Page 8 of The Rogue (Four Corners Ranch #11)

“It’s just it was... I can’t marry you knowing that I’m... this attracted to somebody else.”

“You’re attracted to her. But you don’t love her?”

“That’s the worst part, Rue. I love you . I just... I lose my head when she’s around. And I thought that I was going to get on top of that and I thought that I was going to—”

“You threw everything away to fuck ? What does that even...? How is that more important than eight years? Than love? I don’t understand. I don’t understand

how you threw away everything that we are—high school sweethearts and and... all because of sex.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

She sputtered, her disbelief coming in halting gasps. “You didn’t mean to. You didn’t mean to. I’d... I don’t even know

what to say. There are people coming here. My... my friends... We paid for all of this. We’ve been planning this for

so long.”

Those things didn’t really matter. Not in comparison to the devastation of the whole rest of her life. The way everything

she’d hoped for and planned was destroyed. But it was the easiest thing to hang onto right now.

“I know,” he said. “And I thought that I could come and put my tuxedo on and just not tell you. Because there is a very big

part of me that still wants to do this. I want the life that we planned. I want...”

“You... you have a plan for everything. You never do anything without thinking... You never...”

“I know ,” he said, his voice desperate. Lost. She wanted to comfort him, that was the messed up thing. “And I did this without thinking.

I... I’m so sorry.” To her horror tears filled his eyes. “I never wanted to hurt you. I... They... It wasn’t supposed

to be this way. And it wasn’t you. It was me. I...”

“You are damned right it was you. I did everything that I could’ve done. I was here. I was faithful to you. I have never even been almost tempted to cheat on you.”

The necklace sat heavy on her now. She touched it, and ignored the sensation in her fingertips.

“I worked and I planned this wedding. I invested everything into our future. And just... How dare you?”

His shoulders shook, his distress, his regret so evident that it only stoked the fires of her rage. Why couldn’t he be an

asshole? Why couldn’t he accuse her of being unfaithful while he was away? Blame her. Why did he have to stand there and somehow be so damned decent in the middle of admitting that he was a cheating scumbag?

In the middle of breaking her heart, breaking her life, ruining her wedding. It wasn’t fair.

“Am I not good in bed?” she asked.

“Rue, you’re... you’re great, you’re beautiful...”

“You’re not attracted to me.” Her voice sounded so small. She hated it.

“I am . It’s just there was chemistry with her and I didn’t...”

“Tell me that something is wrong with me,” she said, pleading now. “ Please . Because if not then this just feels random and unfair. Give me something that I can fix. Come on. Because some of this has

to be my fault.”

“It’s not your fault,” he said. “It’s my fault. I messed up. I wrecked everything.”

“ No . I can’t accept it,” she said.

Because she had a plan, and she had met the perfect man, and she had trusted him.

With all of her. And so if she could find a good man that she trusted and he could do this, and it had nothing to do with anything she had done, this.

.. This unraveling, this betrayal that had nothing to do with her performance, meant she wasn’t going to be able to move on.

She was never going to be able to... She just couldn’t accept it. She couldn’t.

“It wasn’t you,” he said. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to lose this. But I also can’t lie to you. I told myself

that I could. That I could keep it from you and that I could still have everything. But I can’t do that to you, Rue. Because

I know about your family. Because I get why you hate infidelity so much. I do. You’re right. What I was planning on doing

was shit. But this isn’t better. And if I could go back and change it...” He put his hands over his face. “I would.”

He was lying.

She knew him well enough to see that he was lying.

He wouldn’t change it.

He felt bad, but he wanted to walk away. He felt bad, but he wanted the sex he’d had with whoever this woman was more than

he wanted their life. And he couldn’t even be honest about it. With himself or with her. What the hell was that about?

“Are you going to be with her now?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know. I... I’m really sorry.”

“What is sorry supposed to mean to me? I planned for this. Everything was perfect. I had a bachelorette party.” She started to hyperventilate.

“We were supposed to go to that gorgeous lodge for a week for our honeymoon and now... now it’s all nothing. It’s nothing.

So what good does sorry do me?”

“It doesn’t fix anything. I get that. I’m not even asking you to forgive me. I just want you to know. That I regret... hurting you.”

“What good does that do me? You tell me. All these people are showing up. I’m wearing the dress. What good does that do me?

What does your sorry mean? It’s... it’s bullshit,” she said. “Can’t you at least accuse me of cheating on you with Justice?”

“You didn’t,” he said, looking wide-eyed and shocked.

Trusting.

“No,” she said. “I didn’t. But can’t you be unreasonable and unhinged, and nothing like the man that I’ve spent the last eight

years with, instead of being... you ? I want you to turn into a monster,” she said, her voice breaking. “Because it was a monstrous thing to cheat on me, Asher.

It was. But you’re standing there and you’re still you. I wish you could make me hate you.”

“I’m so sorry.”

What a bland sentence.

I’m so sorry.

It didn’t fix anything. It didn’t change the moment, or alter her feelings.

She’d thought once that if her parents ever had a moment of self-awareness and apologized to her she’d be healed in some fashion.

But that was a lie.

She realized that now. Apologies were empty when you were still losing everything you wanted. It was empty when the sorry

fixed nothing and left you without an enemy to rage against.

“Bullshit.” She closed her eyes and a tear slid down her cheek. She wiped it away. “This is bullshit.”

“I know. I know, babe...”

She wasn’t letting him have this. She wasn’t letting him get off the hook because he was hanging his head and being ashamed.

She couldn’t. She wouldn’t.

“I’m not your babe . I cannot believe that I spent eight years waiting for you.

Waiting for this . All so you can have a collapse now?

Why couldn’t you have fucked somebody else eight years ago ?

You didn’t deserve this time . You didn’t deserve my love.

You didn’t deserve my virginity. My trust. You’re just like my parents and you don’t even have

the decency to be... ugly and awful in the middle of all of it the way that they are.” His eyes were shining, the pain

and regret there so real. It just made it all worse.

“Rue, what can I do...?”

“Nothing. Take your key, and go to my house, and get all of your things out of it. I know there isn’t much. But I want you

to take all of it. I don’t want it. I don’t want it, I don’t want you. I don’t want to see you.”

“Rue...”

“No. I don’t care. I just don’t ever want to see you again.”

He nodded, and opened up the door, walking away, and it took less than a minute for Justice to be right there. He looked at

her, and her bright eyes, at the fury radiating off of her. And suddenly, when she looked into those blue eyes, it was murder

she saw there.

“Justice...” she said, reaching out and grabbing hold of his arm.

“Where the fuck is he headed?”

“Justice,” she said again.

“Did he fucking break your heart?”

“He... he called off the wedding.”

“What the fuck?”

“He had sex with somebody else,” she said, the words stinging her throat.

“What the fuck?”

Justice wasn’t yelling. His voice was low. Even.

Dangerous.

“Yeah. He... Apparently there was a woman that he met on deployment and it happened a few months ago, and he just wasn’t

going to tell me.”

“Wait here.”