Page 55 of The Runaway
“Why did they kill her?”
Gabriel barely heard the question, muffled as it was against his shirt. In his mind, the answer was irrelevant – there was no cause for murdering another human being – but Connor wanted to know. “Apparently, she let a horse escape. It got lost in a storm and broke its leg and had to be put down. So Philippe killed her because, in his eyes, at least, she killed a horse. As far as I’m concerned, that’s a fucking stupid reason for killing someone, but-”
“No, that’s actually good!” Connor interrupted him, pulling away suddenly. “Well, okay, no, it’s notgood, but it’sokay.” He sighed, leaning his head against Gabriel’s shoulder again. “I’ve been beaten forsneezingat the wrong time. Killing a horse – even if it was accidentally – is athing. It’s a big thing, and a thing people can get angry about and…”
“It’s not a reason to kill someone,” Gabriel said. “Not even an omega.”
Connor shrugged. “Probably not. But just… From where I’m sitting, as an omega who’s seen some crazy things happen, it’s actually not all that bad. It means the Martins aren’t delusional, vengeful assholes. They’re just people who were really upset about their horse.”
“You think we should just forgive them and move on?”
“Fuck, no,” Connor said, sounding affronted. “Give them hell. Send them bankrupt. Take the bastards down. I’m just saying they’re an ordinary, everyday evil, not an extreme evil. And maybe that means I’m complacent, or disinterested, or whatever, but that actually makes me feel better.”
Complacent? Disinterested? No, Gabriel would never call Connor either of those things, or any one of a dozen other adjectives of a similar vein. Connor, after all, had spent the better part of the afternoon sobbing his heart out behind a bale of hay.
But Gabriel had barely said a word while Antoine had sent a terrified woman back to a man who had openly stated that he was going to beat her for her supposed crimes, because Gabriel had been more worried about Antoine losing face in front of a neighbour than he was about saving an omega who had no choice about how her life played out.
It was all too tempting to paint himself as the hero because hewantedto do the right thing. But the more he thought about it, the more it seemed there was an insurmountable gulf between wanting to do the right thing and actually doing it.
???
It took Gabriel two days to realise that his quandary was not going to magically disappear. He felt a growing resentment towards Antoine for having sent Avril back with so little protest, and an equal disgust with himself for not standing up for her more firmly. But every time he tried to reason through his own feelings, they ended up running in the same circles. Philippe owned Avril. Buying her would only lead Philippe to buy a new omega, who would suffer the same things from his hand. Baron Bardet wouldn’t help them, since legally speaking, Philippe had done nothing wrong.
When Connor had been cowering behind the apple crates in their stable, Gabriel had somehow decided he was going to move heaven and earth to help him, but when Avril had been in the same situation, he’d done little more than spout some lip-service about respect and compassion for omegas and then walk away. When Antoine had suggested sending Connor back home, Gabriel had threatened to leave the estate entirely. But this time, he’d shrugged and spent a few minutes telling Antoine off, then left it at that.
Some hero he was.
There was also the point that despite his failings, Antoine was far more compassionate and liberal than almost any other alpha Gabriel had met. Walking away from this estate would only be shooting himself in the foot, given what any of his other options were. And Antoine had made it clear he wasn’t going to just walk away from the issue with Avril. Putting financial pressure on the Martins was the best way of legally making their point, and Gabriel wasn’t yet so desperate that he would try doing anythingillegal.
But despite all the sound and logical reasons to move on from this most recent mess, Gabriel found himself unable to do so. His libido, to his relief, had quickly vanished again with the reminder of how poorly treated so many omegas were, but the absence was disturbing for its own reasons. Why had he felt any hint of desire in the first place? What had changed that he’d so easily forgotten all the atrocities he’d seen and thrown himself into wilfully fantasising about Connor? The omega didn’t want to be forced to endure sex for someone else’s pleasure any more than any of the omegas in the army had done. He didn’t want someone else’s body being shoved inside his own or hands pawing at him or filthy words muttered into his ear. For a few days after the heat, Gabriel had entertained the idea that Connor had actually enjoyed the mating, for all that it was a biological necessity, and that he’d been seeking out Gabriel’s company in a multitude of small ways. But then the small, shy smiles had stopped and Connor had returned to his own routine, and Gabriel had done his best to move on, resigned to the knowledge that Connor would never lie in bed at night and fantasise about Gabriel the way Gabriel thought about him.
Finally, on the morning of the third day after Avril’s arrival and subsequent departure, Gabriel had had enough. Enough of his own circling thoughts. Enough of the guilt gnawing at him. Enough of playing the polite guest to Antoine, when he really wanted to curse the man to next Sunday and back for being such a spineless coward.
He rose early and packed his rucksack with a few sets of clothes, not thinking too deeply about what he needed to take. He didn’t mean to be gone long. He just needed a few days, a week at the most, to clear his head and gain a little perspective on the whole situation, away from the pressures of playing dutiful alpha on a crowded estate.
He announced his plan to Antoine as soon as the alpha came down for breakfast.
“This is about Avril?” Antoine said, as observant as ever. Dante, watching silently from his seat at the table, said nothing, but Gabriel could feel Dante’s steady gaze on him and tried not to fidget at the omega’s scrutiny. Was it odd that he cared more about the opinion of an omega than of the master of the house?
“Yes and no,” Gabriel said. “I’m just…” He sighed, trying to put it all into words. “I’m so very, very angry. I’m angry with Philippe. I’m angry with you. I’m angry with myself. I’m angry with the whole damn world.” He felt moisture gather in his eyes and blinked it away. “I just need some time and space to get my head around it all.”
“Will you be coming back?” Antoine’s question was devoid of either judgement or hope, just a placid query that nonetheless recognised how complex the situation was.
“Yes,” Gabriel said, knowing that no matter how messed up he was in the head, he didn’t want to walk away permanently. “Probably in about a week.”
“In that case, you should take Pearl,” Antoine said, naming one of the geldings. “And a tent. You’ll find one in the storage sheds. Otherwise, if it rains while you’re out there, you’ll catch pneumonia.”
Gabriel spent the next hour preparing for his trip. He took the tent, as Antoine had suggested, and then strapped his thin bedroll to the back of the horse’s saddle. He had two canteens of water and a bag of food that Adalene pressed into his hands as he was checking the saddle bags, plus his clothes and his knife.
When he was done, it occurred to him that whether or not he intended to come back, almost everything he owned was now strapped to the horse. He had a few extra sets of clothes in the house, and now he also had his own pen and inkwell, a couple of books and a notepad, but nothing of any particular consequence. Everything else on the estate – including the horse he was borrowing – belonged to Antoine. He’d thought for a time that he was actually putting down roots on the Calvet estate. But it seemed he wasn’t nearly as settled as he’d believed.
He led Pearl out of the stable, but came to a stop just outside the door. Connor was standing in the middle of the pathway. At first, Gabriel thought he’d just come to say goodbye, and he felt a stab of grief at the idea of not seeing the young man, even if it was only for a few days. But then he noticed the small rucksack strapped to Connor’s back.
“What are you doing?” Gabriel asked. A trickle of panic spread through him. “You’re not leaving?” For all that Gabriel was doing the same thing, he was an alpha. He could come and go as he pleased. But Connor was an omega, and that meant he was governed by very different rules. If he left the property without permission or good reason, he would be considered a runaway, which would mean he could be raped, beaten or otherwise abused by any alpha who found him. As much as Gabriel liked the idea of freedom for Connor, it simply wasn’t safe.
“I’m going with you,” Connor said simply.
Gabriel sighed and shook his head. He moved again, leading the horse around Connor. Antoine had come down to see him off, along with Niles and Cirroc, and they were waiting in the middle of the yard. “You can’t come with me,” Gabriel told Connor. “You belong here.”