life pushes us around until we give in a little bit, then a little bit more, then suddenly it’s years down the track and we don’t even recognise ourselves anymore.”

Connor didn’t reply, and Gabriel dared to glance sideways at him. He was staring at the river, a pensive look on his face. “Sorry, was that too much?” Gabriel asked. It was so easy to talk to Connor, to believe that he understood Gabriel’s perspective on the world, but perhaps…