Page 40 of The Rogue (Four Corners Ranch #11)

“I thought you were good-looking. But I wasn’t where you were at as far as all the physical stuff goes. So I don’t know if

I would say attracted...”

“You had feelings that you didn’t share.”

“Yes,” she said finally. “I did. Okay?”

“So don’t stand there and act like you share everything. Don’t get angry at me for not giving you transparency. There are

certain things that I choose to keep to myself. I’ve never even talked to my brothers about that situation. I mean they know

what happened. Because they remember it. The older ones do anyway. But the whole thing, the drugs and all that, I never talked

about that. I just... It’s stupid but I couldn’t talk about it.”

“But it’s not stupid.”

“Plenty of other people have been through way worse things. There’s no reason to be all traumatized about something like that.”

“But you are. And that’s... Your father used you. He manipulated your love for him. Why are you trying to undervalue what

happened to you?”

“Because there’s no point to marinating in it, is there?

What good does it do? What good does it do you to try to avoid all of your parents’ trauma?

It didn’t do you any good, did it? That’s the point of this whole quest. You lost the house anyway.

Their stuff still reached you even though you tried to be better.

And yeah, I think that’s messed up, but it’s the way of things.

It didn’t do you any favors in your relationship with Asher either.

I just try not to hurt other people. That’s it.

That’s all I want. I don’t need every single thing inside of me to be healed or fixed or whatever.

I was raised by a narcissist. I had some things happen.

But so what? It doesn’t make me special. ”

“Then maybe there are some things that you should talk to someone about.”

“I just talked to you. See? Am I healed now?”

“Why are you acting like this?”

“Because you’re pushing me.”

“Why shouldn’t I push you sometimes?”

He pushed her all the time. And even though the sex had been amazing, why was she the one that had to change? It wasn’t like

she didn’t want to change; she did. She was the one driving this. But why was he so convinced that what he did didn’t require

change? Because he wasn’t hurting people? Didn’t he care that he was hurting himself? Limiting himself?

She took a breath. And let her own discomfort reverberate inside of her. She was upset because he’d been hurt. She hated that

he’d been hurt. It didn’t seem fair. He was one of the most important people in the world to her, and this terrible thing

had happened and she hadn’t been able to be there for him. It added to her sense of inadequacy. To the idea that she had missed

things with him. That she hadn’t earned her place.

So yes. Some of it was wanting to push him, but some of it was feeling upset about what she hadn’t done for him, and that was about her.

She was upset that he was hurt.

Because she cared about Justice. More than just about anyone in her whole life.

He was her best friend, and now he was her lover. And he...

What is it that’s really bothering you?

He’d been hurt. That was it.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m honestly not trying to start a fight. I’m just really sorry that happened to you. I’m so sorry

your dad was such a... such an asshole.”

She closed the distance between them, and hugged him. She pressed her cheek to his bare chest, let the hair there scratch

her cheek. It took him about thirty seconds, but he returned the hug, his heat and his strength enveloping her. She had hugged

Justice countless times. But not like this. Not with this sensual knowledge between them. This acknowledged desire. It was

like she could feel their heartbeats melting into one, like it had done when they had raced over the edge of the cliff together,

their hearts thundering.

Even in this still, painful moment, they were the same. Together. United.

“I don’t need you to feel sorry for me,” he said.

“If I can’t feel sorry for you then who can?”

“I don’t need anyone to feel sorry for me.”

“ You feel sorry for you,” Rue said. “You feel bad for that kid you were. And you should.”

“It’s not the same thing. I’m just trying to give back to him.”

“Why can’t I want that too?”

“Because I think our idea of what I need is different.”

“Can’t you accept that maybe I know you as well as you know yourself? Maybe even a little bit better?”

“No.”

That made her heart twist painfully. Why was he being so difficult? Or maybe she was being difficult.

“You can’t stop me from feeling sorry for you.” She kissed his chest. Then she stretched up on her toes and kissed his lips,

just quickly. A little zip of desire raced through her.

“Let’s get dressed.”

He put his shirt on, and she was regretful.

But then, they went out together. She still felt raw and sore from the conversation, from the revelations. But she wasn’t

going to let her own discomfort poison the day. Her desire to push, and to get everything in the little boxes, was only going

to make it so he was more distant. She didn’t want that.

She wanted to spend this weekend being present.

So that was what she was going to do.